Cooking/Food Headcannons 🤔
Fluff and establish relationship is implied
Hello! I am the author and not only do I have an online presence, but I am also a very good cook. I have been cooking since I was a young little writer and I cook and eat food from all over the world, so, I hope this is fairly accurate to the characters and anything nationality wise. If you are familiar with any of these cuisines, please let me know some foods I can research! I’m also sorry if there is any blatant errors, I have very poor vision. I am Scottish and German and I think that is quite apparent.
Gaisburger Marsch. A hearty stew from the Stuttgart regions of Germany, and a doctor should eat well, ja? It has beef, potatoes, Spätzle, and caramelised onions.
Labskaus is also very good in the author’s opinion, and I think Herbert would enjoy it in its slightly odd nature (to the likes of other mercs anyway). Corned beef, potato, onion, and beet mash, with herring, a fried egg, and pickles.
I feel like he has a really big thing for pickled beets. There’s just a jar sitting on his work desk and his fingers and clothes are occasionally stained pink.
When cooking, he is a little impatient and often turns up the heat on the stove very quickly, leading to a moment of panic when things start to cook too quickly.
You have to come in and sit with him so he is entertained while he cooks, and also so he does not panic.
If cooking together proper, he definitely is the patient sort if I do say. He understands there is a process that yields a decent result.
However he does occasionally complain about cooking in general, because, “Abendbrot is much more efficient! Vhy vould I eat a whole meal at zhe end of my day anyway? Für Schlafen? That is its own fuel! Eat a good breakfast for vahnce and you vould understand..”
Drinks while cooking. Beer probably, and if not an alcoholic beverage, espresso is good too.
He gets a little tipsy cooking and comes over to lay al his affections on you, asking for ‘Küssen für der Koch!” And offering you drinks yourself.
Treats it as a project rather than a daily task. If he IS in the mood to cook, it’s something elaborate and methodical as far as prep goes. Again, impatient with the stove.
I would say Herber is a decent cook. He is by no means a chef but if he wants any food from his region, he’s gonna have to make it! (This is a pattern).
As I said in another post, FANTASTIC baker. It is a science.
Mannered while eating. Nothing crazy, but very particular on cutting his food into proper bites and keeping himself tidy. Elbow are fine to be on the table.
If he takes you out to eat, it’s during the winter or cooler months. He loves getting all bundled up with you and walking to a restaurant.
Never cooks breakfast as much as it’s the only meal he ever would want to cook. He proposes hearty foods and is shut down with pancakes. Always.
As far as sweets go, he’s a sucker for chocolates, and anything you bake, if that’s your fancy.
Really confused when drunk. Not dumb, just slow and clingy but happy.
Although a basic reach, his favourite food is most definitely Scotch Eggs. If you have ever been to a British or Scottish pub and ordered Scotch Eggs, you’d understand. They are absolutely wonderful and crispy.
If he’s drunken, eating scotch eggs would sober him up for a solid five seconds while he stares into some void of bliss. They are in fact that good.
Scrambled eggs? I wrote this thinking they’re some other unrelated thing to Scotch Eggs but I think Tavish just likes eggs tbh.
Not a good cook by any means, but is a quick learner. You show him how to do something and he’ll pick it up and do it quite well.
If he’s cooking, he doesn’t like anyone else in the kitchen really unless they are chopping vegetables or sitting quietly. Neutral towards company, because if he’s the one cooking, he wants to turn his brain off a while a follow a recipe
#1 Recipe follower. Follows the recipe exactly.
Will take you to a pub with him, and he arrives with the intention of being sober or only have one drink because he is with you. I feel like whatever pub it is though, he’s a regular, and the bartender keeps slinging him beers and he keeps drinking them and ends up feeling bad.
Will try and feed you himself because he is so excited about scotch eggs or other food at this pub, like toad in the hole or something.
“Come on lass/lad! Try a bite, it’s lovely really, ah just like your face, you’ve got a lovely face y’know?”
Bartender definitely notices he’s in there with a love and gets everyone to sing a drinking song as a group for ya. If it puts a smile on a drunken man’s face, it will put one on yours. The atmosphere must be warm for that moment.
Tavish kisses on the cheek a bunch and keeps a hand on your knee/thigh while out, with a huge grin on his face.
He's drunk all the time so nothing new.
Sandvich. No explanation necessary.
Memorise how he makes it and it would bring a tear to his eye. Even if it’s simple, it’s the fact you learned it for him warms his heart.
“You learn how to make perfect Sandvich for Misha? Why— why so sweet to Misha? Do you need favour?”
Okroshka is a ‘cold soup’ with Kefir and dill and cucumber and onions and other vegetables (this is from memory do forgive). It is refreshing and simple, and I could definitely see him putting it in a big mug to drink while reading.
Halupki are cabbage rolls with beef, onions, parsley, and spices, drenched in tomato sauce and cooked slow and low for a few hours. A bit tedious, but I’m sure he would love making it with you!
“And you learn Russian recipes? Why? Да, Misha knows you love him but Misha has not had to protect you, and little love still loves me enough to make Russia’s food?” Followed by more crying and a tight hug.
Please keep him company or cook with him. It motivates him, and when someone is ‘cooking with love’, it’s him. Nobody else can out-love his cooking.
If you’re keeping him company, it’s either intellectual conversation, stories, or you reading or doing your own thing. Sometimes he stops and looks at you a while with that still stare full of endearment.
If you’re cooking together, you’re attached at the hip. Wrapping Halupki, cooking over the stove, anything where you can lean on him.
He will be writing his family a tear stained letter about how you cook with him. What’s with this man and crying, anyway??
A great cook. He knows what he knows and does not need a recipe, but is limited to what he knows, even if it’s a fairly extensive list.
As far as desserts, probably pastries with jam. No cream, he thinks it’s gross in texture on a pastry.
Eating out is a rare occasion, and it’s somewhere you two can sit outside while it’s drizzling rain. You’re the only two out there, it’s quiet, and a good time for reflection he thinks.
Just gets sick when he is drunk. It takes a lot for him to get that stupid, so he is just sick.
oh lord talk about an inability to cook.
Favourite foods are French toast, wings, and pierogies.
If you have ever had a terribly incompetent classmate in a home economics class, it was him. He couldn’t the difference between a tablespoon or a teaspoon off the top of his head.
“Man, I just don’t get this cooking thing, how do (you) ladies do this? Not— not that it’s a woman’s job to cook, but when’s the last time ya had a bad meal from a woman? I’m jealous! I wish I was a woman!”
He can follow a recipe, but it does take him a very long time if he’s trying. Putting together the simplest chocolate chip cookie batter takes about ten minutes usually, and it takes him 45.
If you introduce him to metric when cooking, “that’s some British bullshit, who else uses metric?! The rest of the world..? Oh.”
And then suddenly becomes a fairly decent cook because it’s way easier and sensical. Until he stops cooking, then he has to start over next time he wants to cook.
He may be an idiot sometimes but I feel like he can do math? Can’t read well for shit but he can do numbers if you give him a moment.
Supervise him, I beg of you.
Does sneak tastes of food if you are cooking, and will continue to do so no matter how much you reprimand him.
He will not sit quietly. Jeremy asks “how much longer” until food is done, and until then, he is reading comics nearby.
Or, “Pleasseee let me help, I swear I’ll do good, come on baby give me a shot here, I know I screwed up last time but I deserve a fourth chance too!”
Is extremely proud when he actually cooks well and even if his cookies from earlier disappear quickly, he’s proud he made them that good.
Out to eat? Buffalo Wild Wings.
Sweets? Hell yeah! All of them! Except scones!
Thinks whatever Hebert and Spy make is gross.
“You said you made sour krot—“ “Sauerkraut, but—” “Yeah yeah whatever, and cookies? Where’s the sour krawt, is it in the cookies? What the hell is wrong with you?” “I forgot to make zhe SAURkraut, and vhy vould I put it in cookies?! How stupid are you, dummkopf!”
(real, but modified interaction the author had btw)
Hebert has DEFINITELY given Jeremy melatonin gummies without telling him, and if you’re dating him, you probably ended up eating some too tbh.. Hebert felt a little bad for you (not really) but was laughing his ass off at poor Jeremy
Bigger idiot when drunk. Zero hand eye coordination, and just ends up passing out asleep on you.
Barbecue for sure, especially ribs, is his favourite.
Stuffed mushrooms. Idk anything about texas cuisine but I think if it can be put on a grill it counts
Probably the best stove cook out of everyone. Hot oil, all the spices, everything all at once and everything is coming out ON TIME
He seems like a tomato hater ngl but he’ll eat ketchup
Join him in the kitchen or by the grill! Dell dearly wants company. He’s okay if you help cook if you’re so polite to do so, but he also is another one who isn’t a huge fan of too many cooks in the kitchen.
Blasting music for sure. Country music and the occasional slow song so you’ll dance with him.
“Hey honey! Dance with me, will you? Sorry I know I smell like motor oil… and cooking oil… but I love you and I love your company!"
Not time period accurate but I think he would listen to Colter Wall.. Imaginary Appalachia is a good album in his opinion.
If it is only you two and Dell is cooking, expect it to take a little longer than usual. Because he knows you have the patience and love for him, he's tinkering with the stove or grill.
I think he has a very low spice tolerance. "Hey-- hey babe? Whatdja put in this?" "Chili flakes." "I'm sweatin', Jesus! You promise that's it?" But eats it anyway out of love.
"Baby you don't gotta cook if you don't wanna, I'll take good care'a'ya."
"Honey! Will you please come try this and tell me if ihs' good?"
There is very rarely an out to eat night. If there is, you've been leanin' on his shoulder in his truck while you two are driving somewhere and he pulls over to a mom and pop diner and wakes you up. It is very late in the night, and he makes sure you feel put together an okay to go in first. (Gonna write this as a Oneshot dw)
No measuring spoons or weighing. It's all done off the top of his head. He works with blueprints and methodical things all days and needs a break from that.
Does indeed go fishing and begs you to join him. He may be a sweetheart but he probably pushes you into the water and laughs his head off, fully expecting karma of course.
Does NOT hunt. It makes him sad. He also does not want to be covered in deer piss. Sniper piss is enough.
Everyone loves his cooking, especially Soldier.
Another guy with a sweet tooth. Please bake him something and surprise him while he is working, he will pull you on his lap and eat it and hold you tight while he works.
Cries when drunk. He seems all confident but does not see himself very highly and that all spills out when he drinks a little too much.
Unsure about French cuisine but I think Lucien is a soup man, I believe Coq Au Vin is an onion soup
Enjoys healthy eating. I think he has somewhat a bland pallet sometimes, but not that he does not enjoy rich foods as well.
Collects wine. Wine and cigarettes is his preferred meal some days, but if you skip a meal simply because he does, he will be sure to eat with you at meal times.
Obviously he probably does not eat much in general :( you're gonna have to encourage this grown ass man to eat a little more, because he would do that to you.
A good cook.I feel like he was taught young and it is just a life skill to him, nothing much of it.
Do not cook with him. Do not even ask. If he needs help, he will ask. But drink wine with him in the vicinity and Lucien will have a little smile about him.
When drunk he is just a bigger lover boy than before and much more apparent about it.
"Come on, Ma belle fille, have a glass with me, oh what a lucky man I am to have you.. I would not be a louse without you, but i sure would feel like one." and kisses you down your neck.
Fancy dinners, obviously, Would you expect anything else from the biggest romantic in the world?
Listens to opera while cooking and sings pretty well. Replaces the names in arias with yours. (1)
Not a big sweet tooth. He enjoys dark dark chocolate and very lightly sweetened hot chocolate, but he is very particular on his sweets.
Was bitten by a tick and now has a red meat allergy. He blames Mick. He didn't even like red meat in the first place.
Very happy to hear when Dell goes fishing. Lucien is a fan of seafood.
If you are someone who enjoys cooking (like me), after a while he might find recipes and show them to you and ask you to make it.. er.. "I think you would enjoy the process of this one, it has things you have wanted to cook with.." "Just tell me you want me to make it for you." "I have no idea what you are talking about." And he is a little shy about it to avoid coming off as rude.
I don't remember whose headcannons this was and I am sorry for not remembering, but that he is a huge fan of Pyro's pancakes. Hell yeah he is.
Pancakes, as I just said, and udon.
Takes the filter off of his mask and feeds the udon noodles through the holes.
Really high spice tolerance.
Very sweet and refuses to eat by himself. He always wants to sit down and have a proper meal together. If there's a group meal and someone starts eating before everyone is served it kinda makes him sad 😭 (2)
Cook with him!!! All the time! He loves cooking, and he loves company!
Asked Dell to build a double decker stove so you can sit on his shoulders and you both cook. Dell said yes, you have to think about it, Herbert says no.
Music while cooking. Probably just pop music or new wave stuff.
Everyone loves his cooking. Popular headcannon and popular for a reason.
“Hhm mmrph mrphh mhrph hmvh!” “I made it with love!” He says, handing you a tray of something. You immediately put it down because you know he will hug you.
Dinner dates are at hibachi and he always asks the chef if he can try. Or they’re at some place random like Medieval Times
Movies and snacks all the time. Heck, every night if you let him.
If he ends up drunk for whatever reason he is confused and tired
Sorry it’s so short, it’s pyro 😭
I feel like he knows HOW to cook but just doesn't like to, and the food he does make is just energising and not necessarily for taste, but it is still pretty good.
Give him a recipe and a lot of quiet and your expectations will be exceeded.
I do think he would be very fond of stir fry or just general comfort food. Lots of vegetables.
Loves peppers. Hot and mild. Nothing hot enough where the pepper is oily, but he does love spicy food and crunchy peppers. Idk if he's super pissed off and needs to feel something I think he would eat a hot pepper and start freaking out, because at least he is getting some emotion out.
Drinks a lot of coffee instead of properly eating. Remind him to eat.
If you two are out in his trailer, he prefers to cook outside later in the night so you can stargaze at the same time.
No music while cooking, unless it is someone playing a real instrument. Mick enjoys the sound of crickets and anything else quiet on top of the outside, still, silence. It is the only time where he can check out and do something tangible without thought.
If you cook for him, he would be over the moon. He would sing your praises between bites and just be so happy someone wants to cook for him, even if you are his partner.
If you are a baker, don't be surprised if the treats disappear quickly. "Hey, hey, you can't blame me, love! And I only eat the fresh ones, I think that's fair as your partner." Says Mick, who had come up behind you and taken a treat from the plate in front of you. He held it over his head when you tried to grab it, and ended up hugging you and swarming kisses all around your head and face as he teased you.
Explained fairy bread to the others. Jeremy and Pyro loved it. Misha thought it too sweet. Lucien scoffed but tried it with displeasure. Herbert felt his arteries explode at the thought. Jane did not want to lower himself to the sub-American standard or something, and Dell just politely declined.
Rambles when drunk, and the deeper in he is, the sadder the rambling. Just be there for him to lean on and help clean him up, I think Mick the sort to get sick by drinking on an empty stomach.
When cooking in a proper kitchen together, he likes to help prep but ends up just leaning onto you from behind and following you happily.
When cooking in the trailer, it's because it is raining or too cold. Or there's too many bugs. Takes a while because he has to kiss you every few minutes.
Occasionally eats a bowl of boiled peas.
Does take you on plenty of dates at first because he is quite worried about if he is doing enough. Anywhere quiet, and anywhere he can sit across from you and hold your hand. He brings you small bouquets of flowers every single time.
American food. But it has to be proper food, I don't think I could see him eating a packaged cake because it is "work of the government." He likes everything about America but it probably takes him a second to remember we even have a vice president.
Makes and loves chilli. Nobody wants to eat when he cooks unless it's chilli.
Do NOT let him in the kitchen otherwise. He doesn't know the difference between a tablespoon and teaspoon, "Why my spoon got a table in it?! And we dumped that tea back in uh.. 1776!" (Boston Tea Party was in 1773 btw)
Grill does not count as the kitchen, but he is a fairly mediocre griller. Dell tries to teach him and there is slow improvement, but Jane often gets a little stubborn about it. Everything is a little dry but again, not bad, just mediocre. BUT AMERICAN!!!!
Really likes oatmeal, especially with raisins and brown sugar.
Does put a lot of butter on everything.
"OOOOOOH You're cookin' tonight, huh? YA HEAR THAT EVERYONE? WE ARE IN FOR AN ALL-AMERICAN TREAT! And thank you, love, I am very very very excited wholeheartedly." (Tight hug)
Lingers if you are in the kitchen. He just sits and watches you and asks about everything with a smile on his face.
Baking?? Ohhh he is even more excited now, but doesn't tell anyone you baked.. He wants everything for himself, but also thinks everyone deserves a chance to stumble upon such graciousness.
Attempted and did pretty well at building a pizza oven out of bricks, but it took him a while to figure out pizza.
Weirdly into making bread. Hmm. But also I think Jane is decent at baking bread. No baguettes.
Dates are to steakhouses and picnics in unique spots (I have image of Nny in JTHM on top that overlook for those who have read JTHM)
Decaffeinated coffee with one sugar.
Loud when drunk. Lots of talking and adopts a shorter fuse, but doesn't do anything rash.
Wow omg this took so long!!! I've been up for about two hours each night I wrote for this. I hope it's all good and fun and I think this is a genre of headcannons I don't see as much.
Also, how do you guys feel about the name Lucien for spy?? I feel weird just calling him Spy. Pyro is ok because it feels like a nickname more than a class sometimes, but Spy is too handsome to be without a proper title, even if it isn't cannon. I would say it's a fake name, at the end of the day.
PLEAAASSEEEE SEND ME REQUESTS!!!!!!!!!! PLEAASEEEEEEEEEE
