A small but significant stand there.
I must have been 14 or 15 when it happend. I was starting to make preparation for my book and I needed to name some fonctions that I created for the story. I was hesitating between some names, all of which I ended up using for different jobs, but that's not the point. The point is I asked people around about what they thought of it.
I asked my dad for his opinion on the options (three), He asked me what the fonction was. I explained it to him. And he said, "Well first of all I wouldn't name it any of that."
I looked at him dead in the eyes and cut him off with, "Ok, perhaps, but that is not what I asked you."
Everyone fell silence.
And he answered.
I didn't think about it a lot at the time. I only realised now, that this was what therapy paying off looked like.
For the record, my father has a history of giving people unsolicited advice and act like he's the one with the objective truth, especially with me. The tone he used when he told me "I wouldn't have name it any of that" was also very condensing, and that was the first time I had politely told him to fuck off and that I'd do what I want and didn't care what he'd have to think of that.
It was such a small (and yet important) thing that it didn't come in my mind until years later and realising that I was unforcing boundaries on him made me click and it was the moment I started to grieve him, even if he is still alive now.
I've long been in the acceptance part of that grief and I'm no contact with the jerk, despite his best effort.
He can go disappoint someone else, I don't want to try anymore.
