Mama Kelzebub

I'm a middle aged weirdo, here's some stuff I like

[claire-farmer]

[depsidase]

[kelzebub]

I'm a US veteran (served as a medical person) and this is correct. We died for oil and political ambition, at best. Hate and bigotry and greed, at worst.

[tarragonthedragon]

i just got the "see where your blood has gone!" email from giving blood but it glitched and just showed me my current location. which. theyre not wrong. that is where most of my blood is

[goldenaltar]

concept: no astrophage au where eridians and humans still make first contact but like, properly. a whole diplomatic mission meeting in the middle of space to save travel time. stratt is humanity's greatest representation. the eridian equivalent is equally as scary and secretly soft. it's all very star trek.

but rocky and grace put the whole diplomacy thing in jeopardy by being too best buddy with it. like they're both really low level members of the mission. some engineer necessary for ship maintenance, and an obligatory molecular biologist they brought along in case they found more alien cells out in space. and these two guys like, somehow keep ending up hanging out essentially "at the back of the classroom." consistently left out of the actually important negotiations, and well, they're bored!

grace steals some laptops and starts jury-rigging his own personal translator for rocky, despite the fact that the official translation software is way quicker to learn and much more nuanced. rocky starts learning english, simplifies his eridian, and immediately starts mocking grace for needing the software. they start blabbing to each other about all the weird quirks of their respective cultures and advanced science their planets can do. the whole time they are ribbing each other about culture stuff. grace eats in front of rocky. rocky forces grace to sleep in a corridor somewhere so he can keep watch.

then stratt and the eridian leader find out and it's like

stratt: you. you've been meeting in private with a member of the eridian deligation?

grace: ... yyyes.

stratt: and you shared with them classified scientific documents?

grace: i... maybe gave him. a laptop. he's so smart! what was i supposed to do?

stratt: HIM? you've assigned male pronouns to a genderless species?

grace: he said he likes to match!

stratt: do you even know the name of this eridian?!

grace: i call him rocky :)

stratt: 😰

then on rocky's side of things it's like

eridian leader: sorry did you say you called the human after one of its digestive noises?

rocky: yeah :)

eridian leader: and. you've been telling it about how to make xenonite. one of our most vital trading resources.

rocky: yes yes, grace is very ignorant about basic chemistry 🙄

eridian leader: right. and you watch it sleep. despite the fact that all the human beings we have spoken to have described this as a cultural violation?

rocky: well he didn't like it at first but he came around!!

anyway both sides of the delegation are sweating profusely (metaphorically speaking) until they see rocky and grace in action and are like ohh! they're both freaks. we are not to blame for this. these two are just really bad at navigating cultural norms.

cut to grace curled up with rocky while he sleeps like a baby.

[corneliaavenue-ao3]

Reblog to give prev the power to write their fanfiction

[gnar-slabdash]

Reblog to give prev the TIME to write their fanfiction

[cutebutalsostabby]

Reblog to give prev the hocus focus to write their fanfiction.

[septic-dr-schneep]

Reblog to give prev the energy to write their fanfiction

[imsopopfly]

Reblog to give prev the executive function to write their fanfiction

[l0stvegas]

Some time ago (I think in 2021) I had to go see a neurologist over really scary symptoms that resembled seizures. I was a nervous wreck about what I was feeling and had barely slept all week, which seemed to be apparent to the doc’s assistant when I sat down in the exam room for questioning or whatever. Dude was pretty young and soft spoken, around my age. He was laser focused doing something on one of those tablet-laptop Surface things as I spoke, presumably writing down my symptoms.

Midway through talking about my symptoms my voice audibly started shaking as I was describing them, clearly upset.

In the middle of my monologue he turns the tablet to face me, closes whatever program he has open and the wallpaper is this fucking collage of pictures of lord farquaad from shrek, lovingly decorated. Dude just sat there placidly smiling at me until I noticed and stopped dead in the middle of a sentence. We sat there in silence like this for like a solid minute before I started wheezing laughing. Before I could even say anything else or process it he picked up the tablet and wordlessly left the room, and I just sat there dumbfounded until the doctor showed up. 10/10 doctor experience tbh

I didn’t own a cell phone at the time to get a photo so this rendition from memory is all I can provide you

[snow-nose]

ID: a digital drawing of a man in scrubs sitting on a wheeled stool, serenely smiling with his elbow on a rolling cart, where a tablet is flipped open to show an approximation of the Lord Farquaad screensaver. end ID

[enigma-absolute]

[l0stvegas]

Reblogging this bc it’s making rounds again

[not-your-average-url]

I miss when ads were a single click and then they’re gone. Now every ad has a minimum of three phases where you watch a video, exit the still frame of fake gameplay, and then exit the app download. That doesn’t even touch on the ones that forcibly take you to another app after opening a tab in safari without you ever touching the screen.

I hate advertising. I hate that you can’t do anything without companies jumping down your throat with mostly bullshit ads. I hate that billboards exist. I hate that every company unanimously decided to make their ads longer and longer. I hate that ad blockers try to charge you money and there are in app purchases to remove ads. I hate that my attention has become commodified. I hate that there’s nothing I can do about it.

[sanguine-humor]

phm is decently popular in japan and i mostly see this when i check twitter and see accounts posting pictures of handmade rocky plushies that are so fucking round looking it brings a tear to my eye

[sanguine-humor]

he keeps me sane

[depsidase]

[depsidase]

[hagiomoto]

https://www.reuters.com/legal/litigation/muslim-man-stabbed-multiple-times-utah-over-his-religion-police-say-2026-07-15/

[hotvampireadjacent]

I had to do a little digging for this. The article leaves the victims name out but mentions a go fund me.

I was able to find an article mentioning his name that directly linked to his gofundme https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/crime/larsen-sohail-muslim-utah-stabbing-b3015105.html his name is Sohail if you have any money to help his recovery

https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-sohails-recovery-after-hate-crime-attack please keep him in your thoughts and donate if you are able

Donate to Support Sohail’s Recovery After Hate Crime Attack, organized by Luna Nunez

Sohail is a devoted husband and father who has always worked hard to supp… Luna Nunez needs your support for Support Sohail’s Recovery After

[depsidase]

[valtsv]

really love a corruption arc where the character is trying way too hard to make it work but they're in over their head and it's uncomfortable and embarrassing and they're swallowing their own puke every time they do something awful and damp with sweat and trembling but insistent that they can do this, they want it, they're not a child, but it's like they're playing dressup in clothes that are too big for them and trying to convince their own reflection in the mirror that they fit and it's just no fun to watch at all

[valtsv]

+ then they find inside them a capacity for cruelty far more upsettingly vicious than anyone could have imagined and decide that because they enjoy how unafraid it makes them feel for the first time in as long as they can remember it must have been their true nature all along instead of something that had to be starved in the dark until it grew desperate enough to claw its way out 🙂‍↕️

[abigailspinach]

[dduane]

(dry look) Nobody gets to tell me when to cringe. I reserve such assessments to those who have sufficient experience to correctly judge what’s cringeworthy.

[yehudah]

trans bears are literally stronger than any US marine

[they-were-a-skater-gay]

How on earth would they be able to tell that a bear is trans. I’m not saying they can’t be but how would they communicate that.

[yehudah]

:/

[schizm-deactivated]

this is so fucking funny

[specialstarfish]

update:

[fortooate]

we the jury find the defendant not guilty your honor

[the-dao-of-the-zerg]

[ineedatumblrforthisshit]

In like 1998 my very femme lesbian friend went to Pride in London and was all excited at the “teddy bears picnic” happening in one of the city parks. She took along a picnic hamper and her cuddly teddy bear. Needless to say, the large hairy gay men all thought she was adorable and she had a great time

[kelzebub]

My son wants this thing to reach someone in Wales so against my better judgement I'm sharing it here. If you are in Wales please reblog with tags to that effect. And then treat yourself to some flan if you like.

Pass the flan

Pasiwch y fflan --->🍮

If you pass on the flan, the flan may take one more step to reaching it's final goal, which is Wales.

If you are sent this flan and you are in Wales pass along 🍮🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 to the person who sent you the flan and have them pass it back and so on. Os anfonir y fflan hwn atoch yng Nghymru, rhannwch y neges 🍮🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿I I'r person a anfonodd hwn atoch a gofynnwch iddyn nhw wneud hyn hefyd nes iddo gyrraedd Fi

(If you can, pass the flan to multiple people to increase the odds of reaching Wales.)

[kelzebub]

Just a silly thing that made me happy. I had a cocktail last night called a Sanctuary Moon at the Stormcrow Manor, a geek theme restaurant in Toronto. They have a menu you roll a d20 to order from (optional), cocktails and mocktails, omnivore and gluten free and vegan options, they're queer-friendly, and the food is good, too.