to add onto this post, the mc (you) has been reincarnated through many lives before, gaining slight consciousness at four, never living past seven. throughout all those lives, you've never experienced love, or peace, let alone a childhood. all you knew was the cruelty of the world in every eraโ worse yet, you remember every death, every single life of yours and couldn't seem to find a way to break the loop no matter how much you've tried.
you lost all your hopes trying to find a happy, fulfilled life. after being awoken to an orphanage, you were ready to crumble into the corner and just let yourself rot into the shadowsโ but when you were five, an incident happened within the building, you could barely remember, but what you could only recall was being in the arms of someone else.
it was not one of the caretakers who'd handle you like dirt rag, not like the children who'd pull at your hair every time you'd slag off housework duty too slow, not the harsh matron who'd hit you too hard whenever you'd release a shrill cry about the heavy pains in your back (like something was resurfacing, piercing out of fragile skin)โ but someone bigger, someone safer, someone who knew to shield you away from the penetrating noise of death within the building you once had desperately tried to call home.
you remained the sole survivor of it all. of the incident.
and before you knew it, before the ringing in your ears could subside, before the fog in your eyes could clear up, before you can try to muster up the memory of your armoured saviorโ you were in a new house, a bigger one, with hundreds of rooms, with light that actually reaches past windows.
before you knew it, you've been adopted by a kind man who called himself bruce wayne.
who was now your father in this life.
there was nothing great about this news, no matter how big his smile was when he greeted you, how much it warmed your heart, how nice his hugs were, or just how, it seemed, he was always adamant on sticking by your side.
he was the only father who was kind to you. the others before were either absent, pretended you never exist, or were the ones who plunged the very weapon into your heart when you were seven.
the same goes to all your past mothers.
you love your fatherโ but you know he'll only be with you in this life. you've only two years to enjoy this momentary pleasure before you'll be subjected to yet another gruesome death.
no amount of toys or comfort from your father could cure the nightly terrors resurfacing in your thoughts whenever you'd shut your eyes too tight. the blood spilling out open wounds, the stench of rot and decay, even the sensations of maggots crawling inside sinewy bones were memories you carry into every life of yours.
so when the day of your seventh birthday finally came to light, you'd already braced for the unseen impact. you've written a letter for bruce, tucked into the pockets of the cozy pajamas he carefully picked for you the night before, and spent your entire day praying to the lord above to spare youโ give you a less brutal death in front of your only family.
because as much as you could never get used to the pain wracking throughout your entire body, the thought of your father mourning your death hurt even more.
and...
(this is it for now ๐ sorry if this ruins any immersion. but this is not the prologue, this is just a shitty โ and meant to be vague and general โ description meant to reel you people in enough to like what would come next (i hope it worked). read below for more details).
note: okay, i know this doesn't seem good at all at first, just trust me on this idea please ๐ญ i described this better in discord ugh. this is a weird concept that came to me when i was in church. and the mc (you) is a character i plan to be... not likeable per se. they're more so pitiable, miserable, and unfortunately so pious it reeks into every action of theirs because of all the traumas they faced. so much of it happened at such a young age that the moment they experienced a miracle (living past seven), it was like their mind shifted. add on the fact that they're an angel too. they'd think they're meant to be a martyr, a saint, a holy messenger. but also body horror, they slowly turn into a more accurate angel as they grow but the change is slow and debilitating. also, have i mentioned the batfam are even more unhinged and so overprotective in this fic?! bruce is a yandere from the start. dick and the others follow through quite easily. but uhm, it's more polished in my head, i swear, so if you're interested in reading something like this or have any thoughtsโ please comment down below!!! or send asks or idk just interact (not forcing) hehe. if not, i'm still posting it LMAO. it's better in the prologue i swear. as for a&a, i stated before that i'm distancing myself from it for now for personal, but obvious, reasons.
[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over
HEAR ME OUT !! Yuu can temporarily paralyze a mage by striking pressure points on their body that disrupts the flow of their mana , sort of like chi blocking from atla ! At least this way , Yuu has a form of self defense against other mages
Other parts: Riddle; Leona; Kalim; Vil; Idia; Ruggie; Floyd
gn!reader; sfw (subspace is not meant to be smutty but can be perceived as foreplay depending on readerโs wants); word count: 3027; tw: Azulโs canonical low self-esteem
The ocean is ruthless with its inhabitants, and the Coral Sea is no different. Despite the fact that this population is not lonely like the majority of the sea creatures, they learned to toughen themselves up, eat before being eaten, try to become greater than you look, force those around you to submission.
Azul's weak, soft heart was subjected to this terrible treatment. He became used to the dark and cold reality that his homeland, hiding himself in his octopot or running away using his ink as a distraction was something he mastered before meeting the tweels.
And the more he was hurt, the more he pitied himself. When mermaids with pretty, colourful and bright tails existed, who would look kindly to a disgusting octopus? Omegas are meant to be beautiful and soft, like Rielle! Or at least, that's what his former classmates used to spit at him, who could spare a glance to this poor unfortunate soul?
He would show them, though, Azul would swim higher than all those insolent mers ever could.
Courting
Getting to know you was like breathing through his nose for the first time, refreshing and terrifying.
When he met the magicless alpha from Ramshackle, he thought you could be easily defeated much like your friends, as the quote goes โyou're the average of the five people you hang out the most". Azul is an observer, watching his prey before making any move, enticing little fishes until they fall into his tentacles by their own choice.
So of course, you self-sacrifice the little you had to protect your friends. And he underestimated you, he admits. Azul failed in seizing Ramshackle dorm, but he wasn't mad about it, after all, his interest was picked by the resident of it.
โI think you are pretty great without having to steal from others. You have a strength greater than any magic. You are a hard worker, Mostro Lounge is proof of that, it's more difficult to be better at working hard than at magic.โ Do you know how his heart palpitated after hearing your kindhearted words? It surprised him at first, but he shrugged it off for this alpha just being a flatterer, he wasn't special, he thought, he was merely stunned because he didn't think you would act mellow with him after almost leaving you homeless and slaving your friends.
Azul got closer to you during winter break, after dealing with Jamil and receiving you from time to time. Mostro Lounge has the scent of the beach and coral reefs, he personalized the candles to do so, and the more time you spend with him there, helping him cook for two and then choosing a table for you both, the closer he gets the candles to you, making the smell cling to you.
The housewarden is quick to notice his feelings developing, he feels nervous before you visit him, tidying up his lounge and VIP room when you confirm you imminent presence, he is flustered frequently around you, specially when he hears your compliments or words of praise about his establishment, spitting ink discreetly (or he thinks he is being discreet) on napkins as soon as his heart misses a beat and he changes colors.
Yeahโฆ color changes, apparently he learned that he can get even redder than an angry Riddle, or get blue to purple color. That afternoon, while in the bathroom and trying to put his act together before returning to your table, he noticed his affections for you.
Octomers change color to attract mates, also omega octopuses release chemical cues with their scent to seduce alphas, it's alike a pre heat scent, and bringing his wrist to his nose to check- yes, he is awfully aware that for mers he is not being subtle at all.
Azul uses suppressants and scent patches, his scent to attract a mate was so strong that even his precautions were rendered useless. This alpha certainly bewitched him!
Mentioning mers, now Azul can understand Jade and Floyd's strange behaviour, eels have a more keen sense of smell, so undoubtedly they caught up first on his scent. The tweels sometimes lurks by the table, teasing him more than normal, Jade would snicker a comment about a famous tale of a mermaid princess and a human prince mating, or Floyd would steal the cutlery, leaving you and Azul to share one pair.
At least they were keeping these disgraceful actions in private (Azul cheered momentarily).
About his little huge crushโฆ Azul is a bit lost. In a quiet evening in his dorm room, looking at himself in the mirror, he wonders if he has enough confidence to pursue you. If he was younger, he would say no, Jade and Floyd were his only friends, others his bullies, what would make anyone fall in love with him?
But he had worked on himself since then, Azul considers himself average in appearance, he is strong in magic and one of the top students in NRC, on top of that, he is successful, he wonders if this is enough to become a prospect mate. Also, he knows how to appear confident, and a reliant person is attractive, right?
Azul won't outright ask for courtship, he prefers for you to notice yourself that he is your best option in a partner, that way, it seems that it was completely your choice and he would escape the embarrassment of a confession! Two birds in one stone. Also, he can't underestimate the power of body language, like the great witch of the sea once said! He considered making a contract after he ensnared you, but decided against it. He wants a relationship built on affections, someone that won't leave him because it's their choice, not because they are afraid of suffering the consequences.
With his plan in mind, Jade and Floyd intruded in his schemes unprompted, most often than not jabbing at him and trying to discompose Azul in front of you, the twins would often push Azul to your direction, making him trip until you caught him in your arms while asking if he was okay.
The housewarden also would use his new point system in Mostro Lounge to his favour. 1500 madol to gain 3 points, and 50 points are necessary to have a meeting with him is the usual offer that his clients receive, but Azul would place discount coupons for you to find, free points pamphlets or giving you more points than the deal. Besides the usual night meeting that was usual between you two during winter break that turned into a normal occurrence even after the classes returned, you now are frequently in his VIP room in โprofessionalโ meetings.
If you don't have anything to ask for in a deal, that's fine too, you both could do anything at all, save the deal for later.
Before, Azul used his secondary gender to entice more people to his contracts, he wouldn't submit or act flirtatious, but he release pheromones to appear benevolent and willing to help, not his fault that so many betas, alphas or even omegas fall for a compliant omega. With you, he was also more blunt, resting his cheek on his palm to flaunt his neck and looking at you through his lashes, he worked everything in himself, he can be more omega-like to accomplish his objective.
He may think he is being smooth, but Azul is a pathetic loser in love, he schedules your โdatesโ, but he is losing his shit behind closed doors, like a middle school girl with a crush, squealing when he receives your texts, and sometimes he is so damn obvious, staring at your lips intently while turning purple.
Just look at him, permit yourself to drown in his spell of love, breathe in his chemical cues of seduction, and eventually become utterly his.
After you two are officially courting, there's some unhealthy behaviours that needs to be worked upon. Azul often thinks that his value comes from the things he possesses instead of himself, in a way he feels empowered by your relationship, after all, you are the perfect mate, but sometimes his admiration falls onto the toxic side. He started the process to accept himself after the overblot, but on hard days he returns to the old habits, you would become his world and he would feel crushed without you.
It will take guidance and time to form a healthy relationship, he hopes you won't give up on him.
Growling
When he was little, Azul used to growl more, it was one of his only methods of defense from his bullies, to cover their sneers with his sound, hoping the agony of distressed omega would keep them away. As he started his business with deals when he was a junior he learned to contain his growl, for his stepfather explained to him that people who seem friendly and approachable are the most successful.
And while in NRC he almost never growled again, besides from the usual tiring P.E classes, but he would only do that when he was sure no one was listening, for showing weakness was disgusting. For many students, Azul was one of the most calm omegas in the school, and his Octavinelle dorm mates would report that even if they acted up and received a scolding from their housewarden, they never were at the end of a growl.
With Azul becoming comfortable in the relationship, his growls towards you are not out of irritation, if you have a disagreement he still wouldn't voice these tones, preferring to be reasonable than to concede to base instincts, he growls in playful situations, rather.
Like when playing with board games, if you do a move that renders him defenseless, he will growl in betrayal, how could his alpha be so ruthless with him? All of that while his lips quirks in a soft smile.
Purring
Like growling, he doesn't do it often, the moments that he is relaxed are rare and far in between, his mind never rests, his responsibilities and insecurities weightening on him.
When Azul was a little octopus, he purred while protected in his mother's arms or inside his octopot, using the vibrations of a broken purr to comfort himself after a rough day in school.
It also takes Azul to be comfortable in your relationship to purr, they are low sounds and very soothing, his body barely moves when he is making them, so you won't be able to feel it when placing a hand on his chest or neck.
He purrs in times where it's just the two of you together, most likely in his VIP room or any of your dorm rooms, when you cup his cheeks with your ring finger caressing the behind of his ears, his pale skin changes to a plethora of colors while he smiles and purrs, leaning closer to receive kisses and enjoy being spoiled with affection.
Nesting
If he took his time before purring in your presence, showing his nest takes even more. He wants to make sure that you are into this relationship as much as he is, his heart would break in fragments impossible to glue back together if he showed you his most sacred space only for you to turn your back and leave him.
He is not used in assembling nests, not the ones made on land, his nest in the coral sea has his octopot and some corals, algae and shells. On land, he likes lighter blankets and pillows, easier to move and does not make him feel trapped, he chose deep blue tones to make his nest. Azul prefers the comfort of tight spaces, so his nest is either under his bed or inside his closet, he never keeps the nest assembled, changing it's place frequently or tucking away his items.
Azul got some of your things even before officially courting, he didn't outright ask or stole from you (though Floyd might have done something similar either to embarrass him or to play a prank on you if he was feeling like it), he used to make pointed remarks about being in need of a specific clothing or an alpha smell, and you are willing to provide to this omega in need, aren't you?
For when he starts to bring you to his nest, he was extremely nervous, using more scent patches than usual, it was enough to mask his nervousness, but he learned the hard way that there's nothing he can do to prevent the smell of needy omega that he produces whenever he is with you.
Azul needs reassurance, he leans to prefer actions rather than words, so when he gives you permission before you enter his nest, and you don't make any comment of how cramped his nest is and pull him to your embrace, he will purr happily.
Nesting time is quiet if it was dependent on him, he rambles non-stop out of it, but there's no need for words in the attachment of both his safe haven and his sacred space, he won't be opposed for whispered lovesick words though, and while the usual is him talking more between you two, sharing random facts, occurrences in the school or gossip in general, in his nest you become the talker.
Marking
Azul is crazy about marking, he never thought someone would accept him completely, you now use a Octavinelle armband with your uniform, it doesn't matter that you are not part of his dorm, speaking of that, he has available rooms! Wouldn't it be nice if you could live with him 24/7? You can even use this opportunity to transform Ramshackle as another branch of Mostro Lounge, he promises he will give you part of the revenue.
He will be a bit grumpy if you refuse.
The octomer is paranoid about your relationship, that you could leave anytime soon, he needs to keep a watchful eye on you all the time, he is saddened he can't ask the twins for it, they do whatever they want most times, so convincing you to be closer to him is his best option.
The armband reeks of his scent, he debated covering your whole body in it, but he is afraid of being called clingy.
There's only one exception that will make him surpass this fear and claim you shamelessly, it's if another omega threatens his positions, he hears about another omega having a crush on you and making plans to confess? And if Azul hears that this omega is talking badly about him, he will go berserk.
For weeks you had Azul glued to your arm, flaunting your relationship in school halls or with his patrons, and if he is the reason why bad rumors are propagating about that omega he will never let you know.
Subspace
To guide Azul into subspace is difficult, and it would occur unintentionally on a day that he is feeling particularly troubled. He is openly touchy and clingy.
Azul is easy to maneuver in this state, but in a demanding way, Azul has a high pain tolerance, so his alpha can be as rough as they want with him. Bite, scratch, squeeze, Azul will accept anything.
If Azul is feeling daring, he will bring you to his bathroom, return to his octomer form and pull you to his bathtub so you both can entangle together. He will whimper, whine and growl if his alpha tries to get away, his tentacles coiling around their body in a death grip, at the same time his eyes fill with tears, are you so cruel to leave him when he is in need? He will blame his appearance if he suspects that, stay with him and make him feel like the prettiest of them all.
โฝ โผ โพ
โAzul, wait here.โ Jade stopped him in the middle of the hall after leaving Vargasโ lesson, they are on their way to Crewel's classes, and Azul is still feeling out of breath, his throat hurts from the need of water, is he still feeling his own legs? He can't say for sure, the only thing moving him forward being his will to maintain his reputation as a top student. Honestly, if he wasn't drowning on his own self pity, he would notice that Floyd escaped the class.
โWhat is it, Jade?โ Azul turned to him, using a light cloth to clean his sweat. He only received a cryptid smile in answer.
โThey are coming!โ screams of panic from other students fill the air, a commotion to clean the way while Floyd is running through anyone in his way. Azul is starting to feel restless, one thing he knows about the twins, and the current situation he is in, is that they found entertainment in the new reactions that they discovered from the octomer.
And as much as he wanted to yell at them both, from the frustration of them meddling with his relationship with the person he is in love with, and from the sudden push he suffered from Floyd, all his thoughts became white noise the moment he landed.
In your arms, to be exact.
With your scent surrounding him and a strong hold keeping him steady. Azul's legs turned jelly, and you embraced his waist to support more of him. He couldn't help the ink he spilled from his mouth and fell on your chest, mortification hitting him instantly.
โHey, are you alright?โ your voice was heavenly, he felt so flattered by the clear worry he noticed in it.
His scent flared up, Azul mourned the scent patches that clearly were ruined with the chemicals of a octomer begging for a mate. He could even feel himself turning blue and purple!
He needs to answer you, right? You look even more concerned, if that was possible. But any words escaped him with you so close, just the way he wants to spend with his alpha forever.
Azul will put the twins in cleaning duties later, but he may be forgiving if he can snatch more time with you from their antics.
Four times omega!Leona tried to hint that he wanted a relationship (and one time he succeeded)
gn!reader; this is pure fluff and sfw; wc: 1796; no warnings just almost accurate lion behavior regarding mating in some parts
1
As much as Leona prided himself in his ability to read people and their intentions, it seems that his intended mate does not thrive in this subject. Leona is pretty sure that he is being obvious right now, but you do not grasp his desires at all.
After school hours weren't always Leona's favourite, he was bothered by students rustling around and being noisy, some of his sleeping spots getting too busy for comfort, and mostly the time that he was forced to retreat to his room if he didn't want to deal with his peace being disturbed.
But recently, Leona became fond of this moment of the day, because that is the time when he can snatch you up to himself. Sending some Savanaclaw underclassman to ask for you and demanding for your companion is now a routine since he decided to pursue a courtship.
And as much as he would like to initiate it quickly, he guesses that he couldn't expect a human from another world to know beastmen's ways of courtship, especially when it's so vast according to each kind of beast. The thing is, although Leona wants to be reassured of his place beside you, he is not entirely willing to court in a way that he doesn't feel in a courtship.
It's not as burdensome as he would expect, though. He can be patient when the moment asks for it, besides, the hunt is always entertaining.
โHmmโ you squinted your eyes, copying the omega's movement and leaning your head to the side, rendering your neck exposed.
Foolish herbivore.
Leona advanced forward, his lips enclosed the juncture between your neck and shoulders, he bit and pulled the skin in the middle of his teeth, it didn't break, for he would never give a mating mark without consent.
โAh, Leona!โ you startled and pushed him by his shoulders, laughing while you forced him to lay on his back, hovering over him. For a second, he thought you understood him, his pupils dilated as he leaned his head back, expecting a bite in return to evidence that both of you are on the same page.
But it never came, he looked up to assess the situation. being met with your confused expression which he growled at, disappointment filled his chest before he delivered another bite to your shoulder.
2
Perhaps Leona needed more forward tactics, that's what the Savanaclaw dorm leader put in his head to proceed with his courtship.
A show of strength, to prove that he is able to protect. It's a rather antiquated courting method, but still practiced by the nobility in Sunset Savanna. His brother did the same thing before marrying his wife, and they have been a happy couple since then.
โEnlighten me, Leona, what are you doing?โ you hissed under him, showing teeth in defiance, his legs encasing yours while one of his hands rendered your arms useless, his other hand holding your chest down.
โI am stronger than youโ Leona purred, his tail flicked in excitement, finding rest while encircling your ankle. You simply huffed in protest, though there was no fighting to try to take him off of you.
The omega's scent overpowered the flowers from the botanical garden. He was in his deserved place, all around you and so close, his heart palpitated and warmed, fluffy thoughts steering him to cuddle with the acquiescent alpha under him.
โYieldโ the omega commanded, he lowered his body until your noses touched, bringing his face down to nuzzle your cheek and jaw. Leona delighted in the smell of your skin, purring louder and scenting you back, the mix of your scents feeling just right.
Your mischievous laugh sent chills down his spine, and before he knew it, you took advantage of his oversight and freed your hands, attacking his sides with tickles.
Leona is not ticklish, but he is too astonished by the childness of the situation to keep going.
3
By his third attempt, Leona guessed that moreโฆ leaning human courting habits was the most efficient method. Don't get him wrong, though, he still will continue with beastmen practices, however maybe being lenient and adaptive will bring results sooner.
Admittedly, the omega is starting to become a little impatient.
This time, Leona decided that he would present himself as a provider. He called you to Savanaclaw in the afternoon, with Ruggie's help, he lent the hyena money to buy food for dishes common in Sunset Savanna, and when Ruggie was back, he was tasked to cook.
It was supposed to be a simple dinner, first for appetizers was a couple of fruits, grapes, mangoes, papayas and pineapples covered the table, Leona is not a big fan of fruits, but he supposes that they can set a romantic mood for couples.
And he can't deny he is enjoying himself, you picked a piece of mango with a toothpick, moving it close to his mouth. And indeed, even if the taste was underappreciated by him, the setting made his heart flutter.
You smiled softly as he swallowed, choosing another fruit and stabbing it with the same toothpick, bringing to your own mouth this time. He released a sounding purr at the action, satisfied with the intimacy, he headbutted your jaw gently to show his appreciation.
And next, jollof rice, a popular dish of his land, he could only hope that you would like it, because if things went smoothly between you two, it was expected that you would be eating it more oft-
โOh!โ your surprised tone cut through his thoughts โIโฆ thisโฆโ you wagged in the direction of the food, which was moving strangely, he moved closer to inspect it, speaking a resounding growl when he found the culprit.
โPrefect, this food is so good! Why didn't you tell me that you were having dinner? You left me all alone!โ Grim appeared in front of both of you, swallowing a mouthful of rice. Leona advanced forward, catching the weasel by the collar. โHey! You dare to touch the Great Grim? If my henchman can eat, so can I!โ
โFrom what I remember from my invitation, you were not includ-โ
โIt's okay, Leona.โ you patted his shoulder, giving him a soft smile while guiding him back to his seat โThere is space for more, besides, Grim gets huffy when he is left empty stomachedโ
The omega huffed but sat back, it's just one thing that he needs to be aware of, the thinks to himself, you becoming part of his family and culture from Sunset Savanna, means that he also becomes part of yours.
4
Since accepting his feelings, Leona puts effort in attending his classes, he is still as uninterested as before, already knowing the subjects by heart. His motivation is you, if he gets out of the bed, if he walks through the correct halls, then the omega can see you more.
It's also a good way to mark his territory, he can't drench you in his scent yet, not with you unaware of his courting, but it will linger on your sleeves when he touches you, on your pants as his tails flicks and curls around your legs. Besides that, letting other omegas see him on your side is a clear sign for them to stay away.
โAh!โ you gasped when you almost slipped โAce, Deuce and Grim were sent to detention, something about destroying a toilet stall, and Crowley requested them to cleaning duties, I think it's this corridor is one of the places, can't believe they forgot to put the wet floor signs upโ you murmured, slowing your pace.
And although Leona was also being careful, the trio was uncareful, leaving soap soaking the floor. You both slipped, holding onto each other to prevent collapsing, your hands snaked around him, and Leona pulled you until his back hit the wall for support.
You were laughing in disbelief, and Leona couldn't help but want to carve the scene in his brain. The sunlight shining behind you made you look ethereal, and your faces were so close, just a bit closer and your lips would touch.
Leona reasoned, you didn't look uncomfortable, you were still hugging him, you had a delighted expression. An ideal hunter always bides their time, to catch their prey at the most opportunistic moment, but maybe risking now wouldn't be so bad, for you never had a negative reaction towards him.
The omega threw his arms around your shoulders, getting his face closer slowly to gather your response before making a move he couldn't take back. You paused your laugh, focusing solely on him, Leona grinned as he received your attention, knowing that lately it's the thing he desires the most.
โPrefect!โ a sharp wailing tone made Leona's ears twitch in pain โI was looking for you everywhere!โ
"Grim! You need to learn how to wipe the floors correctlyโ and just like that, your attention diverted from him, but Leona comforted himself by the fact that you maintained your arm around his waist, your bodies touching side by side.
+1
Ever since getting used to your company, Leona permitted your presence in his room more frequently. Honestly he is indulging himself, from the point that you and Grim had to stay in his room during the Octavinelle repercussion, he became obsessed with your smell mixed with his, especially in his territory.
When the sun is going down and you are relaxing with him is the perfect ending of the day, and he mourns that you never spend the night. Sometimes you both play together, or just talk, or are in a situation like now, when he is laying in bed and you are sitting next to him, rubbing his tummy.
Leona purred and leaned his head back, affection warming his body. To have all his vulnerable parts exposed is an immense sign of trust, and he did, so much that it burns.
โYou know, since the rice incident I started to research your culture a bit moreโ you whispered, your hand touching the skin of his stomach and tracing circles, the beastman closed his eyes with the soft feeling โI am quite fascinatedโ
โAre you? What were you interested in?โ
You chuckled with mischief, fingers pinching his sides.
โI could show youโ
You lowered your face to his neck, kissing his collarbone before delivering a bite in the junction of his neck and shoulder, nuzzling your cheek with his after releasing his skin. Your eyes met his when you finished scenting the scent glands by the side of his face.
โBiting the neck, shoulders and back, without leaving a mark, is a form to show desire in courtship in beastmen culture, right?โ you muttered โWould you be willing to accept me?โ
โIdiotโ the omega bit you back in retaliation โI did that weeks ago, can't believe you just noticed nowโ
Leona couldn't hold himself back from scenting his alpha now, the courtship being established in his nation's culture made him all fuzzy. He would hold the alpha responsible for it for as long as he could.
sure you can, anon! this request has been on my mind for the past 4 months, and I hope I gave Ruggie some justice in my interpretation of him, as someone who mostly looks out for himself but is very caring with the people he loves, hope you like it!
Ruggie Bucchi as an omega
Other parts: Riddle; Leona; Azul; Kalim; Vil; Idia; Floyd
gn!reader; sfw; a little bit of whiffing your neck if that needs a warning
Ruggie learned what it is to be helpless and hungry very early in life. He wanted many things, food, clothes, income, a peaceful life - stability. Therefore, he works very hard to achieve such accomplishments.
And his grandma, ever the loving woman she is, taught him of love and the many things his mother never had the chance. He loves his grandma, loves the other orphans that live in the neighborhood,loves his community,ย and most of all, loves when he knows they are happy.
As Ruggie grew older, and before leaving to NRC, his grandma decided to teach him another thing. Mating. His grandma insisted that, as an omega hyena, he should choose his mate wisely, someone who won't take him for granted, who just their presence would make him feel at the top of the world.
Hunger is nothing new, yet, the claws inside his heart of a starving beast scenting meat hit him with unprecedented surprise.
Courting
If Ruggie was questioned on how and when he fell in love with you, he wouldn't know how to exactly pinpoint an answer. At first, you were simply an object in the way to his and Leona's victory, a rival that must be defeated when proven as a worthy opponent, then, a begrudging acquaintance who worked together towards a common cause.
And at last, friendship. How could he not have developed feelings? Ruggie is convinced he has a difficult heart to sway, but every man has his limits to cure things. And, oh, what a cute underclassmate you are, seeking his opinions, quietly listening to him, indulging his whims, validating his feelings and covering for him.
A precious soul, one that Ruggie is still unsure whether he wants to put in a little treasure box and protect with his life or completely devour whole.
He thinks, however, he can name many circumstances that made him realize he was in love. Perhaps he would mention the multiple instances where you reminded the things he liked, gifting him unprompted, without persuasion nor guilt-tripping from his part. How you tried to make his life easier, be it assuming part of his chores while charmingly sweet-talking him to rest or convincing his dormmates to be easier on him. The biggest surprise is that you never asked for anything back.
At first, he suspected you, no one does anything without second intentions in mind. However, his suspicions were quickly swept away at how sincere you smell. You're the type to not bother with scent patches, and your pheromones run unrestricted, so Ruggie knows you aren't trying to fool him.
Still, he doesn't like any unpaid debts.
โI don't need any repayment, I'm doing this because I'd like to help you,โ Ruggie hears from you any time he asks what you want in return, the phrase stamped in his mind from how much you repeated it.
Ruggie, only to himself, admits he will compensate all that you do for him. But with a lot of second intentions from his part.
With a heart as kind as yours in a school like this, he knew you would, sooner or later, be completely swallowed by the less-than-trustful people NRC is home to. So as your new self-proclaimed guardian, he will protect you from the unsavory brutes that try to take advantage of you.
If he can drown in your scent and spend more time with you, that's simply a plus.
Ruggie does something that he never imagined himself doing. Instead of dwelling on your reasons to stick with him with no ulterior motives, he chooses to believe you, and greedily take anything you decide to give.
โYou're such a weirdo, y'know?โ He bumps into your shoulder, shaking his head to show his baffleness, as much as to feign disapproval, โLooking after me like this, but I will show you that I'm worthy to stick around.โ
In a short period of time, Ruggie began to trust you wholeheartedly, and soon the idea of courting didn't seem so farfetched from his reality. He became infatuated, and he felt his ambition shifting from โearn his keepโ to also include โyouโ in the calculation.
Omega hyenas choose their partners, and Ruggie chose you.
By the time he realized this fact, a whole new world was open to him, becoming hyperaware of reactions he wouldn't notice previously, like the clam on his hands, how he leans into your direction, how your scent affects himโฆ
Ruggie can barely get enough, subtly getting close to your neck, whiffing the air like an addict in abstinence. It becomes a common occurrence that Ruggie feels guilty of.
To get rid of the guilt, he asks you directly.ย
โShameless!โ is your reply, Ruggie is somewhat impressed that you understand the connotations that is to an omega to like an alpha's scent, since you mostly don't acknowledge second genders.ย
โC'mon,โ he purrs the words out, โShamefulness gets you nowhere in life, I believe sometimes being clear with what you want is one of the best tactics.โย
โAnd what you want is to smell my neck?โ you sound unconvinced.
โPretty much,โ Ruggie answers, shrugging his shoulders and holding his laugh as your face becomes more disbeliefing by the second, he needs to play his cards right, โBeastman nose, a blessing and a curse, most people here smell really bad, from sweat or that pricks like Pomefiore students smelling of strong perfume.โ admittedly, Ruggie is unsure how Vil let things like this pass, but even that Queen doesn't monitor everyone, or approves to some of them, โYou smell nice though, it would be nice if you helped me escape from the rest of the world.โย
That's how you became his walking ambience purifier, taking deep whiffs of you, consensually, when the scents turn overwhelming. And also, how Ruggie learns he can haggle with you for your affection.
Slowly, he turns devoted, from you doing things to help him, he starts to do things to help you. The situation turned into a ridiculous game of tug of war on who could do more for the other.
Then, Ruggie strikes with his first courting gift, a bouquet of varied dandelions. Gifts were nothing new from your side, giving him practical gifts or food, but this is a first from Ruggie, met with an - by his words - adorably confused look from you.
An extreme believer of the phrase โthe way to the heart is through the stomachโ, he starts waking up early to cook a meal for you. Everyday you are met with a bento box, a lunch prepared by Ruggie only for you. Behind your back, he would snarl at Grim if he tried to take a bite from your food.ย
Likewise, if he gets food for himself, and he sees you without a meal, he equally divides his and shares with you.
But transactions are his motto by heart, so he finds ways for you to repay him.
So he turns into pickpocketing some of your belongings, things you would barely bother with, but notice enough for you to go looking for it - no, he is not doing this to have more of your attention, what an atrocious suggestion! An extra eraser you have, a ruler, your favorite mug from ramshackle.
โRuggie, I need this, please,โ you try to get your jacket from his hands, which he quickly dodged.
โOh, you want this back? I have one little requirement, I'm sure you can do itโ Ruggie smile with a devious idea creating root in his mind, stepping back until you also stopped on your tracks, he didn't say anything until he saw you quirking your eyebrow in question, โI will give it back tomorrow if you let me wear this jacket today.โ
You shook your head, trying to make sense of his goals, โI need to wash this, it's my laundry day,โ you reasoned.
โTruly, you should let me wear this only for today! I have places to go, do you know how dangerous it is for big booty omegas like me to be left unattended? At least letโem think I have an alpha.โ Ruggie's words sound more desperate than he was expecting, he bites his tongue. Realization on how much he wants to wear your scent hitting him like a truck.
โIt's not like you don't know how to take care of yourself.โ You sighed, shoulders relaxing in tired resignation, โFine, give me back tomorrow though.โ
Ruggie takes pride in how easily you concede to his whims, he often contemplates on how lucky he is that his chosen doesnโt try to dominate him, instead, fitting perfectly in a relationship of equals. As much as you provide for him, you also don't bat an eye when he provides for you. My possession, his mind provided, Ruggie scarcely had the mind to shake the thought away, he is yours as much as you are his.
The first time you seemed to reciprocate his courting, Ruggie's mind went black. A cold shiver born in his stomach trailed its way into his heart, and a static noise penetrated his ears, he couldn't hear anything you said next, a daze sheen covering his eyes.
In the most undignified manner, Ruggie ran. There was no composure in his actions, if a group of overblots had been trailing him, he is certain he would have run slower. You caught him unprepared!ย
He will have his revenge soon.
Growling
Ruggie, as a hyena beastman, is very vocal. He grunt, groan, yip and whine quite frequently if compared to other omegas. Growling is included in this list.
He unashamedly growls when he is annoyed, but he also forces the sound out of his throat when he is in the mood to tease you. Especially when he desires something from you and - in his words - you are being too cruel to little olโ him and refusing to give up.
โC'mon, it's just a hug, what if you are late to whatever event you have right now? I thought alphas were supposed to appease their omegas' needs.โ Ruggie would complain, mixing growls and whines in between words, and when you finally satiate his desires, he would laugh behind your back, watching as you leave.
Ruggie also growls if you two are playing together. He is quite competitive and would do anything to conquer victory. The adrenaline running through his veins, the rough playing, the places where your skin makes direct contact with his, it's all enough to get him into a zone, mind zeroing on everything that involves you and him. Ruggie's growls, constant and spirited, mix with the sounds of heavy breathing and skitterish laughter.ย
Purring
Ruggie purrs loudly, impossible to ignore, he particularly likes to hug you when he purrs, so you can feel his chest trembling and the hum of his throat. He wants you to feel his happiness and what it does to his body.
Honest purring is common when he is with you. While he is very vocal in public, the softness only comes with you, you can have all the good sides of him, and the โpurrsโ others receive are more often from teasing or mockery.ย
It's not his fault most alphas are stupid and yield themselves for a pretty omega, believing every word he says when he puts a purr into it, giving him things or doing part of his chores when he mutters the right words in the right tone, no matter how disingenuous he sounds. Purrs are amazing!
But with you, Ruggie doesn't use those tricks, he doesn't place his alpha in the same category of others, being much more direct with his intentions, as he knows this has a bigger chance of success with you.
When with you, Ruggie is candid and sincere, his purrs come from a place of happiness instead of deceit, naturally easing himself into your embrace. He especially likes when you scratch under his chin or lightly scratch your nails on his back.
Nesting
Ruggie dislikes an unkempt nest. He may haven't had access to high-end materials, nor the pompous protective screens, but this is no excuse for a lacking nest.
Since embarking at Night Raven College and sticking to Leona's side, he now is a proud owner of an exuberant nest, filled with warm pelts, soft pillows, and pieces of clothing carrying the scent of people he cares for. Ruggie pretends he doesn't notice how Leona always lets him keep the change when he is running errands for the prince, or how he sometimes โmistakenlyโ hands a few thaumarks more than promised, in the same way Leona pretends he has nothing to do with the ever-growing new nest.
Ruggie invites you into his nest when he is sure you are the one. He is pretty territorial over his belongings, so his nest is exclusively his, his safe haven.ย
The omega would call you sweetly, timidly showing off his creation, and preening with smugness when you compliment it. It sure is the best nest you will ever see, he would say. It comes in a day when he is exhausted from his chores and needs his alpha with him in his territory, or a day you have been acting particularly sweet. Either way, once he gets you into his nest, he will want you there every day.
Markingย
Ruggie makes sure to make his mark very public. He is proud to have you, there's no part of him that desires to hide your relationship. After all, omega hyenas choose their partners, and Ruggie is overcome with a sense of haughtiness for having a successful courtship.
He is a constant presence at your side, anyone who sees both of you knows that you are in a relationship from just one look. He doesn't shy away from touches, nor try to suppress his enthusiastic reactions with you.
Ruggie is very attentive, looking out for your reactions for any hint of joy or discomfort you might exhibit, and acts accordingly to the situation. It's common for him to behave protectively if someone makes you uncomfortable, jumping in front of you and either directly confronting the other person, or redirecting their attention.
Making very, very obvious that you are his through his actions, that's how he chooses to mark you.
Omeganspace
When in the mood to completely forget his troubles, rob your time for himself and be just yours for the evening, Ruggie will convince you to abandon any tasks you might have for the day.
In the extremely rare times this happens, he snuggles into your chest and props his head under your chin, silently asking you to nuzzle him. He is as demanding as he is giving, looking at you with the same eyes of a domesticated dog, whining into your ears and nipping your fingers for attention.ย
Ruggie also likes to groom you in these moments, either hairbrushing, doing your skincare and fixing your nails. Sometimes, if he is really immersed in his gestures, he will lick your face and neck, purr box working like a machine.
โฝ โผ โพ
The school's courtyard was always a breath of fresh air, Ruggie's nose still tingles from the scent his classmates produce, strong, spicy and sweaty, typical teenagers who never bothered learning basic hygiene. Ruggie almost thinks it would be worthy to gift the entire class desodorants, just to save his poor nose.
Dandelions sway gently with the breeze, some a bright yellow coloring the pathway, others white looking like cotton. Bending to the ground, trying to not dirty his pants with mud, Ruggie collects both kinds, adding some greenery in the middle for variation.
They might like a bouquet.
He thinks dreamily, imagining your face brightening when you receive this gift, the accomplished smile you give him when you do things for him turning into one of gratitude. Your scenting, usually neutral, turning sweet with happiness, cleansing Ruggie's nose from the horrid odors he has to deal with on a daily basis.
Ruggie is grateful for the skills he learned during his life, picking flowers with his grandma and turning them into either bouquets or wreaths coming in hand to make his first courting gift for you, to finally make a move and establish his intentions. He hopes you also act intentionally with him.
Usually, Ruggie has to fight to achieve his desires, it would be nice if, for once, he got something easily. But it's also fine if you take a bit more to warm up to his advances, Ruggie learned to be patient as well, and victory tastes delightfully when earned.
Maybe, next time, he will make you a crown of flowers. He is admittedly biased, but he thinks anyone would agree you would look beautiful wearing one, just as the title of majesty of his heart.
With the bouquet in hand, he starts his search for you, looking forward to how you will entertain him.
If you soften up because of his gift, Ruggie thinks, a pleasant warmth increasing in his stomach, as well as a fluttery feeling, maybe he will take a bite out of you today.
NSFW - What death note or naruto characters do you think are pure vanilla and which absolutely filthy, Iโm talking want you to cum inside suck it out and spit it in their faces kind of filth.. the duality
Pure Vanilla
Matsuda - Matsuda wants romantic, baby-making sex every time. He's sensitive. He is shy when he's naked. He's easily embarrassed. He's a pervert but only when it's about his Alpha and never about himself. Mans wants to be treated nicely at all times.
Add a Little Spice
Light - Light is not one to give up control in the bedroom and he likes what he likes. I put him here because he's willing to try new things if his Alpha says he might enjoy it.
Near - Near has no frame of reference for sex outside of his mate so when they start having sex, he's learning and what he learns is that he likes vanilla more often than not. However he is also curious so if something catches his attention and if the tingles are good, he's gonna wanna try.
L - L is similar to Near but only that he's never had sex outside of his Alpha. He likes erring on the side of comfort with it as well. But the man went through puberty and wrote down every time he had a thought that send a jolt through his clit so he could explore it later.
Unhinged Filth
Mello - Mello is a Certified Freak. He will try almost anything once. He needs his dick appointments to match his moods. He made a code word list to help his Alpha give him what he needs because it's the closest thing to his Alpha reading his mind he can get.
Matt - Certified Freak No 2. Mans lives on the internet. Mans is a gamer. Mans got himself an Alpha and the beast was unleashed. Does not care, Will never care, Wears his Monogamous Slut pin with pride.
Not that I think all marriages are doomed but when deciding who to marry you should ask yourself โis this someone Iโd want to divorce?โ As in, is this someone I believe would be mature and fair, even when theyโre upset and donโt particularly like me at the moment. Is this someone I could continue to trust while going through an adversarial process? And if the answer is no, donโt marry them.
โง PAIRING: wolf!toji fushiguro x f!reader | 9.2k words
โง SUMMARY: ok so more hybrid au tendencies, um scenting, sorry toji has a slight obsession with making sure you smell like him?, uhhh blood, lots of blood, violence, murder
โง RHEYA'S NOTE: help not me disappearing since june.. sorry for the wait everyone :333 here's an extra long chapter that i hope makes up for it !! nothing too crazy this chapter except for the violence.. otherwise we're back to our regular emo pining wolf guy :33
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your eyes shoot open, heavy breaths escaping your throat. your body is uncomfortably hot, sweat making your shirt stick to your back as you stare at the ceiling. your mind is spinning, images of vans and black boots and guns that make bile rise in your throat.
toji barges into your roomโall hulking breaths and coiled muscles that make you flinch in surprise. jade eyes dart around the room, wide and frenzied in a way that you haven't quite seen before.
"tojiโ" you reach out a trembling hand, and his ears flick at your voice. he's immediately turning, gaze swimming over your figure. his clawed hand grips yours without even thinking, and you relax a little at the contact.
"what happened?" he asks, voice low and terse as he sits on your bed. you can see the tension in his muscles, the rigid posture of his tail and ears, but his green eyes are looking straight into your soul.
you stare at him for a second, panting, before throwing your arms around his neck. he stiffens at the contact, and immediately you realize what you're doing.
shit. you've overstepped.
you're about to pull away but then you feel one palm patting in between your shoulder bladesโawkwardly, and a little too heavy handed, as though unfamiliar with the gesture, but it's there all the same. he is warm, reliable and sturdy, and yet you feel the thundering of his heart against your own. your mind is spinning, but you're aware enough to feel the way tears are collecting at your waterline.
"what's wrong?" the wolf's voice cuts through the fog in your head. you swallow tightly, shaking your head.
"nothing," you murmur, pressing your forehead into his shoulder. "just had a weird dream. sorry."
you hear him exhale, tension leaving his frame. toji's voice goes slightly amused, a semi snarky chuckle escaping his lips. "some scary ass dream, huh? i could hear you crying."
you pull away and shove him, huffing indignantly. "i wasn't crying!"
he leans back on his palms, canine smirk and all. "sure. that's believable."
you groan in exasperation, flopping backwards into your pillows. "you know, you're a lot more likeable when you keep your mouth shut."
he skillfully ignores you. "what was the dream about?"
you stiffen.
(should you admit itโthe way you saw police and men in black uniforms appear at your front door, demanding you fess up to your crimes? is it the right thing to doโtelling him that they raised weapons loaded with some kind of tranquilizer and pointed it at his chest? do you share that? the same way you shared your home, your life, your heart?)
"honestly... i can't even remember anymore."
he makes a sound that's halfway between a scoff and a laugh. "tch, idiot."
your foot meets his ribcage, not hard enough to hurt but not lightly eitherโhe barely winces. instead, his grin widens, and you feel like you're seeing it happen in slow motion, capturing every frame.
"whatever. get your ass up," he pats your foot, before standing up. "thought you had work today?"
you nod with a groan and he rolls his eyes. "then get up. quit being lazy."
"bitch," you mutter. he bares his teeth at you, but it's teasing, as you've learned to pick out over all these months. you suppress a smile, but he seems to still catch it, and he offers you a slanted smirk before rolling his eyes again and stepping out.
your smile drops. you're not exactly sure why a silly dream bothers you so deeply; after all it's not like it was real. but maybe just the idea of toji being snatched away from your life is enough to make you uneasy. and if you look deeper into that, if you wonder why a stray hybrid you picked up off the streets has managed to keep such a tight hold on youโwell, you're not sure you'll like what you find.
(an intense feeling, one that you know he keeps no space for in his life.)
these thoughts have been consuming your mind for weeks, and it's becoming increasingly more difficult to go about your day pretending that you aren't crazy about the wolf hybrid living in your home.
so unfortunately, it ends up spilling out in a tumbled admission to the people you trust most.
you let out a weary groan, hitting your head against the table. utahime gives you a sympathetic look, patting your shoulder. "it's literally not a big deal."
your head shoots up, pinning her with an incredulous look. "being in love with my hybrid?!"
she rolls her eyes, sipping her tea as she leans an elbow against the wall of your cubicle. one heeled foot crosses over the other, hip jutting out accordingly. "it's pretty common now."
"yeah but..." you hesitate, chewing on your nail. "i don't think toji would be so open to it."
utahime's brows shoot up to her hairline. "why not?"
"well..." you trail off, trying to figure out how to explain without saying too much. "toji kinda hates humans."
utahime snorts under her breath. "can't blame him. we suck."
you nod in what you feel is agreement. "he finds it really hard to trust humans, so i'm pretty sure anything romantic is off the table for him."
"but he trusts you, doesn't he?"
utahime's stare is pointed, and you fidget uncomfortably. yes he does and you know this. but that trust probably stems from the fact that you showed him some simple kindnessโit says nothing about any sort of romantic feelings. "yeah, but still. besides i'm sure he'd much rather settle down with a nice hybrid who understands him well."
(the thought is sharp, stingingโthe quick pinprick of a needle. but it aches all the same. you know that it is unrealistic to expect toji to stay with you forever. in fact, you're surprised he's even stuck around this long. but the thought of him leaving and settling down with someone else doesn't just make you sad; it makes your stomach churn. uncomfortably, nauseously.
something green.)
"jealous?" utahime's hits you with an unimpressed quirk of her brow. you groan, embarrassed that she's caught you so easily.
"yeah..." you mumble, pressing your cheek into your desk, hoping the surface will open and swallow you whole. your friend chuckles quietly.
"well, i didn't expect you to admit it." she once again pats your back with a mixture of pity and laughter before taking a sip of her tea. "i'd say just go for it."
"go for what?" you stiffen at the voice, craning your neck to eye shoko ieiri as she walks over.
"nothing," you pout, but utahime doesn't miss a beat.
"she's in love with her hybrid." her matter-of-fact tone makes you groan yet again, shutting your eyes and ignoring the heat that's crawling up your neck. you hear shoko's quiet laugh, half amused and half disbelieving. you take a peek at her expression and find her brow quirked and a slanted smile on her lips.
"is that a bad thing?" she questions, taking a seat next to you. you shift to face her, watching the way the pointed dark brown ears atop her head twitch to the sound.
"yeah." your voice is muted, dull, smothering a huff, and her grin widens.
"how so?" she leans closer conspiratorially, and you notice the way her long tail is slowly flicking side to side. "you have a problem with hybrids?"
you pick your head up to throw her an offended glare, as though the very implication has wounded you. she grins wider, enough to show her fangs, and you reach over to shove her arm gently. "you know i don't."
"yeah yeah." shoko waves her hand dismissively, before resting her chin on it. "so what's the problem?"
you hesitate. you had mentioned to them that you had "gotten" a hybrid. but for the sake of toji's safety, you had kept the details of his background hidden. but these two are... the closest friends you've ever had. it's obvious they'd never do anything to put you in a position where you might be in danger.
so...
"you can't be mad at me when i tell you." you pin both of them with a meaningful stare. shoko's smile drops a little, brows pinching as she scoots closer. utahime does the same, her tea all but forgotten as she crosses her arms.
"what?" shoko asks, voice taking on a gentle lilt that you rarely hear from her. you swallow, leaning back in your chair and staring at the ceiling.
"i didn't... buy him. or adopt him from an agency," you admit, narrowing your eyes. utahime's voice comes out confused in return.
"what do you mean? i thought you said you adopted him?"
"no," you admit. "i found him. in the streets."
there's a pause, and shoko shrugs. "so what? lots of people take in strays. it's a long process but you can make it official at an agencyโ"
"no i can't," you interrupt. utahime makes another sound of confusion, but shoko studies your pinched expression with a guarded look in her eye. she says your name once, resolutely, and then puts a clawed palm on your hand.
"what happened?" she asks, a little strain in her voice. you look up at her with a defeated expression that makes both of your friends paused.
"he's.. from underground." your voice is barely a whisper, but shoko's dark ears twitch as they catch it. utahime gasps so loud it makes you wince.
"are you crazy?!" she hisses, getting in your face with wide, worried eyes. "that means he's a predator! you took in a predator that used to fight underground?!"
you nod, a little miserable. saying it aloud makes you sound like the stupidest person alive. but you don't regret it (how could you, not when toji has become the very oxygen you breathe).
you look at shoko, awaiting her reaction, but her eyes are trained on your desk with a surprising intensity. "so... he's not a dog, is he?"
"wolf."
she nods, even as utahime seems to be on the verge of a heart attack. you wince guiltily at her scolding, chastened. shoko however, looks at you critically. "do they know he's escaped?"
you sink your teeth into your bottom lip nervously. "i'm not exactly sure. i think his family does though, and they aren't happy about itโreal shitty people."
utahime looks like she can't get any paler, but shoko's face is taut with an intensity you haven't seen before. "are you in danger?"
"no," you answer. "no, i don't think so. his family might threaten him, but the worst they can do to me is call the police. i won't get in trouble, since i'm human, but if the police find him they'll drag him back. and shoko, i-i can't, he'sโฆ i meanโ"
"it's okay." she squeezes your hand. "i know, i get what you're saying. all you need to do is be careful."
"shoko!" utahime's protest is silenced by the resolute look of the cat hybrid in front of you.
"you have to keep him safe," shoko affirms grimly. "conditions down there are already rough. but if they recapture him and send him backโฆ it'll be brutal. he broke the rules, and they don't see us hybrids as living creaturesโto them, we don't even really feel pain."
the implication is there, and it makes your stomach churn.
"don't tell anyone else about him," she gravely continues. "if anything does end up happening, you guys can come hide out at my place. but do not tell people that you have him. and if they found out, lie and say he's a dogโhusky or something that looks close to a wolf so people aren't suspicious he's a predator. predators already don't have the best reputationsโeven the ones who are good."
your thoughts briefly drift to nanami, who had run away from underground and was still doing his best to help others like him.
"okay." you nod emphatically, chewing on your nail again. "okay."
shoko's tense posture relaxes marginally, her dark tail giving a low, slow swish. you glance at utahime, and grimace helplessly at her worried frown. she seems to take your expression with more grace than expected, and she sighs, sitting down in her chair.
"you sure this isn't dangerous for you?"
you exhale shakily. "honestly, i don't know. but i don't really care about me right now. i don't think i'd be able to take it if they took him back to that hellhole. and the thing that worries me is he looks like a wolf, y'know? he's massive, and the ears, tail, teethโ"
you cut yourself off with a groan, putting your face in your palms.
"of course, he just had to be the most obvious predator out there." shoko leans back in her chair as she rubs her temples in mock exasperation. "dogsโฆ"
"you're just saying that because you're a cat!" utahime pipes up, and shoko rolls her eyes in response.
"well yeah." she then turns to you. "gotta be a little biased. besides, it doesn't matter as long as he plays off a domesticated breed well."
"what, like you?" is utahime's retuning question.
"i mean, i'm not a predator hybrid," shoko shrugs casually. "i'm just a sweet, pretty burmese cat, thank you very much."
"you definitely should've been a predator. you aren't domesticated at all. in fact, wet raccoon is probably more fitting." your voice is a playfully mutter, and her tail whacks at your arm in retaliation, which only elicits a laugh.
"oh wow, you think you're funny."
a beat of silence passes, and it gives enough time for your amusement to fade and your worry to come back. the cat hybrid at your arm takes notice, and gently pats your hand. "relax. he'll be okay. justโฆ remember what i said."
you give her a sidelong glance, a bit curious. "you're pretty calm about this whole thing. know a lot of underground escapees?"
you're only joking when you say it, but she pins you with a mirthless stare, and your smile drops.
"i may not be a predator hybrid," she finally says, resting her body weight on the arm of your chair. "butโฆ i live with two of them."
both you and utahime look at her sharply, taken aback. this had never been brought up before.
"what?!" utahime hisses, gaping. "since when?"
"few months ago." she answers.
"you never told us..." utahime gapes and shoko shrugs with a sigh.
"i was trying to be careful. i didn't want anything accidentally getting out and putting us in trouble for no reason," she admits, and you nod before she even gets the sentence out.
"trust me, i get that."
her lips quirk up at your obvious show of understanding before she continues.
"one of the two i have, he's from underground too." shoko taps her claws against your desk absentmindedly. a sadness you haven't seen on her before permeates the shades of her eyes. "took a lot for him to get out of there, but i'm never gonna let him get taken back."
it's familiar, the resolve in her voice. you've heard it in your own tone multiple times before.
"but..." she sighs, a strangely fond smile on her face. "even if he's from down there, he's sweet. i know he'd never hurt anyone. so yeah, if i need to lie and hide himโฆ"
you understandโof course you do.
"what about the other one?" utahime asks, dragging her chair closer and lowering her voice. "also an escapee?"
"yeah but not from underground." shoko answers, leaning back in her chair. "his storyโฆ well, i'm sure you've heard of what happens when rich people get their hands on rare animals."
your brows dip, anger flitting over your expression. humans have always been known for parading around predator animals in their captivityโa show of wealth, power, status. of course they extended such liberties to hybrids too. collared them and confined them to their mansionsโforced them to heel and sit pretty like some sick trophies.
there was so much wrong with the way hybrids were treated, you were starting to lose track of all the atrocities.
"yeahโฆ" you finally say to her, nodding grimly. "i hope he's doing okay now."
"he's doing a lot better." a soft smile flickers across the cat's face. "he, uh, hates physical contact. he wouldn't let me near him the first few weeks. but now, he's comfy with me. and he gets along with the other guy pretty decently too. not at first thoughโthey fought like crazy."
her fond smile makes the weight in your chest ease.
"what kind of hybrids are they?" utahime can't keep the curiosity out of her voice.
"a snow leopard and a panther," she chuckles, shaking her head. "wrangling them out of fighting was definitely an experience."
"sounds like three cats under one roof is enough of an experience," you grin, and she laughsโyour expression softens. "i really hope they stay safe."
"that's the plan. they're my secret for as long as i can keep them." she smiles resolutely. "i hope toji stays safe with you too."
"that's the plan," you repeat with a wry smile.
(and of course, you mean it.)
****
(but that is his plan too.)
late at night, toji's feet take him back to the cursed place he received his name. his family home is just as he recalls, dull and unwelcoming. he stands by the entrance gate with ice in his expression, hood pulled up over his ears and claws digging deep into his pockets.
it is easy to enter the zenin compound undetected. as much as it angers him, his body remembers all the secret entrances, the gaps where servants don't mingle and guards don't tread. it comes back to him the same way people describe the skill of riding a bicycleโlike it had never left, just waiting to be rediscovered.
it's as quiet as he remembers it to beโan oppressive, grating sort of silence that stifles down any semblance of comfort. as usual, it feels nothing like a home; cold and mechanical. while years ago he would've been used to that, toji feels utterly spoiled now.
(after understanding what kind of warmth it takes to make a home.)
it's well after midnight, nearing two in the morning when toji slips into the silent halls. it was intentional, of course, because he knew his uncle was a stickler for his rules and routines ("the house must be quiet by midnight. not a pin drop to be heard, never a hair out of place. you know nothing of discipline, filthy muttโ").
naobito's rules say the house should be asleep by now, and that's exactly what toji is greeted with. so, it was fairly simple to find himself standing in front of his uncle's chambers, fists clenched. he slips inside and slinks across the room; phantom-like. there is an ugly feeling roiling in his stomach now. possibly, it had been building since the day his family shipped him underground, but he can't be sure.
his uncle was dozing deeply, against fine silks and cushions. oddly enough, his face lacks the disgusted expression toji was so used to seeing. it's strange, he thinks, that someone so hateful could manage to look so peaceful.
(perhaps in death, naobito zenin's expression wouldn't be poisoned by hatred.)
toji pauses, standing at the bedside like some sort of reaper. could he, truly, be the one to snatch the life force of his own blood?
(but then he remembers the earnest expression you gave him. intent and resolute.
"... if there's an unwelcome guest showing up at the door, and we've asked themโno, begged themโto leave us alone and they haven't listened... then maybe the only thing left to do is force them to leave."
that's what you had told him, with a flame in your eyes that was almost blinding. you had given him your express permissionโno, your approval. you had effectively told him that you wouldn't feel any different about him whether his hands were red or not.
at the end of the day, wasn't he doing this for good reason? for the two of you? doesn't that make it justifiedโtaking out a threat that endangered the fragile bubble of peace he had so carefully cultivated for himself?
and if it wasn't justified, then wellโฆ toji didn't mind being the monstrous animal his crazed kin believed him to be.)
his claws are around the old man's throat in instant; no hesitation. naobito's eyes fly open, a strangled gasp escaping his throat as toji's grip tightens. it takes a minute for the realization to settle, but then the fear seeps in. his uncle scratches at toji's hands, but the wolf barely flinches, staring down at his flesh and blood with a vacant expression.
"to... jiโ" it's a pitiful cry, smothered and pained, but toji doesn't care. his claws dig into the flesh of naobito's throat, drawing red rivulets of blood. it spills down the curvature of his neck, seeping into the pillows under his head and staining them maroon. the old man's hands fly up to push at toji's face, but he finds he can only reach the apex of the hybrid's chest. the efforts are futile, like pushing against a brick wall, and toji looks down at him blankly.
"i warned you, didn't i?" the wolf can barely recognize his own voice, low and tainted with heaviness. it comes out feral and strained like he's never heard before. "to leave me alone?"
naobito's eyes bug, the skin of his face discoloringโshades of blue, shades of purple. he tries to speak, but the only sound that escapes is a pained stridor, wheezes and whistles. the old man's eyes shine with desperation.
"s-sorโ"
no. he doesn't want to hear it. no apology would ever be good enough to earn forgiveness, not from naobito zenin. that ugly feeling that had been settling in his gut surges upward, mixing with a deep anger he had repressed since he was a clueless pup. it overtakes him, quick and fastโlightning in his veins.
toji's claws tighten, and then stretch, and then twist, until he hears a resounding snap. the room goes utterly silent. no more choked wheezing or gasping, no more rustling of the sheets. he only now realizes that his fangs have been bared in a desperate snarl, chest heaving with effort. the skin on his hands prickle, and he looks down to find them torn and scratched, no doubt the work of the dead man under him.
he hesitates for a second, before pulling back his hands. for a second, toji stares at his uncle's lax expression, countenance frozen in horror, and a sick sense of satisfaction crawls through his veins. it warms the ice sitting in his blood vessels, making his fingers twitch and tremble.
but he pushes down his disgusting sense of accomplishment for now, and then quickly cleans up. he does his best to erase the traces of himself. he knows that when his uncle's body is discovered, they will scour his form for residual clues on who his murderer could be. but naobito's adamance to ensure that toji's existence remained unknown would come in handy now. after all, the zenins never exposed the shame of their bloodline. there was no record of toji zenin even being born, and that would play to his advantage.
and so, he didn't care much about what he left behind. perhaps they'd find his fingerprints, or maybe his blood. but he effectively didn't exist, and so those identifying features wouldn't be able to identify himโthe black sheep; the stain.
it's almost scary, how toji moves onto to his next target. as though it was something to brush off. he had just killed his own uncle with his bare hands, and he'd felt good doing it. now he was tracking down his sick cousin with the same intentions. he almost didn't feel like himself, possessed by some vengeful being puppeteering his limbs.
even before he enters his naoya's room, he knows that his cousin is awake. his ears flick as he hears the sound of rustling and movement, along with the dull sounds of a tv. toji almost bites back a laughโfunny how his poor cousin could be lazing around so peacefully while his father lay dead down the hall.
there's no point in wasting time. toji slips inside silently, rage now taking over him again. he's briefly reminded of the anxious way you spoke about naoya that day; how shaken you were despite your attempts to hide it. it makes toji irrationally angry, and all he cares about is channeling that anger towards his next sin. he grits his teeth, seeing his cousin lounging on one of his chaises and watching tv without a care in the world (like he hadn't threatened toji's only source of peace). naoya's back is turned, still unaware of his hybrid cousin looming behind him. while it would be easy for toji to reach out and snap his neck, a sick twisted part of him wants to prolong thisโto make his asshole cousin suffer the way toji had suffered since the day he was born.
"hey," toji is surprised at how level his voice remains, because internally he feels like some disturbing mess. he can feel the ice in his expression as he watches naoya, hawk-like. but naoya doesn't flinch, as though expecting this development.
"decided to come crawling back? finally learned your place?" naoya's grin is stretched wide, hand propped behind his head. he doesn't even turn to look at toji. perhaps, if he did, he would've noticed the blood splatters on his hoodie, the murderous look in his eyes.
"i take it your pretty little friend told you about our conversation?" the blonde chirps, and toji can almost hear the smug grin.
"she did." the wolf's voice trembles with barely concealed rage. "you had no right talking to her."
"jealous?" his cousin sings back. "i've gotta hand it to you, toji. you really scored. ran away without getting caught and managed to trap a pretty thing like that in your bullshit."
naoya's back remains turned, and he waves his hand carelessly as he continues. "well, whatever. frankly i don't give a damn what happens to her. just get back underground and make yourself useful. we haven't got any earnings for months. honestly, father should've dragged you back earlier because this whole game is ridiculousโ"
"i told you bastards," toji interjects, taking another step closer, to the point where his shadow is looming over his cousin's frame. "to leave me alone. you could've just listened, right?"
naoya's scoff is bitter and haughty all at once. "leave you alone? don't you get it, you pathetic freak? you are noโ"
that's all it takes. toji's claws are wrapped around the nape of his neck in mere seconds. naoya chokes on a scream, hands flying up to claw at toji's hands desperately, just as his pathetic father had done mere moments ago.
"what?" toji's voice is murderous, bordering a snarl and yet strangely even. "i'm what?"
naoya's words come out in a garbled mess of sounds, and that sick pleasure courses through toji's veins yet again.
"go on, cousin. say it." the taunts come freely, years of repressed rage filtering through. "you've tortured me for years. even as brats you couldn't be fucking worseโ"
naoya's feet flail, skin going pallid as he wheezes.
"and all i could do was fucking endure it. to listen to that crap every fucking day of my life in this hellhole. and thenโฆ" he bares his teeth. "you pricks had the audacity to make me your little plaything. for years i kept up with your bullshit."
toji licks his lips, claws pinching into his cousin's throat.
"truth is, i should've killed you the minute i knew i was able to." toji's grip tightens, and naoya sputters, eyes bugging in almost the same way his father's had.
it's messy, but toji doesn't hesitate. it's a liberating feeling, cutting through rotten sinew and muscle with the fangs and claws he was blessed with. bitter wine spilling over his tongue and into the creases of his palms. a high like never before; utter relief. the eyes that have been burning into his shoulder blades finally being pulled from their sockets, crushed under his feet. there's no remorse behind his jade green gaze. instead there's a freedom that he hasn't been granted in all the years he's been alive.
he slips out of his family home just as silently as he entered.
toji presses his bloodstained hands into his pockets, tugs the hood over his hair to conceal his pointed ears and red speckled face. leaves the house behind without a sliver of hesitation, and in it, all of the debris of his pastโthe blood, the decay, and every minute of the agonizing life he was forced to live under the curse of his birth.
tomorrow morning, chaos will ensue. police will be called, news channels will sing. but all of that will not matter, because toji will be safe in the bed you gave him, his ears picking up the sounds of you finally waking up. the thought brings a strangely satisfied smile to his face, and he's able to push away the bile rising in his throat as he heads back to you.
he slips into the house quietly, knowing you're probably still deep in sleep, exactly the way he had left you. all he wants to do is get inside, wash the grime out of his skin, and fall asleep for as long as he can. the lights are off, his sharp eyes immediately adjusting to all the shadows and shapes of your apartment. perhaps, if he was human, he wouldn't have noticed you at first. but he is, regrettably, an animal, and that's exactly how he catches your figure sitting on the couch.
you shift when you hear the door open, turning to peek over the couch, and suddenly a jolt of fear shoots through himโwhich is ridiculous because he had never felt fear before in his life. and yet these days, when it came to you, he seemed to be feeling it constantly.
"toji?" you call out, and something in your tone tells him you know exactly where he was and what he was doing. another spike of fear, cloying at his ribcage that trembles with every rapid pulse of his heart.
"don't get up." his voice is a foreign sound, strained and choked. he sees you freeze, and his teeth grind against each other.
"toji," you repeat, this time not so much a question. this time, there's an undeniable softness warping around the syllables, and it makes him feel even worse. he hears you stand up, and he panics.
"just... go to bed," he spits out. now he can properly taste it, the residual flavor of iron. now it travels down his system and settles in a place that makes him nauseousโa sickening, infecting thing. what had he done? "seriously, go to sleepโ"
"toji."
he stiffens. there it is. that firmness in your voice that leaves no place for him to argue. a tone that he'd never expected himself to come to obey, to value. it's not in his natureโrelentingโespecially to those weaker than him. but he finds that he does with you. relents and indulges and gives and gives and gives.
he remains in place, ears flickering at the sound of your muffled footsteps approaching. even in the dark, the precision of his eyesight is both a blessing and curse. he's able to make out every single micro expression that teases the contours of your face when you walk closer.
first, it's confusion and concern. then your eyes focus on the stains on his skin and splatters on his face and suddenly it's morphing into wide eyed shock. he waits for it, the inevitable disgust to bleed into your expression. for that unfiltered sweetness that you so graciously look at him with to gradually drip away from your eyes.
but it doesn't. instead, your expression pinches in a way that looks almost grateful. grateful and sad and heartbroken and safe.
(that's what it was, he thinks. the reason why guilt didn't threaten his resolve, why morality didn't seem to come knocking at the door when he was elbow deep in zenin blood.
safety. your safety. protected in between his bloodstained palmsโwarm and untouched.)
"are you okay?" you murmur, looking at him. it's a intense stare, your eyes bright with some unknown emotion he can't quite place. he nods once, staring back at you as though breaking the contact itself was a sin.
he purses his lips, fingers twitching at his sides. "you'll never have to worry about him again."
"toji." again, the caress around his name, steady and soft. "that's not what i asked."
his stare bores into yours. (a part of him wishes you'd crumble under the intensity of his gaze, but he'd be foolish to count on it. if anything, he's the one who will buckle at the knees; always relenting for you.)
"yeah." there's there odd tension in his vocal cords. it makes the muscles in his throat strain uncomfortably, grating against each other. "i'm okay."
the stiffness in your shoulders dissipates, and you take a step closer, studying him, before asking him something he doesn't quite expect. "do you want to shower?"
toji's expression flickersโconfusion. perhaps you're asking him because you can't stand the sight of him covered in blood (or maybe because you recognize that he hates the feeling of it on his own body a lot more). he stares at you wordlessly, his gaze awfully heavy. black pupils take up all the space against their jade green backdrop, zeroing in on every single feature. his tongue darts out to wet his lips. you're so close, so tantalizingly close.
the slope of your nose, the curves of your cheeks, the planes of your face. colored irises, similarly dilated pupils, fluttering lashes. parted lips, tender flesh. gods above.
toji swallows tightly, standing before you and feeling like all the strength in his body has left him. he feels dirty, utterly abhorring that you're seeing him like this. but there is some small part of him that almost preens with delight because no, you aren't running. you're looking at him the same way you always have (grateful and sad and heartbroken and safe).
(i've done it. not just for me, but for you. for us. knees soaking in a red river and the carcass in my palms. holding it up for you; an offering. it's all i have, but i hope it's enough. hope that it's enough to convince you that my body is worthy to be cradled between your palms. please. please. pleaseโ)
"yeah," he finally responds to your question, and you take his hand in yours without question. once again, he's reminded of your differences. soft skin against clawed fingers, this time, with the added color of blood (staining you wine red, right?) and heavy with sin. but you don't mind (you never do), just leading him back into the bathroom the way you did all those months ago after forcing him to take shelter from the rain in your little home.
(it's almost laughable, thinking back to that night. the most you had been worried about was him accidentally seeing your dirty underwear. now here he was, killing in your name, even if he'd never admit it.)
you do just as you did that night. push the shower curtain aside, turn the water on, dip your fingers underneath until it's the perfect temperature. and then you turn to look at him with that ridiculous sweetness in your eyes that managed to ensnare him from the very startโa siren call in its own right.
and just as he did that night, he allows you to lead him into your space, craving comfort in the midst of every chaotic moment he hasn't been able to escape.
"thank you." your voice cuts through the sound of the shower running, and his narrowed gaze finds yours. he doesn't realize that you've taken his hand again, thumb pressing into his bloodied knuckles meaningfully. for a second, he almost recoils, hating the way the stain seeps into your clean skin, but your grip is tight; unwavering.
"it's nothing..." he answers back, breaking eye contact to study a spot on the wall. it's strangely difficult to swallow, tight and uncomfortable. he can feel the steam from the running shower seeping into his back. his right ear flicks absently, claws giving a slight tremor in your grip. when he glances back at you he finds your eyes are bright with something againโintense flames intended to burn him from the inside out. you look like you want to disagree with his words, but instead your lips twitch into something like a smile, squeezing his palm just slightly.
"wash up." you drop his palm, and he immediately misses the contact. "and then go to bed."
he nods, pathetically acquiescentโas he always is in front of you. something in your gaze tells him you would've thanked him another thousand times if he let you. but you settle for leaving that fire in your eyes, something akin to gratitude and a bit of pride flickering in the embers, and he finds that a lot easier to comprehend. when he stands in the shower, watching the blood mix by the drain and turning the water a faint pink, he is reminded of his time in his cell.
and just like back then, he is glad the blood is not his.
he sleeps soundly that night, after having washed away the evidence of the horrors he had committed. his tense limbs relax when he thinks about the conviction in your eyes, his shoulders feeling less burdened now that the remaining ties to his old life have been permanently cut.
****
it's amazing, the feeling of enjoying peace.
of course, both you and toji know this doesn't mean he can prance around freely. but still, there is a differenceโlimbs freed from heavy shackles.
despite having to keep his features hiddenโhood up, hands tucked into pockets, eyes downโtoji feels perfectly content even in public. he does his best to avoid stepping into crowded places, but even then, he feels much lighter. he feels relieved at the absence of greedy eyes drilling into his back.
and you? well, you feel much more comfortable heading to the convenience store at night, or traveling to work, or walking home under the streetlightsโno longer needing to peek over your shoulder for another zenin ambush.
for the first time in weeks, everything feels normal.
"so yeah, shoko says it's good," you explain, folding your pajama pants. toji makes a noncommittal noise, eyes trained on the tv as he works on folding one of your t-shirts.
"you know i don't mind what we already have," he mutters.
you huff out a quiet laugh, setting down the folded pants and reaching for another article of clothing from the laundry basketโtoji's tank top. "yeah, but still. she says her hybrids love the meat from this place. it's apparently great quality."
he gives you a sidelong glance, attention still split between your voice and the tv. "you said she has cats?"
"panther and snow leopard."
"huh." he turns his head. "sure, if you're downโwe can try this place."
you grin, pleased for some strange reason. "great. i'll buy some of the regular meat from the grocery store too though. just in case you don't like the new stuff."
toji snorts, smirk tickling his lips. "yeah right, you just want some for yourself."
"um? i'm getting it for you, asshole!"
"yeah right, you'd probably starve me and eat it all yourself."
the pillow you chuck bounces harmlessly off his chest, and he quirks and unimpressed brow. "really?"
"next time i'll throw a brick." your grin is evil and toji snorts in response.
"oh i'm so scared," he smirksโall fangs, no threat.
the knock on your door makes both of you pause, smiles vanishing. toji's on his feet in an instant, bristling.
"let me," you whisper, grabbing his forearm before silently making your way to the door. he watches, tense and ears rigid, ready to pounce.
you approach the door and quietly look through the peephole. your stomach drops. two police officers stand there, expressionless. you turn in abject horror.
"go!" your hiss is just barely a whisper, but toji hears you all the same. in a second he's out of sight, no doubt hiding in his bedroom, and you clear your throat, steeling yourself before opening the door.
(that's it, caught. your nightmare has become reality. guns and black boots and tranquilizers andโ)
"sorry to bother you, ma'am." the officer in front nods at you politelyโhis graying mustache twitches when he speaks. "we're just going around the neighborhood to inform about a potentially dangerous individual. some murders occurred a few weeks ago, and the suspect is a large predator hybrid, most likely a canine or a feline. it's also believed that this hybrid may have escaped from the underground hybrid arena, which makes it far more dangerous than regular hybrids."
you push down the flicker of irritation at the dismissive way he speaks about hybrids (it, he had said, completely unfazed). clearing your throat, you nod, putting on the face of a curiously concerned citizen. "did it happen here?"
"no," the second officer admits, dark brows furrowed. "the murders occurred much deeper in the city, but because of the dangers, we've been advised to warn citizens in the neighboring districts just in case."
the first officer frowns, expression showing some semblance of agreement with his colleague's words. "we also wanted to ask if you've seen any suspicious activity nearby? any individuals that stood out to you?"
(yeah, you almost roll your eyes. the one currently hiding in my guest bedroom.)
"nothing i can think of," you make a face that screams disappointed, as though personally distraught you couldn't be of more assistance. "from what i've seen, the neighborhood has been pretty quiet these days."
the officers nod in unison, though you aren't sure if they're displeased.
"please make sure you avoid secluded areas, especially at night. this monster is on the run, and it's very likely it's hiding out in residential areas or other quiet places." the first one nods sagely. "be wary of large predators around, and don't hesitate to call the station if you see any suspicious individuals."
he hands you a flyer, and you take it reluctantly, disgust settling on your tongue. despite that, you conjure up a placating smile and nod. "of course. thank you so much."
they tip their hats at you, before turning around to leave. you watch them go with a neighborly smile until you can't see them anymore, before quietly shutting the door. it's almost ridiculous, how fast your heart is beating as you stand there, wide eyed. almost caught, you realize. shaking off the initial relief, you head back to toji's room and push the door open. he's sitting on the bed, back straight and ears alert. they twitch upon your arrival, and he gives you a level stare.
"i'm assuming you heard all that?" you question quietly, taking a seat on the edge of the mattressโquite a bit of space in between both of you. toji grunts in acknowledgement, but doesn't say much else. you grimace. "it's okay, they're just going around warning people. otherwise they don't have anything pointing to you."
"yeah..." he mutters, one claw languidly fiddling with a loose thread in the bedsheets. you hesitate before reaching out and patting his forearm lightly. his green eyes meet yours carefullyโstudying, calculating.
"it'll be fine." your voice is earnest, coaxing, and his subconsciously tense shoulders relax just a bit. he nods silently, like he believes you.
(the two of you wordlessly decide to never bring up how strongly fear had gripped both of you that nightโburying the feeling deep underneath the steadying rhythm in your ribcages.)
****
but the fear grips toji a lot stronger than he expected.
that cloying feeling in his chest returns, always present like some dangerous looming shadow. he thought he escaped it by ridding himself of his remaining family. but now it clings to him, makes him rigid when the mailman rings the bell or the pizza guy drops food off.
he does his best to show that he's unaffected, that he isn't scared. but it's a lie. he is scaredโmore scared than he was when naobito gave him away, more scared than the arena fights, more scared than he was when he ran.
he's scared now for a completely different reason.
(you're the one who always answers the door. without fail, you flash him a smile and open the barrier the protects from the outside world. and that makes him sick. because you're being a fucking shield for himโeven if you don't realize it.
it terrifies him, because if they do end up coming for himโฆ you'll be on the other end of the barrel as soon as they knock on the door.)
he's never fully at ease. even now, as he sits next to you on the couch with the lights off as some movie plays on the tv. it's meant to be a time for him to relax, and yet his mind races. he can't stop thinking about his hands around the zenins' throats, or the way you stood at the door facing those policemen.
it makes him anxious. restlessโlike he wants to claw at the inside of his skin until blood is drawn.
you're talking, he realizes. commenting something as you gesture to the tv animatedly. it's funnyโnormally he can never tear his focus from you. but now, he finds himself unable to quell his thoughts, even for your sake.
he murmurs some sound that can pass for agreement, dragging his gaze to the screen. nothing he sees of the movie registers in his brain.
(he wonders how long it would take for people to hunt him down. it's not like your house is all that protected. and while the zenin household was far enough from your neighborhood for them to be considered separate worlds, he still felt uneasy.)
your laugh cuts through the din in his head, and he realizes he's missed another joking comment about the movie playing. he barely reacts, ears flicking.
(he feels so sick. he wonders if he made you feel the same way when he came home that night after murdering his family.)
your arm presses against his bicepโsteady, grounding, warmโand he almost shudders, snapping out of his thoughts.
"you okay?" you ask him quietly. toji glances at you. something just below his chest constricts. the light from the tv bounces off the slopes of your face.
(he thinks the light caresses you a lot more gently than he ever could.)
"yeah." his voice is just as quiet, but much more strained. you purse your lips at the tone, fixing him with that same poring gaze from the night you met him in that damn alleyway.
"you sure?"
he wants to tell youโwants to say that the only thing he cares about is you and your safety. that he regrets crawling into your perfect life and messing it up with all his shit.
but instead, he opts for a strained "yeah, i'm fine."
he feels your eyes on his face for a second longer, searching through every dip and curve. utterly tempted, he drags his gaze back to yours. a moment of charged silence follows, and he thinks there is ice slowly freezing his innards.
"okay good." you smile, a soft gentle thing that he shamelessly zeroes in on.
(something in him knows he is so wrong for you. the more that you give him, the greedier he gets with you.)
when his eyes fall on your lips, something predatory flashes in them. but then he looks away, and the contact is broken.
(toji knows that his feelings for you aren't entirely one-sided. even if yours don't come close to the near obsessive devotion he's developed towards you, he knows something is there. he can tell in the way your entire being seems to curl towards him. he's aware that you look at him far too softly for it to be a coincidence.
maybe a month ago, the thought would have pleased himโmade his tail wag like some overeager pup waiting to be at your beck and call. but now it makes his gut churn, makes his ears stiffen and tail bristle. because he is far too aware that he cannot be what you needโwhat you deserve. not like this, with all the blood slipping through his claws.
but still, it's not your fault. how could he ever fault you for being so naively trusting towards an animal like him? after all, you saved his miserable life in more ways than he'd ever be able to explainโhe'd never been good at words. too angry and cold and nothing like you.
but you deserved to hear it directly from his lips at least once before things got any worse.)
"thanks," he mutters gruffly, keeping his gaze trained forward like it would pain him to look at you directly. "forโฆ y'knowโฆ"
(for everything, he wants to say. for giving me a chance, for letting me in, for allowing me the privilege of seeing you everyday. but toji zenin has never been good with wordsโhe's a mindless animal, after all.)
he realizes it's not much to go off of, but he hopes you understand his random statement better than he can articulate it. you do, because of course you do.
"don't worry about it." you answer earnestly, content as you watch the images move across the screen. "i'd do it again. you deserved at least that much."
he doesn't know what to say to that. he feels strangeโawkward in a way that he never was, even as a whelp. the skin under his claws tingles, and his ears flick. he keeps his mouth shut for a long while, focusing on the movie even though his thoughts are racing faster than he believed possible.
(he realizes that the thing he is feeling is called greed. he wants you, gods above, he wants you so terribly it aches. perhaps he's always wanted you, since the day you held that umbrella over his head, standing in that alley in your fuzzy pajama pants. he wants to stab himself just for thinking itโbecause he's known for a while that your claim over him has solidified into stone.
but stillโฆ he can't.)
maybe in another life he would have the courage to face you. to explain that he loves you and he's sorry that he can't indulge in those feelings. but in this life he knows that he isn't allowed such a privilege. unfortunately, in this life, you and him are perpendicular lines, intersecting at just one point and then never again. you are the sky and he is the earth, only meeting at the horizon line but never being allowed to cross it. he has overstayed his welcome long enoughโthe horizon is all he is given.
any more than that and he'd be asking for too much.
(greedy, greedy thing.)
he swallows tightly, fists clenchingโhe can feel the points of his claws digging into the meat of his palms.
(if he was truly selfish, he should open his mouth and say it. tell you the truthโadmit you've had him by the neck since the day you put that plate down in front of him.)
"hey." his voice comes out strained, vocal cords grating together roughly (say it, say it, say itโ). he's met with silence, save for the low thrum of voices from the tv.
something in his stomach plummets when he turns his head to look at you. cheek pressed against his shoulder, deep breathingโfast asleep.
(selfish, selfish animal.)
he takes a deep breath, eyes falling shut in mild angerโthough he's not sure whether it's at you or at himself. your scent floods his nose, comfort amidst everything. he would inject you into his very veins if he could. he wants you to know him in every way, wants to sear himself into you. he wants to overwhelm your senses and dig himself into every inch of you he can. he wants to live within the synapses firing in your brain, carve a space between your ribs and press his forehead against the apex of your heart to listen to it thud.
he wants you to never stop thinking about him, to never forget the way he took a hold of you in his bloody claws. he wants you in a way that makes him sick.
(go on, toji. be selfish.)
it's instinctual, the way he raises his other arm and slowly presses his wrist (of course, one of the places his scent is strongest) against the pulse point on your bare neck. it makes him shudder, and it also makes him angryโhe's angry you have enough power over him to command his decisions even in sleep. he's angry he let himself get attached enough to fucking scent youโas if he's some kind of mate. he's not, he has to remind himself. he's the stray you generously took in, and all he rewarded you with was blood and danger and animalistic tendencies you'll never understand the weight of.
and yet still, despite his anger, the wolf in him preens with delight. you'll carry his scent with youโhe's found a way to show the world that you've tucked him in your ribcage just like he wanted.
he knows it'll mean nothing to you. hell, you won't even know what he'd done, leaving a stamp of his presence in your life there for all of his kind to see. but he knowsโand the knowledge makes something sick and twisted stir in his gut.
when you shift and slightly nuzzle into his palm, he almost vomits.
(toji had done nothing but ruin your life. ruin you.)
he drops his palm, and watches you for a few minutes longer. something settles deep in his stomach.
(you're everything. and i've always been selfish with you.)
toji stands, his lungs feeling crushed under some weight. he doesn't extract you from his arm, just hefts you up and walks back to your room like he's holding the most important thing in his small world.
he makes quick work of setting you down, pulling the blanket to your chin, and heading for the door. there he stops, turning to watch you breathe peacefully for a few seconds. he waits, as though committing the sight to memory, before shutting the door behind him without another word.
if you asked to be on the tag list but donโt see your name here, itโs either because your blog was blank/empty or didnโt have an age. if your name is here but you didnโt get a tag notif, check your privacy settings !!
โง PAIRING: wolf!toji fushiguro x f!reader | 9k words
โง SUMMARY: this fic has always been 18+ but now especially I MEAN IT mdni, toji gets horny fr this time (like 2.5k words of just that), masturbation, toji gets turned on by love idk, rut/heat cycles, basically abo/hybrid mating tendencies, idk let me write my porn sigh, misogyny, um stalking, more hybrid mistreatment, talks of murder, the typical blood as a metaphor for love :/
โง RHEYA'S NOTE: lol okay i'm vv sorry for the six month absence.. had to get that degree :33 but hopefully this chapter being 9k words and having horny toji makes up for it.. however pls do heed the warnings! i yap a lot about mating and other abo things so if that's not your thing pls scroll TT.. anyways i'm thanking you all so much for your patience !! hope you enjoy <33
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"pause."
toji's form stops abruptly, and you bite back a chuckle when he turns to glare at you over his shoulder. "what?"
you grin, rocking back on your heels even as the rest of the street continues bustling around you. "i'm hungry."
the street's lights reflect over toji's facial features, and the way his jaw drops looks extra comical. "already? we just had dinner."
you frown, affronted. "that was like an hour ago."
toji snorts, rolling his eyes, though it comes off fonder than you expected it to. "so you want dessert?"
you nod eagerly, and a muted chuckle escapes the wolf as you catch up to his side. his jade eyes scan the lively streets critically, before falling on you again. "well, go crazy."
you immediately grab his wrist and tug him along, peering at different stalls and stores despite his protests. toji ends up just crossing his arms as he waits for you to buy your dessert (ice cream, you've decided. on a cone). he watches you grin as you pay and then hurry over to him, both of your hands full.
"here," you chirp, shoving a cone into his hand. a few melted drops stain his skin, still cold to the touch. "for you!"
he huffs. "kid, i told you i don't like sweets that much."
"that's what you say at first." you point your finger at him as you lick up the dripping sides of your own cone, gaze all too knowing. "but then you try it and realize you can't get enough."
toji rolls his eyes, but still obediently takes a lick. the flavor of chocolates and some other sweet confections burst across his tongue. it's strong, almost unbearably so, but then it settles on his palate and leaves a satisfaction in its wake. he can't help the subtle twitch of his lips, almost pleased, and you give him a smug smile.
(it seems like he will always be doomed when it comes to sweet things.)
you both walk home in relative silence, save for the occasional bit of chatter when you remember something you haven't told him. the streets are still bright and bustling with people trying to enjoy their saturday night, and toji feels a little more comfortable because it's so easy to blend in.
"are you sure you don't want me to hold those?" you ask pointedly, peering at all the shopping bags he's balancing on his arms. "aren't they heavy?"
he gives you a sidelong glanceโaffronted. "seriously? how weak do you think i am?"
you raise your free hand in surrender, biting back a laugh as you look at him with that same spark of a challenge in your eyes. "don't you sleep with a nightlight?"
toji's glare is boiling when it settles on you. "shut up and eat your ice cream."
you chortle, nudging his side with your elbow, and he groans under his breath. his fingers itch. it would be so fucking easy to just grab your free hand that's swinging listlessly at your side. the lines of his large, rough palm pressed against your smaller, gentle one. his fingers would curl around yours so gratefully, sweet and soft and yet still keeping you attached to him.
(he can't elaborate on how pleased the thought makes him. keeping you at his side, where he can always see you. where you can always see him.)
but all he can do is clench his fist, internally reprimanding himself for taking such liberties with you to begin withโeven if it's just in his own head.
when you both make it back home, you hop in the shower quick and then toji takes his turn, so used to the mundane routine. he heads into the bathroom, not before making a sarcastic jab at your choice of pajamas for the night (doughnuts, printed in all shapes and colors), to which you just punch his arm as he cackles.
toji enjoys the feeling of the searing hot water burning into his skin. psychopathic maybe, but it feels comforting. it's not like he was given the luxury of hot water back when he was underground.
(that being said, even once he'd started living with you, it's not like he took hot showers often. in fact, he'd sometimes find himself relying on cold showers. especially when you were around him. a fleeting touch here, a meaningful glance there, and he'd find himself under pelting ice, breathing heavily through his nose until he's finally got himself under control.)
even now he tries not to think too deeply about that, focusing on enjoying his warm shower. he feels a little guilty when he stops to consider that you probably have no idea that his thoughts about you are so fucking depraved.
(poor thing. you don't deserve something so unhinged breathing down your neck.)
and unfortunately that's all he truly is. unhinged. an animal that lacks self control. and you are nothing of the sort. sweetness and good all bundled up into a human being. night and day, dark and light, sun and storm.
good and evil.
toji knows this well. knows that he has no right to let his claws tear into your perfect flesh and rip you to pieces. only monsters ruin perfection after all.
and perfection you were. he knows you don't really see yourself that way, but it's hard for him not to. reminds him of statue deities the old artists left behind to stand in museums under heavy spotlights. for people to flock to, eager and awestruck as they marvel at beauty like they've never seen it before. and he'd bow front of you, knees digging into rough earth, bloody and bruised as he reaches for your marbled fingers. letting stone gently tickle the sharp curve of his jaw, trace the scar cutting over his lips. maybe when he finally looks up at you he'll only remember your smile immortalized into the stone.
but toji is selfish. he doesn't want to worship a statue. he'd rather have you as is, life thrumming through your veins the way blood does. warmth bursting from under your skin and seeping into his own. and there's a part of him that knows you'd touch him so eagerly, ready to please and give him everything that he's ever wanted. you've already been so generousโgiving and giving and giving some more. if he asked to let him take you apart, would you dare say no? would you let him sort through sinew and muscle until he's found your very core? would you let him hold your beating heart in his claws no matter how many times they nick the flesh and make you bleed?
you would, with stars in your eyes. in fact, there's a greedy part of him that thinks you'd do the same in return. tear him apart piece by piece with careful fingers until he's nothing but laid bare in front of you. press your flesh against ragged scars and bruised skin, rough with use and danger. if he focuses a little harder, he can feel your touch linger on those scars. your lips will follow, pressing deep against his blood, staining you wine red. but you'll just smile, light bursting behind your silhouette (angelic; awe-inspiring), and he'll once again be speechless in front of you.
(powerless in every sense of the word.)
this is followed by yet another dangerous thoughtโjust how much of an animal would you let him be?
it would be easy to cage you between his arms, close enough that he can count every eyelash and see every shade in your skin. it would be easy to hook his claws around the waistband of the fabric that hid you away, press a searing kiss into the stripe left by the elastic. it would be easy to reduce you to a shaking mess, quiet whimpers escaping into the space only he shares with you.
it's ridiculous, how quickly his obsession bleeds into arousal. a thin line, his toes dancing over it. but he doesn't have it in him to dwell on the shame behind it. it's instantaneous, how heat starts thrumming through his veins at the thought of you, alighting every expanse of flesh and breaking through skin.
toji bristles, tail flexing even under the weight of the water.
you have to know what you're doing. weren't you ever warned about dangers like him? wasn't it common sense not to dangle prey in front of a predator's eyes?
(though, if he's being honest, toji doesn't feel like much of predator. if anything, you're the predator, circling him with attentive eyes that makes his hair stand on end. makes him want to expose his underbelly and let you pounce.)
it doesn't make sense to him, how his mind relates someone as sweet as you to a role so unflinchingly unkind. in reality, the only one who's fucked enough to take on that role is him. the true animalโunhinged, reckless, cruel.
the only one who'd dig his fangs into your flesh and tear you apart with no hesitation. let sweet blood drip from his lips, lapping away until not a drop is left. reverentโbecause he knows how valuable it is.
the problem is you'd let him.
welcoming, with open arms and a warm smile that makes him want to take even more. more and more until nothing is left.
(would you enjoy it? his claws encircling your fragile wrists and pressing them into sheets. heavy body weighing yours down, scarred muscle meeting soft flesh. fanged teeth digging into the tender meat of your lips. perhaps you'd tell him as much, quietly sighing into his mouth, singing his praises and whispering a sweet combination of toji please, more.)
blood rushes south, his cock hardening so quick it's almost humiliating. this had been an ongoing issue for months now. toji never thought anyone would have the ability to drive him up the walls like this. not that you had gone around deliberately trying to give him a hard time (no pun intended), but it'd become more difficult to ignore. even just noticing little thingsโlike the texture of your fingertips against his skin or the way your scent bleeds into the walls of the house. or the way his height towers over you and forces you to look up at him in a way that is so easy to imagine in certain other scenarios. in between his legs, gentle hands on his knees, eyes peering through lashes, and swollen lips wrapped around hisโ
fuck.
he's rock hard now. thick and aching in a way that makes him feel almost ashamed because there's no reason he should be acting like a whelpling who's just been thrown into a rut for the first time. no, he'd been an adult for a long time. one that had gotten through a lot worse than this.
(it's seared into his brain, the way the faceless doctor from the underground would hand him suppressant pills a couple weeks before a rut was due to hit, eyeing him to make sure they were swallowed without any issues. his body remembers scratching at the stone ground of a cell as he snarled through the pain of one of his most natural instincts being manipulated through a drug.
it was normal for them. every hybrid there had experienced being put aside for a day or two, labeled "out of commission" for a fake sick period while they rode out their cycles with no help or relief.
what would've normally been a couple weeks of rut was cruelly suppressed into two short days. in that time, toji was confined to a special cell with no outside contact. no fights, no interactions with any other hybrid.
all he had was the time to get increasingly more feral and frustratingly turned on. and no way to deal with it but ruthlessly fucking his own fist until he was exhausted.
exhausted, but never satiated. never satisfied.
after all, the suppressant pills couldn't erase the nature of his instincts. the part of him that craved not for a simple release, but for the experience of sharing a rut with someone. craved forming a connection with another being who could not only provide relief through it, but also take every bit of devotion he had to offer. the pills were effective in dulling down the intensity of ruts and heats, and shortened the length of them tremendously. but even after all that, they were still animalsโthere was no denying it. no, none of it could be erased; the instinctual craving for a fucking mate.)
all of those years under suppressants had made toji forget what a real rut felt like. but if it's anything close to the way he'd been feeling lately, he was definitely screwed. his mind had become increasingly more creative, able to conjure up the most inappropriate images of his most shameful fantasies. and this issue could only be fixed by jacking off until cum was dripping between his fingers and he felt even more ashamed than he did before.
which is exactly what he's being pushed to right now.
it seems almost instantaneous the way his fist wraps around his cock, throbbing flesh hot and angry. he bites back a hiss at the sensitivity, the hot water doing nothing to help his already searing flesh.
toji knew to start expecting flare ups of arousal. after all it was just a part of his nature, but a headache all the same. unfortunately, when escaping that hellhole he called a home, he didn't think about what would happen to his body now that those bastards weren't pumping his body full of suppressants.
sukuna had once said that it was their way of stripping them of their natural instructs, domesticating hybrids without them even knowing. the thought had pissed both of them off, but the tiger was right. nothing inherently natural about controlling such a significant facet of their bodies.
if he had more time to prepare his escape, he would've broken into the medical wing and stolen a few years' worth of suppressants for himself.
hindsight. instead, now he has to deal with these admittedly intense pangs of carnal desire. he knows why. how long had it been since he'd had a natural rut? definitely not since eighteen, because that's when he'd given up his freedom and they started feeding him suppressants (after all, can't have a feral wolf in rut running free throughout the barracks; bad for business; too dangerous to control). it makes sense that his body is working on overdrive now that it's finally tasted freedom.
(finally tasted a sweet scent and warm smile.)
toji isn't sure what he'll do when his rut really hits. he had thought that maybe he could get away with lying to you, passing it off as some contagious sickness and locking himself in his room for a few days until it passed. but then he got nervous thinking about just how bad this rut might be, and he figured he probably wouldn't be able to keep it from you even with the walls acting as a barrier.
there was also the option of telling you the truth. you'd probably be so accepting about it; after all, you've been nothing but understanding. and it seems like you know more about hybrids than your fellow humans, so he's sure you wouldn't judge him for something he can't really control. and yet despite all that, the thought of telling you feels strangely nerve wracking. some strange implication behind admitting just how vulnerable he'd truly be (and some sick thrill at the unspoken boundary that could end up being crossed).
a boundary line that he had scratched into the floor over and over again. so intent on denying the thought of ever being that close to you.
and yet he can't deny it. can't deny that the idea of trailing his tongue over the swells and divots of your body doesn't make him salivate. like the thought of your lips pressing into the ridges of his neck doesn't make his ribcage jump.
(like the thought of you saying yes to him doesn't make him want to lay the entire galaxy at your feet. because saying yes to him means something more than you'll ever realize. means bonding yourself to him for a lifetime. souls intertwined, the way only a mate can beโ)
toji's presses his forehead against the damp tiled wall, exhaling shakily. there's a reddish pink shade crawling up his skin, spreading like liquid gold. his fist feels like nothing special, but it still offers a semblance of relief from that stupid aching feeling. the warmth of the water and the remnants of soap makes it easy for his fist to slide back and forth, and god he's so fucking hard. he's starting off fast, but he doesn't really care. all he knows is that it feels good, and it's utterly humiliating to be jacking off in the shower when you're just across the hall, so he just wants to get it over with.
but his brain? his brain lingers, cruel in its torture.
if he closes his eyes, toji can picture you doing it instead. your hand's a lot smaller, but it's softer than hisโnot rough with scars and callouses and danger. maybe you'd touch him slower, not as stupidly fast as he is, not with the mission to just get off and be done. no, you'd probably touch him with intention, eager to take him apart. he'd be glad to let you do as you please, so pathetically ready for whatever you want from him.
his fangs dig into the scar cutting over his lip, almost hard enough to taste blood. he thinks about sinking those fangs into the open canvas of your neck, and his dick twitches in response, eager and swollen. he tightens his grip and twists his wrist in the same way he's always done, knowing it'll get him there quick.
toji's head presses harder into the tiled walls, and he blinks the water away from his eyes as he tries to focus. his brain conjures up a strikingly detailed image of you pressing your lips against his dick, and that itself shoots a searing hot flash of arousal up his spine. but that's not all. he imagines that you'd be a lot more generous with your touches than he is. you'd touch him all over, gentle fingers tracing over the curve of his jaw and over the slopes of his cheeks. down over the planes of his chest and the ridges of his abs. gentle, the way only a lover's caress could be. chills run over his skin, the shiver so pleasurable it makes his breath hitch.
his high creeps up frighteningly fast, tingles shooting up the nerves in his body like he's never touched himself before. the muscles in his arm strain as heat pools in his lower belly, licking at his insides like an uncontrollable flame. the sound of the soapy water each time his hand moves is embarrassingly inappropriate, and he's briefly struck with the filthy thought of the type of sounds he'd be able to pull from your body if you just gave him the chance.
he wonders where to touch you to make you sing. where you'd be the most sensitive. what spots would have your voice catching on a strangled moan or have a breathy whimper escaping your throat. maybe you'd beg him for more, or perhaps you'd demand it from him. maybe you'd give in finally tell him what he's been dying to hear. in that same sweet voice, quietly sighing an earnest toji, i love yโ
ropes of cum splatter between his fingers, and he's thankful that his muffled grunts are drowned out by the shower. his hips twitch, instinctual, and his dick pulses with every spurt, pelvic muscles contracting with effort. and throughout all of it, all he can think of is you.
(horrible, he is. so dirty, filthy.)
"ah fuckโ" he feels messy, and hypersensitive. he stands there for a minute, catching his breath and doing his best to quell the mess in his head. it takes all but a minute to wash away the evidence of his crimes, but the thoughts of you still lingerโinfectious and deep.
(he thinks maybe he'll never be rid of you. you've latched onto him the way he has to youโparasitic and flesh deep. some part of him really likes that; a sick and twisted part.)
the wolf huffs out a tired sigh, standing under the pelting water like some kind of mindless idiot. what kind of freak was he? you offer him a place in your home and here he was jerking off in your shower with nothing but filth in his head. he's terrible; a dirty animal.
and yet, he feels good. feels good in the same way he feels when he sees you smile. or when you finally come back home. or when you grin at him from across the dining table as you watch him dig into his food. or when you accidentally fall asleep while watching some stupid movie.
his brain is foggy, and there's still a few aftershocks of pleasure tickling his nerves. but his guilt is smothered by that good feeling, pressed down into the deep recesses of his subconscious as he focuses on how you seem to have such an influence on his emotions.
(powerful, sneaky little thing.)
"hey toji?"
your muffled voice cuts through the pleasant haze in his head, and the panic is instant. he flinches so hard his elbow thuds against the shower wall, eliciting a yelp that he tries hard to recover from.
"y-yeah?!" he winces at the voice crack (trying to pretend he didn't just bust to the thought of you not a minute earlier), and clears his throat.
"i'm running low on period stuff so i'm gonna run down the street and grab some pads."
"i can go grab em if you want?" he replies, scrubbing his skin with a quickening pace, but then you chuckle and wave him off.
"no no it's fine. enjoy your shower. it's like two streets over, i'll be back soon."
"wellโฆ" he hesitates, but then nods even though you can't see him. "fine. be careful, y'hear?"
"yeah yeahโฆ" your voice fades away as you head down the hall, and toji's shoulders relax. for a second he thought you might've somehow heard his less than appropriate little session, but instead you're just updating him on something he probably wouldn't have cared about many months ago. but here he is, ultimately caring so deeply.
hot water streams between toji's eyes, and he pushes his wet hair back with a tired huff. his ears fold under his palms, muffling all noises and for a second, the raging thoughts in his head subside.
(if it were up to him, he'd stay in this peaceful bubble for as long as he could. hoping, dreaming, praying that you'd join him in the space with no protests. comfort, chaos, and everything in between.)
****
the streets are a lot more deserted than they were a few hours prior, back when you were dragging toji to eat ice cream. now there's only faint chatter, the occasional squeals of laughter and excitement permeating the sounds of your slippers against pavement. normally you would've dragged toji out with you, especially so late on a saturday night, but since this is barely a 15 minute walk and you've been here countless times before, you decided not to bother him.
after all, you would grant toji as much peace as you could give him (god knows he deserved it and more).
there's some faint song playing over the speakers when you enter the store, instantly fading into muted background noise as you smile at the elderly man behind the counter. he recognizes you, a local frequenter, and smiles back before going back to the paper he was reading. your steps take you to the feminine products quickly, memorized route guiding your feet, and then you're scanning the shelves for familiar colors and brands.
the store is almost completely deserted, save for a few other likeminded individuals who needed a late night run. your fingers drift over boxes until you finally find the brand you like.
"excuse me? can you help me with this?"
the flinch that comes from you is almost embarrassing, but you're genuinely impressed by how quietly this guy seems to have snuck up on you. you glance over your shoulder carefully.
dyed blonde hair, dark roots, narrowed beady eyes. and yet a sheepish, awkward smile that makes your shoulders drop when you notice the box of pads in his head. you tilt your head questioningly, quirking a brow. he raises the box. "my girlfriend sent me out to get supplies but i have no clue what to pick for herโฆ"
the helpless smile that crawls onto your face feels natural. at least he was trying, that in and of itself was a lot to ask for these days. "well do you know if she has a heavy flow or a light one?"
"heavy i think?" his brows furrow thoughtfully. "she says she bleeds a lotโฆ"
"well then this is probably better for her than that." you reach for a different box on the shelf, one that's specifically labeled for handling heavy bleeding. "they're better for heavier flow. and they're longer so that should help her out."
he takes the box from you carefully, before smiling. something shines in his dark eyes. "thank you so much. i'm clueless when it comes to this stuff."
you chuckle, shaking your head. "no it's okay. at least you're trying."
"i would've been lost without your help. i'm naoya by the way." his smile gets a little more pointed, that gleam in his gaze brighter. he sticks his palm out expectantly.
warning bells start ringing in your head, but you don't know why.
"oh uh, nice to meet youโฆ" you trail off, cautiously taking his hand. you're sure he's being polite, but you don't really understand why he's telling you his name. maybe it's paranoia, but you bite your tongue and hold off on giving him yours, something telling you that maybe you shouldn't be sharing that information.
the blonde doesn't comment on your lack of forthcoming, but something feels off. he looks like he knows something, like he's dissecting you on a surgical table. you let go of his hand, and awkwardly smile, before turning back to the shelf. his voice gets a little louder. "naoya zenin."
you freeze. the name washes over you, a brief sense of warmth, before it bleeds into something cold and jarring. you know this name wellโheard it murmured from scarred lips a few times (in a voice that was filled with nothing but distaste.)
now if you think back, you can remember the same blonde hair and dark eyes being in the background of pictures you've seen on the internet. random news articles of what the head of one of the biggest companies in the country did that day. you don't know why you couldn't remember it earlier. maybe you just weren't expecting to see naoya zenin at your tiny little store so late at night. but he looks calm, as though it's all intentional, as though you should've expected to bump in to him like this.
the warning bells ring louder.
"so!" the blonde claps his hands together, brightly smiling as though he's catching up with an old friend. "how is he?"
you feel your tongue grow numb. an image of a moody scowl and twitching ears flashes behind your eyes, and you finally realize that warning bells had nothing to do with your own safety.
(too preoccupied with dedicating your care to someone else. someone who's probably patiently waiting for you back home.)
"who?" you're playing dumb, and you're sure he knows it because he just laughs and quirks his brow knowingly.
"you know who." he pins you with a level stare. "toji of course. my precious cousin."
you remain quiet, mind spinning. you're not sure if you should lie or continue playing dumb or just run and hope he isn't fast enough to follow. but naoya just continues on without a care in the world.
"let's stop beating around the bush." the blonde's smile drops, voice going serious in the same way you've seen it go on those television interviews. "i don't know how or why you're connected to him but i'm sure you know what he is by now."
"ah yes the wolf ears and tail really gave it away," you reply sarcastically, not even bothering to keep the bite out of your tone. naoya grins predatorily, making a show of leering at your blatant hostility.
"well yes, the poor beast was unfortunately born that way." naoya waves offhandedly, before his expression sours. "just my luck, he had to be born into my fucking family."
you snort out a scornful laugh, crossing your arms. "well it makes sense. i mean he might be the wolf, but it's pretty clear that dogs run in the family."
naoya pauses, before his smile returns. this time, it is icy, and yet there is spark of malice flickering in his eyes. "hah! you're more interesting than i thought. you look so boring from afar, you know?"
you glare at him irritably.
"but! you're much more entertaining than i expected. maybe that's why toji's hanging around you." naoya glances down at his fingernails with feigned interest, his voice dropping. "it's a shame he didn't teach you any manners though."
his hand drops to his side, and his expression darkens so fast it makes your head spin. "if it were up to me, i'd cut your tongue out and deliver it to him, you know?"
your bravado shatters, blood going cold. naoya seems to catch the change, so he just smiles again with that fake politeness. "but father says we should be nice and talk it out. so that's what i'm doing! i had no clue how i was going to find the time to chat with you, but i'm glad i caught you today."
you swallow, fingers creasing into the sleeves of your sweater.
"you know, when i told father i saw toji with you today, he was surprised. that freak doesn't seem like the type to get help from others, let alone humans like you and me." the blonde hums, amused. "but seems like he liked something about you. that, or you had something pretty valuable to offer."
you almost roll your eyes. clearly this asshole liked to hear himself talk.
"i mean i'm kinda surprised that you got close to that freak. don't you have any survival instincts?" he tuts, exaggeratedly pouting at you like you're nothing but a dumb child. the blood in your veins grows hot with indignation.
"he's not dangerous." your voice is resolute, stating a fact rather than an opinion. naoya observes you with mild interest. he hums thoughtfully, and you shift your weight not knowing what to do.
"you know, i saw you both being all cute on your little shopping trip." naoya's expression turns bored, almost like he's disgusted. he leans against the shelves haphazardly. "it's a shame i lost you both in the crowd as you left though. i would've stopped by at your house otherwise."
the threat is not lost on you. and something churns in your gut when you think about this man being anywhere near your house. near toji.
"i don't understand," you say, raising your head. you have no clue how you manage to keep your voice steady when your heart is beating so fast, but you'd rather not look too deep into that. "what exactly is it that you want from me?"
"you haveโฆinfluence," naoya grins, peering at you. his expression is mocking. you think you might vomit. "i'm sure you can bat your eyes and convince my dear cousin."
when you swallow, it feels like rocks are sliding down your throat. "convince him to what?"
naoya's grin drops, eyes narrowing dangerously. "to go back to where he belongs."
your words tumble forth before you can even stop them, hot and indignant. "and what if he doesn't want to go back there?"
a burst of laughter escapes his throat, though it is sharp and unamused. "don't you get it? he doesn't have a choice. that's all he was born to do anyway."
you glare at him, teeth digging into your tongue so hard it hurts painfully. naoya's expression turns bright, a very dramatic flare of sick amusement filling his tone. "ohh i finally get it!"
he leans closer to you, smirking. "who would've thought my dear cousin went and found himself a girl!"
the traitor organ sitting in your ribcage gives an eager jump, getting distracted by its original threat. you steel your expression. "what are you even talking about?"
"no need to play coy. i understand!" he raises his arms like he means no harm, a greasy smile still splitting his face. "that just means you really should be able to influence him."
"you don't even know what you're saying." you roll your eyes, turning away from him, though you still keep his figure in your peripheral. "it's not even like that. we're barely even friends. the most i would say is acquaintances."
the lie bleeds through your teeth easily, molten lava. worth it if it means keeping him safe. away from the treacherous vines that seem so intent on chasing him and pinning him down.
"oh sure." the blonde chuckles, looking at you with a sharp mockery in his gaze. it's obvious he doesn't believe you, especially with how quickly his tone turns chilling. "i don't really give a damn who you are to him. let him know what he needs to do, or we're gonna have a problem."
"and if i can't convince him?"
naoya shrugs casually, but then he pins you with a stare that makes you feel like your bone marrow is turning to lead.
"well then, we'll just have to see what happens, won't we?" he says nothing more, but the implication is very clear. the blonde then glances down at the pads in his hands. his expression goes disgusted once more, and he haphazardly chucks the box back onto the shelf. "ewโฆ" he mutters, dusting his hand over his coat. his eyes find you again, and then that same smile appears once more. "anyways, i'll definitely see you around! get home safe!"
your pulse is thudding wildly as you watch him leave, a heavy onset of nausea making your stomach churn like never before. the hidden threats were so carefully placed, but not obscure enough for you to miss, and that scares you even more because it says that this guy is just that confident. you stand in the aisle for another two mins, mind running in a thousand different directions. suddenly you feel strangely exposed, like you've been placed into a glass box for someone to observe your every movement.
(suddenly, you feel completely and utterly alone. scared and vulnerable and in real danger. suddenly, all you can think about is the brooding wolf you've left at home, and how seeing him is the only solution to making these feelings go away.)
you're out the door before you even realize it. your legs carry you back in the direction of your home, but your paranoia leads you to take as many convoluted turns that you can think of (because you can't shake the feeling of those beady brown eyes digging into your shoulder blades).
naoya zenin. you don't know how he shares blood with toji. if you squint hard enough you can maybe find some similarities in features. but still, you cannot understand how someone so outwardly horrible can be related to someone like toji. toji is not warm, not inherently sweet. but he is good, and that much is obvious to you. the same way you know this naoya is bad, with nothing but negative intentions.
when you finally reach your doorstep, you keep your head down and slip inside. your fingers double check every lock, every window. your mouth feels dry and there's too many weaknesses and he's definitely still out there andโ
"hey."
the voice makes you jump, and when you look up, toji is staring at youโconfused. his brow quirks as he peers at you through his wet hair. "well that was dramatic."
you sigh, quelling the thundering of your heartbeat. sweat beads on the skin of your palms, and you drag them over the fabric of your pants. "you just scared me."
"oh yeah, i'm so fucking terrifying." he sits on the couch, aggressively drying his wet hair with a towel. you snort, grinning as your eyes trail over the way his pointed ears fold under the weight of the fabric.
"shaking in my boots." toji rolls his eyes at your reply, and you pull off your coat with a quiet chuckle.
(honestly a little jarring how easy it is for you to relax in his presence. how easy it is to start smiling again.)
"i thought you went to get supplies?"
you freeze, glancing over your shoulder. "w-what?"
he motions to your empty hands. "you didn't get anything?"
your stomach drops. "oh umโฆ" you clear your throat. "they were closed. so i came back."
it's almost laughable how quick the lie slips from your mouth; sickening, really, because it shouldn't be quite so easy to lie to someone who obviously trusted you. you've felt guilty before, but not like this. this goes past the dull surface ache and settles as a deep stinging, fraying your nerve endings. maybe it's because you know that you have no right to keep this from him; after all, it's his family. but something about the gleam in naoya's eyes makes your hair stand on end. if it were up to you, you'd stand in front of toji with a smile even with knives raining down your back.
the way toji's brow arches tells you that he's a little confused, maybe a little skeptical, but he shrugs and turns back to the tv, turning it on with a flick of his finger. "well okay then. i can grab some tomorrow on my way back home."
you inhale through your nose, forcing a smile. there's really no point stressing. naoya can't do much to you to begin with, not without starting something potentially dangerous with toji. so you just push it to the back of your mind and take a seat next to the grumpy wolf you realize you would do anything for.
(even lie.)
"thank you, toji," you say earnestly. the wolf gives you a sidelong glance, ears twitching at the sound of your voice, and he scoffs.
"whatever. it's not like i haven't done it before. quit bein' dramatic."
you grin, watching him cross his arms and sulk like an overgrown puppy. for some reason, his expression settles the chaos in your chest and you decide that whatever problem it is, you'll do anything it takes to keep it from him.
(perhaps it's silly, thinking that you could easily stand in front of a hybrid capable of tearing you to pieces and expect to be able to protect him. but you know he would do the same for you, and that's why it feels all too natural. easy.)
you think you will always be willing to offer him whatever space you have left. comfort, chaos, and everything in between.
****
toji doesn't consider himself a very intelligent person. not to say that he's dumb. no, he thinks he excels at street smarts. after all, no one survives a life like his without a brain.
but in terms of emotional intelligence.. well he doesn't feel all that confident. yet another area where he feels like you're a lot better than he is.
it scares him a little, how fast you can read him. how you can pick apart his every expression and behavior like it comes naturally to you. and then how you're able to to adapt and give him exactly the response he needs. whether it's sweet comfort or rational courses of actionโit's perfect.
(you're perfect.)
but he's not like you. he cannot pick people apart, can't look at them and figure out what they're thinking. cannot read them like an open book the way you can.
but right now, he feels like something is wrong.
it's been almost a week since he's noticed this change in behavior. you've been looking over your shoulder like you're in some kind of horror movie. eyes constantly scanning your surroundings, fingers fiddling with the window locks. even peering outside through the gaps in your curtains.
you're nervous, he realizes. paranoid, like something's chasing you. whatever it is, toji understands that he doesn't like the way worry looks on you. in fact, he hates it. hates the way his ears can pick up your increased heartrate. hates the way he can smell the spikes of anxiousness in your scent.
he's trying to be a good housemate and respect your boundaries. trying not to be nosy and let you deal with your own issues like an adult. but then his mind wonders if there's something really wrong, if someone's giving you a hard time or stressing you out, and then he just gets angry.
(don't you know that he adores you? don't you know that you need only say the word and he'd kill a man for you? don't you know the amount of power you have over him?)
regardless, he's still trying to be a good housemate and respect your boundaries. but it's becoming increasingly more difficult to watch you come home everyday like there's someone chasing after you. even now, he watches you double check the door locks before you hurry over to your windows. double check the locks, tug the curtains shut, peer outside through the gaps.
only when you're done do your shoulders relax, and when you turn around, you jump when you notice him standing there staring at you. the surprise bleeds into a quick, barely there smile. "oh hey! how was your day?"
you don't even wait for his answer before you're turning around to hang your coat up, and that's enough to make him crack.
"alright what the fuck is wrong with you?" toji's voice cuts through the silence like ice, and you internally wince. defensive walls rise quickly, and then you're turning on him with fire in your eyes.
"excuse me?"
toji's bulky arms flex as he crosses them, staring down his nose at you completely unfazed. "you've been hiding something."
"iโ"
"โand don't even bother tryin' to deny it. it's written all over your face."
the wolf watches you inhale heavily, and the crease in between your brows makes his fingers twitch (eager to reach out and smooth them down carefully).
you sigh, defeated. "remember last week when i went to the store that one night?"
toji nods.
"i, um, bumped into someone there." your fingers rub over your arms in an attempt to be soothing, and toji's frown deepens in tandem.
"who?"
you glance at him. guilt gnaws its way up your esophagus. "um, naoya zenin."
toji's reaction almost makes you vomit. his ears stand up straight, tail going rigid, and the anger that contorts his expression makes you shiver. "what?!"
his voice has taken on a timbre you haven't heard before, an inherently primal growl ripping through his vocal cords in a way that sounds almost painful. you wince, trying to placate by backtracking.
"i was gonna tell youโ"
"what the fuck did he say to you?!โ"
"he justโ"
"that fucking creep i swear to godโ"
"toji." your palms find his forearms in this strangely natural way that makes his stomach churn. steadying, stable, everything that he lacks. "please. can we just relax and sit down?"
his ears droop slightly, but he still maintains his heated glare. not that he's necessarily angry at you. but his palms feel too sweaty and his heartbeat feels too fast and his stomach feels too heavy. still, he forces himself to breathe deep through his nose, quelling the instinctual rise of feral panic that seems to want to burst from his veins. he lets your hands, barely able to fit around the width of his arms, maneuver him to the couch.
when you take a seat next to him, he can smell the nerves.
(spiked; hints of bitterness hiding between layers of sugary sweet.)
more so, you look guilty. it briefly strikes him that perhaps you feel bad about keeping this from him. he's then struck with a similar feeling when he realizes he's kept something from you too. this is all followed by a searing streak of anger when he remembers the reason why you both have been hiding things from one another.
(maybe it wouldn't be so bad to live up to their expectations of him. be the real curse of the zenin bloodline. they always said he was an uncontrollable animal. maybe it would be okay to finally prove them right. have his family's life force dripping red rivulets through his pointed claws. taste its metallic tinge between his sharpened teeth.)
"he came up to me at the store," you start, wiping down your palms on your thighs. "he already knew that i knew you. said he saw us walking around that night shopping."
toji's claws dig into the flesh of his palm painfully. the memory is now tinged with something poisonous. always breathing down his neck.
"he was talking about how his father was surprised that you were even interacting with another human. and then he said it was a shame he lost us in the crowd because otherwise he'd come to our house for a visit."
you watch the wolf next to you clench his fists, and your lips slant.
"what else did he say?" toji tries to keep his voice even, but it comes out strange. your teeth dig into the flesh of your bottom lip painfully.
"heโฆ he said that since i was clearly c-close to you, i should convince you to do something."
"and what's that?"
you pause, before letting the bitter words spill. "convince you that's it's time to go back where they want you to be."
"that fucking asshole!" toji's voice is akin to a roar, and you wince as you watch him stand and snarl like he's been beaten. he pushes his claws into his hair and grits his teeth. "how fucking dare they evenโ"
another pained growl rips from his throat. the sound makes your stomach coil, and before you can stop yourself, you're reaching out to grab his arm. his head whips around at the contact, baring his teeth with a snarl as he ears point upright. but then he sees your expression, sad and tired, and his shoulders drop immediately.
"you know that i don't want you to go, right?" you ask him quietly. toji stares at you, long and hard. his jade eyes are bright with anger, but there's a hint of fear in there that makes you want to cry.
"โฆ you sure?" his voice is so quiet you almost have to strain to hear it. your fingers tighten around his forearm. even with the way he is standing over you, you think he looks smaller. like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"i'm sure." your voice is resolute, like it's always been when it comes to him. his exhales slowly, and you smile at him in this tragic way that makes him want to rip his eyes out.
(you're too good. too trusting. too confident in the fact that he won't lead to your downfall.)
"kid," he calls out, voice strained.
"hm?"
"i gotta tell you somethin' too."
you frown, but then you're pulling him back to the couch (right next to you; close enough that your scent wraps around him once moreโwarm, blanket-like), and then you're looking at him earnestly. "what is it?"
he tells you all about his run in with naobito zenin. details the angry confrontation in which his stupid uncle had warned him to go back to where he belonged, tired of the wolf's running game. how the old man had been close to calling his men to come get him before toji had resorted to nearly crushing his windpipe in retaliation. how naobito had warned toji that hurting him was a punishable offense that would lead to him being locked up again. and how, at the end of it all, toji had told him that it would be worth it if it meant being rid of the stupid zenins once and for all.
and then he finishes by telling you that his uncle was so convinced toji would end up back there on his own anyway, because he was nothing more than a mindless animal.
(he carefully leaves out the threat naobito made about putting him down. and he also leaves out how none of that scared him more than the idea of his family's clutches ultimately reaching you.)
you sit there and listen with an expression that bleeds horror. the divot in your brow is so deep toji worries it may become permanent, and your eyes shine with a sadness he's never seen before. when he's done speaking, you exhale shakily.
"kid, i'm never gonna be rid of them," he says quietly. "they're always gonna be breathing down my neck. which means they're always gonna be breathing down yours too."
you nod slowly, eyes distant as you stare at the edge of the coffee table like it's got all the answers in the world.
"there's nothing i can really do." he finishes with that final statement.
you chew on your bottom lip quietly. something is working behind your eyes, calculating, evaluating. "you threatened him?"
toji scoffs. "of course i fucking did. threatened to kill him and his brat son."
you turn to him, eyes alight. "would you?"
toji's heart leaps into his throat. he will never deny the amount of times he's thought about it. since the day he was old enough to realize his own brute strength. every day he was thrown into that damn cell. every fight where he would scratch and claw just to live another day. and every day since the old man stopped him in the streets.
the thought has lingered in the back of his mind, poisonous. rotting. because he knows that it is the only way. he knows that they deserve it. he knows that it is the one path that could lead him to peace.
(that could lead to him wiping the worry from your eyes.)
it's always been there. and now youโฆ
"you can't be serious?"
"toji, answer the question. would you do it or not?"
"of course i would!" he fires back quickly, before taking a steadying breath. "you don't get it, kid. i got no love for them. been dreaming about ripping those bastards apart since the day i was smart enough to realize they only saw me as an animal."
you nod slowly, still chewing on your lip. something settles behind your eyes, and the thrill it sends up toji's spine is almost sadistic. your voice is flat when you speak, but it does not waver. "tojiโฆ if there was something that came into my life that was threatening me and my loved ones. our livelihood, our safety, our securityโฆ i wouldn't really be thinking about morals anymore."
toji stares at you mutely, and you continue. "soโฆ if there's an unwelcome guest showing up at the door, and we've asked themโno, begged themโto leave us alone and they haven't listenedโฆ then maybe the only thing left to do is force them to leave."
his mouth runs dry, and simultaneously, his ribcage jumps. you're looking at him with all the conviction in the world, and something in his deep complicated web of feelings for you shifts on its axis.
(you are sweet. you are peace and comfort and good. you are innocent and untouched by the horrors of the world in the best way. you are completely humane and understanding and you give nothing but kindness. you've offered him the world and he's gratefully cradled it in his palms. which is why this deeply root loyalty, this protectiveness, this affectionโit has all come so naturally to him.
he would show mercy if you wanted him to. he would rip apart limbs if you wanted him to. he would dig a knife into his own intestines if you wanted him to.
but this. this is something he's wanted; dreamed about for as long as he can remember. cursed himself for thinking about because it makes him evil and wrong and horrible. but here you areโgiving him support. telling him that you want it too.
this utterly wrong and animalistic thing that makes him the monster.
maybe you aren't all that pure. maybe he's the one who corrupted you. but then he thinks back to the fire in your eyes, that same resolute determination in your tone. and then he thinks that it couldn't have been him. it had to have come from within you, this desperate and complicated decision.
and then toji realizes that the reason it appeared is because you value him so highly. because on your moral scale, it is worth it to sin if it means keeping him safe. it is worth it to be animalistic if it means having him by your side.
he wants to envelop you in his arms. find your lips and breathe his own soul into you because he knows you'd keep it safe. knows you're willing to do whatever it takes for him.
if you asked to be on the tag list but donโt see your name here, itโs either because your blog was blank/empty or didnโt have an age. if your name is here but you didnโt get a tag notif, check your privacy settings !!
โง PAIRING: wolf!toji fushiguro x f!reader | 6.8k words
โง SUMMARY: wolfhybrid!toji, hybrid au, grumpy x sunshine, animalistic behavior, pining, jealous toji, more blood as a metaphor for love, we getting a little suggestive with this one, nothing too smutty but toji does have a few questionable thoughts, he's lowkey tweaking out
โง RHEYA'S NOTE: i'll be so honest i had the first half of this chapter written since like september but i got stuck with the second half. unfortunately i hit a wall with this series but now i'm back on track!! updates will probably still be slower just bc this semester is looking rough and i'm graduating but !! i have a lot planned for wolf toji dw :33 as always i'd recommend reading the previous parts before this one !!
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you have a date tonight.
even though you've said it's just a casual get together, toji knows it's a date. he can smell the giddiness rolling off of you as you bounce around your apartment trying to get ready, his eyes following your every move.
"so how long will you be out for this date?" he questions, trying to keep his voice even and casual as he leans against the doorframe of your bedroom. you're standing in front of your mirror, fixing your hair with a critical eye, and embarrassingly enough, toji can't look away.
"it's not a date," you stress with a quiet laugh, eyes sparkling with amusement. "and i should be back around eleven hopefully."
well at least you plan to come home.
(to him.)
toji lets his head rest against the wall, pursing his lips to bite back the snarkiness he wants to express. "well what am i supposed to do while you're gone?"
"i don't know, whatever you want." you grin at him through the mirror, teasing. "do wolf hybrids howl at the mailman?"
he snorts in return, crossing his bulky arms over his chest with a wry smirk. "'m not a dog."
"sure you aren't." you turn around to face him fully, gesturing to yourself with a tilt of your head. "this look okay?"
he bites back a sigh. toji isn't great with words, but he would love to tell you that you're quite literally the most attractive human he's ever met. his jade eyes travel over your figure, ignoring the instinctual rise of jealousy that is swimming in his gut because some other asshole gets to see you like thisโall dolled up and pretty like you've dropped from the heavens.
which, to toji, you have. a guardian angel sent just for him.
"looks great," he mutters, nodding once at your ensemble. though he's sure you could make even the ugliest clothing look like perfection. you beam at him, grabbing your coat before bounding over to him.
"thanks toji!" you say his name with an absurd amount of sweetness, reaching up to poke your finger into his cheek. he rolls his eyes, making a show of playfully snapping his canines at your hand. a peal of laughter rips from your throat as you retract, and his ears flick at the sound, pleased. he has the strongest urge to squeeze you into his very beingโall consuming.
toji follows you to the door, watching you pick up the house keys and slipping on your shoes as you ramble to him. "there's meat in the fridge and some leftover rice if you want it. oh and i bought those juices you said you likedโ"
a fucking angel.
"โso make sure you eat well, okay?" you look at him imploringly, and toji inhales sharply. god he wants to wrap you up tight and keep you with him for the rest of eternity. but instead he's stuck like this, watching you go out to meet some other man while he aimlessly prowls your empty apartment. it's bad enough that the whole space reminds him of youโyour scent heavy and sweet around him. but being stuck in your house without you there? that's another struggle all together.
toji didn't even mean for this to happen. god knows he's had enough of trusting humans for a lifetime, because all they can be are cruel and selfish and greedy.
so when you and him came face to face in that alleyway, all he wanted to do was scare you off and keep to himselfโthe only person he knows he can rely on. but of course, you are as stubborn as you are sweet. maybe that's why toji feels the strange need to always have you in his sight, to always feel you near him.
you're too good for this world, and he would rather gut himself than let anyone touch you.
so that incessant thumping against his ribcage and the swooping in his stomach that only happens when you look at him? that's just protective instinctโa way to repay you for taking pity on an animal like him.
it has nothing to do with feelings. he definitely does not crack a wry smile when you both share a meal. he definitely does not feel a surge of affection when he realizes that you've gone out of your way for him again. he definitely does not allow his tail to wag back and forth when you're excited or happy around him. he definitely does not mask his satisfaction behind a grumpy scowl when you reach up and scratch behind his pointed ears.
definitely not.
besides, toji needs to pull himself together. because if he cares about you even a little bit, he'll keep his distance. he doesn't want to be known as the animal who came and ruined your life.
he's sure you've told all of your friends and coworkers about himโthe wolf hybrid you've allowed into your home. he supposes he should be grateful that you haven't been treating him the way most humans doโlike a pet. no you've given him more freedom than he knows what to do with, and he's sure that your brain isn't even wired to see him in any other way than as an equal.
like he said, you're too fucking sweet for this world.
but toji knows that everyone around you probably sees him the way hybrids are supposed to be seen, and that's why nobody sees him as a threat. but toji can't deny the insane desire to be viewed as a threat. as a competitorโone that would gladly run in the race for your affection.
(but that's delusional. he knows that people would talk, would frown as you pass by. because you've crossed a line that society deems as dirtyโwrong. he isn't worried about what people would say about him. no he doesn't give a shit about that. but the idea of anyone badmouthing you makes his stomach churn and anger spike.
so no. he could never do that to you. he cannot ruin you like that. to turn himself into the scum that took advantage of a poor little human.)
"yeah yeah," he waves you off, clearing his throat. he doesn't like that his brain goes to these thoughts so often these days. "get out of here now."
you stick your tongue out again, reaching for the door. "it's my house thank you very much!"
the wind is biting as it hits toji's skin, and it serves as a cruel wake up call to his reality. that there is no circumstances where you'd be going out to meet him in a situation like this. where he is the one on the receiving end of your sweet love and adoration. he approaches to lock the door behind you, lips slanted. just as you're stepping out, you reach a hand up. he stiffens as your fingers gently scratch behind his pointed ears, so very gently. a pleasant chill climbs up his spine, tickles his very nerve endings.
(he thinks he could die peacefully just laying his head in your lap and letting your fingers gently scratch at his ears.)
toji doesn't remember when you started feeling so comfortable touching him. he can't remember the moment he started feeling comfortable touching you. but if he racks his brain far back enough he can remember that strange sense of longing he started feeling when looking at you. can remember the instances where he'd push your face away when you got too close, heat crawling up his neck.
he holds back a shiver, steeling his expression into his normal unamused stare. yet he feels like his affection for you might be obvious if you looked too deeply into his eyes. you retract your hand with a grin, unperturbed by his moodiness. "i'll be back soon."
"you betterโฆ" he mumbles quietly. before he can stop himself, he's reaching up and placing his palm on your head, just like he did all those weeks ago. sure enough he can see the slivers of embarrassment creep into your expression, the subtle dip of your lashes and quirk of your lips. he had quickly realized how truly addicting this expression was to himโalmost drug-like. he had chased after it shamelessly since then.
you give him a look, a semi pursed smile, and then leave him. he watches you until you disappear down the street, and he feels his mood sour further. he doesn't like how much influence your presence has on him. when he shuts the door behind him and is only met with the silence of your empty apartment, he starts to feel restless.
toji is no idiot. he knows that he is gradually beginning to care for you. he knows that he has already melted far more than he should've. but you're sneaky, managing to worm your way into the coldest corners and crevices and light a fire there.
but he hates that. he hates that he has even allowed his brain the luxury to think of you in that way. a rational mind has always been something he has been able to brag about, but somehow he finds that it fails him when you're around.
it takes about twenty minutes in your empty apartment for toji to feel like he's going stir crazy. he's not unaccustomed to you being awayโbut the idea that you're out with someone else just makes him feel irritated. he sighs, grabbing a jacket and slipping on his shoes. he picks up his set of keys from the bowl by the door before heading out into the cold. he doesn't really know where he's going, but he knows that he can't sit in your apartment for the next couple hours.
(not in this space that constantly reminds him of you. the space that is heavy with the scent that clings to your body and invades his senses late at night. drives him up the wall with restless need and longing in his muscles that he has not felt in a long time.)
the streets are brightly lit, and toji pulls his hood over his head before shoving his hands into his pockets. keeps his eyes on the ground because there is still that sting of paranoia that his past will come back to haunt him. honestly he would've been fine living with only himself to rely on. but the universe must have truly been praying on his downfall, because here he isโthe oh so terrifying and feared wolf of the underground, being worried about something as silly as a damn crush.
he'd figured that this brief wave of attraction he felt towards you would disappear easily. in fact, all he planned on doing was taking advantage of your blatant kindness and open mindset towards hybrids. eat your food and gain some strength before moving on to the next city and becoming nothing more than a stranger who once dipped into your life. but no, you and your stupid smile had practically invited him in, open arms and generous comfort that made him feel sick to his stomach for even considering taking advantage of you.
that's the most frustrating partโyour dumb sweetness makes it impossible for him to hurt you.
even now, when he feels this unreasonable sense of betrayal at the thought of you being out with some other man, he doesn't have it in him to be angry at you. of course toji isn't stupid. he isn't delusional enough to believe that he has any right to be angry about such a thing. you're perfection embodied in human formโhe'd be an idiot to think that nobody else in the world would look at you the way he does. and he knows that they'd probably be better suited for you.
(what, as a washed up bitter old wolf hybrid, does he have to offer you?)
so yes, he's trying to convince himself that this is good enough. being able to share your space and take up a corner in your life. to hear your thoughts and hear his name fall from your lips.
his feet carry him forward without having a destination in mind. he briefly thinks that maybe he'll go to that one little restaurant where you often get takeout and bring some back for you. he's sure you'll eat on the date, but he's thinking about doing it anyway. a gruff smirk worms its way onto his face when he thinks about how you'll chide him for being buying food even though there were leftovers at home. you're so easy for him to read and that makes him ridiculously happy.
"toji?"
he freezes, brow twitching. bile instinctually rises in his throat, and he feels his hackles rising. his ears stiffen, claws lengthen, and he feels as though the hair on his body has stood on edge. it takes every bit of willpower to not bolt down the street, right back to your apartment. instead he can only stiffly turn around, teeth gritted as he comes face to face with his uncle.
the old man's eyes are narrowed, but otherwise he shows no emotion. "so this is where you've been."
toji purses his lips, mind spinning with a thousand different ways to get out of this situation. he's screwed, royally. "i've been all over."
"it's been months. don't you think your little vacation is up now?"
"fuck off," toji snarls. his anger spikes so fast even he finds it a little unreasonable.
naobito lets out a boisterous laughโgrating and sharp. "how can i turn a blind eye when my damn investment is running around in the streets?"
"well you shoulda kept a better eye on me, huh old man?" toji snarls. he feels more threatened than ever before. his body is overwhelmed with a thousand different emotions. the horror of being caught and maybe being thrown back underground. the disgust at seeing the man he hates most in the world.
the pure unadulterated fear that consumes him when he thinks that he might never see you again.
he won't do it. he'll die before being dragged away once more.
"oh you're so entertaining toji." naobito pulls out his phone, the light from the screen illuminating his face in a way that makes him look strangely terrifying. "enough games. you've had your fun."
toji's lunging before he even realizes it, the growl that tears through his throat sounding almost feral. his right hand snakes around naobito's throat, and it takes all his willpower to not crush the man's windpipe between his fingers. his other hand is ready to strike, claws sharp and glinting in the moonlight. the old man's eyes go wide for a second, but then they narrow, and despite the difficulty, his lips stretch into an oily smile.
"you won't do itโฆ" he chokes out, strained and painful. toji's palm tightens further, eliciting a wheeze from the old man. "you know what they'll do to you."
toji honestly doesn't care. in his mind, being put down wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if it means killing this bastard once and for all. but then he has a thought, and it all comes crashing down.
you.
he thinks of you and your sweet smile and welcoming arms and everything suddenly stops. because by chance if this fucker finds out about you, everything is over. toji's mind races. thoughts of his uncle's men coming after him and finding you instead, punishing you for taking in the animal that so clearly didn't belong to you. ice floods his veinsโchilling and jarring.
his grip loosens, and then he's backing away slowly. the goosebumps on his arms are almost painful, and he can feel his pulse thudding against his jugular as naobito stands and straightens his clothes. the old man clears his throat. "you can run all you want. you know they'll find you."
"i'll take that risk." toji wants to go. never in his life has he felt so inclined to run. he takes another step back, and naobito raises his phone again.
"do it," toji grits out, flashing his lengthened claws. the old man's eyes catch the movement, and even though his expression remains neutral, toji can smell the hesitation spiking as he stills. "i dare you."
"you even touch me and they'll lock you up for good," naobito spits. "maybe even put you down."
"well that's fine with me as long as i've ripped you to shreds." toji licks his teeth, eyes narrowed. "shame that brat naoya isn't here with you. i would've broken his neck too."
naobito lets out a mirthless laugh, but he doesn't make any more advancements. toji takes another step back, snarling. his uncle crosses his arms, tilting his head with an amused smile. "you do all this drama, but you know you'll go back there on your own."
toji barks out a laugh, though it is strained with anger. "oh yeah? how come?"
naobito's smile becomes chilling as his voice drops. "because it's in you, toji. you're nothing but a rabid animal, and you'll crave blood soon enough."
toji's skin prickles. nausea churns his guts, and all he can manage to spit out is a growled "fuck you," before he's turning around and running. thankfully, the darkness of the night acts like a blanketโcovers up his footsteps until he's sure he's far enough. for once he thanks the heavens for his animalistic traits; the speed with which his feet carry him is almost superhuman. he wonders if his damn uncle is calling all the people he knows, sending them after him. but another part wonders if naobito is so psychotic that he would wait for toji to come crawling back.
both options are ridiculously plausible.
toji stops and thinks that maybe he shouldn't go back to your house. he could be leading his past right to your doorstep. but then he realizes there is no other place in the world where he is more safe, and then he's speeding up again. when he reaches your apartment, he hides in the shadows for ten minutes waiting to see if he's being followed. when he deems it safe, he quietly unlocks your door and slips inside.
the apartment is just as he left it, and toji finally releases a shaky breath. his heartbeat feels erratic, and he didn't even realize that he'd been biting his lip so hard, only now tasting the metallic flavor of his own blood.
(he ignores how easily his tense muscles seem to relax when your scent invades his senses once more.)
toji flops onto the couch unceremoniously, rubbing at his brow bones. what are the odds that he'd run into his damn uncle in the streets and still be a free man? toji always figured that if he ever saw the old bastard again, he'd find himself either dead or back underground. after all, naobito zenin has always cared so deeply about his number one investment.
now the only thing on toji's mind is the fact that he might be putting you in danger. you and the sweet life you've so carefully built. the life that you shared with him so willinglyโopen arms and all. what right did he have to bring threats to that comfort and stability? you've been so good to him, and what has he done to repay that except constantly put you in tough situations?
he thinks that maybe meeting him in that alley was the worst thing that could've happened to you.
there is a dull throbbing that has settled between his brows, and toji puts his face in his palms, exhaling heavily. he wishes that you were here. wishes that you would open the front door and chatter away to your heart's content. wishes that you'd easily forget that fool who's taking you out tonight and look toji's way instead. wishes that you'd sit next to him on the couch and let the warmth of your arm bleed into his skin.
(he doesn't mind hearing you talk. your voice has a lovely timbre to it, not too harsh and not too grating. he thinks that the waves of your laugh would soothe the pain in his head very quickly.
he doesn't like that there's someone else. he knows it has nothing to do with youโafter all you deserve someone who treats you well. someone who can lay the world at your feet even before you ask. and he understands that he is not that person and will never be that person so long as ears sprout atop his head and his teeth are elongated and sharp.
he is irked by the craving for warmth he has developed. he wonders why he doesn't miss his solitude. instead the empty space feels awfully full when you're aroundโnot suffocating, just full. he thinks he wouldn't mind sharing that space with you for a long time.)
toji's fingers twitch in irritation, and he flops back, draping across your couch. his eyes conjure up floating patterns against your ceiling, and he cannot blink them away no matter how hard he tries. it is a struggle to dispel these thoughtsโthe oh so valiant fighter losing a battle as simple as this. it's almost laughable.
there is a sour taste in toji's mouth because he knows what this is. that damn feeling that everyone raves about. the one people are willing to do anything for. a blessing, a curse. able to make life worth living and yet wars were fought over it.
something he never deserved.
if he had common sense, he'd leave well enough alone. it's bad enough that he feels indebted to you, but bringing any other feelings into whatever arrangement you both seemed to have feels almost self-destructive. especially because he'd be the last person on earth to have a chance anyway.
he does not know why that conclusion feels so damn prickly.
toji sits up straight, eyes burning holes into the armrest of your couch. then he reaches over, grabs the tv remote, and turns the tv on to some random show. then hits the volume button more times than he probably should. he can't help itโthe silence in your apartment is deafening.
another less than graceful flop back into the heat of your couch. heavy eyes bore into the ceiling once more. if he strains hard enough, toji can imagine your reactions to the dialogues coming from the tv. his lips pull up to the side, wry and somewhat wistful.
he's pushing his luck. you should really send someone to get rid of him. he's gotten too full of himself, thinking that he knows you so well.
toji thinks that if he focuses hard enough, he can find remnants of you in the couch's fibers. sweet shampoo, detergent, faint traces of curry, and the hints of your natural scent that pushes through all the artificial ones.
toji's eyes go unfocused the more attention he pays to that scent. invading his senses and pulling fatigue away from the sinews of his muscles like it's easy. behind his eyelids, his mind is able to conjure up an image of youโand he's honestly surprised at how detailed it is.
you've managed to fully consume him now.
(all that talk of sinking his claws into you when he hadn't even realized you'd gotten to him first.
soft, untouched fingers gently curling around beating muscle and tissue. sweet caresses of blood-filled chambers, honey slipping through the valves. addictive, drug-like. a shot of adrenaline.
one squeeze of your fingers and he'd bleed all over the place.)
toji inhales sharply. before he's even fully awake, scents are invading his nose. the bus, sweet shampoo, olive oil, pungent cologne.
he finds you. his shoulders relax. the door clicks open, your unique footsteps quietly pressing against the hardwood. toji suddenly feels all too weary, throwing a heavy arm across his face because he's still trying to remember what he was dreaming aboutโgrasping at straws.
"you asleep?" your voice is quiet, probably out of consideration in case he really was sleeping. his ears flick at the sounds of your coat being pulled off.
"no," he respondsโgroggy. he doesn't make an effort to move, staring at the same ceiling he fell asleep looking at. your smile is etched behind his eyelids.
"good," you chirp. he hears the drop of your keys into the bowl. your footsteps get louder. "i brought food back."
a noncommittal grunt in return, and your laugh is almost breathless. your face makes its way into his line of sight. half smile almost wry, you bend over the back of the couch and study his expression.
the spark in your eye is lively, almost vivacious. it sends adrenaline through toji's veins almost instantaneously. he can't see the ceiling anymore, your face obscuring it perfectly. he watches your hair fall with the weight of gravity, studies it like it's a necessity.
beautiful, he wants to say. but he doesn't know how to articulate that word aloud. so it remains hidden in the backlogs of his brain that never see the light of day.
"did you already eat?" you ask, and he shakes his head no. he doesn't mention his failed attempt at going to bring you takeout. screw his damn uncle.
he sits up straight, and you walk around the couch and take a seat next to him. "how come? you aren't hungry?"
"not really," he mutters, shutting his eyes. that throbbing between his brows has returned. when he glances at you from the corner of his eye, you're giving him a look that is comically skeptical.
"you're not?" your voice goes dramatically worried, and you lean over and press a palm to his forehead like it's the end of the world. "toji not being hungry? what, are you sick?"
he snorts out a sound that sounds suspiciously like a laugh, reaching up to tug at your wrist with an exasperated roll of his eyes. "don't be ridiculous. you're so dramatic."
you grin, watching him stand up and pop his joints with a groan. toji glances at you for a split second. the hair on the back of his neck stands, a chill running down his spine. he feels like someone is chasing him, getting closer and closer with outreached claws. claws that would crush you almost easilyโlike paper. he swallows, glancing over his shoulder to peek out your window.
darkness is all he's greeted with.
toji sighs heavily, massaging his temples. he realizes that you're still staring at him, so he forces a vaguely disinterested expressionโso carefully neutral. "changed my mind. i'm starving now. where's the food?"
a beat of silence passes, and he turns to look at you expectantly.
balancing on your knees, you peer at him from over the back of the couch, a cautious look in your eye. "you okay?"
he bristles. he hates that you can take him apart like that. that you can see the irritation settling in the crinkle of his brows. that it somehow feels so easy for you to see right through him.
he briefly considers spilling his guts to you then and there, but then that one image flashes behind his eyes once more. the image of bulky soldiers holding heavy guns in your face, and the words die on his tongue. "'m fine."
you raise a brow, eyes raking over his expression. he can tell you don't believe him at all, but he doesn't want to discuss this any further. he's decided that he won't take such risksโnot with you anyway.
you look less than pleased as you watch him stand up and walk into the kitchen, effectively cutting the conversation short. but you don't say anything, choosing to just attach yourself to his shadow and follow him. your hesitant expression makes him feel a little guilty, but he brushes it off.
toji is suddenly struck with the realization that you've been with someone else tonight. his mood dips slightly, but he tries not to be too obvious about it. "how was the date?"
he is surprised at the way your expression seems to sour. you cross your arms, huffing as you lean against the counter. "not great," you pause, before glaring at him. "and i told you it wasn't a date!"
"yeah right," he snorts, dropping your leftovers into his plate and throwing it into the microwave. the droning hum echoes in his ears as he turns to you and crosses his arms. "why was it not great?"
"well i don't know," you shrug, lips slanting. you hop up onto the counter, settling in like you're about to drop the next great american novel. "he justโฆwasn't how he normally is at all?"
the microwave beeps, and toji turns away to pull the plate out. he thinks that he can taste blood on his tongue, but he clears his throat and keeps his voice even. "it was one of your coworkers right?"
"yeah, but likeโฆ" you suck on your teeth, searching for words. "he was so self-centered!"
toji is grateful his back is turned to you, because the way he's grinning would seem really strange given the circumstances. the satisfaction that is thrumming through his veins is almost ridiculous.
"i mean at work he was always polite and stuff so i figured he'd be nice to hang out withโ" you roll your eyes at your own naivety. "but no. as soon as i sat down he started going on and on about himself and i just sat there. i barely got to say a word about myself at all."
"sounds like he really likes the sound of his own voice." toji finally looks at you, and despite feeling relieved that the date didn't work out, the miserable look on your face makes him feel a tad guilty. the wolf sighs heavily, walking over to you with the plate full of food. "here, eat."
your expression goes blank, giving him a look that basically translates to 'are you serious?'.
"i brought the food back for you!" you protest. toji rolls his eyes harshly.
"if this date was as bad as you're making it sound, i bet you were too icked out to eat."
a laugh escapes your throat, and you shrug in a way that seems to be acquiescent. the wolf approaches you, a half smirk on his face that looks comfortingly familiar, and when he is right in front of you, you watch him stab his fork into the food before raising it to your lips.
it is all too naturalโthe way he offers and the way you immediately take.
your lips part and close around the fork. toji's eyes zero in on the movement almost instantaneously. he is embarrassed that he didn't think twice about the so obviously domestic action, but he can't backtrack now. so all he can do is watch your mouth as you savor the taste and chew, his own throat feeling oddly parched.
he hadn't realized just how intimate the gesture was.
even now he feels like he's invading your space. you're close enough that he can count your lashes and see the flecks of light in your eyes. he wants to know what you're thinkingโif your brain is going haywire the way his is. but all he can do is peer into the windows to your soul and search for any hints.
he is not perceptive enough to find anything. all he knows is that you're looking at him with stars in your eyes and that same honey like sweetness dripping from your smile. his ears flick restlessly, and swallows with a bit of difficulty.
"thanks," you mumble after you've finished chewing, looking at him with deliberation. "you eat the rest."
"you sure?" he asks, not understanding why his own voice is coming out just as quiet. you nod wordlessly, giving him a grateful smile, and his tail unknowingly begins its steady back and forth movement. your tongue peeks out to wet your lips, almost nervously, and toji's eyes greedily trace the path again. there's an almost bashful tinge to your expression, and toji is reminded of the way you reacted the first time he told you he trusted you.
(warmth bleeding from your skin. eyes moving away from his gaze. licking at your lips. flustered.)
something in his soul had practically sung when he saw that expression. just like it's doing now.
toji is suddenly struck with the thought of how easy it would be to kiss you right now. you're so damn close, another step forward and he could capture your lips easily. a sharp inhale, claws twitch around the plate. his brain dives further into those thoughts almost instantly, and he curses himself for it.
(forget sinking his teeth into you. forget digging through bone and flesh to find the beating muscle in your chest. all of that pales in comparison to actually getting a taste. to have you at his mercy the way you've had him for all these monthsโa deliciously sweet vengeance. he wonders what your lips would taste like, what they would feel like under the drag of his tongue. quiet little gasps pressed against his greedy mouth, soft flesh against the scar cutting over his lips.
if he strains hard enough he can hear the ragged pants filling the space between you two. his mind is frustratingly skilled enough to conjure up images of your naked skin and what it would feel like under his hands.
he swears he'd be so damn careful. just to make sure his claws don't damage you in a way that only an animal can damage a human.
but he knows he can do it. with reverent fingers that are skillful enough to take you apart and make you sing. and oh how you would singโhe'd make sure of it. sweet sighs and moans and a whisper of his name in a way that only you can say. he'd map out every inch of your heated skin until he had each detail memorized, seared into his very being.
that's what loyalty means after all. giving you every single piece of himself and gratefully taking what you offer him in return.)
the wolf has to blink away the haze in his eyes, turning away while clearing his throat. he busies his hands with shoving food down his gullet, but his mind is still racing.
(he is too ashamed to admit that similar thoughts have kept him up before.)
when he tries to take a steadying breath, he picks up the change in the air. the various scents floating around the room mix together, and yet his nose is strong enough to pick yours out. there's a strange difference to it, a spike of adrenaline and something else that makes his mouth water.
(he thinks he knows exactly what that something is. he'd been able to pick these changes out his whole life. all animals could.)
this is ridiculous. he isn't some hormonal pup that lacks self-control. he'd crawled through hell and back and made it out just fine. your stupid sweetness should not be a weaknessโnot to him anyway. and no amount of vague daydreaming and unrealistic pining would change that.
his pointed ears twitch as he hears you hop off the counter. you stretch out the stiffness in your neck and sigh. "well anyways, i'm ready for this day to be over. i gotta figure out what to do about him."
toji stiffens, tail going rigid as he turns to face you again. his expression is steely. "what do you mean?"
"it's crazy but he asked me on a second date."
you roll your neck again, and his eyes zero in on your skin.
(if only you knew. a bare canvas. so readily available for his teeth to sink into. vulnerable, yielding, devoted. he'd let you sink your teeth into his neck too. only you. no one else.)
"what a fucking fool," toji scoffs, crossing his bulky arms. he leans back, feeling the sharpness of the counter digging into his tailbone. he looks at you expectantly. "you're not going, are you?"
"nah," you shake your head, smiling mirthlessly. your fingers come up to push your hair away from your face, and toji's finger twitch in tandem. "the whole thing was weird. i'm good ending it here."
"mmh good," toji replies casually. your head snaps up, and you look at him with an intensely interested expression.
"good?" you repeat, with a little scrunch of your face that looks awfully curious.
toji blinks at you blankly, mind stuttering for a second.
(he didn't realize how that would sound. how truthfully honest it was.)
instead he just gives you a glance before nodding. he reaches for a glass and starts filling it with water unceremoniously. "yeah, it's good that you're not going."
"okayโฆ" you trail off, confused. he thinks he can hear obscure smile in your voice.
"i mean he sounds stupid from what you were yapping about." the wolf continues indifferently. his fangs scrape against his bottom lip, and the urge to bite down for his own foolishness is extremely strong. "and ugly."
"ugly?" you ask in surprise, and he looks up to meet your gaze. at your confused expression, he shrugs gruffly.
"yeah. ugly." he doubles down. he doesn't know why you're looking at him like thatโlike he's just acted completely out of character. it's making his palms sweat and he hates it.
you scoff out a laugh, strangely amused and almost disbelieving. "you've never even seen him."
(a flash of burning heat. a roil of the gutsโchurning and churning. shades of ugly green.)
toji wonders why you're even defending this fool, irritation flickering in his stomach. now he just feels stubbornโunrelenting. "he just sounded ugly."
you gape at him, though you're smiling while you do it. almost like you're saying 'wow, i can't believe you said that'.
he rolls his jade eyes, downs the water in a gulp, and sets the glass down with more force that he intended. "why? you gonna go out with him again?"
"noโฆno i'm not going," you answer, a finality in your voice. your gaze searches his face for answers, and he keeps his expression neutral with great difficulty. your eyes are wide and a little surprised, and there's an odd look of satisfaction in them. bewilderment, too. like something has just fallen into placeโsettled.
a beat of silence passes.
the whole moment feels suffocating, but in a painfully good way. for some reason, toji can feel sweat dripping down his shoulder blades and soaking through his shirt. he glances at you again, and when he sees that same expression, something in his chest does an exhilarated flip. he purses his lips, and then clears his throat. "well i'm tired as fuck. i'm going to bed."
"right," you say, and toji doesn't know if he's imagining it, but you sound a little breathless. he gives you a final look, and when you look back at him, it feels more intense than any other contact the two of you have had. your smile gets a little wider, eyes going frustratingly soft, as you tilt your head.
(so that's what it feels like to be on the receiving end of your sweet attention. honey eyes and sugary smiles. saliva drips from his fangs.)
"get some sleep," he says throatily. his fangs feel like they're elongating, claws feel extra sharp. his tail has resumed its side to side motion. and that fire in his gut has come back tenfold, searing and all consuming.
you nod, teeth sinking into the flesh of your lips. "i will."
you look like you want to say something more, but then your eyes go a little more softer, and when you look at him, he realizes he would willingly lay the entire universe at your feet. "goodnight toji."
all he can manage is a soft grunt and a subtle nod of his head, before turning on his heels and heading for his room. he can feel your stare on his back, and it sends pleasant chills up his spine.
your words echo in his ears.
(noโฆno i'm not going.)
when he's in the sanctuary of his room, he catches sight of the satisfied grin on his face in the mirror. a little smug, a little delighted, a little surprised.
the same grin that was plastered across your face as you stood in that kitchen.
if you asked to be on the tag list but donโt see your name here, itโs either because your blog was blank/empty or didnโt have an age. if your name is here but you didnโt get a tag notif, check your privacy settings !!
โง PAIRING: wolf!toji fushiguro x f!reader | 4.5k words
โง SUMMARY: wolfhybrid!toji, hybrid au, grumpy x sunshine, animalistic behavior, societal inequality, dysfunctional families, were getting into the pining everyone, fluff, toji letting his guard down, blood as a metaphor for love ??
โง RHEYA'S NOTE: sorry for taking a month to get this part out guys!! unfortunately the semester's started and i'm also spending every free minute i have studying for the mcat rip :(( but know that wolf toji never leaves my mind hehe :33 as usual i would recommend reading the previous parts before this one !!
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you are slowly getting used to coming home and not seeing toji there.
not that he is overly loud or anything. but after seeing someone lounging on your couch or staring at the tv or awkwardly peeking through your fridge every single day, the lack of that presence seems much more impactful.
it leaves a strangely empty feeling in your gut, but you shake it off because you know he will be back soon.
besides, he had been the one to insist on getting a job.
("you really don't have toโ"
"i wanna." he scratches the back of his neck, an awkward grimace on his face as he speaks. "i uhโฆ take up a lotta your space. so just let me, alright?")
far be it from you to deny a literal predator. so yes, the two of you had fallen into a sort of rhythm. while you were at school or your job, toji would go out and workโyou're not really sure what it is he does, and you're a little too awkward to ask. he had hinted at picking up small odd jobs here and there, like helping move construction materials or furniture, which was easy thanks to his brute strength.
it also was easier for him to lay low with jobs that didn't involve high profile people.
you never tried to find out more, because oddly enough, you trusted the hulking wolf of a man.
and it wasโฆoddly endearing how'd he'd come back with his paycheck and drop it in your palm, voice a low grunt as he mutters a quick, "here y'go."
in fact, over the few months that toji has been with you, you've started easily picking up many oddly endearing things about him.
like how he sits upright and scowls when the doorbell rings, ears pointed and hackles rising. how he does not eat if you're not eatingโeven if you give him a plate he will sit in front of it and stare you down, urging you to drop what you're doing to come and sit with him. how he prefers taking a seat near your legs when you're watching tv, back pressing against the bottom of the couch.
(you try mentioning any of these to him and he gives you the most affronted scowl.)
but yes it's all very endearing. even now when you're sitting on your couch and thinking about it, there is a silly smile on your faceโwhen you notice it, you have to slap yourself quickly.
the cool chill of your wet hair leaves a trail of goosebumps over your arms, even though your body is warm from your shower. maybe it's strange to be overanalyzing the all cute little things the wolf hybrid you let in your home does on a daily basis. and perhaps you should be wondering why your brain seems to find him whenever it doesn't have anything else to think about, but you're a little scared of what that might reveal about you.
your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door unlocking, and you look up subconsciously.
your eyes catch toji's figure leaving the bathroom, and for a split second your throat goes dry. he emerges from a cloud of steam, drops of water cascading over the planes of his chest and torso. a towel hangs lows on his hipbones, hair heavy with wetness as he frustratingly shakes the strands away from his eyes. you are unable to look away from the muscles of his back, damp skin reflecting the light in the hallway.
it's just a few secondsโjust as he makes his way from the bathroom into his own bedroom, but it's enough to have you sitting there with your lips parted.
you spend the next couple seconds shaking your head as you try to push down the heat crawling up your neck.
the wolf joins you a few minutes later, a loud yawn tearing through his throat. his hair is messy, damp from the shower and sticking up in odd directions.
(you cannot look away from him.)
"hey," he nods at you, claws absentmindedly scratching under his shirt.
(a glimpse of chiseled abs and scarred muscle.)
"hey," you answer back, still feeling warm. you clear your throat, brushing it aside. "ready to eat?"
a wordless nod. you stand up and head to the kitchen, exhaling deeply. you're not sure what that was, but you'll be sure to brush it under the rug.
in a few minutes the two of you are sitting across each other, as usual. toji ravenously digs into his food, tongue running over his lips subconsciously.
you watch, strangely satisfied. his jade green eyes briefly flick up to meet yours. when they find their mark, they turn away, but his shoulders seem to relax.
you shove your fork in your mouth, a little breathless. "h-how was your day?"
he swallows, heavy gaze finding yours again. "not bad. work was work."
you grin. "wow what a riveting revelation. how much do i need to donate for an elaboration, mister wolf?"
toji makes a show of rolling his eyes, chewing slowly. "you're so dramatic."
"i'm entertaining," you clarify, a smug smile tugging at your lips.
"whatever helps you sleep at night, kid." he huffs out what sounds like a dry chuckle, but you take it like it's a medal. he indulges your question though. "i helped on a construction site. it wasn't that hard."
another satisfied bite. "humans are always so creative when they try to get out of doing work."
your brow quirks. "what do you mean?"
he waves his paw haphazardly, looking exasperated. "y'know? with all their machines and shit."
you snort quietly. "yeah some of us can't lift ten thousand pounds like you."
he throws you an unamused glance, but continues eating. there's a pause, but then he asks. "how about you?"
you smother a grin behind your forkโhow considerate of him. "it was fine. pretty boring day."
suddenly you perk up, a thought hitting you, and toji unconsciously leans closer.
"oh wait! i had to train someone today. it was so awkward!" you wave your fork around as you articulate your words. "he was really quiet and barely asked questions so i felt like i was yapping for hours to fill the silence. but he seemed nice enough so it's fine i guess."
(so that's the new trace of a scent that toji picked up on as soon as you walked in. it clung to you, overly sweet and stickyโmolasses. worming its way around your body, almost parasitic. and you had no idea.
but he did. he knows the undertones in that foreign scent, can pick up the giddy nerves and faint arousal and sheer excitement. it disgusts him, irritates him beyond belief.
if it were up to him he'd dig his claws into that gross scent.
maybe if he were to tighten his grip, sink his teeth into your fleshโa sadistic little brand of his ownโhe could scrape that parasite off of you. replace it with a parasite of his own.)
"you do talk a lot," he replies. the offended look on your face is exactly the reaction he was waiting for, and he pushes down a smirk.
"well i have to make up for it since you're so boring!"
the two of you bicker over dinner, and toji does not know why it pleases him so much. the dips in your brows, the slant of your lips, the strained laughter behind your argumentsโevery microexpression threatens to worm its way into the inner crevices of his brain and settle there.
(parasitic beyond belief.)
these expressions stay in his mind even as he finds himself in his bed a few hours later. his jade eyes feel strained as they bore holes in the ceiling, the shadows creating monsters against the walls. he tries thinking of something else, but you remain, stubborn in a way that he does not know how to fight.
he briefly wonders whether this is normalโif other people also think of you after they spend time with you.
(but then he realizes that would mean that others are privy to seeing you the way he does, and suddenly the taste in his mouth is bitter.)
toji is grateful though. for the past few months, there would be nights where his dreams weren't so pleasant. where he would find himself back in a cold cell, with the sound of boots and growls and cheers echoing in his ears. or he'd be back in that family home, kept to the side, away from the rest because of his cursed blood and so called poisonous mother. where he would stand in front of a mirror and curse the features that made him so misfortunate.
so yeah, if it were up to him, he'd much rather see your pretty face behind his eyelids.
but even then it seems as though sleep will be eluding him tonight. his body feels restless, thrumming with energy and mild irritation. his skin feels numb and prickly, somehow simultaneously hot and cold.
toji rubs a weary paw across his face, grumbling. he doubts he's getting anymore sleep tonightโit's not like he isn't used to it. he throws the covers off, before standing up and stretching until he's heard a few satisfying pops. maybe he'll go watch something on your tv at the lowest possible volume, or he'll sit by the living room window until he dozes off on his own. whateverโhe's just so damn tired.
his door creaks as he pushes it open, and he internally prays that you remain asleep. but from what he knows, while you are a relatively light sleeper, these sounds don't usually bother you. he pauses just as he walks past your room, sneaking a glance at the shut door.
he thinks he can picture you clearly behind the door, wrapped up in your sheets and pressed against your pillows without a care in the world. he wonders whether you're dreaming tonight, and if you are he wants to know what you see.
(wondering whether you see his face in the same way he sees yours.)
he does not know what compels him, but toji finds himself taking a seat on the ground, back pressing against your door. he can faintly hear the sound of your heartbeat, slow and even as you sleep. your breaths are low, steadyโlike the sound of waves gently rushing over warm sand.
it's rhythmic, tantalizing, so so soothing.
he can feel his eyes growing heavy, can feel the tension leaving his shoulders. he thinks he can feel the warmth of your body through the door.
toji is lucky that his ears are sensitive. because in the morning, when you quietly get out of bed, he will awake to the sound, and then he will hurry back into his room like nothing happened. he will make this a habit, seeking you out in the middle of the night when sleep is his worst enemy. and he will sit there, using the thumping of your heartbeats his own personal metronomeโa lullaby.
but it will be his little secret.
he has always been so stubborn.
the bite of the stinging wind makes toji's hair stand on end, but he does not hate it. he'd much rather welcome the overcast skies than bake under a glaring sun. the sound of hammering and drilling and machines makes toji's ears twitch even under the stupid hardhat his boss insisted he wear.
whatever. just a few more hours and then he can go home.
he briefly thinks of you. wonders whether you'll be home before he is or whether he'll be the one waiting for you tonight.
he hears footsteps approaching, but barely flinches as his boss claps him on the shoulder. the stocky, genial old man is way too cheerful for a job so dull, but toji has gotten used to it by now. besides the guy practically adores the big strong hybrid who moves materials for him like it's the easiest thing in the world. and he never stops talking about it.
"what would we do without you, toji?"
toji snorts indifferently. "crash and burn?"
a bark of laughter cuts through the air and the wolf raises a brow.
"you're right about that." the old man grins, looking up at the hulking wolf with a mix of awe and gratitude. "some of these kids are too lazy."
he turns to bark a couple of orders to some of the younger workers, and toji bites back a wry grin, shaking his head. "what d'ya need me to do after moving these?"
his boss looks at the steel beams toji is currently stacking, before glancing down at his clipboard. "honestly, just need the bricks moved and you should be good to leave."
toji unconsciously perks up at that. suddenly he feels a lot more energizedโstarts working a little quicker.
his boss is quiet for a second, before he asks a question. "you got someone back home?"
toji throws him a disinterested glance, before resuming his work. "why?"
"well my daughter's got a friend. hybrid too, you know?" toji is barely listening, instead securing the ties around a couple of steel beams by his feet. his boss continues genially. "deer. she's real sweet."
"you know wolves eat deer, right?" toji's expression is so blank it makes his boss flinch. an awkward chuckle escapes the old man's lips, and he raises his hands in defeat.
"okay, i get it. you're not interested."
toji shakes his head mutely, turning his focus back to his work.
"but don't you wanna settle down? you're at that age right?" his boss ponders, glancing down at the clipboard in his hands. "don't most hybrids find a mate by this age?"
the word sets a shot of heat through his gut. he does not like addressing those things, base instincts that make him different from everyone else, which is why he has so adamantly pushed aside that part of his nature. because he hates the idea of tying someone to him, trapped with him forever. because he knows that once he has his teeth in them he will not let them go. because he has always been nothing more than a selfish animal.
he hates the idea with a burning passion.
(his blood is hot, fire in his veins. he wonders if you would let him do that to you, sink his fangs into your throat and let him eat you up. feel your flesh and blood under his ever so grateful clawsโworshipping, all consuming.
somehow the idea becomes less revolting.
he wonders what you think about the whole thing. tying yourself to someone forever. would you be open to an animal? he hopes you wouldn't be. he knows there are similar traditions for your kind. something involving a ring on a finger and a big celebration to follow. but even that seems mediocre to him. does not hold the same meaning as making you his and devoting himself to you.
humans are so blasรฉ.)
"like i said, not interested." toji's air of indifference makes the man's shoulders slump, but he brushes it off with a good natured chuckle.
"well okay. let me know if you change your mind. my daughter has a lot of friends."
a noncommittal grunt escapes the wolf and he speaks up before he can stop himself. "forget it. i got someone already."
his boss gasps, strangely giddy. "well you ass! why didn't you lead with that?"
(because he didn't mean to say it.)
toji shrugs carelessly, turning away. he doesn't want to talk about itโmostly because it's a lie. but also because he knows that if he thinks too deeply about it, he'll start wondering why it was so easy to offer you up like that. and why it disappoints him that it is really nothing more than a lie.
"it's not a big deal."
"i'm sure other people would disagree," the older man laughs. "what's she like?"
(another burst of fireโquiet, clinging, possessive. he would stand in front of you and take the intrusive stares into his own shoulder blades before he let them even look at you.)
"she's fine." the short answer is all toji wants to share.
"just fine?"
(perfect, he wants to say. but nobody needs to know that but him.)
"anyone ever told you you're nosy?"
his boss blinks, before letting out another boisterous burst of laughter. a clap to the back follows, and toji sighs in exasperation.
"fine fine. i'll stop. you're such a secretive asshole."
toji finishes securing the ties before easily hefting the steel beams onto his shoulder. he ignores the starry eyed gazes of some of the younger workers around him. his boss, despite seeing toji's brute strength before, still looks just as starstruck.
"where'd you come from anyway?" the older man finally blurts out. toji's shoulders tense, eyes narrowing as he pins an intrusive stare to the human. his boss backtracks.
"n-not that it matters!" he stumbles, and toji is suddenly reminded of how human the man is compared to him. "you know i don't care where you're from as long as you can work."
"i can work." the wolf's response is dry. he doesn't like the idea of sharing anything about himself to humans.
(besides you of course.)
"right. we've gotten a lot done since you've joined." the boss once again claps him on the back heartily, and toji has to push down the feelings of irritation at the casual touch.
(all he really cares about is finishing his work. the faster he gets done, the faster he can go home and see you.)
a few hours later, toji's pushing the apartment door open. his muscles are a little sore, but it's peace compared to the aftermath of his old battles underground. the extra key in his hand feels heavy, weighted with some importance that he is unused to. he decides he does not hate it as he drops it in the little bowl you have next to the doorโright next to your own keychain.
"i'm back." his voice is low, just because he's still getting used to announcing his return. still getting used to the idea that someone is there waiting for him.
he sees your head pop up from over the back of the couch, and he is briefly reminded of a bunny. the thought almost makes him smile.
"welcome home!" you grin, propping yourself on your knees and peering at him. "how was your day?"
"meh," he grunts, shrugging his jacket off. you roll your eyes good naturedly, almost like you expected this response.
"you're so articulate," you drawl sarcastically, and he huffs. without thinking, he reaches over to give your forehead a gentle push.
"shut up."
you grumble at the shove, pushing his arm away before standing up and heading towards the kitchen. "ready for dinner?"
he glances at the clock, lips slanting unhappily. "you didn't have to wait to eat, kid."
"yeah but i wanted to." a cheeky smile stretches across your face, and he has the strongest urge to reach out and tug on your cheek until you're swatting at him in between laughs.
but all he can do is sigh. "stupidโฆ"
the way you turn to stick your tongue out at him almost makes him chuckle.
in a few minutes you're both in your respective spots, digging into your food just as you do every night. dinner is quiet, but not uncomfortable. somehow toji feels relaxed even in your silence.
(he wonders why that is.)
eventually the wolf feels a pleasant chill run up his spine, so he unconsciously lifts his head. your eyes are pinning him to his seat, not sharp but ever so curious. he thinks he has finally learned how to read you.
(pick you apart and examine your pieces before putting you back together with reverent fingers.)
he is about to ask you to spill it, but you beat him to it.
"hey toji?" your voice is quiet, timid. his gaze travels over you, sharp eyes assessing the sudden nervousness in your posture.
"what?"
"can i ask you something?"
he hesitates, chewing his food, before nodding once.
"how did you end up underground anyway?"
he stiffens. a rush of anger floods through his body. the familiar feeling of hatred as he thinks of the cursed last name he once had and who that name belongs to.
he steels himself, trying to keep those emotions suppressed. the last thing he wants to do is get angry in front of you. so he just swallows, and looks down at his plate. "my family sold me there."
he hears your sharp inhale, can practically smell the spike of indignant anger, before the sadness follows.
"your own family?"
he shrugs haphazardly, like it doesn't matterโit does. "yep."
you watch him continue eating with an evidently sympathetic look in your eyes. he still does not know how to react to that expression, but he knows that it makes his stomach churn with a strange mix of sensations.
"why?" you press, leaning forward. in between the shine of curiosity in your eyes, he sees that subtle spark of angerโanger on his behalf. once again, this idea makes him strangely giddy.
another shrug. toji leans his chin in his palm, gaze drifting to the side. "don't know. they just don't really fuck with hybrids."
you make a face. he suppresses a chuckle.
"as soon as they found out my old man got with my ma, they said i'd be trash," he continues. "cursed her for ruining his life. ever since i was born they told me that i wasn't like them. animal scum, y'know?"
he says all this very casually, but he finds that he cannot look away from you. he wants to greedily drink in every little expression, every sliver of emotion, every single detail that betrays your thoughts and feelings.
(he wants to open you up and dig through flesh and blood until he finds your beating heart. he wants to find it and gently hold it in his palms. take it and keep it close to his own so that it remains untouchedโunhurt. safe.)
your expression looks sad now, and toji briefly regrets answering your questions. he finds that he really does not like this expression on you.
"so they just sent you there?" you ask, fiddling with your food. it seems like you've lost your appetite now. "that's it?
toji gives a noncommittal roll of his eyes. "well they spent eighteen years feeding me and growing me up. they figured i owed them for their generous charity."
another grimace of distaste.
"so as soon as i was an adult they sent me down there. been fighting ever since." he finishes the last bite of his food. licks his fingers clean. jade eyes find yours.
a sad dip of your brows. "i'm so sorry. that's terrible."
(you offer your comfort so willingly. naive and warm.
he is an animal. a greedy one. he will take and take and take until there is nothing left to give. until he is attached to your warmth at a level that goes microscopically deep. past skin and muscle and bone and blood.)
toji hums, standing up to go put his empty plate in the sink. just as he is passing by you, he notices your expressionโhe pauses in his tracks.
you purse your lips, hesitant. but you seem to get over whatever fear you had and speak up. "i'd give you a hug but i know you'll throw a fit."
(his ribcage jumpsโhe thinks he can feel himself salivate. dripping from his fangs.)
you grin to yourself, like you've told a joke. once again he greedily drinks it in. when you meet his eyes again, blinding smile just for him, he thinks he has been reborn.
"so i'll just say i'm glad you're here."
toji's throat goes dry. there is a flood of thoughts thenโuncontrollable and honest. he wonders what it would feel like, a hug from you. if he thinks hard enough, he can imagine the brush of your fingers against his shoulders, around his waist. can feel the tickle of your hair under his chin. can feel the warmth of your cheek against his chest. can feel your scent fill his nostrils. the steady thrum of your heartbeat pressed against his own.
he swallows with a bit of difficulty.
your words dance in his earsโso frustratingly pleasant. i'm glad you're here.
only you could say something so disgustingly sweet and have his head spinning. he thinks you might be more dangerous than he is.
because strangely, his lips pull into a smile, one that is weirdly fond, and he reaches up to put a heavy hand on your head.
you blink, confused, as he ruffles your hair. it's not at all gentleโgruff and unrestrained in a way that is so inherently toji. but you relax under his touch without even realizing it yourself.
he wants to say more. wants to tell you that yes, he's glad to be here too. with you.
but he bites his tongue, drops his hand, and revels in the fact that he can at least look at you right in front of him.
"did your family really care that much when they found out a hybrid was gonna be born into the household?" you ask, and toji continues his walk over to the kitchen sink, answering over his shoulder.
"yeah. the zenins have always been so picky about their stupid bloodline."
from the corner of his eyes, he catches the way your jaw drops at his casual statement. his ears pick up the sounds of you tripping over yourself to follow him, and he almost laughs.
"wait wait zenin like the owners of that super huge company? the really rich ones? those zenins?!"
"that's the one," he smirks mirthlessly, pawing at the faucet. the sound of his family name drives away any remaining semblance of appetite he had. he sneaks a glance at your expression, finding a sliver of amusement at the wide eyed stare you're sporting. a quiet chuckle tumbles past his lips. "gonna tattle?"
your expression turns affronted as you scoff. "do you really have that little trust in me?"
"no. i trust you." he says it so blankly, a deadpan stare on his face as his jade eyes pin you to your spot. heat crawls up your neck, unaccustomed to such blatant honesty from the normally so closed off hybrid.
you clear your throat, and toji bites back a smile. the flustered expression on your face is new to him.
(there is warmth radiating off of your face that he has never felt before. he can see your eyes dart to the side, can see you shrink a little at his statement. his eyes trace the way your tongue darts out to wet your lips. this behavior is unfamiliar, but he thinks he likes it. flustered, embarrassed, shyโall because of him. the urge to brand himself with your name grows in his gut like a flame, hot and desperate.)
โง PAIRING: wolf!toji fushiguro x reader | 3.7k words
โง SUMMARY: wolfhybrid!toji, hybrid au, grumpy x sunshine, animalistic behavior, bickering, mentions of blood and injuries, survival instincts are non existent, hints at past violence/abuse, toji is an asshole but he's trying !!
โง RHEYA'S NOTE: ignore that i formatted this part all pretty while part 1 is just an ugly drabble. i just didn't expect to turn this into a series lmao. anyways please read part one before reading this so that it actually makes a lick of sense !! also i added people who asked for part two to the tag list so if you wanna be added/removed just lmk :3
you mutter a quiet curse as you step in a dirty puddle, eyes squinting through the torrents of rain pouring from the dark sky. it's bad enough you got out of work so late, but the heavy storm did nothing to make the journey home easier. you grip your umbrella tighter, even though your clothes have still been dampened by stray droplets, and speed up the pace.
it has not poured like this in your city for quite a few weeks now, and the change in weather would be pleasant if you weren't being hit by it full forceโindoors, curled on your couch under a blanket, would be ideal. that's what you plan to do after you get inside, after a warm shower and dinner.
speaking of dinner, you're late for your routine meal drop off for your new hybrid acquaintance. though you're almost sure that toji won't be in his usual spot in the alleyway by your apartment in this weather, probably taking shelter where he normally does when the outside is too harsh. plus even if he decided to take his chances to come for food, he would've left as soon as he noticed his plate wasn't there.
you haphazardly push yourself through your front door, nearly tripping as you attempt to close the umbrella while simultaneously avoiding the rain. you inhale deeply once you're safe, leaning back against the door as you catch your breath. the rain sounds are muffled now that you are in your little cocoon of an apartment, and you immediately pull your wet shoes off with a grimace.
half an hour later you're stepping into the warmest, most comfortable pajamas you own, body now clean and thrumming with the freshness that only a good shower can provide. your stomach growls as you step into the kitchen, the rain still slapping against your window, and you immediately try to throw together whatever food you can find.
thanks to toji's daily rations, you have an assortment of meat in your fridge, but you settle for eating some rice and curry, choosing to leave meat for a day where the wolf is actually around.
you're halfway through your meal when you hear familiar sounds in your alleyway, and you can't help the way your jaw drops.
"oh my god there is no way," you mutter under your breath, hurrying over to your door and slipping on your shoes. grabbing your umbrella and snapping it open, you duck under it to avoid once again getting drenched by the downpour, the splashing sounds of your footsteps echoing through the alleyway.
even though he is soaked to the bone, toji looks unbothered, sitting against the wall lazily. his dark ears are laying low against his head, but they twitch to life at the sound of you approaching. you ignore the normal distance that is kept between the two of you, opting to stop right in front of him so you can hold the umbrella over his head. "what are you doing out in this rain?"
"you're late today." he ignores your question, green eyes sliding up your figure to meet your gaze. you shake your head in exasperation, staring down at him with a frown.
"yeah i got held up at work." you adjust the umbrella a little, and toji's eyes flick towards it, as though just realizing it's there. "i didn't think you'd be out here."
"came by earlier and saw your lights were off and you weren't home," he grunts, shaking his wet hair out of his. "just thought it was weird."
(he does not mention how long he sat and waited for you to get back, ears perking at every little noise that turned out to be nothing. he does not mention that after a while he got up to circle the area, eyes on high alert and a rising aggression in his demeanor, only to come back and find your lights on.)
"oh," you say lamely, blinking through mist. toji gets to his feet, and you reel at the way he towers over you. he shakes his head, the water from his ears and hair splashing haphazardly, before nodding once.
"well i'm leaving." he turns to walk away, and you blanch.
"to go where?" you can't help but pry, looking at his back searchingly. you see him shrug, hands in his pockets. his tail remains unmoving with the weight of water, clothing sticking against his damp skin.
"who knows?" he grunts. he nods his head at you gruffly. "get inside."
"butโฆ" you grimace, glancing at the dark sky. "what if you get sick?"
toji's brow raises, and he throws you a sarcastic glance over his shoulder. "i'm not made of fluff, kid."
you can't stop yourself from rolling your eyes at his brashness. you don't know what you're doing, but the idea of him prowling out in the pouring rain makes your stomach churn.
"come inside."
toji's head whips so fast you think he might break his neck, jade eyes going wide. one ear perks at your statement, oddly endearing, and you would've chuckled if his expression wasn't so aghast.
"the fuck you say?"
you swallow, suddenly nervous. seriously what the hell are you doing? "come inside," you repeat, your grip tightening around the umbrella.
"are you fucking insane?" toji's voice is sharp and accusatory, like you've just said the most offensive thing known to man. "why would you evenโ?"
"it's pouring." you say it blandly. "and i wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing you were sitting out here like that."
"i'll live," he scoffs, and you bristle at the harshness of his tone. "i'm not a cushy little human."
"ha ha," you mock him sarcastically, voice cutting over the sounds of rain hitting your umbrella. "even animals get sick in the rain, don't they?"
he grumbles at that, eyes narrowed at your haughty smile, before he turns to face you completely. "why the hell do you care?"
"iโ" you pause, not sure what to say. why do you care? "i just do."
toji rolls his eyes, shoulders raised high as he squints at you through the torrents of rain. a beat of silence passes as you stare back, unyielding, and he finally sighs heavily. "you have horrible survival instincts, you know that?"
you can't help but beam, laughing at his disgruntled expression as he falls into step with you and making sure you angle the umbrella to cover his head. "if you wanna leave later you're free to. just stay until the rain stops."
toji glances at you from the corner of his eye, contemplating. he wasn't jokingโyou really did have the worst judgement he's ever seen. he can't wrap his head around how you don't find it dangerous to invite a ragged animal into your home, especially one that can so easily tear your limbs off. instead, you have this dopey little smile on your face as you walk him into your space, closing the umbrella with a practiced snap and leading him inside.
well, toji isn't one to complainโhe can't even remember the last time he's felt the warmth of the indoors, shielded against the bite of the outside world. and if he tries too hard to remember, he'll find that the last time did not have same sweetness that seems to be radiating off of your very person.
the inside of your apartment is small, but cozy. toji can't help but look around, noticing the details that have made this place your own. he inhales deeply, finding traces of the scent of food, of laundry detergent, of an unlit candle.
of you.
"uhโฆ" your voice has gone slightly awkward, and toji's gaze falls on your sheepish expression. you look somewhat embarrassed, consciously looking around at the lived-in messiness of your spaceโnot that toji really cares. "d-do you wanna wash up? i should have some extra clothes for you around here."
toji grimaces at the feeling of his ragged shirt clinging to his damp skin, but he tries not to make it too obvious how much he welcomes the idea. he can feel dirt and grime under his claws, and the thought of an actual bath makes his head spin with feral delight. "i guess so," he mutters, nonchalant. you seem to relax at his willingness, and you nod as you lead him to the bathroom. he shamelessly looks around, eyeing the pictures of you and other people in your life hanging from your walls. he can smell your half-eaten dinner, and his stomach rumbles.
you push open the bathroom door, and he briefly glimpses a pile of clothes on the ground, along with a few other things scattered here and there.
"fuck," you curse under your breath, heat crawling up your neck as you practically trip over yourself to get inside and tidy up. "j-just wait out here for a second please!"
toji snorts out a sardonic scoff of disbelief. if you really believed that he would care about something as trivial as a pile of laundry, you've got him completely wrong. but he guesses it is just slightly funny to see you so stressed over your dirty underwear because of him.
you rustle around inside and then emerge, breathlessly smiling as though nothing had occurred. toji watches you, expressionless, and you gesture to the bathroom. "okay now it should be all good. there's soap and stuff in there so use whatever you need. let me get you some clothes."
you immediately squeeze past him, trying to head for another room, and that's when toji fucks up. it's an accident, but he can't help his reaction. your elbow accidently nudges his abdomen, and he yelps with pain, the sound morphing into a guarded growl. you immediately recoil, eyes going wide in fear and concernโhe internally curses.
"what?!" you gasp, gaze darting over his body. "what happened?"
he clicks his tongue. "nothing," he snarls, fist clenched around the fabric of his shirt. you eye him warily, and he can tell you don't believe him.
"what? are you hurt or something?"
"no!" he snaps back, teeth bared, and that's all the reaction you need before you're crossing your arms and glaring at him.
"listen, if you're hurt you need to get it cleaned and looked at." toji has half a mind to laugh in your face because you look so stupid trying to intimidate him when you're barely reaching his chin. he knows there is stock in what you say, but he is not doing this with you.
"like hell," he grunts, mirroring your posture and sneering down his nose. "i'll be fine."
"you squealed like a puppy when i barely touched you!"
he throws you an appalled scowl. "what the fuck did you call me?"
"i'm right and you know it!" you shoot back irritably. you seem to catch yourself, because you let out an exasperated sigh and your voice goes a little softer. "will you at least let me look at it?"
toji eyes you warily, feeling a strange mixture of trepidation and guilt. he knows he is right to be cautious, and he knows he should not be trusting you no matter how sweet you seem to act. but at the same time he hurts, and he does not want to go back outside even though he's used to it nowโsomething about such free warmth is making the rational part of his brain fall apart.
he sighs heavily, grumbling under his breath and shooting you a withering glare, before he carefully tugs his shirt off. he can feel the wet fabric clinging to his opened skin, and he bites back a hiss of pain as he rips it away. when he's got it off, he just looks at you, accusatoryโbut you aren't looking at him.
instead you have a distinct look of abject horror on your face as your eyes roam over his body. though he is extremely well-built and quite honestly, very attractive, his skin is marred with scars. old and fresh, they litter his body like a barely thought out map, and you seem to experience a minor heart attack. your eyes zero in on the wounds that are causing him the most painโa shallow gash cutting just over his stomach and what looks like a deep bloodied bite in his forearm.
"how?" your voice is shaky, and you finally meet his eyes again. "what happened to you?"
"don't worry about it," he mumbles, his voice a little less gruff as he studiously avoids looking at you. "i told you it's not that bad. it looks worse than it is."
you conveniently ignore him, taking a step closer to study his body. frustratingly enough he feels heat crawl up his neck because you're looking at him so intently, teeth digging into your bottom lip and chewing with nervous bites. finally, you tear your gaze away from his torso to look at his shirt, a deep frown creasing your features as you notice the contrasting darkness in certain areas of the fabricโbloodstains. "well you can't leave them open like this."
toji rolls his eyes harshly. "i've lived through worse."
you glare at him once more, and he finds that the expression looks quite good on you. "you need to clean them up, toji."
his name slides off your tongue like butter, and he can feel his canines scrape against his lips. a flicker of something akin to embarrassment trickles over his body, and he frowns distastefully. "no."
you click your tongue, exasperation rolling off of you in waves. "are you stupid? they'll get worse. i mean they're probably already infected andโ"
"i don't know how to alright?!" he hisses, baring his teeth at you angrily. your expression turns bewildered, eyes darting between his quickly, before it melts into something frustratingly sympathetic.
"that's it?" your voice is like honey, and he can't decide whether it irritates him or not. "i can help you."
help. toji doesn't believe humans are capable of helpingโonly harming. but you're looking up at him so imploringly, eyes focused and heavy with the foolish need to bring him comfort. why, he does not understand. but he has never been able to understand why humans act the way they do.
he pins you with a wordless stare, and he knows you've realized he's relenting, because your lips quirk upward slightly. with a nod of your head, you motion him to follow you into the bathroom and take a seat on the edge of the tub. he watches you rummage through the cabinets, pulling out what looks like gauze, disinfectant, a small towel, and a sizeable mug, which you fill up with warm water. he's about to stand up to make space, but you kneel at his feet instead, setting everything at your side and pushing your hair away from your face.
it baffles him, how quick you are to yield to a species that is so obviously beneath you.
but you don't seem to be thinking any of that, gaze darting over his body as you try to figure out how to approach this. "i'll try and clean up all the blood first and then disinfect, okay?" your voice is barely a murmur, but his pointed ears catch the words all the same.
"you're the expert," he grunts, nonchalant. "do what you need to."
you smile wryly, dipping the towel into the water. "you said it, not me."
he snorts out a sound that sounds suspiciously like a chuckle, but you don't comment on it. instead, you are focused on his body. you see numerous scars and welts, some fresh and some so old, and you are surprised at how sad they make you. it seems like the feeling is evident on your face, because toji watches your features with an unfamiliar intensity. you can't help but prod. "how'd you get these?"
your voice is gentle, as though you're scared a lack of fragility will shatter him. but toji has dealt with far worse than whatever sweetness you seem hell bent on showing him.
"betting on animal fights is a lot of fun for rich assholes." he doesn't look at you, but his lip curls with a deep rooted distasteโyou think you feel it too.
so that's where toji comes from. the underground hybrid arenas that you've seen on the news many times before. a common place for predators who were normally so unwelcome in society to be put to good use. a controversial topic, because despite its popularity amongst the rich, everyone knew the conditions were not the greatest.
but you never thought they'd be this badโhow naive.
"i'm so sorry," you mumble forlornly, gently tracing the towel over the wounds. toji grunts noncommittally, but doesn't say much else. you're fine with that, and you clean him up with a tenderness that makes his stomach churn.
all he can focus on his how small your fingers looked wrapped around his claws, and he think you might be a lot braver than he is.
after you're done with your handiwork, you leave him to wash up in peace, and toji silently stares at your tiled wall as the hot water pours over his back. he does not know what he's doing, and what he's trying to get from this. sure, being fed everyday was a welcome addition, but he never planned on stepping this close to youโthe thought makes him queasy. he does not enjoy the idea of being indebted to a human, because all they do is take and take and take some more.
and yet he finds himself slipping into the clothes you've given him, and when he looks in the mirror he's surprised at how much a simple bath could change him. toji wearily runs his tongue over his teeth, before it traces over the scar on his lips. a wave of disgust washes over himโhe pushes it aside.
when he find you again, you're in what he assumes is a spare bedroom, tucking a fresh set of sheets into the corners of the mattress. he drops his old clothes in the corner, and then clears his throat to announce his presence. you turn to look over your shoulder and smile at his cleaner appearance. "you're done?"
he nods gruffly, watching as you stand up straight and take a few steps closer. "did the shower help?" you pin him with a curious stare, and he sighs resentfully.
"yeah," he grumbles, and he can feel your smug little smile saying nothing but i told you so. he has the strongest urge to flick your forehead.
"oh, i can take care of these."
he can't bite back his snarl when you pick up his clothes, and you freeze at the unusually territorial look on his face. he seems to pick up on the little fright he gave you, and his ears lose a bit of their tension as he sighs gruffly. "justโฆdon't get rid of them."
you pause, glancing down at the rags in your hands. you stop to think that maybe these clothes are the one thing that toji has had since the startโimportant in a way that you won't understand. so you just nod with a reassuring smile. "i won't. i'll just wash them for you."
toji's shoulders relax, and his expression shifts, green eyes looking anywhere but your face. he nods once but doesn't say anything else, and you take it as your sign to continue.
"you can sleep here. i changed the sheets and put some pillows down too." you nod at the bed, pristine and untouched, and toji's bones suddenly ache with fatigue. how long has it been since he's seen a real bed?
he wonders what exactly your angle is. what do you get from helping someone like him? what sick urge do you satisfy by extending pity to a ragged animal? what do you achieve by passing on glittering smiles like they aren't priceless?
and what do you do to make yourself look so innocent through it all?
you're still blabbering about the bed. as much as he tries, toji cannot smell any malice on youโjust pure disgustingly sweet kindness.
"how d'you know i'm not a serial killer or something?" he peers down at you with an arched brow, gaze sharp. "i could just eat you in your sleep."
you blink, before smiling sheepishly. "โฆdo you plan to?"
there's a pause, and then for the first time, you see his scarred lips tug up to one sideโa half-smile. a quiet chuckle bubbles forth and he crosses his arms. "nah, you're a little too sweet for my tastes."
you frown at him, watching as he dramatically wiggles his clawed fingers and flashes you his teeth, before rolling your eyes. "how flattering."
he snorts out another laugh, and you take the time to put the extra blankets on the old bed. "i've got more blankets in the closet if you need them, so help yourself." you busy your hands with propping the pillows against the headboard, and you see toji nod from your peripheral.
"i'll uh, be outta your hair soon," he mutters, suddenly feeling out of place.
"relax," you answer, grinning with a shake of your head. "i'm the one who asked you to stay so we could get your wounds all better. you're not giving me any trouble."
"right," he murmurs. there's an uncharacteristic gentleness in his tone, awkward and tense, but you recognize it to be a semi form of gratitude. toji glances at your easy going grin, and his skin prickles uncomfortablyโhe's not sure how to react to such blatant warmth.
"i'm in the next room over so if you need anything, just knock. i'm a pretty light sleeper." you flash him a thumbs up and turn on your heel, heading to your own room. toji waits until he hears the click of your door before taking a cautious step forward. the clothes you've given him are somewhat tight on his figure, and they faintly smell of some other man, which makes his nose wrinkle with distaste.
though he guesses he should try to bite his tongue and be a little gratefulโthey're much more comfortable than the rags he'd been in for all those months. toji clambers into the bed, claws digging into the unfamilar softness of sheets, and a heavy wave of fatigue washes over him.
he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, your stupidly sweet smile burning behind his eyelids.
๐๐๐๐๐๐!๐๐๐๐ who always gets needy when you touch him in any way or form, whether from hugging him or when you run your hands though his hair, he always turn into a puddle around you. his tail is always brushing against you, ears drooping low in submission, begs for you to touch his aching cock and help with his โlittleโ problem while he whines about needing your mouth and hands. he wants to be inside your pussy, but heโs inexperienced with women besides the things you taught him.
๐๐๐๐๐๐!๐๐๐๐ who almost fainted when you kept sucking his cock after he cummed for the 4th time already ^_^! His hands gripping between your hair and the sheets, his tail puffed out and lashing. You coo at him for โbeing such a good boyโ and taking your mouth so well as heโs almost in tears from the overstimulation. it hurts so good. but he canโt help but crave more as he bucks his hips up slightly in your mouth.
๐๐๐๐๐๐!๐๐๐๐ who gets on his knees one night and begs to be inside you, a whimpering mess as he nuzzles his head between your thighs, smelling the arousal formed, his tongue doing kitty licks on your panties, trying to taste you. just babbling on about how he wanted you to take his virginity without any shame. you were surprised, but ultimately excited, especially since he trusted you enough to pop his cherry. And when you said โyesโ? You couldโve swore you saw tears in those pretty green eyes of his.
๐๐๐๐๐๐!๐๐๐๐ who bucked his hips up in desperation when you had gotten on top, lining up his very huge cock with your entrance, he could almost feel the heat of your pussy on the tip. you had to remind him to be patient. he whined. you teased, rubbing the head of his cock between your folds, and this man howled to the moon as he gripped your hips with a burning passion. he almost pushed up into you till he remembered he had to be good to almost get anything else further than this.
๐๐๐๐๐๐!๐๐๐๐ who arched his back when you sunk down on him, hand wrapping around his throat. oh, you felt so good. better than his hand. better than the fleshlight you gifted him a few weeks ago. โplease y/nโfuck!โ toji cries as you continue to ride him, his hands move everywhere, to your back, to your thighs, to those tits which bounce repeatedly in face. you couldโve swore he came right on the spot if you didnโt stop and slow down before speeding up again. his large hands go to the fat of your ass, gripping it like it was a lifeline.
๐๐๐๐๐๐!๐๐๐๐ who got his first taste of pussy and couldnโt stop eating! tongue swiping over your folds and clit with such eagerness youโd think he havenโt eaten anything in days. youโre not even sure if heโs doing for his own pleasure or yours, he practically puts his whole mouth on your clit, sucking and licking like itโs the best damn thing heโs had in his entire lifeโฆ.which in his mindโฆ..it is. when you tell him to slow down, he only opens your thighs wider and goes faster. you taste like pure magic for this man. he has you squirting under ten minutes and he doesnโt stop till he drinks every last drop.
๐๐๐๐๐๐!๐๐๐๐ who falls asleep inside of you after cumming three times in a row and painting your walls white <3. head nuzzled between your tits as he lays on top of you, soft snores coming out of his mouth. you run your hands through his messy black hair, occasionally scratching behind his ears which makes him get a hazy smile on his lips. his tail wags slowly, occasionally brushing up against your thigh. and when he wakes up? heโs gonna fuck you till youโre awake and creaming over his cock <3
