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Some people might notice that my profile no longer states I'm a Corporate Clash moderator. This is because, in a week as of writing this post, I will be resigning from my position as a Clash mod. This may be a shock to some people since I've been a mod since 2023, but this decision didn't come from nowhere.

I don't normally make personal posts about my life since I prefer to keep my privacy. Before this, the most personal thing I've talked about on social media is that I'm autistic.

However, I felt like I should make an exception here because this decision wasn't made lightly. I also feel like others who might be interested in staffing for really any IP might find value in this post as a cautionary tale. I actually wanted to make a public statement about my own story for a while {2 years!!!}, but I wasn't allowed to by leadership. Now that I'm quitting staff, I am free to share my story.

No, this post is not about leadership, though I'm well aware there is community sentiment against leadership right now. My thoughts about Clash leadership are admittedly not completely positive, but that's genuinely irrelevant to the contents of this post.

This post is VERY long.

Content warnings: PTSD, suicide, self harm, stalking, and other heavy subjects that are briefly mentioned. Please only read this if you are comfortable reading about these topics.

This all started in January of 2024. I did an OCLO that went... HORRIBLY wrong. Only 3 Toons survived until the end: myself, another Toon I will refer to as Fire {fake name}, and a 3rd Toon that I can't recall.

During the OCLO, Fire had been rather chatty. I chatted back with them, happy for some entertaining banter and at the possibility of making more friends. I was lonely and admittedly so depressed at this time of my life that I felt suicidal. So, when Fire kept talking to me even after the OCLO, I was more than happy to keep chatting. I thought it was interesting that we'd both coincidentally teleported to Mezzo Melodyland to grab gags after the fight, but I just shrugged it off.

Then... Fire suddenly asked me if I had a boyfriend. This was an IMMEDIATE red flag to me, and I {truthfully} told him that I was already taken. He seemed to get upset before asking me if my boyfriend REALLY made me happy, if he was nice to me, and other weird questions like that. I told him that, yeah, my boyfriend was a good guy and he genuinely made me happy. Fire got quiet for a bit before saying that was good and that he was "just making sure." Then, he casually moved on by inviting me to keep hanging out with him. I was still weirded out by his questions, but I was desperate for friends and connection, so I agreed and hung out more with him.

That was, to put it bluntly, the worst fucking mistake of my life.

I knew that Fire was a red flag. I knew he was creepy and weird, and I knew I didn't like him. But I kept hanging out with him and being his friend anyways. I was too desperate to have another friend, and I also felt like I would be rude as Clash staff to deny friendship to someone. So, me and Fire even started talking on Discord, and we grew "closer" together.

Around the end of March of 2024, the person I'd been dating broke up with me. I'm going to be completely honest when I say that we were both EXTREMELY goddamn petty about the breakup. I was especially immature about it.

What did I do about the breakup afterwards? Well, I of course acknowledged to all my friends that as a form of psychological self harm, I was venting to Fire about it! Fire's response was pretty much, "OMG he's so horrible and he didn't deserve you anyways, I'd treat you so much better than that!!!"

I didn't find this response comforting because I still loved my ex. We had literally broken up, like, hours ago. Despite this, I just kept bitching about my ex to Fire.

In April of 2024, only like a week or two after my ex left me, Fire started to "subtly" flirt with me. He made comments such as, "Yes Man said I could go on a date with you," and in front of several mutual friends said, "And then we went on a Toontown date! JK JK" after explaining to them how we'd met in the OCLO. These comments made me uncomfortable, and I initially tried my best to gently reject him by saying I still wasn't over my ex. I told myself that as long as I didn't date him, it was fine because I wasn't committed to him otherwise.

Fire didn't seem to get the hint and kept flirting with me. I knew it was going to continue, so I told him to come clean about his feelings because it was EXTREMELY obvious. He admitted to having a crush on me and then asked me if I liked him back.

I immediately froze.

What the hell was I supposed to say? If I was honest and said no, he might get mad and I'd lose the friendship. However, I didn't want to lie and say yes.

Eventually, I settled for not answering the question at all and instead responding with just, "A"

He took this as a sign that I liked him back and started celebrating.

My memory past this point starts to become extremely fragmented, and while I have made several personal documents in an attempt to tell my own story to myself, I always forget what exactly happened. I am averse to rereading my own documents as well.

However, I do remember the night when he officially asked me out.

I was sleeping in a different room of the house that night because someone else was sleeping in my own bedroom. At this point, I had moved into someone else's house due to being broke, so I didn't feel like I had the authority to refuse whatever the homeowner told me to do. I could've been told to eat dirt to keep my place in that house and I would've complied.

Anyways, I was texting Fire on my laptop on Discord. This laptop was like 5 years old and constantly overheats just from booting up even when it's thoroughly dismantled and cleaned out, so my texts were slow and limited compared to my desktop. I also felt disconnected from the world and like I was in my own little bubble. The disconnect was comfy at first because I could freely play video games on my Switch and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist, but eventually... it turned scary.

Fire asked me out after a bit of flirting with me throughout the night. I didn't know how to respond to this. I knew that all of my friends and even my ex, who I still wasn't over yet, HATED him. I also hated him. I didn't want to feel like I had to be attached and committed to someone I despised so much.

But on the other hand, I didn't want him to leave me. I desperately wanted someone to talk to, especially when all my friends always seemed busy and out of reach. Fire was almost always available. He would text me almost 24/7. I knew that amount of attention was a HUGE red flag, but I didn't care because I craved connection so desperately.

Eventually, I folded and agreed to date him.

I don't really remember what order events happened in, and my memories are even fuzzier when it comes to actually dating Fire. So, I'm just going to tell stories and anecdotes in no particular order as best as I can recall them.

Fire would call me a bitch VERY frequently. It was basically his favorite name to call me.

While I was dating him, an opening for Clash mod leadership came upon me. I wanted to apply since I adored the community and was very interested in doing more, especially because I felt like my role as just a mod was never doing enough for the community. I felt like some kind of lazy slacker and I genuinely hated myself for it. However, Fire told me not to apply for leadership. He told me that he didn't want me to spend even MORE time away from him to take care of mod related things than I already did. For context, I was only doing mod work maybe 2-3 days of the week for like... maybe 5 hours a week maximum? I never applied for leadership because he talked me out of it.

Fire would constantly say that he was going to break my computer so that I'd be forced to pay attention to him since I was "too focused on video games." Video games are my special interest.

Fire told me to block my friends because they didn't like him and were "spreading lies." I never complied, though I did almost lose 2 friends I've had since I was like 14 because THEY almost blocked me. One of them actually did for like a day before regretting it and apologizing profusely.

Fire told me to block my ex because he could tell I still liked him. This was admittedly very true, but I insisted it wasn't because I was scared of being accused of cheating when I wasn't.

Fire told me to show him all images in my recent camera roll to prove that I wasn't cheating on him with my ex. I complied since my camera roll was like 90% pictures of Agent JW. However, there was one screenshot of a text my ex sent me that he claimed was proof of me cheating. The text in question was my ex talking about hot sauce... This was also an accusation made AFTER I had made it clear to Fire that me and my ex were still friends on speaking terms. Fire then switched it up and accused me of cheating on him with Agent JW's artist. I don't even know the guy's real name and I've only spoken to him privately like... twice? However, he claimed that I'd only save so many drawings from an artist if I had a crush on them. I had so many pictures of Agent JW because it was a form of escapism from Fire.

Fire once accused me of being a catfish because he said there was no way I was actually as young as I claimed to be. His reasoning was that he'd ran selfies of me through AI without my consent and it said I was closer to 30 years old. So, he demanded to see my actual IRL ID card.

One time, I decided to play Subnautica for exactly one hour without telling Fire what I was up to. He immediately started saying things like I didn't love him, didn't care about him, was cheating on him, ETC.

Fire would get mad whenever I'd bring up Insider being my favorite Cog. At one point, while we were killing Insiders in a High Roller fight and I was jokingly {and very obviously} fake crying over their deaths, he suddenly yelled very loudly at me to "shut the fuck up about Insider already" because it was "just a video game."

I made an art piece of Insider. Fire told me to draw mine and his Toons together, and whenever I posted progress shots of the Insider drawing, he ignored it and asked when I'd draw our Toons together. I told him that normally I'd charge $60 for the drawing he wanted me to make, but since we were dating, I'd give him an exception and do it entirely for free once I finished the Insider drawing. He then tried to rush the Insider piece even more because he wanted to see me draw our Toons. Out of spite, I made the piece of mine and his Toons lowkey look like complete shit. It had anatomy mistakes and bad rendering everywhere.

Fire told me that he joined that OCLO back in January because he already knew who I was. He said that he'd seen my profile on Discord and immediately liked it because it was "so different from everyone else." Considering the fact he would constantly comment about my Toon being hot and sexy, I have interpreted this as him telling on his own stalking. It would also explain why he also went to Mezzo Melodyland...

I took to writing fiction as my own way of venting and coping. If you've ever read a set of yandere Corporate Clash oneshots written by an anonymous author on AO3 following a character named Cinnamon and her friend Glowstick, that was me. I was anonymous because I was worried about reflecting poorly on Corporate Clash as a brand to write yandere content, even if it was as a vent/to cope.

One night, I wanted to be entirely free of Fire. So, I claimed that my childhood friend and I were out getting McDonald's and hanging out. The truth was that I'd only briefly spoken with my childhood friend, but I just wanted ONE evening for free. This was met with accusations of cheating with that friend, being told I didn't love him anymore, ETC.

In early June 2024 {yes, BARELY OVER A MONTH}, I'd had enough of his crap. I broke up with Fire, claiming it was due to autistic burnout because I didn't feel safe to tell him the truth. He told me that he was also autistic and he was able to hold down a job and date me just fine, so I was making excuses. I knew that my autism burnout story was a lie, but I wasn't going to stand for that blatant ableism. So, I told him that my capabilities as an autistic person are very different from his and he can't tell me what I'm able to do just because he can do it himself. I also called out his ableism by name, which immediately seemed to make him backtrack on his words.

Eventually, he asked if we could still be friends, and I agreed stupidly. However, I did my best to just not engage with him even though sometimes my trauma bond would bring me back.

After a while of this, I still felt miserable and like I was still tied to Fire. I knew that I had to block him to feel peace, but I refuse to block people with no warning. So, I sent him a lengthy message telling the truth about why I'd broken up with him. He told me that he'd just been joking around, just wanted to make sure I was safe and not cheating on him... the average excuses that show lack of accountability. I realized that the conversation was going nowhere, so I just blocked him after a while.

About a month later, I reported Fire to mod leadership for offsite conduct. Due to my NDA, I cannot confirm or deny any infractions that may or may not have happened to his account as a result.

Regardless, I moved on from Fire after this incident. He was blocked and I felt free.

For a while, that was the end of my story. A shitty ex, sure, but I could move on.

In January of 2025, I was doing TBS runs in Pressure via a Discord server. I have never been able to confirm this person's identity, so it could genuinely be someone completely unrelated to Fire. Regardless, someone joined the TBS server asking to play endless mode with me because they liked my videos on YouTube and had watched all of them. I was immediately wary of this individual, but I told myself it was maybe just a kid who didn't realize how weird and creepy that was. So, I didn't immediately block them. I just chose not to engage with them. Regardless of if it was Fire or a literal child, I wanted nothing to do with them.

About a day later, they DM'ed me asking to play Pressure. Once again, they stated that they'd watched all of my videos alongside a screenshot of them on my channel page, showing that it did indeed appear that they'd watched at least all my recent videos. I was in the middle of a TBS when this happened, so I told the owner of the server {and also the front leader of the current run} a brief description of what was happening and that I'd need to speak with him after the run was over.

Their Discord status also stated that their favorite Pressure YouTubers were SmilingFigure, JwJ, a couple other names that are known in the community, and myself. I'm only including the other individuals who were listed here because I think it's VERY important to point out the difference in subscriber counts between my channel and all of those people. Those people had sub counts ranging from like 100K and higher. My subscriber count is 1K and I average WAY less views than those people. To me, it's very weird to supposedly only watch one obscure YouTuber while everyone else you watch is very popular in the community. It gave the vibes of someone just looking for random YouTubers who also made Pressure content to appear like someone who's genuinely in the community when they were only there to target me specifically.

This individual later tried to VC me completely unprompted and asked me why I was ignoring them. I blocked them mid-TBS after that. When the run was over, I sent the screenshots to the server owner. He said that he would be giving the individual a STERN warning and that if it happened again, they were getting banned.

The owner sent me DM screenshots between him and this individual. They claimed that they weren't stalking me, but promised to never watch my videos again.

The next morning, this person tried to ping me in the TBS server and asked why I blocked them. The owner banned them from the server.

About a month later in a different TBS server, this individual went into the VC chat as I was leading a TBS and attempted to contact me. I never saw the message for myself so this is entirely hearsay. Regardless, the mods of that server also banned that individual.

Again, I CANNOT confirm if that was actually Fire. That individual could've literally been some random kid who has nothing to do with Fire. Regardless of who it was, though, it only gave me more trauma regarding stalkers.

In... I believe May 2025, I was DM'ed by a day old Discord account. This was immediately suspicious to me as a bot account, but as someone who accepted all Discord friend and message requests and later judged if the account was suspicious, I accepted it. Expecting a scam of some kind, I opened with my generic, "Hey, may I ask the reason for the friend request?"

The person said that they wanted some assistance with a Clash staff application that they'd sent in because they wanted to increase their odds of getting hired. I'm not part of the hiring team, nor am I even part of the department they claimed to be applying for, so I had no idea why they messaged me. The way they talked also rubbed me the wrong way because it vaguely reminded me of Fire, but I told myself I was just being paranoid. I had suspected hundreds of Toons of being Fire, over a year had passed without him showing his face, and NONE of the suspected Toons had been Fire. I was honestly getting sick of myself for being so paranoid.

However, I also didn't want to ignore my discomfort because that's what made me get hurt in the first place. So, I decided to be polite and brief by telling them to email the Corporate Clash application email with whatever their questions were and sit tight for a response. I figured if it was legitimately just a person interested in the team, that would be the end of it.

This person thanked me for my time and then started asking me questions, such as who my favorite Cog was, asking me about my art, what I liked about being staff, ETC. They apologized for all the questions, claiming they were just so excited to meet someone also interested in Clash. I was now officially suspicious.

I took the account's user ID and sifted through all messages they'd ever sent in Clashcord. There weren't a lot, but what I found was enough for me to do my own investigation. Unfortunately I can't be very specific here because a lot of this involves tools that are under NDA. However, I was able to confirm that it was Fire on an alt account.

To say that I was panicking feels like an understatement. It was like the entire world was closing in on me. I felt trapped. I felt like I could never get away from Fire no matter how hard I tried. Why was he back? Why was he still tormenting me? Was he trying to retraumatize me just to be an asshole? Was he trying to hurt me? Did he think this was a game?

I was freaking out so badly that even when I tried to explain the situation to mod leadership, I only got out a couple sentences of broken evidence. It made no sense and was mostly incoherent, and I had to explain to them what I'd found once I calmed down.

Not long later, it was time for the 2025 pride parade in Clash. I was present at the event to help moderate it.

In Barnacle Boatyard, a new Toon I'd never seen before walked over to me and started spamming stickers. They started to follow me around, and I thought this was incredibly weird. Once again, I did an investigation...

It was Fire on another alt.

I panicked. I honestly wish I'd just left the event for my own mental health, but that felt like letting Fire "win" to show that he was bothering me. So I stayed still. I just ignored him. I kept trying to do my job as a moderator. The rest of the parade was full of my panic as he continually harassed and followed me around. I tried my best to ignore him and just enjoy the rest of it with my friends once it quieted down enough to not need constant moderator eyes, but I couldn't.

At this point, I sought out a lawyer IRL. I knew his legal name since he'd shared it with me back in 2024, and I wanted a restraining order against him. I can't share much of the conversations I had with them because a lot of it discusses details about this story that are under my NDA. However, the lawyer basically told me that they didn't think I had a case.

To say I was offended puts it mildly. Why wasn't I allowed to even get a restraining order? Who the hell was gonna tell me I wasn't hurt and stalked enough to have a legally binding restraining order?! I never wanted him behind bars. I just wanted him to leave me the fuck alone, and I couldn't even have that much.

My mental health absolutely crashed after this. I became paranoid that basically everyone was Fire on another alt. I became worried of strangers IRL too. I scrutinized every action of those online and IRL, looking for signs of Fire. I blocked accounts that were even remotely suspicious. If anyone even said 1 wrong word to me that sounded too much like Fire, they were blocked.

I was asked to take a break from moderation for my mental health. I declined the request. The only shred of normalcy I still had in my life was Clash moderation. If I let that go too, I knew I'd be in pure chaos with nothing to keep me mentally stable. It also felt like letting Fire "win" if I stepped away from moderation for even a second. I didn't want him to keep impacting my life, but I also knew that he was paradoxically still having an impact by me trying not to let him have one. I knew it didn't make any sense, but I didn't care. I just clung to moderation because it was all I had left.

I'm going to be extremely brief about this because I know the other individual involved doesn't want any more trouble coming their way. This is only to show that, eventually, my paranoia hurt an innocent person.

Fast forward all the way to March 2026, VERY recently. I've still been paranoid about Fire even after all this time of not seeing him.

I got a DM from a fellow Clash staff member asking to be my friend. I accepted, and we started talking. They said that they'd seen my YouTube videos before, and then they said their favorite one was...

The OCLO where I had met Fire.

They told me my Toon was cute, too.

They were being too nice to me. I immediately felt scared and assumed it was Fire on yet another alt to stalk me again. So, I told them that we couldn't be friends anymore because they reminded me too much of someone who hurt me and blocked them.

I investigated, and, despite finding no evidence that they were Fire, accused them anyways to leadership. Understandably so, leadership was not very happy with me.

That person was hurt because of my own actions. My own paranoia has caused me to harm an innocent person who had nothing to do with Fire. I understand that I'm not going to be able to undo my actions. The best I can do is admit my mistake and hope that the innocent person will be able to move on in peace. I will keep them anonymous because no more trouble needs to come their way. Please do not attempt to find this individual. They've been hurt enough.

I've been thinking about my role as a Clash moderator since then.

Why should I stay in the position when my judgement has proven time and time again to be inaccurate, biased, and clouded under the assumption that everyone is Fire? If that's how I'm going to treat the Corporate Clash community, I don't deserve to police and moderate it. That's not a fair way to treat everyone. Sure, someone could argue that "only" one innocent person was actually harmed, but that's both wrong and flawed. All the people who I've blocked under suspicion of being Fire from just a slightly "off" comment on my YouTube or from a slightly "off" DM have also been hurt, even if only slightly. Sure, maybe one of them really was Fire, but the point is that nobody is going to know because I just assumed it was him.

And even if I genuinely had only hurt one person? That's one too many. Moderators shouldn't make ANY false accusations, especially with no evidence.

Staying in the mod position has also caused me to become reliant on internal staffing things to feel safe. I feel like, without them, Fire could contact me again and I'd have no way of knowing it's him due to being cut off from information. It feels like a necessary lifeline at this point to stay safe. That's not a healthy way to live, and I shouldn't remain in a position of power solely for that reason. That's a misuse of power. It also prevents me from properly healing from my own trauma by relying on those things like a crutch. It's time for me to be a responsible adult and let go. I should've done this MUCH sooner, but I can't change my past actions. I can only do my best to make it right now.

So... that is why I've decided to quit Corporate Clash moderation.

Please do not attempt to uncover the identity of Fire. I used a fake Toon name for a reason, and while I despise him, I don't believe in witch hunting or harassment.

If this post gets in the hands of leadership and they find that I've accidentally leaked internal information, please let me know ASAP so I can remove those parts of the post. I've done my best to make sure I'm only sharing my personal story and nothing else.

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