Hi there. I am a 30 year old transfemme robot puppie girl thing. This blog started off as a place to post my favorite manga panels and excerpts but over time it has gotten a lot less focused and a lot more personal so what the hell, we get one of these posts now.
This blog will sometimes include kinkposting, transition stuff, puppyposting, and nsfw. I love machinery of all kinds to a potentially fetishistic degree, so expect that too. DMs are open but if your blog gives no indication of who you are or what your deal is, I probably won't reply. With that said, trans folks especially are always welcome to reach out if you want a friendly voice!
Potentially useful tags after the break.
#umineko / #higurashi <- WTC stuff
#umineko spoilers <- block if you don't want to see spoilers
#me <- selfies (i cull these posts occasionally so there arent that many)
No more waiting, no more debating, go get your hrt. "I don't know if I'm really trans!" You are. Now go. "I'm scared!" We all were. Now go. "There's a long wait to be seen!" Go get your name on the list then. DIY if you need. "What if my friends don't accept me?" They weren't really your friends. Now go. "What if my spouse doesn't accept me?" Get a divorce. Now go. You do not need to continue to live in agony and depression to pretend to be someone else. Go get your hrt.
I suppose being cis would be nice and all, but it doesn’t quite have the same “I will sieze Destiny by the throat and force it into the shape of my choosing” kind of verve
i dont miss overwatch but i miss the psychosexual dynamics of playing mercy or whatever like. getting to briefly exist in the body of The blender porn girl you know
The true challenge facing contemporary indie tabletop RPG design is coming up with cover art that doesn't trip itch.io's adult content flagging while still making it 100% clear that there exists a version of this illustration where the central figure has their cock out.
Cover art where the cock is on full display but escapes censorship because it's sufficiently esoteric as to render it unrecognisable to those who don't already know it's a cock is a different thing, albeit also a very fun one if you can pull it off.
this isn't smut i'm just in love with nemona. i'm very sorry
Like Music
She… wanted to jump in before Scarlet’s gym match. She had a whole spiel planned, an exciting little bout to pump her up before facing off against Tulip, to give her a little taste of something familiar before a new gym leader, but… she just felt… gross.
Penny wasn’t exactly someone she could call a friend, but she and Scarlet had been hanging out more and more and she figured it would be a good idea to talk to her about what’s been going on, the way she was feeling, that weird, strange... tight, hot feeling in her chest that she just couldn’t get to go away, even after an hour or two of exercise in the mornings. It lingered, and it burned, and she couldn’t get it to go away, as she told Penny.
“Does it feel bad?” the girl had asked, her Rotom phone displaying her lounging in bed, eating a bag of chips and occasionally feeding them to her Sylveon who was lying across her lazily.
“I don’t know!” Nemona groaned, rubbing her hands down her face. She was grateful she didn’t have to actually hold her phone, she and Pawmot making the long trek up to Alfornada on foot. “It feels… weird!! I’m not used to it!”
“Well, describe it to me. What does it feel like?”
“It’s like…!” She clenched her hands tight against her chest and made a loud noise, startling Sylveon and causing Penny to raise an eyebrow. “You know?! It’s like… guhhh, it’s like…!”
“Fine, let’s try something more productive: WHEN do you feel it?”
“Oh, with Scarlet, definitely,” she said, plainly.
“Just like… all the time? When you see her, when you battle her, when you’re talking to her…?”
She took a few moments to think about it. She definitely felt it when they battled. She’d never felt anything like it before when she battled anyone else. Sometimes she felt it when they talked, when Scarlet would get excited and she got that sharp edge in her eye, that sparkle beneath her normally worn-out gaze. There were other moments, too, quieter moments, and it was still there but… softer.
She relayed it all to Penny before pausing. “But… I think…?” She huffed, rubbing her neck and blushing. “I think that sometimes… I think about her when she’s not around, and it feels… weird?”
“I think about her when she’s not around,” Penny shrugged. “We’re friends, it happens.”
“No, but…!” She fidgeted, clenching her fists and fidgeting with her nails. “No, I… it’s… different. I kind of think about her… a lot?”
“Uh huh?”
“Um…?” She cleared her throat. “I don’t know, this is… dumb, sorry to bother you-!”
“Nope, you’re not getting out of it that easily. You’re hiding something.”
She groaned softly, tugging at the ends of her hair. “O-okay, so… I mean I’m already a Paldean champion, right? I don’t actually need to be doing the circuit.”
“Right.”
“So it’s kind of just for her sake! I want to see her battle and watch her get stronger and help her be the best she can possibly be.”
“That’s normal so far.”
“So… my team is sort of… to push her. I see the strategies she falls back on and I’ve been making sure my team can nudge her out of those, make her really struggle and figure out how to beat me!”
“A little less normal but not too bad.”
“I-is it less normal?”
“Mm…” She frowned, rubbing her chin. “Maybe. It sounds like you’re obsessed a little bit.”
“That’s what I was worried about!” she groaned, holding her head. “Penny!!”
The girl snorted. “Sorry, sorry. You wanted my honest opinion.”
“I did! But I was hoping…?” She groaned, falling into a sit and hugging her knees to her chest. Pawmot ambled over, gently leaning against her knee and looking up at her curiously, her Rotom phone adjusting to still catch her face while she was curled up. “Is that stupid? O-or, like… weird…?”
“It’s…?” Penny hummed, thinking, staring up at her ceiling. “Hm. I mean, if you’re worried, you can take a step back. Give her some space and breathing room.”
“I-is… that a good idea…?”
She shrugged. “I dunno. But if you feel weird it might help. Space is good for people, sometimes. I really value my alone time.”
“R-right…”
“But I can’t really speak for Scarlet. She seems a little more outgoing than me. Maybe not by that much.” She sighed, shaking her head. “Nemona, if you feel weird about it, just take a step back. Let her go off and do her own thing for a while. She’ll survive without you.”
“Y-yeah! Yeah, of… of course, she will,” Nemona agreed, rubbing her arm. “I know.”
“…but?”
She buried her face in her knees. “…but I don’t want her to…”
“Mm. Yeah, space might be a good idea for both of you. It seems like it’s pretty strong for you right now. You can always just like… text her or something.”
She huffed, hugging her knees. “I’ll end up triple texting her and being annoying…”
“It’s not…?” Penny winced. She didn’t remember, but she was sure she’d said something about it being annoying at some point, not realizing. “She likes to hear from you. She talks about you and says she enjoys chatting with you.”
“Sh-she does?” Nemona asked, suddenly perking up. “She talks about me?”
“Oh boy, uh-? Yeah, I mean, sometimes. She says you’re one of her friends at school. She’s said you’re fun to hang out with and… stuff…?” She scratched her neck. “I’m not great at specifics. You can text and ask.”
“Ugh, but no one’s gonna say it to your face!” she lamented, deflating again.
“I think the big point is that you need to give Scarlet some space. Both for her sake and yours. Hopefully it’ll stop you from feeling weird like you have been.”
“Y… yeah… probably…”
“I gotta go feed the ‘vees. You alright?”
“I’m okay, yeah… thanks, Penny…”
“Course, yeah. Talk to you later.”
And so… she gave her space. She didn’t go into the league building, and she steered clear of Tulip’s gym entirely. Instead, she grabbed a drink from the café, made her way to the cliff overlooking the West Sea, and had Rotom pull the live stream up on her phone. Most gym matches were televised anyway, but Scarlet had actually garnered a small following of fans who were excited for her rise to the top. The official league broadcasts were pretty boring and straightforward, but the fan casts were a lot nicer.
She sipped her lemonade, petting Pawmot who’d settled in her lap, and just… watched. Tulip had a pre-gym ritual like most of the Paldean gym leaders, and Scarlet just laughed along and did as requested, she and Dendra and Tulip all grinning as they went through the “Emotional Spectrum Practice”, or whatever it was. It’d been so long that Nemona didn’t even remember doing it.
When she’d gone through the league it was sort of… well… honestly it was a little rote. It was her first year at Naranja and they were all tasked with finding their “treasure” and to her, she wanted to be the best battler in Paldea. She’d seen La Primera growing up, her cool, collected focus and her complete control of the battlefield, and she was just so… cool. Every match she did, Nemona watched eagerly, and she always pointed at the screen and said “THAT. I want to do THAT”.
So when she’d finally climbed to the league and beaten Geeta in a one-on-one, she was… surprised that it wasn’t all it looked like on TV. Sure there were effects and fancy camera angles and stuff, and watching the recording back later, it sure did look heated, but… in the moment… it was just another battle. Like any other on the way up to conquering the Elite Four. It felt hollow, empty, like something was missing. And so she didn’t really remember all of the gyms she’d fought up until then. They were all just checkboxes on a list to make her way to the top. And once she was there, looking down at everything below… it didn’t feel as fun anymore.
Until, of course… her.
Tulip struck a pose, her Florges terastallizing into a Psychic type, and Scarlet gave a broad grin – one she wouldn’t have been capable of only a few months prior – and struck a similar pose, the audience roaring in applause as her Ceruledge terastallized as well, eyes blazing red as the Ghost type tera crown appeared in a shimmering haze.
When they’d first met, she was… “timid” is probably the most charitable word Nemona could use. She barely spoke, keeping to herself, and Nemona felt like she was pulling teeth when she first asked to battle her after getting her Sprigatito. Despite being a novice, she set her jaw and commanded her Pokémon perfectly, so much so that Nemona went back to Clavell and asked to switch her Quaxly with his Fuecoco. If they ever had a rematch, Nemona wanted to surprise her.
After their second match, Scarlet opened up a bit. She talked about how she was from Unova, and how she saw a lot of battles but never participated, and the way she was bullied was one of the reasons they transferred to Paldea, far away from the big city. She said battling Nemona was tough, but it felt really nice, because she was grateful to be solving the puzzle of battling, but also that she’d made a new friend.
And that warmth was born in Nemona’s chest. The one that hadn’t stopped growing.
She felt like she was pulling her along on her gym journey, when she knew that Scarlet was hanging out with her other friends, too, Arven and the enigmatic Cassiopeia that had introduced them to Penny. But she still made time to do the gyms, and more importantly, to battle Nemona. She’d come from a sedentary life where she didn’t do much other than mope around, but having gotten out and made friends, there was a fire that was emerging from behind Scarlet’s eyes, a genuine lust to live, and it was so beautiful. Nemona got to see it the most every time the two clashed. She would give her a teasing grin and send out a Pokémon Scarlet wasn’t expecting and watch her scramble before pivoting beautifully. It was amazing. She was amazing.
And now… Nemona was worried she was smothering her. She’d poked in on her more than a few times along the gym circuit at this point, and each time she felt more and more like she was getting in the way. Her fans were excited for her to do the gym battle, and she always seemed a little surprised Nemona was there, stepping aside to take time out of her day to battle. Nemona had set her on the path, but it felt like it was nearly time she stepped aside and out of her way. Scarlet was on to bigger and better things.
She didn’t… need Nemona anymore.
Nemona nursed her lemonade with a sigh, sipping softly and staring out at the sea, scratching Pawmot’s ears. “Penny’s right, isn’t she…?” she asked sadly, staring down at the little creature. “I know. I should… be okay with it.” She gave him a soft hug, and he hugged back, nuzzling into her neck. “I don’t want her to be okay without me. I want her to need me, and I… I know it’s bad, I know it’s unhealthy and I know…?” she huffed, hanging her head. “Am I a bad person, Pawmot…?” It gave her a sad look and a soft chitter, resting a hand on her cheek, the tears conducting the little static that ran through its palms.
“Am… I interrupting?”
Nemona cried out, scrambling to her feet and nearly knocking Pawmot clear over the edge as it found its footing, huffing at her. The two spun to see Scarlet, white hair pulled back in a bun, holding a drink of her own and a plate of quesadillas.
“S-Scarlet!” she gaped, glancing at her phone. Rotom gave her a flat look, gesturing toward the “Stream Ended” that had been displayed for a while now, since she’d been moping. “I- I didn’t see…!”
“It’s alright,” she smiled, cocking her head. “Do you mind if I sit? I can go back to the café, but I was grabbing food and saw you here and…?”
“O-oh! Um-!” She waffled for a second before Pawmot gave her a little jolting pat and she winced, nodding hard. “Sure! Yeah, you can sit!”
“Cool, cool,” she grinned, setting down the plate and stretching. “Got extra for you and Pawmot if you want.” The Pokémon eagerly grabbed a slice, beginning to munch and Nemona just gave an appreciative smile. “You picked a pretty spot. I was honestly grabbing a bite because I wanted to watch the sunset over the ocean.”
“Oh… yeah.” She settled back in beside Scarlet, feeling the heat from her thigh, so close to her own. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she took a few deep, slow breaths, inconspicuous as she could, to calm them down.
“I, um…” Scarlet mumbled, fidgeting with her drink. “I kind of thought I’d see you before the gym. It seems like every other one you’re there waiting for me, now.”
“Oh…”
“I-I mean it’s fine!” Scarlet said quickly, waving her hands. “I know you’ve got other stuff on your mind. You’re busy and you’ve got other friends and stuff to do-”
“Not really,” Nemona said softly, gently tossing a rock over the side.
“Oh.”
There was an awkward silence that followed, ice clinking in their drinks as they melted in the light of the evening Paldean sun. She was so stupid. Of course she’d see her here – why wouldn’t she? She was within eyesight of the gym, and near a busy café, and in the same town as her and… Arceus, so stupid, it’s like you wanted her to see you… desperate, needy idiot…
“You alright, Nemo?” Scarlet frowned, glancing over at her. “You’re really quiet.”
“Ah-? N-no, I’m fine!” she insisted with a grin. “Sorry, just… trained hard today, is all! You know how it is!”
Scarlet smiled, her head ducked a little bit and pointed toward Nemona. “Yeah, of course. Thanks to you, I do.”
She felt herself going red again and looked away, clearing her throat. “Th-that’s so not true!”
“It is. I didn’t know how to battle before I met you. I mean, I’d seen it on TV, but… it was different, feeling it with you.” She paused nervously. “And then… I mean, I didn’t know how to train, either. Our first few rematches were really hard… I had to look up ways to train so me and my Pokémon could do better. I wanted to be better the next time we battled.”
Nemona swallowed, throat suddenly dry. “A-and so you could get through the league, too.”
Scarlet shook her head, her bun bobbing as she did. “No. Mostly you.”
Her fingers were trembling softly and she tightened her grip around her drink to ground herself. “S-Scarlet… that’s… not true. You’re doing the gym fights, and the Titan stuff with Arven…?”
“Yeah, of course,” she nodded. “And that can get tough. But it’s not like battling you.”
Words poured from her mouth before she could stop them, “What’s battling me like?”
Scarlet hummed, running her fingers through her hair. “It’s like…” She made a noise like an explosion or a “boom”, and Nemona gave her a bewildered look. “It’s like… we’re in sync. Like music, right? You’ve got the vocals and the guitar and the drum and it all blends together like one song. That’s what battling feels like with you. Music.”
Her heart felt like it was about to burst out of her chest. Scarlet was describing the most beautiful and accurate thing Nemona had ever felt as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting them in beautiful oranges and pinks and golds, and Scarlet’s violet eyes were glittering in the light with determination and happiness and Nemona felt like her chest was about to explode if she couldn’t do something and she just had to-
She leaned forward, lips brushing Scarlet’s, pressing her into a soft kiss. It lasted only a second, surprising the both of them before Nemona pulled away, face bright red. “A-ah-!! I’m-! I’m so sorry-!” She jumped to her feet, recalling Pawmot to her Poké ball as she started to hyperventilate. “I’m- I need to go, I need-?”
“Nemona?”
“I- I can’t be your rival anymore!” she shouted, louder than she’d meant, her heart racing, palms sweating, vision blurring a bit.
“Nemona.”
“I really- I just need to-? I can’t-!” She tried to run, foot slipping on a rock, and suddenly- oh. She was falling. She hadn’t… expected that. The sunset was beautiful, and so was Scarlet’s face, and there were also very sharp rocks at the bottom of the cliff, and she could see the sky as it cast its clouds in a beautiful smeary watercolor of dusky blue and murky purples and soft pinks, and there were the sharp rocks again as she spun through the air until finally, twin blurs, one a deep navy and the other a softer pink as she was set upright in the air with telekinesis, and gently placed on the back of a Garchomp who held her there as it crested the cliff once more, setting her down a few dozen feet from the cliff. She fell backward onto her butt, sniffling and rubbing her eyes.
“Fucking hell, Nemona…” Scarlet whispered, leaning down and brushing the tears from her face, flanked by a concerned Gardevoir and nonchalant looking Garchomp. “You scared the shit out of me… What is going on with you?”
“It-it’s nothing, I promise,” she said, weakly pushing at Scarlet’s hands, not strong enough to commit to denying her. “Please, Scarlet…”
She returned her Pokémon and held Nemona still by her arms, sitting on her legs to lightly pin her in place. “Nemo. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry. Please tell me what’s going on, I… I want to know. I want to know what’s going on in your head, and in your life, and if it’s my fault please tell me. I know I can… be a pest and annoying, and if you’re fed up with me, I can-?”
Nemona found her strength. She pushed Scarlet’s arms off of her, instead pulling her into a crushing hug, burying her face in her chest. She smelled so good. It was such a simple thing but it was so layered to her – Unovan fabric softener, the Paldean sea scent, Scarlet’s own natural smell from having worked out and battled Tulip. It was her. It was a complex, layered thing that, with every ingredient, amounted to Scarlet. Kind of like music.
“Please don’t leave. Don’t ever leave,” Nemona mumbled into Scarlet’s chest. “Don’t leave me. Don’t.”
“Hey… Nemo, I won’t, I swear…” She felt Scarlet’s arms gently wrap around her head, cradling her close and petting her hair. “I promise I won’t go anywhere.”
“I’m sorry I’m so needy and clingy,” she whispered, tears streaming down her face, soaking Scarlet’s shirt. “I’m sorry… I know, I- I know I’m broken and stupid and weird and- and obsessed, Arceus, I’m so sorry, I’m… I-I can’t stop, I don’t…” She sobbed pathetically, clinging and shaking softly. “I know I need to give you space… but I don’t want to. I know you can survive without me, but I don’t ever want you to… I don’t… think I can without you, anymore, Scarlet…”
She gently squeezed, hugging Nemona tighter, holding her close and petting her hair as the girl sobbed, holding her so tight she was worried she’d break her somehow. If she just held her tight enough, she’d never go anywhere. If she could hold her so, so tight, then she’d be Nemona’s forever, and this moment wouldn’t have to end. She could hold her tight enough that even time couldn’t pass, that they’d be anchored here forever, that Scarlet would never see how pathetic she was, she’d just hold her and comfort her.
But eventually, after agonizingly long, Scarlet’s hands moved away from hugging her, gently taking Nemona’s cheeks and raising her face to look into her eyes, wet from tears. Scarlet looked like she’d been crying too.
“Nemona…” she whispered, bumping their noses together. “You’re my best friend. You’re the one person who’s ever understood me.” She bit her lip for a second. “I think I could survive without you.” Nemona felt the horrible thing in her chest starting to tighten. “But I don’t want to. I don’t want to have to. It’s so much better, so much easier, so much brighter with you here.” She leaned in, gently kissing Nemona’s cheek. “Maybe you are a little obsessed with me.” Scarlet blushed, looking away, hiding her eyes. “Maybe… maybe I kind of get off on that. Having someone who wants me that bad. Does… that make me a bad person…?”
Nemona sniffled, gently nosing Scarlet’s cheek. “I don’t know,” she laughed, watery and sad. “I don’t think so. But I don’t know if I’m a good judge of that right now.”
“Yeah…” Scarlet sighed, nuzzling Nemona’s shoulder. “I won’t let you go. You’re my best friend in the world. I need you just as much as you need me. I promise.” Nemona nodded, her heart unsure but trying to listen with her head. “Sometimes we won’t be physically together, and that’s okay. I think about you a lot. I miss you a lot.” She faltered. “I think… I want more than that, but I’m not sure if…?” A pause. “The kiss was really nice. I want to do that more… eventually. I promise.”
“Okay,” Nemona whispered, clinging tight. “Eventually.”
“Yeah.”
The sun had nearly completely set, the world a hazy dark blue and purple, the last little rays of light illuminating them against the mosaic city. Curious Midreavus were beginning to stare as Gothitelle rose and stretched from their diurnal slumber. The two held each other, crying softly, clinging tightly to one another, as the moon began to climb into the sky.
- - - - -
Scarlet rose first. Their sleeping bags had been pressed up against each other so they could hold hands in their sleep. Nemona was immediately aware that the space was suddenly empty, and she’d wandered off toward town, but left all of her things. She took a few seconds, closing her eyes, telling herself that Scarlet would be back, she wasn’t leaving, before tossing out Pawmot and beginning her morning stretches.
They were most of the way through the regiment that Dendra had taught them when Scarlet returned, smiling, she and Gardevoir holding three coffees and some potatoes from the café. “Morning,” she smiled, leaning in and giving Nemona’s shoulder a soft nuzzle before handing off a coffee.
“Morning,” Nemona agreed, taking it and sipping softly before returning to her stretching. Scarlet did her own stretches, smaller and shorter, before cleaning up her camping equipment. Nemona did the same, the two not speaking, but Nemona could feel her there, and it assuaged some of that fear that still crept into her heart. She cleaned up her own things, setting them aside, and looked to Scarlet. There was a look in her eye, a firm gleam that Nemona knew well.
She gave a warm smile and a nod, returning Pawmot to his ball and following her to an open stretch of land outside of Alfornada as the morning sun washed over them.
They didn’t need words right now. It felt like saying anything at all would shatter the moment. Both drew a Poké ball from their belt, holding it in front of them, in perfect sync. A single swift motion, mirrored by the other, and the look in their eyes wasn’t identical, but complimentary. Scarlet’s newfound love for battling, and Nemona’s drive to push her friend to the height of ability. Two powerful trainers, maybe the strongest in all of Paldea, moving wordlessly against one another, in complete harmony.
