Ceaseless Watcher, turn your gaze upon this wretched thing
@fandomfix8
36. Currently living my best life tripping in and out of reading steddie and iwtv fanfics. Fell on the heated rivalry train and never looking back. I occasionally write fic and chat about it. Come talk to me about stuff!
Make no mistake, Ilya and Shane are fully co-obsessed. Sure, Ilya's all "freckles 🤤" but Shane is JUST AS DOWN BAD, POSSIBLY EVEN MORE
Shane jerked off on Draft Day thinking of Ilya because Ilya TOUCHED HIS FINGERS TWICE.
FINGERS.
TWICE.
NONE OF THAT PHRASE IS A EUPHEMISM
A FULL YEAR LATER, Shane's all "hey man, let's just forget about this." Then Ilya adjusts his towel a lil and Shane says "1410, fuck me up bro." No second thoughts. Dickmatized by the MEMORY of Ilya jacking it in the shower.
Ilya says "more" and Shane's all "fuck germs, Imma spray this phallic metaphor STRAIGHT DOWN MY THROAT, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT 200 DOLLARS."
Shane KNOWS hotel rooms have shitty soundproofing and that Scott Hunter is RIGHT NEXT DOOR and Ilya LEFT HIM IN THE GODDAMN HALL and Shane is still "sir yes sir" when Ilya orders him to his knees.
EVEN ILYA WASN'T PREPARED FOR THAT. CANONICALLY.
Ilya dicks Shane down SO GOOD the first time they hook up in Montreal that Shane sits his FRESHLY USED ASS on THESE COLD CONCRETE STAIRS, listens to Ilya mock his Olympic dreams, AND STILL LOOKS AT HIM LIKE THIS ARE YOU FKN KIDDING ME
Ilya ghosts him for six months, says "suck my dick" as a hello, makes Shane BEG in a PUBLIC BATHROOM and Shane still WHIMPERS when Ilya says "well actually let's play a game."
This is not the face of tolerance my peeps, this is straight up OBSESSION.
"We didn't even kiss" but come October IT'S NOT JUST LAUNDRY GETTING FOLDED OVER THE COUCH AMIRITE?!
IN TLG Shane drives two hours on the worst roads in Canada WITH A PLUG IN HIS BUSSY B/C ILYA WORE A MINISKIRT FFS
"It's not the sex Alice, " yes I hear the objections so ok, let's talk ridiculousness.
Shane gives up the diet he's made HAYDEN AND JACKI commit to for SIX YEARS because Ilya says "I'll make you a delicious but actually horrendous sammich."
Shane sees Ilya lick ONE GIRL'S EAR AND HAS A TOTAL MENTAL BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLUB. IN MONTREAL. The quintessential Canadian experience.
Ilya promises chocolate bars to a buncha kids, tells Shane (in his geometric dick shirt) to pay for it AND HE DOES BECAUSE ILYA LOOKS CUTE PLAYING WITH KIDS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
THE HOSPITAL SCENE OMFG.
On the left, Shane before Ilya arrives, on the right, Shane after. HE LITERALLY COMES TO LIFE.
When Ilya comes to the hospital, Shane is so doped up he has no inhibitions. What's his first repsonse?!? "EEEELLLYAAA" at a volume that might actually be a noise violation.
Ilya is like, "discretion, my sweet broken nerd," and Shane is like "NAH BRUH, LET ME ANNOUNCE HOW MUCH I NEED YOU AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS HURRAY FOR FOIP IMMA TELL ALL THESE NURSES ABOUT HOW MUCH I WANNA SNUGGLE YOU ILYA ROZANOV CAPTAIN OF THE RAIDERS AND MY GREATEST RIVAL"
In TLG?! Shane says, no dogs, Ilya says, well actually we are dog parents now and Shane's like "bet. Leave your pet chaos in my home permanently despite the fact you're hardly ever here. Your child is our child. I have always loved dogs."
Yeah, Shane's a private person but don't you think, once they can be public, Shane isn't within three feet of Ilya at all times they're in the same space? Like THOSE couples at the restaurant? You know them. Disgustingly in love. No sense of decorum at all.
Shane was all full contact foot touches when THEY WERE PLAYING IT SECRET.
WHAT ON EARTH MAKES YOU THINK HE'LL BE NORMAL WHEN THEY CAN BE OPEN ABOUT THINGS.
Shane ran across like seven football fields and the fuckin Laurentians IN A TOWEL WHEN SOMEONE SAID ILYA'S NAME WHEN THEY WERE STILL "SUPER SEKRIT LOVAHS."
"Maybe he's sick" "nope, I'd know because I was suckin his cock before the game, i took his temperature WITH MY TONSILS."
The only thing keeping this dork's love life a secret is heteronormativty and the alarming rate of CTE in professional men's hockey.
You think he's recovered from this once HE CAN ACTUALLY JUST BE HONESTLY OBSESSY MESSY?! Oh nay nay, HE WILL BE SO MUCH FUCKING WORSE. He will be attached to Ilya's belt loops at all times.
Shane is so fucking obsessed with Ilya it's unbelievable. Honestly the least believable thing to me about TLG (and I get it, for story beats) is that Shane isn't continually checking Ilya's Insta.
(In my headcanon, Shane avoids Ilya's social media because it makes him miss Ilya too much. MY HEADCANON YOU CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND)
The man was watching tape of Ilya before his voice cracked. Ilya is the boy he wanted when they were still children on separate continents. Shane was excited about Ilya before he even knew he was into dudes. They were both obsessed before they even met, and it never stops.
It's fun to imagine Shane being huffy because Ilya fucked up the dishwasher or something, just cuz angy kitten Shane is always a party. But never for a moment think Shane merely tolerates Ilya.
LOOK AT THE PHOTOS I POSTED. SHANE'S FACE IS NOT THE FACE OF TOLERANCE, PEOPLE. OR EVEN ACCEPTANCE
This is OBSESSION. There's nothing tolerant here, this is full on "I CELEBRATE YOUR EXISTENCE. MY LIFE MEANT NOTHING BEFORE YOU AND WILL MEAN NOTHING WHEN YOU ARE GONE. ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED IS YOU."
Shane is DOWN HORRENDOUS for everything Ilya does. Don't ever doubt it.
We don’t talk about this enough. With all the big romantic gestures in The Long Game, this, to me, is one of the most romantic moments.
We know Ilya isn’t a fan of Shane’s restrictive diet. He teases him about it, but Ilya is an expert ragebaiter who knows how to tease the people he cares about when they feel safe and in ways that never really hurt.
Shane is “frantic” in this scene. Ilya has the perfect opening to say something about his diet, and he doesn’t take it. He sees that Shane is panicking, steps in and fixes it. He was looking at that menu thinking about Shane and Shane’s fuckass diet that Ilya doesn’t even like. But he knows this is important to Shane. He knows Shane is already nervous about being on a date with Ilya in public and being with another queer couple. So he meets Shane’s needs without Shane ever having to ask, and he does it quietly, without drawing any attention, so that Shane can save face.
Of course he’s gonna tease him about it a little bit later because that’s what they do. But he only does that AFTER Shane’s had a chance to catch his breath and feel safe again.
sex is a distraction from your true purpose in life which is to go to the aquarium and look at the fish and go "wooooooaaah.... fishies". cmon guys we all need to lock in.
Nor is she a seductress in any kind of negative or manipulative sense - she has a mutual relationship with a powerful man who then breaks up with her, and afterwards she keeps protection against him in the form of evidence that the relationship existed. She HAS blackmail material, she even waves it at him threateningly because he treated her like shit, but she never even uses it.
Irene Adler is not a thief, femme fatale, or blackmailer. She's just a cool lady that wants to be left alone.
@delphi-star You do recall correctly!! She does not give a shit about that man! She's happily married! She tipped him for being a witness at her wedding!
If your Sherlock Holmes adaptation has a character whose identifying qualities are that she is a seductive criminal in love with Holmes, you have created a character that is basically the literal opposite of Irene Adler and you should name her something else.
ID: white text on a pink background reading “men in LA...get off ur phones & STOP becoming influencers...we need GAFFERS ! ! ! these shows dark as HELL i cant see SHIT” followed by three crying emojis. end ID
one more written for the @steddieholidaydrabbles May pop-up challenge
prompt: hot/cold | wc: 1.000 | rated: M | tags: Rockstar Eddie Munson, famous Corroded Coffin, best friends Steve & Robin, Steve has a revelation, secret meddling, background Robin/Chrissy, open ending (but maybe dreams do come true sometimes) | also on ao3
It's disturbing and lewd and too much. Definitely not meant for the average user's eye, and yet-
Steve is hooked, can't bring himself to scroll on.
The guy on his screen is bare chested, showing off his toned upper body – tattoos, chest hair, pierced nipples and all. Swaying lasciviously to the rhythmic guitar sound in shiny black leather pants that sit obscenely tight around his thighs and ass, drawing Steve's attention to the very obvious bulge in his middle, grinding against the mic stand like he’s trying to get off on it.
Steve has no idea what the song even is about; he can't focus on the music, not when the man's pushing his lips so close to the microphone, it's hard not to imagine it being something else.
"Since when do you listen to metal?"
He nearly drops his phone in shock; he hadn't even noticed Robin entering the room, who suddenly pops her head over his shoulder to get a good look at the sinful display of-
"That's Eddie Munson! I didn't know you- Oh, I see!"
Robin swats his arms and cackles, "You slut."
"What?!" Steve winces, all high-pitched and embarrassed, feeling caught.
"I mean. He's hot, I guess? Just didn't know that's your type."
With half an eye back on the screen, Steve lets her words sink in as he watches the man strut across the stage, dropping to his knees in front of his band mate, ringed fingers gliding seductively along the guy's leg, throwing his long hair around, arching his back, pretending to hump the guitarist's boot.
It's inappropriate and vulgar and-
So fucking hot.
"I didn't even know I have a type."
He didn't mean to say it out loud, to confess that she's right, but at least Robin doesn't laugh at him, just smiles and looks almost proud when she says, "Well. We better find you a Rock star, then."
Two weeks go by and Steve almost forgets about the whole thing.
Almost.
Because unfortunately for him, Corroded Coffin – Eddie Munson's band – are suddenly everywhere. His feed is full of live videos and interviews and gossip blog articles, and every time the lead singer pops up, Steve feels like a giddy fangirl, uh, -boy, flushed in the cheeks and hot under the collar, ready to sell his soul for 'just one chance' with a guy that doesn't even know he exists.
It's stupid, obviously, but it's kind of intriguing to imagine what it would be like if they'd ever come eye to eye.
He'd probably faint and die if it ever happened in real life. He'd absolutely embarrass himself, maybe stutter a few incoherent words before blacking out, but-
But a man can dream, right?
And dream he does.
About Eddie finding him in a crowd of thousands. Their eyes meet and it's like everything around them dissolves into background noise and blurred colours. Eddie puts on a show, just for him, teasing him with seductive movements, dipping low, crawling to the edge of the stage where Steve stands and holds his gaze, watching him lick his lips like he can't wait to get a taste of him.
And then Steve would be called backstage, because of course he's that lucky. And Eddie is already waiting for him, still sweaty and a little breathless from performing. It shouldn't turn Steve on as much as it does but it does. Sends a cold shiver down his spine when Eddie takes him by the hand and pulls him closer, hot breath tickling his ear when he whispers, "I gave you a show; think it’s your turn to give me one now.”
Dream-Steve would not lose his mind, would be all smooth and flirtatious. Would look up at him innocently while dragging a finger across his naked skin, sternum to waistband, testing, teasing, offering. And Eddie couldn’t help himself, would push him against the nearest wall, kiss him dirty and wet, and maybe suck on his tongue while he’s grinding against him like he did with the mic stand.
Would pin his arms above his head and bite into his neck, mark him up and make him squirm in his hold when he pushes his thigh between Steve's legs, offering friction that isn't enough, playing with him until he's a whiny mess, begging to be-
"Steve? You there?"
Shitfuckingdamnit!
Robin really needs to work on her timing.
"Kitchen!" Steve calls back and shakes himself out of the daydream, willing his heart to slow its overexcited beat.
"Close your eyes," she says when she enters, "Got a surprise for you."
When he opens them again, he finds two tickets lying on the table in front of him.
"What-?"
"Corroded Coffin. Show's been sold out for months but lucky for you, Chrissy works for their label and called in a favour. Gonna get you your Rock star."
Steve laughs awkwardly, says, "Yeah, right. Thanks, babe, but I don’t think that's how this works. He'd have to notice me first and that's definitely not gonna happen."
Not in reality, only in his dreams.
"But you don't even know the best part yet," Robin says and smirks. "Chrissy also got us on the guest list for the after party."
The show was even hotter live than any video Steve had seen. And now they're actually standing in a club, VIPs and guests only, only a few feet away from the band.
"Come on, I'll introduce you," Chrissy says and winks at Robin before dragging Steve across the room under very little, very weak protest.
There he is, Eddie Munson in the flesh. Looking up at them when Chrissy confidently taps him on the shoulder.
"Eddie. This is Steve."
It feels almost as if this isn't the first time she's mentioned his name to him because Eddie doesn't seem confused. Checks him out head to toe with hungry eyes. Bites his bottom lip before he turns to Chrissy and says, "You were right. He's just my type."
for one of their anniversaries shane gives ilya a receipt for two burial plots side by side and he tells ilya that not even death could separate them or something along those lines
everyone who hears this is like wtf shane that’s so morbid and creepy
meanwhile ilya is clutching the paper to his chest sobbing because he feels so loved and revered by shane in that moment that he tells him they might have to use his gift earlier than expected if he keeps pulling on his heart like that
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