What are men to rocks and mountains? @fiadhainn - Tumblr Blog

hi hello, if i’ve followed you recently and you would like to follow me back this is my long-dormant main that i never use. if you like game of thrones find me at @kingbelowthewall and if you like other stuff including marvel (stucky lbr) and my current fixation, interview with the vampire, pls follow @bikerbarnes xo

#fyi #🥰

fiadhainn

hi hello, if i’ve followed you recently and you would like to follow me back this is my long-dormant main that i never use. if you like game of thrones find me at @kingbelowthewall and if you like other stuff including marvel (stucky lbr) and my current fixation, interview with the vampire, pls follow @bikerbarnes xo

#fyi

captainsaltymuyfancy

I know that the show is still in the early stages and the writers will probably throw a dozen curveballs at us that will render this moot but for now, I really think the show and specifically the two interviews are about coping with and having an identity after severe trauma. Specifically I think the difference in Louis’ story between the first interview and the second shows a deliberate but very tenuous arc of development.

As this post by @gaysianz says regarding Louis, it’s extremely difficult and traumatic to admit you loved and/or STILL love your abuser. It induces intense feelings of shame and makes you think you were complicit in your own trauma. I think this is what Louis was struggling with in the 70s, and the first interview was an ‘admitted performance’ intended to bury his trauma, pain, and conflicted feelings.

Rather than admit that he had always loved and still loved Lestat despite the suffering he caused, Louis tried to repress it. He told Daniel—more accurately himself via Daniel—that he hadn’t loved Lestat, that he had derived no pleasure or advantage from their relationship, that he had been ‘sadly cheated’, but triumphed over his shitty situation and was all good now.

Except he was still heavily traumatized, and actively repressing it. He was performing for Daniel to convince himself that he was okay, but he wasn’t. It left him feeling worse and maybe made him more vulnerable to breakdowns or outbursts, such as the one in which we’re told he attacked Daniel.

Attacking Daniel (if that really is what happened) was his wake-up call, Louis believes. His affection for Daniel may derive from gratitude he feels toward him because Daniel’s questioning led Louis on a journey of perceived self-improvement, but that’s for another post. He became more concerned with reigning in his emotions—not because he acknowledges his untreated trauma, but because he attributes those emotions to his vampirism. He’s been working on dealing with and controlling his emotions, which he believes is key to “mastering” his vampiric features.

This is also another post entirely but I want to squeeze in here that Louis’ current living situation is penitential. As a Catholic, he’s grown up internalizing the idea that suffering is a virtue, enjoyment is vice, stimulation is loss of control, loss of control is weakness, and weakness leads to sin. Louis the lover of fine clothes, books, art, and humanity has crippled his access to all of them in penance for his perceived failures and to prevent similar failures in the future. Just as early Christians voluntarily isolated themselves on penitential islands to atone for their perceived sins and strengthen themselves against committing them again, Louis has built his own little island in a penthouse in Dubai.

He calls the second interview because he thinks telling a more “nuanced” version of his narrative will allow him to set the record straight, and he wants to test and/or reinforce his skills in controlling his emotions. With this interview, he’s trying to be more honest about the complexity of his feelings and his past actions. And in a way he is making more progress toward healing than the first interview. He’s gotten his foot in the door, so to speak, of coping with his trauma.

But it’s still a performance. It’s still not the resolution he’s looking for because he’s not actively digging up what he’s repressed. He’s acknowledging ‘nuance’ and admitting some of these conflicting feelings about Lestat and their life, but he’s not examining the source of the feelings, or more importantly interrogating the narrative he’s constructed. He’s professing nuance without fully applying it. Granted, he’s not trying to bury his feelings and that’s an improvement to an extent—but it’s not enough to NOT bury your current feelings, you have to UNBURY the past ones too.

Louis has probably not considered this and is not prepared to do it. Daniel tries to make him do it during the final scene of ep 7, and we see Louis apparently in the early stages of a breakdown as he begins to remember some things he had repressed. This uncontrolled emotional response is exactly what Louis has been trying to prevent, and we see him try to escape it by fleeing Daniel, literally grounding himself in the rock garden, regaining some composure, and then seizing on Daniel’s surprise and confusion about Armand’s revelation to retake control over the session.

I think ultimately Louis needs to admit that he’s constructed his own narrative and needs to examine it earnestly, that he is still traumatized, that his desire for self-improvement is a cover for his need to heal, that he’s not shameful or complicit in his abuse because he loved and still loves Lestat, that he was (and may still be) abused, that he did also make some poor decisions he needs to learn from, and that he deserves to be happy and enjoy his life without depending on anyone else. Hopefully Louis will get the healing and closure he needs.

#iwtv #iwtv meta #louis meta #screaming into a pillow #this is so good and he is SO damaged #i can't wait for more 😭😭😭

fiadhainn

hi hello, if i’ve followed you recently and you would like to follow me back this is my long-dormant main that i never use. if you like game of thrones find me at @kingbelowthewall and if you like other stuff including marvel (stucky lbr) and my current fixation, interview with the vampire, pls follow @bikerbarnes xo

#a humble psa

hi hello, if i’ve followed you recently and you would like to follow me back this is my long-dormant main that i never use. if you like game of thrones find me at @kingbelowthewall and if you like other stuff including marvel (stucky lbr) and my current fixation, interview with the vampire, pls follow @bikerbarnes xo

#i've returned to tumblr after nearly two years and alas you still can't change your main blog #psa

petite-madame

“Hey, Sammy…” - (2020)

Thank you for 15 incredible years.

#rip spn

fiadhainn

hey anyone who’s followed this blog recently… thanks! but i don’t really use my main blog for much, i’m kinda storing it cause i don’t wanna delete it but also don’t wanna use it atm… so please head on over to bikerbarnes cause that’s where the content is :)

#reblogging this cause i've had some followbacks recently and i would hate you to think i never do or say anything lmao #wish i could switch my main blog but here we are #i know the icon and URL are pretty similar #sorry #i did that so people would know who's messaging them #but yea all the content is on bikerbarnes

nyctoheart

i can’t believe superwholock existed as one the largest fandom(s) on this website. there hasn’t been a trace of it on my dashboard in years. No mention, no whisper. a ghost. i still follow people who reblogged it. i myself reblogged it. and yet here we are, not daring to ever mention it. im risking my life making this po

sufficientlylargen

For those new to this site, “Superwholock” was the crossover fandom for the overlap of three of the biggest individual fandoms on tumblr - soup, the Finnish municipality of Perho, and Enlightenment philosopher John Locke.

derinthescarletpescatarian

Guys listen. Listen. At the start of this year, the year of our lord 2019, I was chatting to an actor in this play I was stage managing and she mentioned offhand that she’s thinking of getting a tattoo.

“Oh,” I say. “Of what?”

She looks a bit awkward. “Um. Have you ever heard of this thing called Superwholock?”

Let me tell you I aged about twenty years in the span of the next ten seconds where she started to explain Superwholock to me like it’s some new thing that’s just spawned into existence and I know, instinctively, that I will not survive this conversation, I am not strong enough, so I cut her off. “Uh, yeah. I know of Superwholock. I’ve been on Tumblr for a while.”

“What’s Tumblr?” she asks.

Guys… I think Superwholock is still out there. They just changed home base. I didn’t ask where her Superwholock community was because there are some things beyond mortal ken, some things that would surely drive one mad should one attempt to find them.

boygirlswag

theyre on pinterest looking at screenshots of tumblr posts im not fucking kidding this is how i learned about tumblr in 2014

#oh my fucking god

dailyavengers

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) // Avengers: Endgame (2019)

#endgame #steve #captain that's your queue

angelicdeancas

HELP ME PAY FOR MY MEDS

Hello. Six months ago I asked you to help me because my parents kicked me out after they found out I’ve fallen in love with a girl. I was working in their place and I lost that job too.

My boyfriend at that moment told everyone I know about this and spread some lies. He took my dog and a lot of my stuff. He stalked me. He found my tumblr as well and I had to make a new account.

I live in my friend house but it was really small so I slept on the floor in the pantry for the last five months.

Now I live in a tiny tiny room and have half time job as a waitress.

Two months ago I finally went to psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with severe depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. It was a lot to finally have someone to talk to about everything. But I don’t have the money for all of these meds. I already take asthma medications for couple of years and others for my sensitive stomach. The meds from psychiatrist are quite expensive because I had to choose private payd visit instead of free because they told I had to wait four months for it. And I can’t wait that long. I have suicide thoughts and I’m afraid what I could do. And I’m still waiting for the therapy.

These are my meds now

Faxoleter and Pregapalin zentiva is for depression and ocd. Monkasta is for asthma, Flonidan is for my alergy, Debretin and Emanera are for my stomach pain, Setinin is for my insomnia and Alvesco, Atimos, Atrodil and Ventolin are inhalers for my asthma.

This is gonna last for not even a month.

And I can’t really afford for all of them right now. I need at least 500$ each month. And I really need to use them because I already feel a little better and I don’t want to be depressed anymore.

I’m from Poland and here if you go to the private doctor you need to pay 100% for the meds even with the insurance. And the rest of them is still expensive even with 10 or 30% being cheaper.

Even right now I’m sick and I have a fever for three days now and I can’t afford meds so I just stay in bed and I hope it will pass.

So if you could spare few dollars please send them via paypal

My email: [email protected]

You can choose any currency you want. Thank you for any help! And please reblog this post.

#signal boost #spn family

fiadhainn

hey anyone who’s followed this blog recently… thanks! but i don’t really use my main blog for much, i’m kinda storing it cause i don’t wanna delete it but also don’t wanna use it atm… so please head on over to bikerbarnes cause that’s where the content is :)

#reblogging again for anyone that didn't see #this has been another psa #caitlinshitchat #this one is just kinda existing in a void rn but it's my main blog so i don't wanna delete #the party is over at bikerbarnes!!!!#i know the icon is the same #and the username is almost the same #sorry to be confusing #i did that so people would know who's sending them messages :)

hey anyone who’s followed this blog recently... thanks! but i don’t really use my main blog for much, i’m kinda storing it cause i don’t wanna delete it but also don’t wanna use it atm... so please head on over to bikerbarnes cause that’s where the content is :)

#this has been a psa #caitlinshitchat #this one is just kinda existing in a void rn but it's my main blog so i don't wanna delete #the party is over at bikerbarnes!!!!#i know the icon is the same #and the username is almost the same #sorry to be confusing #i did that so people would know who's sending them messages :)