Fearless Femme

// Open for submissions // Promoting the empowerment of young women & NBs with mental health issues through writing and art.

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Renovation

I spent my teenage years living out that dream in which you are behind the wheel of a car you have forgotten how to drive, and it’s rolling steadily towards an impact that you can’t avoid.

Bulimia had cut the strings that held my identity to my body. I would look at photos of myself, and wonder who that was wearing my clothes, hugging my friends, living me without me. I felt growingly distant from my own reflection, in a way I find difficult to describe. My eating disorder was a desperate attempt to regain control of a body that I had forgotten how to inhabit. I ached for control. My “real body” I thought, was hidden from sight within this soft and weak girl’s form that I had not asked for.

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Internal Truths - Art Series

I remember my friend coming up to our group at school and telling us she thought she had an eating disorder. Everybody said she couldn’t have because she’s a healthy weight and she still eats lunch all the time.

What they didn’t understand was eating disorders aren’t about how you look; they’re about how you think.

It’s the mentality of food destroying you, that’s what all eating disorders have in common.  

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Beach Ready

I stand here, dripping wet, trying to come to terms with myself, with this shell that doesn’t seem to fit. My reflection distorts daily, changing like the tide – drifting in and out of hatred. Is this mermaid hair or seaweed clumps?

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Strong and Feminine?

When I was growing up I didn’t see my extended family much until my late teens, it was only a few years ago that they paid me a… backwards compliment. I’m sure it was well intentioned but I found it a little odd. They said that once they got to know me, they were surprised how strong and intelligent I was, that they’d thought I was just a “weak little fairy girl”.

I am quite “feminine”. I like flowers, my voice is very soft and girlish, I like to wear dresses, I did years of ballet and jazz dance classes, I’m a listener first and a talker second, I like pretty things, I can sometimes be reserved and quiet, I like to bake, I can be diplomatic, I giggle a lot, I cross my legs when I sit down, I like to do crafts. I am quite “girly”.  These are things I never used to dislike about myself, in fact I enjoyed being “girly”, I felt at home in my skin and the way I walked through the world. Until, that is, I started to approach my early twenties and I realised people didn’t really take me very seriously. I was still being treated like a child, even by my peers.

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Cycle Charting: The Hidden Potential of Your Menstrual Cycle

I’ve recently discovered moon cycle charting and I am fascinated and excited about its potential for connecting body and mind.  Essentially, cycle charting is about tracking your emotions, body and needs throughout the month and relating that back to your hormonal cycle.

After less than two months of charting I have found this process empowering and interesting, as well as already helping to relieve some of the painful physical symptoms I get on my period.

Although I heard of charting a while ago I didn’t really know where to start or how to go about it. Enter Kate Cohen! Kate is a friend and I attended a free talk she gave about moon cycle charting, which was incredibly inspiring and informative. So I decided to put this article together, ask Kate some questions, and hopefully spread the powerful knowledge about cycle charting as far and wide as possible. In our interview we cover the science behind charting, how to get started and the potential impact and benefits it can have.

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A Manifesto for Nakedness

I am a strong believer in being naked. Naked swimming; naked dancing-around-your-house; hell, cook your dinner naked; take nudes (even just for yourself and your self-confidence).

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Art credit: Lauren Drinkwater. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT CREDIT :)

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Beautiful spoken word poem

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Body Paint | Ely Percy

You’ve never liked ink on skin.

Not Mark Owen’s dolphin tattoo, or the watery blue tributes that girls your age acquired on a whim back when you were copycat teens; not the black Celtic arm braids or the prickly tribal designs sported by pseudo-celebs; not phone numbers or forget-me-nots scrawled lackadaisically on the backs of grubby hands.

So why do you want to be her human canvas?  Why do you crave the softness of the Artist’s brush against your flesh?

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Sweat the Small Stuff

Should is a dangerous word: a word simultaneously indicating potential and obligation.

In 2015, at aged thirty, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, a form of blood cancer.  As a dancer and theatre maker who unashamedly loves and obsesses over her work my life was dominated by the never-ending list of things I should and wanted to be doing.  

Cancer threw my entire identity into confusion.  As I suddenly was unable to work, the to-do list had been ripped up right in front of me.  Yet, I did not have the time to be phased: I had a more urgent project to manage and this one could not wait.

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Shadow Dancing

Night time whispers darkness into the room.

She lies in bed staring at the ceiling,

shadow figures dance across it

music starts to play an unnerving tune

buried memories take their place

bursting cruelly into the centre

and acting out to the beat of the snare

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The Problem with Things

Award Winning Blogger and writer Claire Heuchan describes the work of clearing space – at home and in her head – to create a calm in creativity that consumerism never could.  

Admitting there’s a problem is not always the easiest thing to do, because then you are faced with two options that are usually less than appealing. The first option is to take action and confront the issue head on, working towards change. This can be a demanding and lengthy process, depending on the problem’s nature. The second option is to do nothing and live with the dissatisfaction brought about by the problem, a pervasive sense of unhappiness likely to grow as the problem does. If, like me, you have ignored a problem, you will perhaps have wondered now and then if you aren’t being a bit of a coward. Unhappiness and doubt aren’t always enough to make a person deal with a problem, especially if it exists as part of a cycle they don’t know how to break. But sometimes the balance tips, something vital shifts within us, and change feels possible in a way that it did not before.

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The Gay Equation

Something had been gnawing at me for some time. It was the reason I forgave my supposed best friend Chloe for all the mean things she did to me; it was the reason I hung about after hockey practice to help Miss Jackson clear away the equipment; it was the reason my walls were plastered in Little Mix posters while my friends obsessed over One Direction; it was the reason I went out with Plukey Peter even though he made me squirm.

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Happiness

ombre shades of the spring trees. movement of the dense clouded sky. silent buzzing of the determined bees. kindred birds on a journey as they fly. sweet rush of the midmorning breeze. nursing warmth of the morning sunrise. violent crashing of the waves at sea. dance of the saplings as they arise.

Happiness.

It’s all you.

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Would I Date Me? Probably Not (Yet)

I was recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and now I’ve realised I don’t really know how to navigate interpersonal relationships.

I try to talk to friends and family about my emotional struggles, but some of the things I’ve been through – being sexually assaulted, hospitalisations – can be hard for people to hear. I’ve learnt that if I’m having a panic attack it’s better for me not to call someone, because very few people can actually handle being around me when I’m extremely ill. I threaten self-harm and suicide, don’t bandage the wounds I make on my skin, talk as if I’m the only person to ever experience suffering. Afterwards, I feel awful for my behaviour and for putting my friends, family, or partners through what must be a very scary experience for them. The main thing I’m trying to work on at the moment is taking responsibility for my actions and behaviour and trying to be a nicer person to be around.

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Soon

So scared, so excited But mostly nervous In principle it is always difficult, but also doable In practice, it feels impossible or at least dreadful Imagination leaves room for wonders and nightmares Yet it’s eating away at me, so I must confront it Do what I have pictured for some time now My heart beating, my stomach dropping Every time I think of this very fast approaching situation How will I say it?

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Coming Out and Care

All LGBTQ+ people are, of course, very different and so there are many multifaceted reasons why mental illnesses may come into our lives – just like the many reasons it may come into the lives of heterosexual people. There are, however, unique challenges and pressures (such as stigma and prejudice around sexuality and gender) that LGBTQ+ people face – these may trigger, exacerbate or even cause emotional or mental distress.

It can often also mean that LGBTQ+ people find it extra difficult to see a support system for themselves and don’t seek or find the help they need. These pressures are further advanced if an LGBTQ+ person has to deal with additional racial or ablest environments, which many unfortunately do.

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