Is that comedy I smell?

New adult trying to get through life - work sucks, short on money, there is no current "but" in my circumstance. Working on it.

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20/12/21

Now convinced that my Boss must hate me for something. I come in to a “Glad you’re here. I’ve got a new toy for you”. Yay. Colour me stoked. I’m so excited. So I finish up the work I’ve been doing for the past two hours and set myself up for disappointment and low and behold - it’s a carpet cleaner. An industrial one at that. Ugly blue colour.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good gadget at the best of times, but this thing is a real challenging piece of work. Not only is it heavy as fuck, but it has so many silly little parts that you clip on, take off, secure together, or remove. Frankly, I’d love to tell him to shove it up his ass.

Anyway, I carried this abomination, which could have very possibly weighed more than my entire being, up several flights of stairs and I cleaned the dusty, musty carpets for hours on end (6, to be exact), slowly but surely. My Boss saw it fit to continuously remind me throughout the whole process that it should not be used as per a normal vacuum, despite it sucking the life out of the floor (as well as me), like a normal vacuum would. All the while, I wore earplugs that I found behind the bar. Why? Because this monstrous machine rattled my eardrums like a washing machine on the highest setting. I have no idea how every customer that ran past me to the bathroom didn’t either: 1, kill themselves, or 2, ring my neck and hang me up like a Christmas duck. ‘Tis indeed the season.

In fact, I only got encouraging remarks. It were as if they could see the pain and suffering within my eyes.

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22/11/21

Had a nice lay-in today. Got up around 10am and from then continued to hang up Christmas lights in the bitter, crisp air in my pyjamas. Fucking freezing. Not only was it an awkward climb, but my hands cramped up half-way through, the ladder was practically walking itself along the wonky pavement (taking me with it), and due to putting up what was thought to be the wrong lights the first time, I ended up taking them down, and then putting the same exact ones back up again, which were correct from the get-go. Still, it was worth it. Looks beautiful in the dark. Nice to see the resulting masterpiece from my blood, sweat and tears. I even had a cheeky vacuum of my room before getting back into the warmth of my duvet and starting a movie.

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21/11/21

Woke up late this morning - 45 minutes late, to be exact (completely down to my own negligence of my own wellbeing and/or basic capabilities). Very silly of me, I admit, but I made it to work on time and that’s what matters. I was met with not just a lovely pile of vomit, but one that had been travelled up the stairs - whoever was having a bad night decided to do so whilst walking constantly. That part is quite amusing, actually. Especially considering that cleaning it up was not my responsibility. Now that I’ve finally reached the end of my week, here is a semi-detailed summary:

Piles of vomit encountered? 3. More than I would have liked to admit.

Money? I still have some savings, but I’m down more than I want to be.

Food? I’ve had nothing but delicious food all week. Today, I even had an amazing stew. Banging end to a cold, winter day.

Mental stability? ....Just kidding. Next question.

Number of laughs? Many, as always. One that was quite memorable was overhearing a customer, who bravely tried to order two shots at 8am, tell his friend that he pulled his hungover-self together this morning...with frayed strings. Can’t say hair of the dog is the best remedy for inebriation, but you do you, Sir, I suppose.

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20/11/21

Got to work on time today - early, in fact. Brilliant. But a monstrous pile of vomit awaited I on the carpet, and only the bravest knight (me, of course), and her trusty steed (aka, the company vacuum) could ever possibly tackle it and terminate it for good. Job well done, I’d say. The heap is no more, but I can’t say the same for the flagrant stain it left behind. I’d almost have the courage to compare it to a ‘Hiroshima Shadow of Death’, but it would be most inappropriate. Oh well - the truth hurts a-many.

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19/11/21

Am ecstatic today. Bank account experienced a positive change - for the better, I must say - and I went home without having to ache and break myself with overtime. I suppose I should be thankful that I cleverly thought to do it yesterday. Well done, me. Have been sleeping the day away, all whilst dreading having to break the delicate cycle to both decide AND cook something up for dinner. Shame - I probably won’t get any breaks like this at all once I move out. Still, cheaper rent = happier me. ‘Tis not all distressing.

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18/11/21 (2)

Surprise, surprise. Vomit, there was indeed. Must have saved a nation in my past life, because my colleague seemed eager to switch. Result! Ended up doing easy odd-jobs all morning. Even squeezed in some overtime. Goodbye vomit, hello payday. 

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18/11/21

Am up at 3:50am today. What an obnoxious time. To think that it takes me this long to get ready for 6am work in the morning. Might have to start re-thinking my life choices. What else am I doing that is ridiculous, exempting the fact that I am likely going to go in and vacuum vomit off the carpet later?