Epic the musical side story where Hades and Persephone get really invested in the story during The underworld saga, sorta small talk about the strange man for the next couple of years, and then freak the fuck out in the audience during god games when they find out not only is the guy still alive, he’s managed to piss off like half the pantheon
“There’s like, a bunch of mortals here”
“Idk, they’re like, on some ship”
“Huh. Should I call Thanatos, have him take care of it, or should we just wait it out”
“Call Thanatos, best to rid the garden of any pests before they manage to kill your flowers”
“Pfft, alright. I’ll be right back”
“Okay- wait. A bunch of the dead are singing to him”
“Yeah like a bunch. Who are they?”
“Uhh, most of them drowned, a few killed by a cyclops. One broke his neck?”
“They’re singing about a cyclops, about how he let one live or something”
“Probably one of Poseidons. Should I still call Thanatos?”
“No wait, I wanna see where this goes.”
“An infant, what infant?”
“OH NEW GUY! He seems important!”
“Also a cyclops victim. They seem close, what do you think friend or lover?”
“They’re Greek, it’s probably both”
“I don’t know how he managed it, but this guy brought down like, the entire vibe of the entire underworld. That shouldn’t be possible”
“Yeah. Oh who’s this lady now?”
“Suicide by drowning. Not sure. Maybe a relative”
“OH MY GODS. OH HE DIDNT KNOW OH LORD”
“Hooooooly fuck, what a way to find out”
““Here in the underworld the past is always close behind”. Think we should make that a slogan?”
“Then we’d have to credit him and stuff tho”
“Yeahhhh. Well, seems like this guy is sticking around for a few hours. Should I grab some popcorn?”
“Yeah I’ll grab the fainting couches”
“Okay what’s happening now?”
“He just stated speaking to Tiresias”
“Tiresias? He went all the way to the underworld to speak with a prophet?”
“Wait did Tiresias just reject him?”
“I think so? Oh wait predictions”
“Past romance, sacrifice, betrayal, and some final battle? Who the fuck is this guy?”
“Dunno, but he’s not going home that’s for sure”
“Palace? He must be a king of some kind then”
“Do we know the names of any mortal kings”
“Nope, so that didn’t help at-wait his wife is doing what”
“Ohhh, that must be rough, hearing it from a prophet”
“Okay this chanting is getting intense. I think I heard the word Scylla”
“He’s just, sitting there”
“Is he done? Should we-oh. No okay new song, let’s see what’s going on”
“Man this guy has it rough. Should we like, do something?”
“I mean, I’m not really the “bless the mortals” type of god. I mean I let a guy borrow my helm once, and I haven’t seen it since. I should probably check up on that actually”
“Yeahhh. They killed a friend of the cyclops?”
“That explains all the cyclops victims”
““Witch turn men to pigs”, you think that’s Circe?”
“Sounds like he-WHAT WAS THAT THIRD ONE”
““God comes down and makes a fleet drown”, I am most definitely sure!”
“Damn. Wait wooden horse? Oh, I know who this guy is!”
“Yeah he’s one of Athenas warriors! Ody something. Odyssen? Odyssa? Whatever, I remember the horse thing was a big deal when it happened, Ares was pissed, Hermes spread the word to all of mount Olympus”
“One of Athenas eh? Interesting. Oh yeah, the god was definitely Poseidon”
“That line he just sung, “Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves”, Posy is always fucking saying that crap”
“Penelope, presumably the wife. Don’t know about the other guy tho”
“Either a son, brother, or lover. Or maybe just a friend I dunno”
“Another infant? What the fuck is wrong with this guy, pulling a fucking Hera”
“Gotta appreciate the determination of him”
“Yeah, but I think we’ll see him here again soon. If he’s pissed of Poseidon, and soon to be Zeus if Tiresias is to be believed, I don’t think he’ll get much further when he gets out of here”
“So we are letting him go”
“Yeah. Partly because I want to see what happens next. When he gets here we’ll ask him to tell the full story, from beginning to end”
“I swear if I get dragged out of the underworld for one of Zeus’ little games one more time this year I might actually start a war”
“Mum keeps staring at me…fuck she’s probably gonna try and talk after this, fuck meeeeee”
“We can escape in the middle of it, no one will know”
“Oh she’ll know. Do you know what this is about like, at all?”
“No, but I think Hermes might launch into the fourth dimension if he keeps vibrating like that in his seat”
“Hmm, odd. I don’t see Posy anywhere”
“Nah, he always declines when Zeus asks, he hates it”
“Why were you not invited?”
“Dunno, probably has nothing to do with me”
“Oh it’s starting, it’s starting”
“Athena’s challenging eh? Interesting”
“Would love to know what any of this is about”
“Mortal lover? Demi-god child? Those are the usual subject”
“Yeah but that’s not Athenas thing. Probably something to do with one of her “warriors” or whatever”
“Apollo, of course. Always has to be apart of these things”
“Hephasteus and Aphrodite? That’s a little awkward”
“Weird lineup so far- fucking Ares? Yeah shes not winning this one, sibling spite is stronger than any argument she can give”
“Why would all three of them be included. I can feel the tension from here. I’m uncomfortable”
“And Hera? Yeah no she’s loosing for sure, Hera like not care less about any mortal, unless they’ve offended her”
“She might be convinced, just to spite Zeus?”
“That just sounds unhealthy on so many levels”
“Alright let’s see what this is about”
“Oh my gods. You thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Well he was one of her warriors. Was he not?”
“I can’t believe he’s still trying to get home. It’s been like ten years, how the fuck”
“Well, if he pissed off Poseidon then he probably has something to do with it, the pissy bastard”
“Killed sirens. Why would you do that, so unnecessary”
“Sacrifice??? What the fuck is this man up to????”
“Didn’t we have a few Scylla sacrifices a few years back. Think that was him?”
“Holy shit we did. Yeah, Posy stays away from Scylla to the best of his ability, travelling in her domain to avoid him is not a bad idea”
“‘Phro is mad that his mum died? Girl you are grasping at straws, even more than the previous two”
“Hold up, why the fuck was I not invited?! He traveled through my domain, disturbed my souls, he even woke up Cerberus with his monster wailing, I should be apart of this!”
“I have more grounds to be down there than fucking Apollo. Like sirens? Come on man”
“Oh ‘Phro refused huh? Only got two, that’s kinda weak coming from Athena, she usually gets at least four”
“Is that cheating? Her quick thought thing. That cheating?”
“Are there any actual rules?”
“Just, try to win, I guess”
“Oh Ares turn. Wait she lost Aphrodite, this should be over”
“I think this is more of a personal thing. Like I said, sibling spite”
“Oh yeah, Scylla! Fuck this guy is getting around”
“Oh damn, that pissed her off”
“Guessing that the guy other that Penelope, Telemewhatever was his child then”
“Oh wait they yielded?? Huh, never thought that would happen”
“Yeah like I said she does not give a fuck. But it was a good run”
“Yeah, keeping her four out of five streak”
“Wait what the fuck was that”
“She- she actually yielded?”
“And for not cheating! Man I love this guy, I can’t wait for him to die”
“Only you babe. Wait holy fuck she won?”
“Oh Zeus won’t like- oh, just like I said. He’s pissed”
“If he does I’ll just resurrect her probably. She deserves a better end, even if she is annoying”
“Well, should we go then?”
“Yeah I have some paperwork to- do I hear boss music?”
“She took a lightning bolt to the face and lived, holy fuck. Gotta respect it”
“I think, she’s actually convincing him? Never thought I’d see the day”
“Well, she’s his favourite child. I think if Ares tried something similar he’d just get struck by another lightning bolt”
“Well, that was fun. When I come back up for spring I’ll have to check with Hermes more about the details of what’s live, actually going on with this Ody dude”
“Yeah. Wanna stop for applebees before we head on down?”
“Yeah, but let’s go now cause mum is heading like right for me and I don’t wanna deal with that until another few months”
