things i've overheard while on the ambulance
this meme is a collection of phrases i’ve heard or said while working on the ambulance. feel free to change pronouns as needed. be aware there is profanity in this meme. okay to reblog.
“[name] said he saw your nipples at the party. why is [name] looking at your nipples?”
“i have to protect my nipples’ honor.”
“that’s probably gay, dude.”
“ah, yes, there goes [name], providing us with his constant bullshit.”
“i must really like you if i’m willing to work with [name] for you.”
“dude, do you ever check your blood pressure?”
“waffle house? waffle house.”
“it feels almost… wrong to be eating somewhere that’s not chickfila.”
“i don’t know who i am anymore.”
“yeah, sorry, i have to go home early because i’m fat.”
“hey, you wanna hear a funny joke? …my life, please help me.”
“the secret to good fried chicken is lots of butter.”
“is it too late to become a math teacher?”
“ready to go home, [name]?”
“will i get in trouble if i take my bra off on the ambulance and throw it out the window?”
“[name], i need to ask you a favor. reach in my shirt and undo my bra.”
“oh god, what is it now?”
“if [name] says another word to me this shift i’m just going to leave.”
“makes sense, there’s only so much one man can take.”
“did i walk in on something?”
“wow, amazing, it’s almost like when you treat people with respect, they – oh my god, they respect you!! what a shocker!!”
“someone’s marrying [name]? holy shit, i pity her.”
“right now, i’m really just getting paid to shop.”
“no, i work all the time, in all honesty. the overtime is killer.”
“maybe you did. that’s not an instant death, you know.”
“i don’t have enough drugs, tell them to get their ass here now!!”
“i knew we shouldn’t have took that call.”
“oh my fucking god, fucking get out the way!! fuck!! FUCK!!”
“holy shit, is that an applebees?”
“you people need to move, they are working back there!!”
“just hold on to your puppy dog, okay?”
“i’m going to nap on the stretcher, wake me up if we get there or you stop for food.”
“i’d rather mcdie than eat mcdonald’s.”
“what the fuck just happened?”
“weren’t you supposed to get off eight hours ago?”
“yeah, but this is just my new home now.”
“yeah, i decided i hated class more than working here, so i skipped class and came in today.”
“what’s the speed of light?”
“put the paintbrushes down, [name].”
“learn some self control for god’s sake.”
“hey, will you judge me if my mom brings me dinner?”
“i’m too tired for your shit.”
“kick me again and i’ll break your legs, [name].”
“sorry, did you say something? i’ve suddenly lost the ability to hear idiots.”
“i didn’t say boobies, but at least now we know where your mind is.”
“well, no one likes citrus in their eyes.”
“i better go inside before i die.”
“hey, do you think i can call out tomorrow if i tell them i’m dead?”
“hey, throwback to that time you came to work hungover and threw up in the bushes.”
“you’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”
“i finally have my own truck.”
“what in the fresh hell is this?”
“what is [name] doing here? this is our territory!!”
“at last, the sweet release of death is coming for me.”
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