Today was... Nicer than I thought it would be, actually!
Um, so, I wasn't really able to sleep yesterday because of... Well, because of my father- I've got a post that explains what happened but, basically, I was packing up my stuff so that I had everything ready for when it was time to move out and he, uh, entered my room and tried to talk me into staying...? Which would have been sort of nice if my parents weren't so... Let's say... Indecisive? They're, um, they're not very good.
My morning was, uh, pretty shitty, not gonna lie. I had breakfast in my room at around 7:00am and I wasn't able to shower because my parents were home and I wanted to stay out of their way- which, uh, should be fine, because I'd showered the afternoon prior? But my brain likes to make me think that, the longer I spend awake, the dirtier my skin gets...? It's pretty weird, haha... And I know it doesn't make any sense, but it's... a feeling. It's gonna stay, even if it makes very little to no sense, I suppose... That's the thing with feelings.
So I tend to shower at six or seven in the morning whenever I stay awake through a night. It's... I don't do it to wake myself up, it more-so just feels like... A necessity, you know?
Going back into my morning, not too long after finishing my breakfast (three "emergency" cookies that I had laying around in a drawer), I got a call from my uncle. He invited me to come over to his house in case I wanted to pay his roommates and him a last visit before I moved, and of course, I accepted!
I managed to sneak out of the house without getting in the way of my parents and drove myself to his place. He lives with three other men, and they're all really nice. They greeted me with snacks when I arrived- which was around... 11:20am if I'm not wrong? One of them, Henry, had spent the night baking cookies and offered me some. They were really good- white chocolate and raspberry flavored. Even their cat came to say hello to me, hahaha! But, um, I'm allergic to cats, so Ethan -the cat's owner, I believe?- had to keep him away from me. I really wish I wasn't allergic to cats, hah...
I had breakfast again with them not very long after arriving. And I mean actual breakfast. My uncle made me a mug of chocolate milk and prepared some coffee for himself. Henry and Daniel, the third roommate, also had coffee. And Ethan had hot chocolate. We all shared Henry's cookies. And it was... Nice. It was really, really nice.
At home, I'm usually conditioned to have breakfast by myself, so I don't really get to talk to anybody... Or, uh, not to anybody human, at least- but my cockatiel, Emerald, tends to accompany me. She, uh, she's got a cage, but I don't like to keep her inside of it for too long, so the door is usually open so that she can fly around my room if she wants to. Don't worry, I keep everything closed. She likes to sleep in my hair and makes me company whenever I'm doing my homework or, like I mentioned earlier, having breakfast... Which, sometimes, I don't think can even be counted as "breakfast"...? If I'm lucky, I might be able to make myself some toasts without my mother reminding me how much she's paid for the bread. I usually just have Lotus cookies - I can buy them at school and take them home with me without getting crumbs all over my backpack because they come in small bags... Which may not be very ecological, but it's perfect for me, haha--
What I'm trying to say is that having breakfast with them was... Pretty special. Just spending time with them feels really special to me. I really appreciate them.
They asked me about my plans to move out and about what I wanted to do for college- and they were supportive about my answers. Heck, they even encouraged me to follow what I had planned! Can I still ask to get adopted as an adult?/j
My uncle allowed me to bathe in the upstairs bathroom and then allowed me to take a nap on his bed when I told him that I hadn't slept.
I'm not usually quick to fall asleep. Most of the time, I tend to cry myself to sleep or listen to music for hours until I'm able to relax enough to fall asleep. But, today, I didn't have any trouble in doing so. I didn't even have to put music on, I just felt... Calm. Really, really calm. My uncle's house and everybody inside just brings me so much comfort... I wish I could forget about college and move in with them, haha. But, um, I can't, unfortunately...
I think it was somewhere around 4:00pm when I woke up. Ethan and Daniel greeted me again when I walked back downstairs and Henry made lunch for me. Spaghetti. I like spaghetti.
I would have eaten it by myself, but they accompanied me through my meal. My uncle made himself a cup of chocolate milk and they just... Sat with me until I was done eating. And we talked. They made sure that I felt comfortable and kept me company even though they had no reason to. Even though they had already had lunch at least an hour prior. I... Gosh, I'm tearing up just typing this- xD
I helped Daniel wash the dishes my uncle and I used after I finished, and then we just... Sat and hung out. Ethan brought some snacks -cookies from earlier, potato chips, lotus cookies, candy and tiny brownies-, and we just talked. My uncle, Daniel and I sat on the sofa, and Ethan and Henry, on the floor, and we just... Talked. I didn't even stop to check the time because I didn't care about going home. I was having a nice time. They... They were being nice to me.
We then played some tabletop games (I lost all of them! xD) and a Karaoke game called Sing Star for which we made little groups- My uncle, Henry and I had to "fight" against Ethan and Daniel, and we won most of the battles! :)
Then, I had dinner with them. Soup. Uh, chicken soup, with little pasta dots instead of noodles. It was really good, though I had to leave soon after finishing my plate because it was getting late. We bid goodbye to each other and my uncle gave me a little bracelet to bring with me in case I ever felt lonely. It's... it's really pretty, I've got it on right now.
I hugged everybody and my uncle swears that I would've had to drive him to the hospital if I'd applied a little more strength to my embrace for a broken rib, haha! xD
I even got to pet the cat. He's a fluffy, little fella. :)
I, um... I sort of... Broke down when I got into my car? I knew that I wasn't going to visit my uncle or his roommates again in a really long time and... And I hated that- and I still do. But I know that I can call them whenever- and... And they can call me, so we won't be out of contact. We'll just be... Very, very far away...
I don't like that. I really, really don't. But it's for the greater good- I'm doing this for my future. And... And I won't be alone when I move, either. My best friend will be with me- and so will my cockatiel. And we're gonna keep each other company. So why do I feel so... Scared? So homesick, even though I haven't left home yet?
It's probably just me. I'm kind of, uh, what many people call a scaredy cat, haha... But... It's going to be fine. I... Sure, I'll get stressed often- very, very often, but I'll have people to rely on. I'll have my best friend with me... And, if I'm lucky, I might be able to make more friends outside of her, too.
It's going to be a long and scary journey, but I'll be fine. I... I know that I'll be fine. At least, I hope to be fine...
I'm moving out tomorrow. Today's been nice, and tomorrow's gonna be heavy, but... There must be a way to make it nice, too, surely? Haha...
