[dragongirltitties]

DM: Make a perception check

Player: 12?

DM: Everything’s fine.

Players:

[wistfulwatcher]

[blakebellatuna]

[yourplayersaidwhat]

Context: My players try to seduce anything that moves. Even recently freed slaves. 

Rogue: Are any of the slaves women?

DM: *rolls d20 but doesn’t even look at it* seven of them are women. 

Fighter: What races?

DM: *Rolls a d4 but doesn’t even look at it* all are human except for one half-elf. 

Rogue: Do any of them look promiscuous?

DM: *Rolls without looking* On a scale of 1 to Promiscuous, the slaves are malnourished, tortured, and exhausted. 

Hysterical laughter as all the players try to give me their coins that I gave them to represent inspiration. 

[yourplayersaidwhat]

DM: Ok, there are big iron gates in front of you

Teifling: ok, i push open the gates

DM: ok, you try that

Teifline: ….and?

DM: nothing happens because gate doors open outwards

[avakkins-restored]

双葉ちゃん | 夕木 陽雲 [pixiv] 

[rosamage]

[loveaintforkeeping]

When you say you play D&D

What people hear: I’m a gigantic fucking nerd

What you’re actually saying: I’m a gigantic fucking nerd with at least 3 friends that tolerate my presence on a weekly basis

[dihydrogenmonoxideawareness]

Why would anyone want to consume it!?

[etherealastraea]

I teach my 7th graders about the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide.

I bring in a graduated cylinder of it and we talk about how it’s used in nuclear power plants and gmo crops. How inhaling even the small amount I’m holding can lead to suffocation or even death. It’s found in vaccines and cancer cells, but also in infant formula and pet food. It is a huge component of acid rain, can cause severe burns, and has been found in places that were thought to be the most pristine and unpolluted locations on earth.

We talk about how there are little to no regulations on this chemical. No bans, no warning labels, and most manufacturers don’t even have to disclose their use of it in their products.

My students are outraged. We talk about what we can do. Create posters and flyers to spread awareness. Contact our senators with petitions to ban DHMO. Spread this information all over social media.

Then I explain that the real problem with dihydrogen monoxide is that….when I am thirsty…there is just nothing else as refreshing, and then I watch their looks of absolute shock and horror as I drink the entire vial down.

[sallylockharts]

Final (in character) lines

[yourplayersaidwhat]

So we were just starting a session. This somewhat describes what being a GM in a group of fuckups is like.

[critrolequotes]

Vex: To Vax'ildan. He was the best of us.

Keyleth: The most selfless.

Scanlan: The most frequently naked.

Grog: The most frustrating.

Percy: The brightest and the darkest.

[frozencrafts]

Hello hello!! So I had the opportunity to team up with BangGood and treat you lovelies with a giveaway! How cool is that? ♥ They’re a super nice store full of all kinds of goodies for affordable prices!

Prize: Any item you want for up to $12 from BangGood - totally free!

How to enter: Just reblog this post! No need to follow me, this is a treat for YOU! :) And don’t forget that we will need your address if you win!

Deadline: 15th of May, 2016

Bonus: One winner when we hit 80 entries, but TWO winners if we hit 180 entries! So keep reblogging~

Don’t forget to check BangGood out and pick out your future prize :D Here are some of my favorites. I have the star pillow from them hehe, it’s so cute!

Cat Socks // LED Mushrooms // LED Star Pillows // Adorable Gel Pens

[andhumanslovedstories]

Leia finds out that neither Finn nor Rey know who their families are, and she refuses to let them be in a room alone together until they can both produce family trees that go back three generations. 

“Never again, Chewie” Leia tells him as they watch BB-8 aggressively roll between them every time they try to get within arm’s reach. “ I know it’s unlikely, but never again.” 

[boysaresuicidal2]

No one pays attention

[faeriefalling]

Reasons I should never be the Doctor.

Poise: The Doctor? I thought you'd be taller.

Me: I'm bigger on the inside.

[punlich]

One time I used my retail voice on a coworker and she was like, “Don’t use your customer voice on me, I know you’re dead inside like the rest of us, it’s just frightening and weird”

[1980sbusinesswoman]

The other day I asked for a table for two in my customer voice and the waitress squinted at me and I cleared my throat and said “Sorry, still in service mode” and she dropped hers and we swapped stories about our day and my boyfriend was like “You two just became two entirely different people in like .5 seconds…”

[gritsinmisery]

I can be bitching up a blue streak about a customer-from-hell while the store is empty, and when the phone rings swap over to my retail voice practically in mid-sentence. I even have managers and salespeople from other stores in the chain fooled into thinking I’m infinitely friendly and helpful, and my manager’s husband thinks I’m one of the most professional people in the store. One assistant manager’s daughter dubbed me Perky-Pants because she mostly dealt with me over the phone, and was shocked to the core when I dropped an F-bomb at her graduation picnic.

[thesmilingfish]

The acting required in the service industry is beyond the pale. My cousin freaked out when she came to see me at work because I was all smiling and nice while helping someone who was asking inane questions and who basically forced me to walk them to the product and put it in their fucking hand but I was nice as pie until I turned around to walk away and my demeanor changed back to normal and I muttered “what a fucking moron” under my breath as I got back to my cousin. She just looked at me shocked and said “no wonder you’re so exhausted when you get home.” 

[eat-my-dragon-deactivated201611]

this is actually referred to as emotional labor in criminology, and is considered one of the hardest forms of labor

[blasphemous-lies-and-deceit]

The art of bullshit is strong in the service industry 

[faeriefalling]

I tried explaining this to my family and they told me I was completely insane and that this isn’t how things work. They apparently think people in service are genuinely friendly and always talk and act like that. And when they went off on me about “you will never get a job if you act there like you do at home” I explained that, no, I don’t. Home is when I can be myself in all my cynical glory. Work is when I have to be cheerful and sociable...and they told me to just be like that all the time then. They really don’t get it.