[falsekitsune]

It's time for a update. I managed to finish my studies. Now I'm officially animal caretaker specialized in dogs. Next I was thinking about going to army (became dog handler) and continue studying animal training to become animal trainer. (animal welfare, behavior, and training.)

Slowly going towards my dreams. Still getting a bit anxiety over my path of choice. As I should start working out and look for a job for the time being. Feeling pretty good otherwise.

Perhaps should continue working on the security field until then, but uhh I don't know.

[falsekitsune]

It's the time of the year again when my mental health goes to zero, more like below it. I've had so freaking much absence leaves from everything due to having so much anxiety and having a low energy. What a fucking joke. It sucks to be away from things you know you would normally enjoy.

[falsekitsune]

Christ, I canno't handle yelling at all. I become like a bear shot on their ass after getting yelled by someone. The moment seem to turn time and make me feel like that child so long time ago.

Nothing really happened, but damn. Got scared over nothing.

Gotta hate how deeply I sleep and even sleep talk just like as a kid, then have no fucking idea what have went through once I actually wake up..

[falsekitsune]

Being on the grey spectrum kind of sucks. Sometimes I feel so lonely and wish to have a romantic/sexual partner, but then again I just don't get those feelings towards actual real people. There has been like one big crush in my past and couple smaller ones, which may have had little bit of one or the other of the feelings towards them, but in general people just feel off putting to me both romantically and sexually.

If I didn't feel so lonely at times, it would be fine, but during the lonely hours it freaking sucks that there is not a partner to hug and have fun with.

[falsekitsune]

Not so "fun fact" I have also seen more and more dreams/nightmares about having pets and not being able to take care of them. Seeing malnourished, even dead pets which I were responsible to, but not having enough energy to take care of them and then just letting them die like that. Fucking horrible, pls brain can you stop.

Note to self // If I ever get that bad, that I'm not able to take care of my furry and scaley friends. Please give them new homes! Never let them experince that shit you saw in your dreams.

[rosavelle]

Sorry I didn’t text back I’m mentally drained and can’t maintain a normal friendship.

[falsekitsune]

Sigh, 'm so tired of everything. My mental health seem to be even worse now than previously when I pushed myself to go to work. Back then I believed that I would get better as the work load would lessen for not having the job along with studying, but now I don't even have the energy to study. What the fuck happened. I'm so tired of this. And it fucking annoys me that so many people have asked about me, asked how I'm doing, but once again I have difficulty to answer truthfully into that. Constantly saying that everything is okay and "I'm fine" even though I obviously ain't.

I promised to do better, get better and study hard, to get the right to live with my parents again, but once again evething goes to shit and not filling the promise.

Yeah I moved back to my parents house to get my life back on the track, yet it's still going downwards. What a fucking surprise.

[laestoica]

[itsthereyoucanfeelit]

[falsekitsune]

I'm moving once again and god damn how frustrating it all can be. I have so much work to do, but also getting overwhelmed by it all, so your progress speed is 0,01% in a hour. I want it all to be over, but since everything is going so slow, it feels like this whole ordeal is going to take a whole year. Arghh. Also getting stressed, since the whole place is a fucking mess with all the boxes around and def ain't in a condition to show to someone random, yet the company who owns this apartment wishes to show it to someone as soon as possible. Which I understand, but pls give me sum time to fix everything up, so I don't have to be so fucking ashamed and lose my eyes for it. </3

[falsekitsune]

Last month was one of the worst I've ever had to deal with (economic vice) and the situation doesn't seem to get any easier. The amount of stress and anxiety the money and debts have caused me is fucking disastrous. And the whole situation has affected my mental health for the worse. I'm not suicidal, but times like these do make me wonder what's the point. The shit keeps hitting the fan and my mental health drips within it. My brain needs some seratonin to handle this mess I have welcomed and created into my life, but I cannot affort any of it.

[sa-dnesss]

did i actually relapse or did i just never recover

[tomhoppusdelonge]

there are two wolves in my brain- one wants to be lean and slender and wear all black and look like a mysterious tall cryptid -& the other wants to be a huge muscle mommy . They are both losing .

[lunasberry]

body dysphoria hittin' real hard atm.

would love to rip off my boobies and donate it to somebody who really wants them, cry.

[prettygirlsd0nteat777]

True.

[feelingsoftheday]

healing is so weird. one day you’re fine, one day you’re not.

[lost-words-left-unspoken]

If I could choose to not feel this way, believe me, I would.