fall down 7; get up 8

A girl in Korea that's trying to fit into her clothes again.

[fermataonhappy]

13 down, 47 to go

I had a check-in appointment with my gym today. They had me weigh myself first. I turned out to be 60.6 kg, meaning a weight loss since the last time! However, the InBody machine measured me as over 32% body fat. When I measured myself using the exact same machine about 5 months ago, I was at about 30%. I was heavier then and my clothes were tighter.

Since then, I've been on a healthier diet and kept up my exercise regimen. Furthermore, when I calculated my own percentage, it came out to about 27%. I don't think the numbers add up.

Then the trainer looked at the way I do squats. She said I really needed to correct my posture. According to her, based on the way I do squats, she could only assume that everything else I did was off. She spoke very seriously.

At the end, she offered to schedule personal training sessions. When I asked her about the cost, she dithered a bit before revealing it to me, taking care to add that she was reducing the cost as a special bonus.

I like this gym for the facilities, but I honestly think the trainers try to hook all of their customers into buying into personal training sessions. I don't disagree I need refresher courses, but making your customers feel bad about their bodies and that they're not doing enough for their health is truly not the way to conduct business.

In the end, I decided to cut her recommended course in half and just take 4 sessions. I was honestly ready to deck her at this point, so I channeled it into my workout.

Deadlifts: 30 kg, 30, 30

Lat pulldown: 15, 15, 20

Bent-over row: 10, 10, 10

Back extensions: 2 sets of 15, 1 set of 20

Weighted side bends: 8, 8, 10

Treadmill: 30 mins, 2.6 km, 176 kcal

I had an outside meeting, so I headed to that neighborhood early and had soup for lunch.

For dinner, I had a rice burger and salad.

[fermataonhappy]

12 down, 48 to go

Today was another workout at home. I did an ab workout from Blogilates, which means I need to hit the gym tomorrow. The funny thing was, I woke up with a headache this morning, but after the workout, it went away. I’ll take that as a good thing - it means my endorphins are rushing through my brain, right? 

I think the ab workout took away a bit of my appetite. For lunch, I had 2 leftover dumplings and packed the rest for dinner. I also threw in my meal-prepped chicken breast, some kale, and some celery. 

After reminding myself, I packed a bag of walnuts and had 7 for a snack. Even that little bit and an unusually filling dinner made me very full. Although I still have a few hours left for work, I’m ready for bed.

Speaking of which, I think the winter season has activated the bear in me - I feel drowsy all the time. Thankfully, my new eating habits seemed to have curbed my desire to overeat like last year. I also don’t really crave all the indulgent food I had last winter.  

[fermataonhappy]

11 down, 49 to go

I noticed something amazing these past few days; I no longer feel gassy. 

Before I started the 60 days, I would feel uncomfortably bloated and gassy around nighttime. But now that I have a largely minimal and clean diet, a lot of that gassiness has gone away!

Today, I did a full-body workout from Blogilates and it wasn’t really as challenging as it could have been. I think I take the pilates-at-home routine less seriously because I now have a separate designated space for workouts. I’ll keep working on that mentality. 

I also took the time to meal prep for the week by making a sort of Cajun-style marinated chicken breast dish. After mostly sustaining myself on boiled chicken breast and salad, it was one of the best things I had ever had. I kept sneaking bites and ended up having one for a quick lunch (i.e. shoving the thing into my mouth in 2 minutes) before rushing to work.

I packed dinner with the pasta sauce, 1 cup of cooked pasta, chicken breast, and cuties. It was amazing but slightly unfulfilling.

I ended up eating 6 steamed dumplings at home because I got peckish. That taught me to pack walnuts as a snack for work, so I don’t end up overeating before going to bed.

[fermataonhappy]

10 down, 50 to go

As I’m sure many people feel, this weekend went by too quickly. Starting from Friday, I had noodles for dinner and went out for drinks with my coworker. We were so excited by the unlimited cocktail offer, we ended up overdrinking. Cocktails are so dangerous; you think you’re drinking juice until you end up stumbling around the streets of Seoul cackling at the top of your lungs.  Saturday was spent in a haze of trying to get over the colossal hangover that I really shouldn’t have been surprised to get. I tried all manner of hangover remedies; Gatorade, ramen, sleep, lots of water, and fried chicken. I just had to wait it out. Sunday, I was still nursing a headache, so I ended up eating udon for lunch and more ramen for dinner. 

At this point, I would have beaten myself up for not sticking to the diet and not exercising. But what’s the point? I made a conscious decision to go out for drinks and a conscious decision to do whatever it took to feel less hungover. Yes, I’m pushing myself to lose weight at the end of these 60 days and whatever I did this weekend pushed that goal back. But it’s really not the end of the world. I’ll do my best to keep going and get to where I can.

[fermataonhappy]

7 down, 53 to go

I have to force myself to get out extra early to fit time to go to the gym before work. Even though the gym is now out of the way from my new studio, I just have to wait out my membership expiration. I goofed around for a while, realized I was running late, steamed a potato, got ready, realized I was really late, then headed to the gym.

Treadmill: 5 min, .5 km, 32 kcal

Deadlift: 30 kg, 30, 30

Standing row: 1.5, 2.5, 2.5

Bent over row: 10, 10, 10

Lats: 15, 15, 15

Dumbbell side crunch: 10, 10, 10

Treadmill: 25 min, 2.2 km, 145 kcal

Weight: 61.1

After my warmup, I always stretch my whole body, and I stretch the muscle group I worked between each set. I think that helps prevent crippling soreness the next day.

I'm pretty sure I lost my period bloat weight, but seeing the numbers on the scale go down felt very encouraging. Also, the changing room in my gym is super nice with lots of mirrors. I was able to get a look at my back, and I appreciated the view. Working my back really gave me more shape than I had before.

After a good session, and a lunch of my leftover tomato and egg, I was definitely energized enough to power through my workday. There are a lot of details that need my immediate attention, but I'm not the anxious mess my former self most definitely would have been.

Dinner was a good old chicken salad with balsamic dressing.

[fermataonhappy]

6 days down, 54 to go

Instead of working out, I tried my hand at a vegetarian spaghetti bolognese. I used fresh tomatoes instead of puree or canned ones. With the carrots and celery included, it ended up tasting more like minestrone, rather than a thick, hearty sauce. I would say it was a great diet version, especially since I added zoodles instead of pasta noodles. The picture doesn't look very appetizing, but it was surprisingly good!

Although we moved yesterday, my body automatically took the route to my old workplace. I was already in the subway station before I remembered. Oh well.

I ended up bringing spoiled sweet potatoes for dinner, but at least I had a salad! A coworker also roasted potatoes for everyone, so I had one after all.

After work, I walked to the subway station with a coworker, and she was puffing by the time we got to the stairs. It reminded me of myself before I started weight training. She's slimmer than me, but it was really gratifying to see how far I had come since the beginning.

I'm still a bit under calorically, so I finished off with a bowl of rice, tomato and egg stir fry. Very homey and comforting!

[fermataonhappy]

5 days down, 55 to go

Today was moving day for my company. I usually work 2 to 10, but we had to come out at 9 to match the working hours of the moving company. I was the only woman that was helping with lifting the heavy boxes and carrying them up and down stairs. The fact I was able to made me happier than ever that I have been weight training. I felt strong and confident, and the fact that I was able to suprise my coworkers was an added bonus.

I think I'll count that as my workout for the day!

After moving, we had Chinese for a late lunch (which is a Korean tradition), and worked until 6. The commute during this time is brutal. There was a line about a block long to even enter the subway station. On the subway, I saw a guy running to grab an empty seat. It was intense.

For dinner, I had a toast sandwich from Issac Toast (10 out of 10 recommended). There is nothing better than holding a hot sandwich in cold wintry weather.

[fermataonhappy]

4 days down, 56 to go

Today the period hit. I basically spent the whole day crawling around at home. Thank god for electric blankets. The weather was rainy, which also gave the perfect excuse for staying in.

For breakfast, I had a 120 calorie cup noodle and 2 clementines.

For a late lunch, I had a bowl of udon and some kimbap. I had another clementine as a snack. 

[fermataonhappy]

3 days down, 57 days to go

Today was glorious.

For the past few weekends, I’ve often gone out and had engagements with people. I love experiencing Seoul and staying busy, but I still need days where I laze around at home and catch up on sleep. I also finally got wifi in my apartment after 2 months of not bothering to purchase any. 

Side note, I was always watching videos and glued to my cell phone or computer. Having no wifi felt like a detox in a way, so I think I’m more prepared to use the internet as a tool, and not as an escape. This was only possible because Seoul has wifi coverage everywhere (the city recently installed wifi in the public buses as well!) and home felt like a refuge from information overload.

Anyway, I got to sleep almost the whole day and haven’t left my building once. I think this is the best form of self-care I could have done for myself right now.

I slept in and missed breakfast, so I had packaged bibimmyeon, chicken, and salad for lunch. It’s also clementine season again, and I had 5 - they’re so good!

For dinner, I had leftover chicken, salad and brie. I was pretty full from lunch, so it was just enough to take the edge off of my hunger. 

I ended the night with a short ab workout. A little at a time, right?

[fermataonhappy]

2 days down, 58 to go

I woke up feeling deliciously sore everywhere. I realized I hadn’t really been pushing myself at the gym. The real solution is to go earlier, so I can get enough sets in.

After two consecutive days in the gym, I wasn’t really interested in packing extra clothing and going on the treadmill. Running feels good after the fact, but I’m usually trying not to be bored to death.

I tried drinking my breakfast with misugaru powder and honey. It just felt sad and unfulfilling. I think I’ll stick to moderate portions of rice and side dishes for the future.

Instead of the gym, I danced for about an hour. It felt pretty good, but I found myself looking at the clock a lot more than usual, trying to see if I had done enough time and already calculating the calories I might have lost. On another note, the basic foundation of waacking wasn’t too hard to pick up, but my back muscles were already sore from the back workout from the previous day. It felt good to dance and sweat though.

I had just enough time to down some tofu skin rolls, pack my dinner, and do the dishes.

My workplace was hectic because everyone was packing to move to our new building. I ended up having dinner at my desk, which was 1 sweet potato, chicken breast, and kale salad.

I worked overtime and got home at 2 am, so I was ravenous by the time I got home. For a nightcap, I had vin chaud and some brie cheese from Costco. I didn’t have any expectations, but the cheese was so good and creamy! After having a growling stomach, that was very satisfying.

[fermataonhappy]

1 day down, 59 to go

I woke up and had kimchi fried rice. It’s truly a staple comfort food!

Today’s workout:

Treadmill – 50 kcal, .5 km, 5 min

Deadlift – 20 kg, 30, 30

Lats – 15, 15, 20 (10 reps)

Bent over row – 10, 10, 10

Back extensions: 3 sets

Dumbbell side crunch – 6, 8, 12 (10 reps)

Half pike – 3 sets

Treadmill – 85 kcal, 2.1 km, 25 min

Today’s weight: 62.2

It was the first time in a while I had time to do 3 sets of each exercise. For the past few weeks, I’ve gotten up, done some chores, watched Netflix, realize how little time I had left, then rushed to the gym with about 1 hour of workout time left before I had to wash and get ready for work. Today I arrived with a full 1 and a half hours to work out, so I pushed myself. I’m still sore tonight.

I ended up pushing myself to wait until 6. After the meal, my stomach still felt empty. What I’m afraid of is that I won’t be able to overcome this feeling of hunger. I know calorically, I’m getting enough to eat. Well, I’ll see what happens in the future.

I had lunch at 2 (half of a pastrami sandwich), but at 5, I got so hungry I couldn’t focus on anything. I had an external meeting today, so I had to take the taxi. Through sheer coincidence, I managed to nab 2 taxis that had really strong smells. I became carsick and got a headache both times.

Dinner was the rest of the kimchi fried rice.

[fermataonhappy]

Update + New Goals

When I finished my personal training, I switched to a gym membership and have still been going to the gym 2 or 3 times a week. I consistently feel stronger, calmer, and warmer. I think the elevated body temperature has been good for period cramps and getting over sickness faster.

After my workout today, I loved how rounded my butt was, and my back exercises helped redefibe my curves!

However, my stomach, thighs, and arms aren't where I would like them to be.

I recently came across Cassey Ho’s 90-day weight loss transformation (https://www.blogilates.com/90-day-journey-recap-part-1/). I know she has been struggling with her body image and losing weight for years, so seeing this blog post was truly inspiring. More than the weight, her discovery of herself along this journey hit home.

In a progress post, she explained that she no longer punishes her body with starving herself or forcing herself to do exercises she doesn’t enjoy. Instead, she finds the workout routines and the food plan that works for her. She also set realistic goals for herself, based on her own capabilities.

Personally, while I’ve made peace with it, I get really bored of the treadmill. Conversely, I could (and often) dance for hours on end, no matter how exhausted I am. So why deny myself of a healthy pleasure?

In terms of food, I hate being told what to eat and when to eat it, so I’ll have to figure out my own food plan and see what works. I’ll try to take pictures and record progress that way, but recording things on apps or in a journal turn into work for me.

What I take away from Cassey’s journey is that I have to set realistic goals for myself, and avoid punishing myself for not sticking with every schedule, every fantasy of what my ideal self should do. But I really want to try to push myself to be healthier (and fit into my clothes!)

Here is my plan:

Start Date: Thursday, Nov. 28, 2019

End Date: Monday, Jan. 27, 2019

Current Weight: 62.2 kg

Goal Weight: 58 kg

Plan: Workout 5 days a week

    3 days: 1 hr weightlifting + 30 mins treadmill

    2 days: 1 hr dance

Personal goal: Learn fundamentals of waacking

        Learn “Work (Remix)” dance choreographed by 1MILLION’s Sori Na

Fitness goal: Deadlift +5 kg (starting weight: 30 kg) and Squat +5 kg (starting weight: 30 kg)

[fermataonhappy]

22 down, 8 to go

Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve updated. Once I started work, it’s been a deluge of projects. I actually worked over the weekend as well, so today feels like a Friday. 

Anyway, I’ve been in a bad mood since Friday, to the point where I was ready to pick fights with anyone that did anything slightly annoying. A woman shoved past me on the subway, and I almost went after her. So I really hoped that today’s workout would help. 

It did.

Today was back day (my favorite), and I did barbell deadlifts, bent over barbell rows, lateral pulldowns, and pushups. I’m not sure if it was the aggression in my system, but I was pushing harder than usual. My trainer had me up to 65 pounds on the deadlifts (3 times my starting weight!) and she was continually surprised by how much my form and strength had improved since the beginning. Needless to say, her continual praise and the exercises themselves made me feel much better. I was almost dancing on the treadmill by the end of the workout!

[fermataonhappy]

13 down, 17 to go

This workout was hard. It was circuits, and my trainer has started to increase the difficulty of the workouts. I also did 4 sets for the first time, rather than 3. While it was interesting to see how I’ve gotten faster, I also noticed how heavy and weak my body felt. I believe it was a direct correlation to how much junk food I ate over the weekend. 

My trainer was kind but firm on the diet. I should treat myself that way as well - if ONLY to avoid making very unflattering grunts in front of everyone...

Anyway, I got on the treadmill after getting my thighs and abs destroyed, and for the FIRST TIME EVER, got up to 8 and jogged for a few minutes. I count that as an improvement, and I definitely felt more accomplished afterwards.

[fermataonhappy]

11 down, 19 to go

Wow, getting uncomfortably close to the halfway point! I got sick over the weekend, so it was lucky that Monday was a holiday in Korea, and the gym was closed. Still sick, but I didn’t hate the idea of going to the gym, strangely enough.

I keep telling myself that I have to change my diet, but it’s really been a struggle not to eat all the good things I love. At the very least, I’ve largely stuck to my no alcohol diet! 

On a positive note, today was back day. I loved learning the deadlifts, bent over rows, and row exercises my trainer had me do. In fact, I was smiling like an idiot for most of the exercise - and finally minimal complaining! Once I finished the treadmill, I felt a sense of calm instead of the nervous energy I had this morning. 

To be honest, I need all the calm I can get. I have to get ready for a job interview today!!

[fermataonhappy]

10 down, 20 to go

I’m now about 3 weeks in. For my 9th workout, I did lower body workouts. It was difficult as usual, but I learned that I can use the gym for cardio whenever I wanted, which is convenient. I also asked my trainer if I should do ab workouts every day, and she encouraged me to do about 10 to 15 minutes per day, but not much more. 

For the 10th one, I did circuit training and a little bit of abs. Compared to the last time I did circuits, it was physically a lot easier. I could go faster, and take fewer breaks. Granted, it was still aerobically difficult, but my muscles were much more adjusted. My trainer was impressed with my concentration ability. She joked that I was gazing so fiercely ahead that she thought I was going to burn a hole into the wall. 

Since I wear loose clothes to the gym, my trainer was surprised when she saw my body line. I commented that my waist used to be even thinner than what she was seeing, and she was seized with the ambition of getting me in the best shape as soon as possible. At least she’s on my side.

[fermataonhappy]

8 down, 22 to go

Today was mostly back exercises. We did deadlifts, some bench work, pushups, and an ab exercise called a “dead bug” (is that a common gym workout?) Even though the exercises were physically hard, I think I may be over the initial shock of working out. I didn’t feel particularly tired or drained; I even had plenty of energy on the treadmill afterwards. 

My trainer may be disappointed in my lack of progress - I don’t really know what she thinks - but at least I’m feeling really good about working out!

Note: A few hours later, my arms are trembling. I feel good about that - it means I actually worked hard today.