I Feel It Alone

[feelitalone]

Hey, I like you. You don’t know me and I don’t know your name until recently but I like you.

[feelitalone]

It’s painful to read my old posts

Ya I thought, why did I write those anyway? But I decided to keep everything real, let cringe posts be cringe posts. This blog is meant to not be discovered anyway. So if you found this blog, congratulation!

Btw, let’s start a new chapter: new crushes, new sadness, new excitement, new cringe posts, new depressions, new love, new hate, new everything. 

AND NEW ME AS WELL! 

Just when you start to think, you such a childish boy. Come on, guys have feeling as well. This thing help me to reflect and that is good for my development. The journal of what I have been through, although it’s mostly stupid things. I don’t care. Also, sometimes I just wanna write something that not require research. This blog is perfect to fulfill my desire to write.

Anyway, what I write might be boring, and you are welcome to leave this blog if you don’t like.

[feelitalone]

Aaand I decided to know her better. Aaand I think I don't have a chance.

[feelitalone]

I don't know why but everytime she said she just went with some guys, or especially with a guy, I fill a huge wash of some kind of jealousy. I mean, she's just my best friend...

[feelitalone]

I don't feel cold, mom. The only thing that might be cold is my heart. It's freezing.

[feelitalone]

I wish you're happy...

[feelitalone]

I don't want to eat, I want you

[feelitalone]

Me and Her

I DON’T KNOW WHO TO TELL ANYMORE!

Since this is my sad blog, I think it’s okay to share my current life a little bit here. I guess I won’t spread this blog to my friends, especially to her.

I’ve been friend with this girl for more than 1 year now. She’s my closest friend, my best friend, I’m sure about that. I’m also sure that she thinks of me the same way. All this time, I never felt anything about her.

Until now.

I can’t help it. The condition is: I’m failed in love multiple times and I’m so desperate in love. None of my crush even cares about me. She, in the other hand, is the only person who care about me. It’s not because it’s just me, we shared secrets, story, give advice to each other, and even one day she cry just to me. I believe that she trust me, it’s not a high expectation but after all, that’s just because I’m her best friend.

As time going, our relation is getting intimate but still in friend zone. But sometimes, in my loneliest time, and she suddenly messages me, it’s kinda giving me a spark, because I thought no one cares about me anymore except her. As time going, the sparks are getting stronger until now. But I’m not fallen that deep, I try to control, because I don’t want to ruin this friendship. I have to.

But the fact is that the feeling keeps getting stronger. She also told me that she doesn’t want to fall in love with me, because now I’m far from her. I’m in Singapore for study, she’s in Indonesia, my country. She doesn’t want LDR. That forces me more to not to fall too deep.

I also understand that if we are in relationship with this condition, it won’t work well. I rarely come back home and when I do it’s only for at least 2 weeks (get only 2 weeks of term break). What will happen is we’re dating with gadget, and that won’t work. And problem will come and we will break up in a short time, plus our friendship will also destroyed.

What can I do is waiting for myself to graduate and come back. By the time, she would probably already taken. I can only hear about her falling in love, or close with another guy, or even committed a relationship with someone. It really breaks me up. I tried to find girls here, no one can suit me. I’m confused. But this is the best thing I can do, to conserve this bond for longer time.

But babe, as long as you happy being with someone else, I won’t mind, at least I try to not mind.

[feelitalone]

This is me. SNAPCHAT: nmimagine

[nmimagine]

Add me on SNAPCHAT: nmimagine

[feelitalone]

Branding this blog. It’s like a brand of a quote maker, an artistic quote maker. I call the logo HeartnBlade. with a period, because this blog sounds like its on period, although I’m male. I will soon create more artistic content on this blog so if you want to stay tuned, you know, you know what you want, you know what I want :).

[feelitalone]

This new girl finally got my heart and I don't know what to do

[feelitalone]

You can hurt my body as much as you want, but please don't ever hurt my heart. When you touch it, please don't use your nail and push hard, because there will be blood and it can't be fix, can't be cured, and it will kill me slowly

[feelitalone]

I’VE UPDATED THE LOGO!

Basically I just make it looks better. If you are curious, you can read on the paragraph below. You can scroll down if you want

This one is 5/8 compared to negative space. The previous one, which was 3/4 to negative, occupied too much space and it’s not good. I thought, let’s just make this right. It’s essential for a logo to have at least 50% space nearby, but to make it recognizable, especially on a very small sizes, I make it slightly bigger (it’s 5/8 rather than 4/8, which is half half, this one is slightly half half, perfect). You can try to resize it to very small, at least favicon size, you can at least see that the heart is broken (like mine currently :(). There I have satisfied your nerdiness. Now go get a person to love, or if you have have one, take care of them very well.

[feelitalone]

Filler

I am just a filler who always be with her Holding my hunger Her attention is my appetizer Wondering is she going to be served for me Suffered by severe hurt inside me

Blurred, my future is blurred Not my future’s future, my future with the girl Lured to her smile until I fall deeper to her voice Trying to leave her but the maze is getting crazier I’m amazed

I see her with the boy He does not like her, he is a friend My heart got played like a toy Not by him, but by my own hand Jealousy is not the policy But when I see them, my eyes rains I can only see them laugh Alone in the corner The feeling that I have crafted is going to be wasted but I am just a filler who be with them just to fill the room to make a little noise on the background to fill the empty slot underground so I can protect them from falling so they can step on me and run and laugh together

[feelitalone]

I want you to know it

I want you to know Although maybe there is no time for us to bleed the same light My smile will still bright Seeing your happy face while you hold tight Someone that you love hard

I want you to know That lately your smile is becoming more beautiful Like miracle, my heart starts vibrating I can’t control I want to hug you but I can’t I can only touch the monitor

I don’t really like you Or love you I just feel right when I see you Feel like time is slowing down My heart blooms The butterflies are flying like crazy on my stomach But I don’t like you

You told me about someone you like And I told you the same thing But I realized that those people never appreciate me like you do Though I give them everything But I gave you nothing than time and thoughts But you gave something Something different than what have given by those people who like me Something that keeps my heart screaming “I started to like you”

I don’t want to destroy our friendship I don’t want you to wait for me to go back I live here now, you live there I can only hear you fall in love I can only feel my heart falling down I can only search for someone just like you But you are someone just like you I’m screwed

I love you I will probably never tell you But I want you to know it

[feelitalone]

New Logo!

I’m a visual communication design student from Raffles Design Institute Singapore, so I should know how to design, though I’m only a term 2 student for now so it’s not that good. Frankly, it’s bad. I tried hard to make it balanced, but anyway because this blog should be a very sad blog, I should tell you that I don’t really have time to put more effort in this design. A lot of assignments to be done. I hope soon I can make more visually satisfying contents in this blog.