I absolutely LOVE Beldaruit’s and Qifrey’s father and son relationship!!!🤭🤭
Though it is sad that Qifrey HAS TO act the way he does around him. Because I imagine with him being a Wise, it is a lot harder to hide your true intentions and feelings from him, which means in Qifrey’s case, he really had amp up the “careless and I don’t care about your opinions” act.
Like I wonder if he (especially when he was his apprentice) had ever worried and even feared that Bel will reach his breaking point with him and give up on him. (and maybe that in someway, he hopes for it, because that would be for the best).
He knows logically Bel would never do that, which in a way is even more painful, cause then it feels like Bel knows Qifrey is taking his kindness and patience for granted, and he just lets him, with little care.
Qifrey also carries just as much guilt and regrets as he does towards Olly. Because he couldn’t show his gratitude and appreciation for everything Beldaruit has done for him, and instead has to act as though it means nothing to him, as well as disrespect his authority and worries over him.
Qifrey is someone who very much seems to regret his very existence, and it manifests in the way he literally tries to make up for it at every. possible. turn.
-> he feels so much guilt, and the crazy thing is-- he's not in this situation by any true choice of his own. He didn't get to choose to become a host, that we know of, he didn't get to choose being a witch, or choose to erase Olly's memories
Almost every major decision in his life, so far, has been made for him-- OR, has been a decision he's been caged into. It's not a far stretch to assume that he views himself as a parasite, as much as he does the tree inside him
it also tends to manifest in his absolution of Olruggio-- who he point blank believes to be the kindest humanity has to offer, since he's soo kind to 'filth' like Qifrey
-> this isn't me saying Qifrey hasn't done anything wrong-- his violence, however reactive and protective it may be, is still violence-- but his lines about what mankind is capable of are almost as much directed at himself as they are those he hates.
i think some part of him wished deeply that Beldaruit would reach his breaking point and throw him out-- because then he wouldn't have to keep lying and pushing and snarling at the man who raised him, when all he wants is to be held close
↑ that stress w/ Beldaruit might contribute to why Olruggio's so testy with the Wise too, perhaps in a misguided stroke of protectiveness-- or just teenage angst he never quite grew out of
