Loyal to a Fault

Indie multimuse for Danmachi Please read the about page! Rules page under construction.Main blog to whispersofdeceit(Next Generation OCs) zodiacursed(Yuki Sohma) fragilefates(fruits basket OCs)

[familiasworn]

Been absent for a bit. Currently trying to draw Hogni in Subaru's Season 4 outfit. (They share the same Japanese Voice actor--Even though Yusuke Kobayashi isn't credited for his role as Hogni on behindthevoiceactor >:c)

[darkycakedoodles]

That's my baby.

[darkycakedoodles]

I was fucking around with color. Have a Hogni with bi piercings! (I was originally going to draw Hedin with him, both both having something to represent Freya, but I focused more on Hogni. Oop.

(Also happy accident bicep :D)

[familiasworn]

must...

resist...

the walking dead reference...

...

...

SHOULD'VE STAYED IN THE HOUSE CARL--

[familiasworn]

[whiteknighthedin]

It was a good thing Hedin wore a lot of high collar shirts and capes. Otherwise, he may have stopped Hogni from leaving any marks on his neck. Though, a part of him liked the thought of Hogni claiming him in a way. And he felt his own resistance fading the moment Hogni found a sensitive part on his neck with his lips. He couldn't hide the shiver that went through his body this time.

Hedin's hands slid underneath the dark elf's shirt as a way to keep himself grounded. He felt like he should return the favor as his hands ascended to Hogni's chest, admiring how toned he was.

[familiasworn]

"Mmph..." Hogni made a soft sound against Hedin's neck as he continued to expose more of his chest, until he could untuck his shirt and attempt to get Hedin out of it.

His quest to leave marks on his skin ventured a little further down, to his chest.

'He's starting to feel it...I think...'

[familiasworn]

My favorite Gremlins in anime/manga

Edward Elric

Yato/Kofuku

Anya Fromel

Vanitas/Noe Archiviste

[familiasworn]

[survivalbias]

Well that was new, Bell thought, an expression of mixed confusion and amusement on his face. Yet another odd side to the man. It seemed connected to his anxiety, though, and Bell couldn't help but wonder if it was a compulsion when he got too wound up.

He noted Freya's care though, glancing at her with eyes narrowed in mistrust and caution. Briefly turning to watch Hogni move and wondering if he indeed had misread the relationship.

He'd have to apologize later, if that was the case.

But back to Freya.

Her question has him blink, though - and then immediately respond;

"No! Of course not. I... had always thought you stole him, if I'm being honest. That it was unwilling, or... because you killed everyone. I was mad at you, not him. Or even Hogni." He hadn't even known Hogni to hate in the first place. "If I was mad at him I wouldn't have bothered looked for him in the first place." He was curious, though... "...Why do you ask?" Pure desire to know, maybe?

[familiasworn]

"That's a relief," he wasn't lying, that already made her happier. "One of my titles as goddess is love...That doesn't pertain to just romantic love. It's always lovely to see something familial..." The Gulliver brothers, the Fromel siblings...

"If you'd resented your father for something he didn't do...mm..."

Well, not that she could do anything about it. But it'd be a sad sight to see. It was heartwarming though, knowing they'd found each other again.

"Don't think that I'll bar him from seeing you, now that I'm aware. You're free to see him whenever you wish, and the same goes for him."

"Oh--!!" Hogni made a sound from his bench as he remembered something. "I apologize for Van...!! F--...for...turning you away..."

"Van? Ah...he can be a bit grumpy..."

[survivalbias]

That made him almost entirely drop his guard.

Bell looked from Freya to Hogni, eyes wide as he registered what had just been said. And implied. It hadn't been said directly, but it plus Hogni's reaction rather indicated it well enough.

"I knew it!" He exclaimed, rage forgotten. "I knew you two were together! I told Eina - there was something about the way you act around each other-" It was too... familiar. It sang just slightly of people he'd seen in relationships, and with how tightly the two seemed to hold to elven traditions, Bell hadn't been able to stop wondering if they were involved.

If they were dating, or partners, or maybe even just terribly codependent in a way they didn't like talking about.

"I almost wish the people back home were still alive just so I could see the looks on their dumb faces." Granted he didn't really remember anyone. Just his father, and even then only barely. Only enough to know the broad strokes of his appearance, enough to be able to look for him.

(and he only knew his name because it had been written down. He'd had the presence of mind to take some belongings with him back then, had held onto them for years for fear of forgetting)

"Well, from what I've seen so far, you're... good together. I don't know you very well, and I can't say I know dad very well now either, but... From what I've seen, yeah~" He grabbed eagerly onto the more cheerful mood.

Anything to shove the Anger away.

Hogni was having a bad enough day already, Bell wagered, just from this meeting alone.

[familiasworn]

Hogni was struggling, too many thoughts circling his mind. What would Hedin think? Ahhhh...it was probably going to get out soon anyway...

"H-heh--"

"How p-pitiful, to strut around w-with such obvious--" Freya patted Hogni's back to gently shush him.

"Don't strain yourself. If you need to, go sit in the shade over there, you should still be able to hear us while you rest," she gestured to a nearby bench that wasn't currently exposed to the sunlight. "I didn't mean to out your relationship, I read the situation incorrectly."

Hogni was quiet as he thought about it, then nodded and slowly trudged over to the shade. He took breaths to calm himself as he went.

"Bell...was it?" She looked at Bell again. "I won't ask you to join my Familia, I won't even ask you to like me, nor forgive me. You can hate me--that's your right. But I am wondering...is it safe to assume you're not holding any grudges against Hedin?"

[poohsources]

🐝  *  ―  𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑺𝑻𝒀 𝑾𝑶𝑵'𝑻 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  i won't apologize for the way i chose to survive.  ❜ ❛  i won't ask you to love me.  ❜ ❛  i won't be another thing you ruin and walk away from.  ❜ ❛  i won't be here when you finally decide you need me.  ❜ ❛  i won't be the reason for you to stay.  ❜ ❛  i won't be your second choice anymore.  ❜ ❛  i won't forgive you just because you finally feel guilty.  ❜ ❛  i won't hold you back anymore.  ❜ ❛  i won't keep setting myself on fire just to keep you warm.  ❜ ❛  i won't let myself hope for you again.  ❜ ❛  i won't let you do this alone.  ❜ ❛  i won't let you turn this around on me.  ❜ ❛  i won't make it so easy for you this time.  ❜ ❛  i won't tell you when i miss you.  ❜ ❛  i won't wait forever just because you're scared.  ❜ ❛  won't you at least say goodbye this time?  ❜ ❛  won't you be lonely without me?  ❜ ❛  won't you be sorry for once?  ❜ ❛  won't you look for me when i'm gone?  ❜ ❛  won't you miss being loved like that?  ❜ ❛  won't you miss me?  ❜ ❛  won't you regret this when it's too late?  ❜ ❛  won't you remember that i tried?  ❜ ❛  won't you tell me what i did wrong?  ❜ ❛  won't you wish you had said something kinder?  ❜ ❛  won't you wish you had stayed?  ❜ ❛  won't you wonder what could have been?  ❜ ❛  you won't admit that you hurt me because then you'd have to care.  ❜ ❛  you won't be able to fix this so easily.  ❜ ❛  you won't be the reason for me to stay.  ❜ ❛  you won't even look at me anymore.  ❜ ❛  you won't find me waiting for you ever again.  ❜ ❛  you won't get another chance.  ❜ ❛  you won't get to break me twice.  ❜ ❛  you won't have to worry about losing me anymore. you already did.  ❜ ❛  you won't keep using my love against me.  ❜ ❛  you won't know what to do with yourself when i stop needing you.  ❜ ❛  you won't remember this the way i will.  ❜ ❛  you won't say it, but i know you blame me.  ❜ ❛  you won't understand what you lost until i'm gone.  ❜

[survivalbias]

She... hadn't known?

She hadn't known?

How had she not known - had she truly just shown up, saw two elves she liked, and acted? Without thinking?

All the more reason to hate her, he though, stomping down a brand new gush of rage. It wasn't useful here, not beyond potentially damaging his relationship with Hogni, and maybe making enemies of a goddess.

"...What was he supposed to say, 'by the way I had a son you probably got brutally slaughtered'?" Bell didn't care to be gentle. Granted, part of him was horrified at the idea of being blunt - especially the tiny part of him that remembered how pretty she had seemed when all he'd known was her voice - but part of him also couldn't help himself.

The staff was lowered fully though, finally released into one hand with the other clenched at his side.

She seemed genuinely surprised.

"I was little, unless you told him what you were planning, he wouldn't have had any reason to think I'd survived everyone just... killing each other. ...Don't even know how I did, I just. Hid, until the noise stopped." And apparently not even the gods knew how that happened.

Luck, probably. Pure dumb luck.

"...Until a little while ago I didn't even know where you took him. Just that you showed up, made everyone kill each other, then stole my dad."

[familiasworn]

...What was she supposed to say to that? Apologize? It'd be too late for that(and would it mean much at all if she didn't really mean it anyway?) Freya was sympathetic to his situation, yes...

Though now she wondered...would she have taken Bell too, if she knew Hedin had a son?

A long and drawn out sigh, Hogni had managed to calm himself. "My lady...I only just managed to help them reunite. Please..."

"Doesn't...Hedin seem happier, e-even through that stern expression he always wears...?"

"Hmm...You are right about that. I was wondering about that. I thought it was because of you, actually," Freya smiled and reached up, giving Hogni a pat.

"Ah--hh--?!"

They hadn't told anyone, not even Freya. They didn't find it important during the reunion to tell Bell, either--

[gyclli]

[thekimonogallery]

gyclli:

Hell Valley, Noboribetsu, Hokkaido, Japan

 by martywindle (expat yorkshire) 

[survivalbias]

And just like that, he was snapped out of the rage.

Now he just felt guilty.

Still terrified, because Freya was still there. But oh. He'd forgotten that Hogni had confidence issues.

And Freya was already on him, meaning Bell did not want to get too close, because the last time he'd seen her was when she was coercing two entire populations to slaughter each other, and he was petrified she'd make him... well. Finish the job.

All he could offer was something close to an explanation.

...Maybe he could rely on his father already knowing he existed, to keep him alive... Damn it-

"...Bell Selland." He says to her, lowering his staff - gripping it with both hands because he was positive the free hand would shake otherwise. "Hedin Selland's son." Hogni was likely upset because he was caught between defending his goddess and defending Hedin's son. No right action, no way to really diffuse it in an optimal way. Bell could not be made to love their goddess, but Hogni likely didn't want to be angry about it since he'd have known what Bell was made to live through.

It was a fair reason to hate, after all. Being left abandoned as a small child on an island of corpses he could not deal with nor move, not until they'd long begun to rot away.

"...You don't... have to defend me, Hogni." Bell added, after a moment. Briefly glancing at him before returning his gaze to Freya. "Freya's a goddess. You probably can't convince her of anything, if she decides she doesn't wanna listen." Why she'd approached him though, he was still curious about.Had it genuinely been just his staff...?

[familiasworn]

Hogni expressed surprise at Bell's admittance. While Bell hadn't exactly told them outright that he wasn't fond of Freya--or was it gods in general--he could at least understand. He could see it in his minute expressions and behavior...and especially now as his thoughts were confirmed.

The other tip-off was that...Bell hadn't sought to join the Familia after confirming who his father was.

Freya also looked surprised. Almost stunned, even. Hogni was taller than she was, so she had to slowly shift to the side to look at Bell again. "Hedin...had a son?" She looked to be grappling with that new revelation, outright revealing that she didn't know and that Hedin hadn't told anybody.

Not even his precious goddess.

"...He always was terrifyingly good at hiding his grief," she murmured. "He never uttered a word, even when I asked..."

[familiasworn]

My post on twitter regarding Yusuke Kobayashi being a featured Seiyuu.

He's never credited for voicing Hogni. It's not even on behindthevoiceactor.

He deserves the credit for voicing the boy. ;3;

[survivalbias]

You can't lie to a god.

He knows that.

There is no right way to answer her question. Not the way he wants. She'll know if he lies, she'll know if he doesn't say anything. He has no options but truth.

He HATES it. He hates HER.

(His heart is pounding in his chest, he wants to go back to his inn room and hide there for the next week.)

"Does it matter?" He responds, eventually - little embers flicking off the staff in tiny angry jags. Bell pauses a moment to get himself under control - even if the attack is accidental, even if it does nothing, he's sure it would be taken poorly and get him in trouble.

Most likely it would hit Hogni, though. And he doesn't wanna hit Hogni.

(Hogni has been nice so far)

"Doesn't matter who I'm related to, I'm not joining you." The word 'you' is almost spat, and he spars a moment to glance at Hogni, suddenly painfully aware that his tone and phrasing was... not kind. It gave away his feelings far too clearly. But he couldn't quite stop himself, either. "You couldn't pay me. Not all the money in the world." Another moment is spared to try and slow his breathing. Control. Easy. She won't do anything. Not here. No in public.

"...I've had nightmares about you ever since I was little." Does she know? Does she care?

(He doubts it)

[familiasworn]

...Unfortunately for Bell, the best defense against a god figuring out a lie was actually to remain silent. Say nothing. With their Arcanum sealed in the lower world, gods were unable to see the truth, but they were still able to tell when the children lie.

"...I don't believe I was going to ask you to join my Familia. Your soul is a little too twisted for my tastes."

--Hogni was trembling slightly, it was all so dizzying. Hedin would know what to do. He so badly wanted to activate Dainsleif, but there was no quiet way to do it, they'd both notice the circle when it appeared beneath his feet.

Ohhh...why did it have to be him??

"Hhhh..." Ah, how pitiful. He always tried so hard...he never wanted to show his cowardly side to Freya, yet here he was, panicking, trying to sort through his mess of thoughts...

"...Hogni?" Freya placed both of her hands on both sides of his head, wondering if that would calm or at least ground him. "Are you okay?"

[survivalbias]

It takes him a second.

Bell had never heard her voice, and so for a second, just a second, he finds himself captivated and wanting badly to know who had spoken. Who the voice belonged to.

But then.

Then, he looks up from his weapon - and freezes.

He might not know her voice, but he knows that face. It's slightly different from the face in his nightmares, but he knows her he knows her he knows her-

The monster from his youth, the source of everyone's death even if only indirectly.

He's frozen.

And then, he isn't - using the staff, slashed jaggedly as it was along its once-broken haft with gold and Other Materials, to push himself to his feet. The staff is twirled, adjusted mid-spin, and held out as though in threat. (he knows that he can't actually attack her, but it makes him feel safer).

It helps that Hogni steps in between them rather quickly. Seems the Dark Elf doesn't think this meeting wise. Another point to them not, in fact, being controlled.

"...Thank you." Is his stiff, shaky response, as he stares daggers at her. Ready to bolt if he gets a chance. "I got it from back home." What did she want. Why did he have to see her now. "What do you want." He voices the thought in his mind, uncaring to how vastly different his tone likely is from the prior meeting with Hogni and Hedin.

There's no cheer in it. Just stone and thorns - and desperately veiled terror.

[familiasworn]

"...My lady," Hogni was working on steeling himself, but having to talk back or put himself in front of Freya as a blockade had him panicking. What should he do? It was Freya's wish--

But this was Hedin's son...

"Please--"

He further put himself between Bell and Freya, knowing full well the young elf wasn't a threat. At least not to him.

"You know I don't like being cooped up in the tower, or in Folkvangr, Hogni. I simply got curious," she was looking directly at Bell--and paused.

"Oh...your soul is a pretty one. A little cloudy, a little hazy...but the relatively same shade as Hedin's. Are you related?"

"Lady Freya," Hogni's voice was a little more firm, catching her attention once more. "Please, even you should be able to see he's not comfortable."