Inhabitant @feralmindxvx - Tumblr Blog

Anxiety

(Art by Tash Reynolds)

Anxiety is paralyzing. It forces it’s way into your every action and turns you into your own enemy. Anxiety is your own voice in the back of your head, telling you are all that you have, that no one else cares, that no one wants to see you or hear about you. Anxiety is trying to translate the difficulties of your life as a mentally ill person and not coming close because of the nervousness holding you back. It can make the simplest things a huge effort, be it the basic act of ordering food, or even just getting out of bed in the morning. It manifests itself as a very physical, literal feeling - a huge weight in the bottom of your stomach, weighing you down and making you too heavy to move your own feet.

Anxiety, when we’re talking about it in reference to Borderline Personality Disorder, can be crippling. Already you feel like looking in the mirror is too much. Who is this person staring back at you? What is their purpose? Then, combined with the symptoms of anxiety, you begin to think that others will look at you and see the same monster you see reflected back at you. You begin to feel that you are weighing them down much like you seemingly weigh yourself down. “Why would anyone want to see that?” is a thought that often crosses your mind and your bed seems like the only safe place to be, because if you lie there long enough, maybe you’ll be able to finally get some sleep.

It has often been said that people who have been through trauma feel as though they are unable to be loved. Anxiety supports this feeling. It only takes the littlest comment or action from someone and you begin to think that they don’t like you anymore or let alone want you near them. Even if they say they miss you or want you around, where’s the proof to support it? Of course, that proof is impossible, so you sit in your room and you avoid everyone, even your own reflection. You try to ignore your own negative thoughts, but the more time you spend alone, the more you start to think that this is all that there is for you. You want so badly to get better, but sometimes the only way to get better seems like to end it all. Everyone is already coping without you, so what difference does it make to them? It won’t make a difference to you, because you won’t have to think anymore, you won’t have to feel this way. You make no contribution to anything, no difference to anyone. Not even yourself.

Anxiety is a mental illness that can seem impossible to beat, because no matter how many positive comments are made or how many times people say they want to see you, you know there is someone better for them to see, you know that they’ll get sick of you. But the real question is, is that really true? Or is it all in your head? All we can really do is keep moving, and keep hoping that the power of another day clarifies to us that we aren’t as alone as we think we are. Let’s switch past our views of who we are on the outside and have more empathy to the internal war raging within each of us.

-Ashlee

destroybrotherhood

“you begin to think that others will look at you and see the same monster you see reflected back at you. You begin to feel that you are weighing them down much like you seemingly weigh yourself down” ”It only takes the littlest comment or action from someone and you begin to think that they don’t like you anymore or let alone want you near them. Even if they say they miss you or want you around, where’s the proof to support it?”

“You make no contribution to anything, no difference to anyone. Not even yourself.”

Your voice and face are fading from my memory. Distorted more with every hour passed. I keep grasping to remember every bit of you but deep down I'm happy that the pain is subsiding. So I let go. I'm drifting away.

#personal

oldgray-blog

today we released a new song about my friend who passed away when I was in eighth grade. He was my first musical inspiration and the reason I play music today:

I used to be scared of death, but now its my only friend. I found comfort in it’s embrace and solace in the grace that it leaves me each night. I am no longer afraid to die because my world’s become so empty You were so young, I owe this all to you. You live in my every word, you’re the reason that i’m still alive No one deserves to die, I never got to say goodbye.

So this is my goodbye to you, and I hope wherever you are, that you hear how my voice sounds now, how in six years I haven’t drowned, in the shadow that I have become, in the shadow of my everyday, in the darkness that I have become, in the shadow of my everyday

and i still miss you, you were the place that I called home, and I am so alone.

adventurekrime

Bike around. Sit in the sun. Problems fade away.

#reblogging because today was a fun day

I’m just a product of my environment.

I’m trash disposed of.

I expired years ago.

#srsly #poetry or whatever?#i think im gonna turn this into a powerviolence song

I yearn to sway with the sea. But without the moon to push and pull, the waves, they’re gone. They cease to be. There are no waves to carry me.

#personal #super personal #because im going to start to dump my lame writings here now #sorry not sorry #this blog needs to be used somehow #my writings

manifestations

Let’s stop talking about veganism as a matter of compassion, benevolence and other nice-sounding, but ultimately anthropocentric missives. The idea that we are ‘being kind’, ‘acting compassionately’, or ‘saving lives’ just by being vegan is misguided. It’s also paternalistic. Veganism is a matter of justice, and it reflects the absolute minimum of justice that I owe other persons (human and non). That doesn’t mean we’re not compassionate people. It doesn’t mean we can’t act compassionately toward other animals (human or non). It just means that veganism is what we owe them. It’s not an act of charity.

Vincent Guihan (via pandacake)

#always reblog #so much knowledge dropped in one quote

bukowskunt

i hate small talk

tell me about how lonely you are or tell me about why you keep waking up in the morning or talk to me about your mum’s eyes and your dad’s laugh. I don’t care about the weather and you don’t care about how my job’s going.

health-is-in-you

In January 1918, following the deaths, arrests and persecution of Milwaukee anarchists, Gabriella “Ella” Antolini, age 19, undertook the task of transporting, from Youngstown to Chicago, a black leather case containing thirty-six sticks of dynamite and a .32 caliber Colt automatic that were to be used to carry out revenge attacks for entroubled Milwaukee anarchists.

After a suspicious porter alerted the authorities to Antolini, she was arrested on her arrival in Chicago. She was charged with illegal possession of dynamite and placed in jail on $20,000 bail. Throughout her intensive interrogations, Antolini refused to cooperate with authorities. She not only maintained a false identity as long as possible, but denied personal associations with unwavered persistence.

However, she never relented her anarchism, boldly declaring before the court: “I don’t believe in god, government or laws. I do not care what they do to me”.

Antolini quickly gained folkloric standing as “Dynamite Girl” and was celebrated by fellow anarchists, enthusiastically proclaiming “she never talked!”.

selectivelysocial-blog

earthfirstjournal

10,000 Walrus Come Ashore in Northwest Alaska

by Dan Joling / AP

An estimated 10,000 walrus unable to find sea ice over shallow Arctic Ocean…

View Post

rs620-deactivated20150411

The so-called “government shutdown” isn’t really a government shutdown at all. It’s a public services shutdown. Food aid to needy families will stop. Over one thousand food safety and inspection workers will not go to work. Veterans looking to apply for benefits will face serious delays. The IRS won’t answer the phone to help you prepare your taxes, and will stop processing returns. Depending on where you live, you might have a difficult time getting your passport renewed. Zoos and museums are closed effective immediately.But the government’s guns and surveillance state apparatus chug on without much of a blip at all. […] The NSA, fully funded and operational, won’t have any problem continuing to map our social and associational patterns. The FBI will still map ethnic communities and spy on peace and justice activists. The CIA will go on plotting and executing its extrajudicial drone killings in places like Pakistan and Yemen. The DEA will still use NSA intercepts to sneakily forward drug prosecutions while hiding from judges and defendants the intelligence that sparks investigations. Customs, Border Protection will go on harassing Muslims and immigrants at the border, humiliating citizens and visitors alike for no good reason. ICE will continue to deport and detain immigrants, tearing families asunder. The surveillance state will go on, ‘protecting’ a shell of a civilization. We might not be able to eat, but at least someone will be watching us starve.

Government shutdown is nothing of the sort while the police and surveillance states live on (via hagereseb)

thelunarboy

action4animals

Your child, my father, and all of our loved ones who may be suffering from illnesses are not rats or dogs or monkeys. So why do animal experimenters keep treating them as though they are?

"No two humans are alike in their physiology. Even identical twins differ in their susceptibility to diseases and their responses to medications. If we can’t reliably extrapolate from one identical twin to another, how can we expect to extrapolate results from different species to humans?"