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Summary: Lexi goes to work another shift, and some things go down at this restaurant. Lexi and Fez talk again.
Tw for sexual harassment!
The restaurant she had to work at that night was a longer bike ride than she expected. It was actually not even within the bounds of East Highland, it was located in a neighboring town. She should have probably driven her car there, but it was too late for that now.
Once Lexi was changed into the simple work costume, consisting of a simple red blouse with their logo, she was ready to work. It was only 3, so the restaurant was still fairly empty. It was nice, because in that way she could ease into the work.
After somewhat more than 4 hours, Lexi finally got a break. She walked into the small canteen behind the kitchen and got seated. Her manager followed her into the canteen and took a look at her, scrunching his eyebrows.
"Do you have any makeup on you? You look sick," He said. Lexi couldn't really tell if she should feel insulted. Her manager was a middle-aged man, his hair slicked back giving him a somewhat cocky look, but he had seemed nice up until that moment.
"Um, I don't, actually. I'll just splash some cold water into my face," Lexi said, not really knowing what else she could possibly do about it.
"Okay. If you're hungry, you can grab some food. We got some things back there for staff only. And you can take a longer break than I initially told you, it's not all that busy. I'll give you twenty-five minutes," He nodded towards the cabinet, then walked out again.
Lexi had been starving, so of course, she had to grab some food. She ended up making herself a sandwich, and grabbed a bag of pretzels. She really needed the food.
Before Lexi knew it, her twenty-five minutes were over again. She quickly splashed some tap water in her face and took a long hard look in the mirror. She didn't look great, she'd admit. But she'd be better tomorrow, as she was not working for as long. She'd be in school in the morning, and she didn't do anything there anyway, really.
As Lexi walked over to the new table she was assigned to serve, her eyes lingered on a table a few tables away from the one she had to serve. Her heart stopped for a second, and then she had to recover, go on, act like nothing was wrong.
"Hi! I'll be serving your food tonight, have you guys made a decision yet as to what it may be?" She asked, arriving at a booth with a table seating four old men. They all looked up from their conversation.
"Yeah, I thought I had a decision," One of the men started talking. As he went silent again, Lexi just stood there, batting her eyelashes at him. She raised her eyebrows, sending him a confused look, waiting for him to continue.
"I thought I wanted the chicken salad with fregola, but now I'm thinking you...," He squinted his eyes to look at the improvised name tag on her blouse, "... Lexi. Yeah, I might wanna get a taste of that instead." He licked his lips, and Lexi cringed.
His hair was dirty and grey, his face sweaty and wrinkled. She tried to fake a smile. "Sorry, sir, that's not on the menu," She said. "Hmm, well, if you'll write down your phone number I'll ring you up sometime. I pay big bucks for that kind of flesh,'' He said. Lexi swallowed the bile that was rising up her throat.
"Your order, sir?" She asked, a bit more harsh to let him know she wasn't liking his tone. "Yeah, I'll have the roast chicken salad with fregola, and a beer with it. That would be it, sweetheart." He then shrugs.
Lexi looked over at the man seated next to him. "Well, if you ring Frederick over here up, I'll be there too. Can't miss out on that," He says. So they're all going to be like this? How fantastic. They better tip well.
She took on the rest of the men's orders and then quickly walked off back to the kitchen, reminding herself of the fact that she should be grateful that she got this table to serve and not the table a few tables over from theirs. The table which seated Ashtray and Fez.
Fez was seated with his back to the kitchen, and there was just no way he'd been able to see her from his vantage point. But Ashtray, on the other hand, sat opposing Fez and had a great view of the kitchen. Although she hadn't dared to look at Ash for longer than a second, she was pretty sure he'd noticed her.
Lexi tried to ignore it. She took orders from the other tables, served food. Brought Frederick and his three friends their beers. "There she is again," Frederick smiled. He surely seemed to be the leader of the group. "He's been waiting for you this whole time," The guy opposing Frederick stated.
"Uh huh," Lexi murmured, while putting the beers down on the table. As she leaned over the table to place the glasses on there, she felt a hand on the back of her thighs. She was wearing a skirt, so the cold touch was against her bare skin. She shivered, but continued putting the drinks down.
His hand slid up and sure enough, he stroked over the fabric of her skirt until his hand stayed on her ass. He suddenly gripped onto her, and she wanted to shove his arm away, but in her panic, she slammed the beer bottle Frederick was holding onto in his other hand onto the ground.
"Got all excited there for a second, huh," He grinned, and the other men laughed. Lexi took a step back. She had attracted way too much attention, and she silently prayed that Fez hadn't turned his head around to see what the commotion was about. She quickly bowed down to grab the shards of glass off the floor.
"With your bare hands?" One of the man at the table asked in surprise. Yeah, it wasn't the smartest idea, but she wanted to disappear, and the closest thing to it was just making herself as small as possible by pretending to clean her mess. "She likes it bare," Another one of the man laughs.
For a second, Lexi loses her cool. "This is a restaurant, not a fucking strip club." She says as she collects the smallest shards of glass in her hand. "Oh, feisty," Frederick said. Lexi looks up to see him with a smug grin on his face. She sees his gaze fall, dropping down to the unbuttoned part of her blouse. "I like the view," He says. She almost throws up.
When she gets back inside the kitchen, she breaks down. Tears are rolling down her face, and she's finding it hard to breathe. She discards of the glass, finding it's cut her just slightly. "Lexi! What's happened?" She hears the manager of the restaurant rush towards her.
"I'm so sorry, it was just this guy, he like—he grabbed me, and said, like—just really gross stuff. I'm sorry," She tried to wave it off. "No, don't be," He hands her a tissue, "That's really messed up, I'm sorry that happened to you." He says, and Lexi dries her eyes. "It's fine, I'm just going to drink some water and I'll get back to them."
"Hmm, you don't really have to," He replies, "I just, I don't have any security people stand by tonight, which is why I kind of can't send people away. You could tell who did it to leave if he keeps pulling shit like that, I could even call the cops if you need me to. But I'd rather keep it peaceful in here," He says. Lexi nods. "It's fine, I was just panicking for a second there, it shouldn't happen again."
Lexi splashed some cold water in her face for the second time that night, and went back to the booth seating the four men with a mop to clean the beer from the ground. She didn't say anything, she just cleaned. "Hey, we wanna have another beer. This man just chugged mine, as he wasn't about to lick his own drink off the floor, so we're going to need 5 now."
"Okay," Lexi nodded while cleaning. Soon enough the floor was spotless again. She made her way back to put the mop back in its place, and brought the men their beers. They made no silly remarks this time, and she was glad. She went on about her night, serving food and drinks where necessary.
She kept throwing fast glances over at the table that seated Fez and Ash. They had received their food, and she saw that Ashtray had fries with steak, which was exactly what she would expect him to order for some stupid reason. Fez was drinking a beer, and well, she hadn't really looked at his food. Every time she looked she was afraid he'd stare right back at her. Even if she already knew Ashtray had probably told him she was walking around here serving food.
All the people she served were pretty nice that night, except for one obvious party. She knew it wasn't going to lead to any good when she served the four old men their 5th beer before they even got their meal. They had begun to talk louder, and they started making inappropriate remarks again when she walked past.
When she finally did get their meals out, they were all properly out of it. "C'mon Lexi, have dinner with us, darlin'." Frederick tried to pull her into the booth. She cussed. "No, I don't really want to," Lexi spoke. He held onto her arm and looked her in the eye. "I have a nice meal for you," He gestured towards his dick.
"Sorry, I'm not interested," She tries to shake him off.
The man raises his eyebrows, and she feels her heartbeat pick up. She doesn't want to cause a scene, so she relaxed her arm for a second. His grip remained tight.
He then drags himself out of the booth and stands in front of her. He's tall, much taller than her, much taller than she'd expected him to be.
"Who are you to turn me down?" His voice is raised, and Lexi quickly looks around her to see how embarrassed she should be, how many people were watching her right now.
"Who are you to turn me down?" He repeats himself a lot louder now, and Lexi begins to feel herself panic. Not right now, not right here, she begs herself.
"I'm sorry," She murmured now, as he grabs a beer bottle off the table and raises it to her head. "I could fuckin' smash your brains in right now, why you being so difficult, girl?" He was still yelling. His finger traced along her jaw, reminding her of the bruise that was placed there less than a week ago.
Everything around them had gone silent at this point, it was just her and this guy left. But the silence was disturbed faster than she could even really capture what was happening. She heard the sound of a chair clattering to the floor, footsteps rushing in their direction.
"Yo, yo! Hold up now, man, keep yo hands to your fuckin' self!" It was a voice she recognized.
The hand that was once so firmly around her arm suddenly comes loose, the hand tracing her jaw bone is violently torn off of her face.
Lexi heard another loud thud, and she realized that the sound came from her own body hitting the floor.
She looked up to see Fezco absolutely raging against this grey-haired old man. He had him pinned against the wall that separated the dining booths, and somehow the old man was still laughing.
"I think she's into older men, but if you insist, I can share. I'll let you dick her down, quit the jealousy, ginger," Lexi heard him say.
The entire restaurant was now following the course of events, and Lexi wanted to be swallowed into the ground. The fact that Fez had to hear all these things and see her like this; it was genuinely horrifying.
"You need to pay for yo food and get yo ass and yo friends' asses outta this restaurant, like right fuckin' now." Fez was seething.
"Or what?" Frederick looked a bit less brave than earlier, but still tried to keep that conceited smile up on his face.
"You seriously askin' right now? Me and my lil bro here fresh outta prison, we was celebratin' that shit. You for real gotta give me a reason to get back in there?" Fez spoke, and she hoped and prayed to God that Fez didn't do something stupid.
Hell, threatening the dude like this was already something stupid. He was on thin ice, being watched everywhere he went. A death threat wouldn't go down well on him in court, an assault even less so.
Lexi was still lying on the ground when she heard Frederick say, "Come on then guys. You heard the big man. We needa go. Fuckin' pussy place this, fucking shit hole. You bet I'm leaving a bad review."
Lexi heard the other men rise out of their seats, get out of the booth. One of them got out his wallet and put some bills down on the table.
"You better leave a bad review, yeah. Do it using your actual name though, so I can file a formal complaint at the police station and get you a lifelong ban from our place." It was the first time Lexi heard her manager speak up. The men didn't really respond to him, they just kept walking.
One of her female coworkers kneeled down next to Lexi, and it was then that she noticed how her leg was shaking so badly she could hear a ticking noise from her shoe continuously hitting the floor.
However much she tried to relax, she couldn't. She tried to get herself up from the ground, putting herself into a sort of half-sitting position, leaning back onto her elbows.
"Oh my God, are you okay? That was crazy," Lexi heard her colleague say, and she quickly nodded before looking up at Fez.
Fez finally turned around after what seemed like an eternity, and he looked down at her. She felt a bit uncomfortable, given the awkward position she was sitting in and the fact that she couldn't get her leg to stop shaking.
He looked concerned, yet he walked away from her.
God, why were these things so difficult, Lexi thought to herself.
When Lexi finally got up with the help of two of her coworkers, she went back into the kitchen to calm down for a bit.
The restaurant was bustling again, people were enjoying their meals and talking loudly like nothing had happened. "I was about to call the cops right before that guy stepped in," She heard her manager. "He really came in clutch." He stated.
"Yeah," Lexi nodded. "Can I pay for his food? I just want to thank him, some way." She asked.
"Sure thing, go ahead. Get him and the boy he came with a dessert, too. That's on the house." Her manager said. "Are you sure you want to finish your shift, though? You can also just go home, I can imagine that being a bit hefty and all."
Lexi nodded. "Yeah, it will probably be better too, get my mind off this entire situation for a bit." She really did want to stay. She at least needed to thank Fez.
He looked like he understood. "Well, I guess most of the tables you served have been picked up by coworkers in the meanwhile. So just see if you can take on some of their work, it won't be very long anymore till the restaurant closes."
Lexi did as he asked. She went to her coworkers, whom by now all knew her name, and figured out what tables she'd take on from them.
It all went reasonably smooth, some guests recognizing her and telling her they felt sorry for her or that she should be pressing charges. Neither of which were things she really needed to hear, but it was better than whatever bullshit came out of the mouth of Frederick.
At some point, walking into the kitchen, her coworker Francis handed her a menu card. "Hey, I just took away the dishes from the table with that guy who scared the bitch. Heard you wanted to thank him with free dessert, so here you go." She'd said.
Lexi wasn't really sure how to go about it. She couldn't just be like, 'Hey thanks for scaring that dude! Have some free ice cream'. She knew Fez, and Fez knew her. And they weren't exactly in the best place before this whole thing went down.
She walked over to their table kind of hesitantly, Ashtray eyeing her before he even knew she was actually planning on going to their table.
She stood beside the table, and that's when Fez could finally see her. "Hi," She started, putting on a careful smile. "Yo, Lexi," Ashtray was first to respond. Even though there was a hardness to his voice, it sounded well-meant.
"Hey," Fezco slowly said. "Are you okay?" He then asked.
Lexi looked down, then nodded. "It's alright. I came here to thank you. You didn't need to do that," She replied.
"'Course I had to, Lex. That guy was way out of line, and soon as I saw it happen I knew I had to fuckin' do something." His voice was soft, and she couldn't help falling in love with him just that tiny bit more.
"Bro wanted to beat the shit outta him first time I told him I thought I saw him put hands on you, thought I was gonna have to physically restrain him or sum'." Ashtray laughed.
"Well, if you'd actually been sure you saw what you thought you saw I would have. 'S not right," Fezco shrugged.
"You think I wouldn't have whooped that pervert myself if I'd actually confirmed the guy was fuckin' with my sis? Like I stayed in my seat when you got up later but that was 'cause I needed to make sure I pulled you out before we hoppin' onto another murder charge," Ashtray hissed.
She instantly melted at the way he referred to her as his sis. So he really didn't actually dislike her?
"Hmm," Lexi murmured. "Well, it's gained you a free dinner. Dessert's on the house, too." Lexi handed the menu cards to them. She didn't really want to say she was the one paying for their dinner, as she assumed Fezco would not be taking her money.
"Yo, Lex, I didn't even know you worked down here." Fez then said, picking up a conversation.
Lexi didn't really know what to say. "Um—yeah, well, I don't really work here, I--, I've just been waitressing wherever, really," She struggled to find her words. She didn't really know if Fez wanted her to go back to the kitchen and leave them be, or if he wanted her to talk to them.
A loud bang behind her released her from the internal conflict. She quickly glanced over her shoulder to see one of her coworkers scramble to the floor in an attempt to gather shards of glass. "Sorry, duty calls," She smiles dumbly at the two men seated at the table.
"'Course, do your thing," Fez stated. Lexi batted her eyelashes at him one last time and then hurried to help her coworker.
"You sure you don't need me to pay anything? Like, at all? I feel kinda bad about it," Fez asked Lexi, as the clock displayed it was a little past 10.30 PM.
"No, don't worry 'bout it. Got it taken care of," Lexi affirmed to him.
"I shouldn't even tip you? Aren't tips like, your main source of income as a waitress?" He then asked.
Lexi shook her head. "No, no. But if you really want to, tip the girl who was serving you right before I was. She was your actual waitress, not me."
Fez nodded. "Hm. I'll do that, gotta cut soon though. Our boy has a curfew now that he lives with a foster fam." He looked at the boy sitting at the opposing side of the table.
Lexi snorted. "Oh, have you really?" Lexi peeked over, at Ashtray. The tough boy was not looking so happy.
"'S not funny. They makin' me go to that stupid fuckin' school, and they ain't even lettin' me drive there by car. I never even rode a goddamn bike in my life," He muttered. Fez and Lexi both laugh at his statement.
"Wait, are you going to East Highland High?" She asked now, imagining how weird it would be for Ashtray to actually do so. The boy nodded at her. "Shit, yeah." He grumbled.
When Lexi felt a hand on her shoulder, she was quickly pulled out of her conversation. "Hey, Lexi, could you help out in the kitchen, do the dishes?" She heard the girl that served the table seating Fez and Ashtray ask her. Lexi looked at the two guys one last time and sent them a small nod as to say goodbye, then turned to the girl. "Yeah, of course."
As Lexi walked away, she heard the girl speak again, but this time directed at Fezco and Ashtray. "I thought it was really brave how you just went at that guy, you didn't even hesitate to step in." Lexi slowed her walking, to eavesdrop on the conversation. "It looked really attractive on you too," She heard the girl say.
Obviously, Lexi had no right to be jealous. Especially not given everything that had happened in the past few days, with him making it clear to her that he really just sees her as a friend. Yet still, hearing the girl say it like that, with this flirtatious tone, instilled a disturbing kind of resentment towards the girl inside of her. She didn't really want to know what it was that Fez had to say to her. Maybe he'd ask for her number, flirt back. So Lexi walked back into the kitchen.
Together with another coworker, she washed the dishes. Time went by rather quickly from then on, and when they were finished around 11, the restaurant was just about to close. Fez and Ashtray had already left, and she wondered for a second if she should call him after finishing work. She really wanted to apologize for kissing him that night, and then ignoring him during the days following.
She decided she would. She would call him. But she just wasn't sure when. Either tonight, or tomorrow. She still had to figure it out.
Cleaning the entire restaurant took a lot longer than she really wanted it to. Lexi was silently mopping the floor in the kitchen, her coworkers doing dishes and cleaning tables. In the office, her manager was counting money with another coworker.
It was finally around half past 12 that everything was all done and they could go home. Lexi was asked to stay for drinks, like Lexi had figured they would, but Lexi shook her head and declined. She realized all of a sudden how exhausted she still was, and how badly she was starving. The food she had during her break six hours before, was no longer giving her any energy whatsoever.
She quickly walked over to her bike, reminded of the sketchy roads she had to take to get to the restaurant. She bit her tongue and grabbed the keys to her home in one hand, gripping onto it as if it were a deadly weapon that she could use in the face of danger.
"Lexi," She suddenly heard behind her, and tightened her grasp onto the key before recognizing the voice.
"Fezco?" She turned around to see him stand there, still in his grey button-up. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows now, however. She realized it made him even more attractive, but quickly tried to rid herself of the thought.
"Was afraid you'd already left,'' He spoke, "I'm not letting you ride yo' bike in the dark like this."
"Oh, it's fine. I often ride my bike in the dark, it's safer than you'd think." It was a small lie, and she realized how stupid it sounded after she'd said it.
"Nah, Lex. You just lucky. But something bad only has to happen once, and I'm not riskin' it." He rebutted. "So, c'mon now, let me put your bike in the trunk," He walked closer towards her, and as he took the bike from her hands, Lexi could smell the cologne on him.
How could she ever be friends with him, if with every step he took, every move he made, she fell more in love with him? It was just embarrassing. And painful, that too.
They started walking towards the car. Fezco was dragging her bike forward with one hand on the middle of the steering wheel, as if it was nothing.
"You know, I can't believe you never taught Ashtray how to ride a bike." She laughed, but upon repeating the words inside of her head, it kind of sounded like a sneer. She quickly quit her laughing, "I'm sorry, don't know why I said that. You did well raising him, especially given the circumstances."
He glanced over at her. "Nah, you good. I wish I showed him how to ride a bike. 'M glad he's still getting that kind of upbringing now though, you know, school and shit. Want him to make something of his life, he's a good kid."
"Yeah, of course. He is. Is the family he was placed in okay?" Lexi then inquired. She could see the Caddy now, as they walked into the parking lot beside the restaurant.
"Hmm. They alright. They not too strict, which, ya know, Ashtray can live with. So, I got like a deal going on with them, that he can come by every now and then, maybe every weekend, if Ash goes to school and doesn't do wild shit. They allowed me to have dinner with him here tonight, 'cause his house is near."
Lexi nodded. "That sounds great. I mean, you can still see him and have fun. He didn't move hundreds of miles away," Lexi chirped.
Fez popped open the trunk of his car and placed her bike inside of it. Lexi then got into the passenger seat of the car, Fez hopping in next to her and starting the car.
They drove out of the parking lot, into the darkness.
She suddenly felt the tension rise, and knew she had to say something to break it. The reminder of her kiss shot through her head, and she spoke up before she could stop herself. "You know, I really am sorry about Wednesday night." She heard herself say, and she felt the temperature in the car drop.
"Nah, was my fault too." Fez replied, looking straight ahead.
That wasn't true. She had been the one to come there, to make a fool of herself. It was not his fault.
"No, it was me. I really shouldn't have.. Like, I shouldn't have come at you like that." She retorted, and Fezco now looked over at her.
"Lex, you wasn't sober. I was." He scoffs, and Lexi shakes her head.
"That doesn't even matter. I'd had some drinks, yeah, but I honestly sobered up pretty soon after I like, invaded your house." She tried to chuckle. Tried to make it funny. But it really wasn't, it was painful. The stern look on Fezco's face didn't make her feel any better, and she shushed herself, trying to find a better way to explain herself.
"I misread the situation. With my stupid, selfish mind I misinterpreted your kindness and I... I thought you had feelings for me too, for a second there. But I was out of line."
It was out. Her confession, up in the air, hanging over their heads. She hadn't wanted to say it, but Lexi had said it anyway. Maybe now was the right time. Her words were heavy, too heavy to bear witness to the light of day. They needed to be said in the darkness of the night, where they could easily slip away into the starry night sky and be forgotten the next morning.
Fez huffed. "Fuck, Lexi."
Perhaps he had not wanted to know about her feelings, but Lexi knew it was better this way. This way Fez could slowly push her away, kindly, gently, knowing that they weren't supposed to be together, knowing that he wasn't looking for the same things she was.
She stayed silent, giving him time to rethink all the moments he regrets his kindness, he regrets his friendship, he regrets his honesty with her. She knew he did. She knew he had to be disgusted. He couldn't even look at her.
"I thought you was just drunk..." Fezco then spoke up. His words lingered in the air, and for a moment, Lexi thought Fez would've liked to have a jumpseat to shoot him straight out of the car. He looked like absolute death. "Thought I was just, takin' advantage of you, fuck." He cussed again.
Lexi shook her head. "If any one of us took advantage of the other, it was me. I've like, wanted to kiss you for months." She bit her lip, knowing her head was flushed red. Fezco had kept his eyes on the road, but now turned towards her.
"Nah, 'cause, shit, Lex. I wanted it too!" Fezco yelled. His hands clasped onto the wheel more tightly, "You really fuckin' thought you misread the situation? I fuckin' misread the situation. Hell nah, Lex, I was thinkin' I was the one with feelings while you were just drunk. Scared me to death when I thought of that right after kissing you," Fez was promptly blurting out.
She rapidly felt her heartbeat increase as she let the words rush through her. The entire day had been a bit too much for her. It was messing with her mind. Things weren't making sense to her anymore. And seeing Fez yell the way he did just then, was the last straw. She felt hot tears running down her face.
Did he just say he, Fez, had feelings for her, Lexi? She wondered if this was some sick dream, playing on her twisted fantasies. First, Fez shows up to be her knight in shining armor, saving her from some perverted weirdo, and then, he suddenly confesses his feelings for her? It sounded too much like some cliché, corny fanfiction she read at the age of 12.
"Are you... Are you serious?" She sniffed.
"Lex, are you cryin'? 'M sorry if I said something wrong, I really didn't mean to..." He trailed off, and looked at her again. He looked worried. "No, it's not-- It's not you, it's just, like, everything. I'm tired." She tried to assure him.
"Hmm," He mumbled, "We almost at your house."
Lexi leaned her head onto the window. She really wanted to talk with Fez, like, really ask him what it was he wanted. She wanted to know where'd they go from here. If he truly had feelings for her too, then what?
"But I do want to say I really was serious, ma. I care 'bout you, as more than just a friend. Like, Lexi, you mad smart and shit. And you pretty, like crazy. You always wearin' cute clothes, lookin' good, bein' funny as hell. How could I not fall in love with that?"
It felt like there were actual butterflies inside her stomach. Like, if a doctor were to cut her open and they were to fly out, she would not be surprised. It felt like they were just fluttering around everywhere, sending weird sensations all over her body. It was insane how just his words could do that to her.
She was pulled out of her thoughts by the sight of her own driveway, and she wondered how she'd gone without Fez for the past couple of days. Just knowing that she'd leave off to be alone in her own bed in a few minutes, made her miss him already.
They both got out of the car when he pulled up to the house. Fez got her bike out of his trunk, and walked with her to her front porch, were Lexi put her bike down. "Fez, I-- I wanna talk to you about this. I thought I'd lost you after Wednesday night, I don't want to lose you, I love you," She whispers, and is scared by her own words.
She knows that love is a big word, she can feel it in her chest, but she does actually feel like over the past few months, she's truly fallen in love with him. It started out as a crush one day when they were sitting on some old couch, but then she fell in love with him sometime later, while sitting on another old couch.
Fez put his arms around her, pulling her into an embrace. Lexi buried her head into his chest, allowing herself to close her eyes for a second and rest in his arms. A warm, intense feeling filled Lexi. She realized that was the feeling she'd been looking for all her life.
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