~DREAM~

I Like writing about my fantasies

[fanficpoet]

Masterlist

Started: 08/20/22

Last updated: 08/28/22

Writing fun moments <3

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3/4

Day 5

[fanficpoet]

Bonus Content(more can be found on the Ao3)

Chapter 2 bonus content

Ralia getting the flu before a recital Age 16

My mother made me practice my violin for 3 hours daily which isn’t horrible, but it gets worst around competition time. Those 3 hours become 6 hours very quickly. If it wasn’t for my little cousins coming to stay at the house for a while. I believe I would’ve won. Unfortunately, when I was babysitting them one of them got unreasonably sick with a fever. Now, like dominos the whole house found themselves to be bedridden. I was left to take care of everyone. It wasn’t a horrible experience except now that my mom was home. She made sure every free second was spent playing my violin.

I wouldn’t even be playing this instrument if it wasn’t for some music instructor telling my mom that I was a natural, “I was meant to play the violin”. Now, that might be true but my mom is fucking crazy. She heard that and planned to put me in every competition she could get my nine-year-old self into. Fast forward seven years later with a plethora of medals. As I was babysitting my little cousin Aurora, who is five, and my cousin Jamenson, who is three. The coughing of the whole family ended up getting me sick with being overworked on top of that something was bound to happen.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a dry mouth and with a headache that felt as though I was on fire. I get myself to make it to the bathroom to turn on a cold bath. It was the day of the competition, I had to be perfect if I didn’t make myself magically better my mother wouldn’t talk to me or help me with my dad. I took every medicine trying to make the urge to throw up disappear.

Sitting in the cold bath I had fallen asleep. I woke up groggy to the sound of my mother screaming and calling the ambulance. The first time I’d ever seen her worry. I just played along with it. “She’s trying to kill herself damn it! Again!”

When the gurney picked me up from the floor I started saying I’m sick, not suicidal. I arrived at the hospital telling the doctor I was sick because everyone else was in the house. I threw up a few times non-stop, and I was diagnosed with the flu. My mother still didn’t talk to me for a week but I was glad I didn't go to the music competition. I was also allowed never to play the violin again and took it.

[fanficpoet]

Feeling Sad

Today, I don’t feel so excited to do anything and I feel like I’m wasting my youth staying inside. I have this fear of life. I’m afraid to get hurt or be embarrassed. I’m afraid to try new things and get out of my shell. I'm so scared. I’ve never felt more like an NPC then I do right now. I wish one of these main character in life would come adopt me or a side character to be my friend. Being a background character in everyone’s interesting lives is so lonely. And I have no one to blame but myself.

[gyvswhore]

a cry for help {tw: venting}

yall... i am not doing well at all. you probably saw me mention it before, but i just recently moved states (in june). i moved with my family (mom, 2 sisters, & brother) plus my moms friend who came to stay with us like last week. we moved with zero assurance of jobs or a place to stay and have been struggling since we got here. we have no home, we've been living out of airbnbs for the last 3 months. we had a car but it got totaled in an accident that wasn't our fault. my older sister is working, my mom and i just got jobs like last week, my little brother has a job, but none of those are nearly enough. we have 5 pets that we also brought with us that are suffering too because we have Literally Nothing but the things we had before we moved (which rly isnt much). we don't even have all our things with us. the rest of our belongings are in a storage 45 minutes away from where we're staying. a storage we can't even pay to keep right now. we have no money to be able to pay to stay in the airbnb we're currently in. we have no family, no friends, no car, no home, no money, nothing. nothing here to help us. we're stuck and have no idea what to do. in a completely different state with no one around but ourselves to support us, its fucking hard. its so fucking hard and i know i dont really have much of a following but i really need help. i feel like absolute shit because i have nothing to contribute to our situation. we're in georgia. i need resources, advice, anything. i really wouldn't post something like this if it wasn't serious. i need some way to help or some way to get some money Fast. we have until the 1st of september (next wednesday) to figure this out. anything helps really. even if its a word of encouragement. i dont even want to ask for money, i just need some help guys seriously. even if you can't contribute, spreading this around would be so so so helpful. i love you all very much and i am terribly sorry for this. im like barely on here i dont even feel like i should be doing this but i really dont know what else to do.

[fanficpoet]

Day 2:Things that make me happy.

I can list things that make me happy.

1.Music 

2. when my mom gets me fast food that I like.

3. Video games

4.writing

5.When I get to be alone for an extended amount of time so I can breathe. 

6. finding people that give me dopamine and oxytocin

7. completing something

8. gardening

9.spending money 

10. butterflies

11. Cool weather

12. Cats

13. My birds

14. Cleaning my room and I get fresh bedsheets

15. When I receive a hug from someone

16. Writing a sentence that doesn’t need editing.

17. Impressing myself with my own jokes

18. Dancing in my room

19. Drink with friends while playing board games/video games

20. The feeling of being in the shower

21. Taking care of myself

22. Certain smells that are hard to explain. Like a cool spring day or the smell of an empty kindergarten classroom. 

23. When my clothes don’t feel like clothes or when my food doesn’t taste like food. 

24. Getting places on time

25. My family when we don’t talk about religion or politics or when they aren’t racist

26.Being outside when It’s nice

[fanficpoet]

DAY 1: Writing Challenge

My personality:

I’m an ambivert. I can make friends and socialize, but I prefer to be alone. I have bad mood swings where I can be happy one second and Angry the next. It’s usually cause by small inconveniences. They upset me greatly. I have many ideas and goals but struggle to complete any of them and become more depressed then usual when I don’t complete my goals. I tend to be hypersexual and struggle to decipher if someone care about me or not. I don’t cry only in movies with strong family bonds like Incredibles 2 or the Croods.   I’m super sensitive to my surroundings and become overstimulated by lights. Music is usually my form of communication. It’s easy to get along with me but my personality is loud and sexual so being friends with me is difficult. I’m not very empathic nor am I happy. Sometimes I can’t help myself and trauma dump on people just because. My personality hasn’t grown much since my early teen years thanks to my age regression. I cling to childish things hoping for the time to come back but it never does. 

[fanficpoet]

Give me your Worst(bonus content)

credit from Pinterest  @tipsyllama

BONUS CONTENT 

9th grade- 16 years old 

 “Do I look high?” I asked when I got a text from my mom saying dads coming home earlier than usual. It was uncommon and I was panicking. I started packing my stuff in a hurry trying to figure out how to get home quickly.

“Ralia dude chill the fuck out I will get you home faster then you can speak spanish.” 

 There are two things in this world i currently have a detest right now, my father and Mari telling me to chill the fuck out. I was petrified of the words coming out of her mouth. 

 Swinging a keyring around her finger and laughing, “trust me princess we will be getting you there on time.” 

 Pull the trigger on me right now. Shoot me. 

 Marilynn got her license the minute she turned sixteen. It was the one thing her brother Kyle promised to get her. I love her but she is a shit driver. It really was the one thing that I would rather be shot over than get into a car with her. 

 I was about to state how terrible of an idea it would be for me but before I could, however,  I was being pushed into a car. 

The cluck and shake of her car would be a dead give away to not get into said car. 

 Marilynn sang the whole way home to “another one bites the dust” . I love her but she has the music taste of a deadbeat father. She also doesn’t have such a sublime singing voice. 

 As we got closer to my gated neighborhood I told her to pull over so I wasn’t seen with her. I hated having to hide my friendship with her because she wasn't like one of us driving a nice car or had rich parents to buy her the nicest clothes. It was a secretive lifestyle I was born to live. 

I grabbed my perfume and quickly changed clothes in the backseat of the car so I didn't smell like weed. I started doing this because the people my mom paid for our laundry mentioned the smell. So, I had to start keeping a set of weed smoking clothes just for days like this. I would throw away those clothes everyday. This was my addiction at its highest point. I would hide and run away just to live with these secrets hoping they die with me. 

  I walked the rest of the way home. I took out a textbook from my backpack and every so often I would pretend to read it. It always felt like the eyes of my neighbors were constantly looking at me. For us being so rich they lived such boring lives. Drama was the only thing that fueled their lifestyle

 As I was walking I bumped into someone “watch where you are going, bitch.” I immediately took off running. No real reason I was paranoid. When I got home I saw my dad's car in the driveway. 

 “Okay, honey I get it. I will handle the bills this month, don't worry about it. I have everything under control.” calmly trying to handle my drunken father. 

 I slowly opened the door making sure I wouldn’t get unwanted attention but life is unfair and I must suffer the consequences for choosing to not be perfect. 

 “Why are you home so late huh? Who do you think pays the bills for you to eat, sleep, and breathe? I work hard and you aren’t even home before I am?”  he slurs angrily, tipping over to the right while standing. 

 “I was studying after school with some friends from the neighborhood. I walked home for some exercise.” I say calmly hoping this thing doesn’t pick up on my lies. 

 Before he could try and traumatize me some more the phone rings and that becomes my queue to leave the scene before I get booed offstage. 

  On days like this, I like to study or work on my many skills I need to learn. Anger fuels my passion for my future to escape. I used to be in karate until my mother took me out to be more lady-like. So now I currently draw and take my art on display in my closet for only my eyes to see. 

After hearing what sounds like a riveting conversation I hear the front door close and my mothers silent tears. I would’ve felt bad if this wasn’t so normalized. I wonder if her past self made her have this intense pain in this life. 

 ~”We are living for love”~ Dancing in the rain plays while the rain outside calms me from the rise of anxiety I feel sitting in my room. My normalized life of loneliness and acceptance that I will never be good enough. That nothing will stop my never-ending loud silence.

[fanficpoet]

HI

I just wanted to say Hi. I’m a wannabe fanfic writer. I like taking people I over idolize and make a story out of it. I take all my problems and make my characters live through harder things to make me feel better <3. 

Happy Reading <3