Musings of a Black, Disabled, Queer, Christian

Labels are hard. 🌸 Fenn | 21 | they/them 🌸

[fenndulum]

Take it easy some days. The world will still be here when you get back 💜

~Fenn <3

[kristianasquill]

Anyone else with this aroace experience?

I know the aroace community is not a monolith. I know we all have very diverse experiences. But I was thinking about how so many aroace folks had the "I think I'm bi or pan" moment because they felt the same/nothing for all genders.

I had the "I think I'm bi" moment too. But for me it was because I DID feel something for different genders. I felt incredibly strong tertiary attraction to boys and girls (this was 10 years ago and I was queer-sheltered so I had yet to meet an out nonbinary person), and bi felt like the right descriptor. I didn't have to "fake" crushes like so many aroaces. I just confused my squishes for crushes and blended in.

Even after I realized I'm aromantic asexual, bi still feels part of my identity. I relate to a lot of the bi experience. I feel strongly for several different genders, but I'm attracted to them differently. The way I'm attracted to guys is totally different than how I'm attracted to girls and nonbinary folks.

This is why the term "bi-oriented aroace" means so much to me. It describes my experiences with tertiary attraction perfectly.

[fenndulum]

This is a less than friendly reminder that putting gum on/under under railings is ableist. People need those to maintain balance. And nobody wants to put their hand in someone's germy gum goo. If you do this shit I will find you.

Ty ☺️

[fenndulum]

People who say "well supported autism/ADHD isn't disabling" are coming from a place of privilege. Maybe their autism or ADHD isn't disabling. But mine is. And this is the same for many others. There are some social situations I simply cannot navigate regardless of the amount of support I have because of the way my brain works. I am fatigued every day because my brain can't regulate my dopamine and attention properly. These are just a couple examples. I'm all for the social model and recognizing that sometimes our social structures and institutions handicap us more than our impairments. But let's not erase the experiences of those of us who are challenged by our disabilities even with support.

[cirgaydian-rhythm]

I think possibly a way to explain this to people is by comparing it to needing glasses.

Yes, in theory, my glasses allow me to view the world the way somebody with natural 20/20 vision sees it. In theory, my glasses offset the disabling nature of my nearsightedness. But that doesn't mean I can function the same as somebody who doesn't need glasses. My glasses fog up in response to warm air. Rain lands on them and obscures my vision. I can't have the side of my head against anything while I'm wearing them because that'll knock them askew.

"Oh, but contacts---" Not everyone can afford or wear contacts. Not everyone wants to wear contacts. Even for people who can and do, contacts come with their own issues. Most contacts shouldn't be slept in, meaning contact-wearers can't take spontaneous naps without risking damage to the lenses or their eyes. Crying while wearing contacts can cause issues because they can be dislodged and lost, or folded up under the eyelid, or scratched and damaged by the salt in your tears.

I am nearsighted, and my wearing glasses does not change that.

I have ADHD, and my being well-medicated does not change that.

[fenndulum]

A perfect analogy 💜

[fenndulum]

People who say "well supported autism/ADHD isn't disabling" are coming from a place of privilege. Maybe their autism or ADHD isn't disabling. But mine is. And this is the same for many others. There are some social situations I simply cannot navigate regardless of the amount of support I have because of the way my brain works. I am fatigued every day because my brain can't regulate my dopamine and attention properly. These are just a couple examples. I'm all for the social model and recognizing that sometimes our social structures and institutions handicap us more than our impairments. But let's not erase the experiences of those of us who are challenged by our disabilities even with support.

[o-grande-viado]

Your last used emoji is how your week is gonna go

⚠️

Uh oh

[sstar-struck]

😒

ah man-

[purriousity-loves-the-cat]

😭

Mm. That's blunt lmao

[bassguitarinablackt-shirt]

💀

[crane-mythos]

😭

Nooooo I just want a break PLEASE

[a-wondering-thought-deactivated]

😏

wha-what am i doing?

[hi-avathisside]

🤝 idk

[hectorfrombritain]

🫣

aye, iska kya matlab

[vomentallyunstableladka-deactiv]

😫

Dukhi hu bhayii zindagi se

[piinkrose]

😭

Kyuuuuuuuuuuuuu bas kardo yaar😭😭😭😭😭

[basantinodance]

🧍🏽‍♀️

??????????????

[moderndaymystic]

✔

Ewww, wierd

[fenndulum]

👏

No idea how to interpret this one, fam 🤷‍♂️

[no-ableism-just-potatoes]

I love you people who are educated about tics I love you accommodations I love you accepting friends I love you accepting family I love you calming music I love you protective gear I love you mobility aids I love you strangers who smile and say kind things I love you Tourettes/tic community I love you spill-proof bottles I love you helpful doctors I love you famous people who are open about their tics I love you I love you

[fenndulum]

Learning not to take all rejection as moral failure. 💜

[rotkad]

killing aphobes with my aroace beam .

[fenndulum]

*pew* *pew*

[thediamondarcher]

having to explain your sexuality to every single person you meet and come out to is the most exhausting thing ever because we practically have to "excuse" our own sexuality like it isn't just our business. I feel like when you tell people you're aroace/aro/ace they think that they can question our whole existence

[fenndulum]

Had someone in my comments verbally berate me for being vulnerable about my fear of coming out. Telling me that coming out as ace/demi doesn't count. Telling me asexuality is a disease. We are so misunderstood, especially in the Christian communities like the one I grew up in. People expect us to explain away our existence and experience to them without giving a thought to how exhausting and uncomfortable it is.

Coming out is a brave thing to do. But it has to be done on your own terms. To protect your peace and your sanity. 💜

[fenndulum]

Currently in a depressive mood/phase/season and its one of those where I can't remember ever being happy before and I don't feel like I'll ever be happy again.

But as a reminder for both of us: we will. We will experience true joy and there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Let's hold on a little longer 💜

[fairycosmos]

parent-child dynamics are soooo crazy. i love you i resent you i can't stand you i adore you i pity you. and still watching your hair get a little more grey every time i see you makes my stomach feel weird

[fenndulum]

I'm so scared of coming out and I wish I didn't have to.

[stuckinapril]

girl are you okay? you’ve been consuming so much media lately that you haven’t allowed yourself to feel one single human emotion for months

[king-o-vermin]

tourettes is funny and all until i have a tic attack, then i need to Die

[greenteaandtattoos]

i love that aromantic and asexual are trending because of the surge of positivity thanks to that stupid aphobic poll. we're going into 2024 with the blatant proof that aspec individuals are here, we're queer, and we're not going to disappear.

[kaissauce]

pour one out for trans peeps who have one foot in the closet cus they don’t want their parents knowing but wanna be out in other places like work or school,

who don’t want to change things about themself just to “pass”,

who “look cis” because they don’t have their hair a certain way, bind, pack, tuck, take hormones, or dress a certain way

who get misgendered, not out of maliciousness, but because they can’t tell unless you tell them

none of this makes you “less transgender” and less transgender isn’t a thing. you’re trans. it came free with your complicated relationship with gender

[fenndulum]

Feeling seen 💜