OK LEMME FLAP MY HANDS EXCITEDLY AND EXPLAIN BECAUSE LOKI DIDN’T DO IT FOR THE SHITS AND GIGGLES LEMME TELL YOU
So this is actually a very long myth
One day, Odin decided he wanted to take Loki and another man called Hoenir out on one of his legendary wanders. They travel along a road and get hungry, and they find and kill a cow to eat. As they cook it, the three men quickly figure out for some reason the meat won’t cook. And then down comes an eagle, who promises to help them cook the meat if he can have a share first. They accept, because fuck, they’re actually really hungry.
As they watch him devour most of the cow, Loki loses his temper, striking the eagle with a stick - and the eagle shrieks in fury and grabs Loki, flying off with him. As they fly, the eagle strikes Loki against the ground over and over again. As he begs for mercy, the eagle promises to let him go if he swears an oath to bring Idunn and her apples. The eagle, as it turns out, is not an eagle, but Thiassi, a jotunn hunter, who tricked them all for Idunn and her apples. As the eagle continues to beat him, Loki eventually concedes and swears an oath to bring Idunn and her apples to Thiassi if Thiassi stops beating him.
Now anyone who studies Norse mythology knows that oaths are Big Fucking Deals and even Loki, for all his trickery, wouldn’t outright break an oath. So he lures Idunn out to Thiassi’s castle, and leaves her there with the Jotun, freeing him of his oath as he had fulfilled it.
But, once returned, he obviously is not in good standing with the Aesir. So he promises to get Idunn back. He uses Freya’s feathered cloak to fly to Thiassi’s castle and rescues Idunn, turning her into a hazelnut and carrying her in falcon form. Even so, Thiassi’s much faster - but Loki always has a plan. Before he left, he told Odin to build firewood and pitch on top of Asgard’s walls and wait for Loki’s signal.
Loki makes it back just before Thiassi, and Thiassi is killed when Odin has his men light the fires, and he is burnt to a crisp in the flames.
All is well for a bit, until Thiassi’s daughter, Skadi, storms through. She’s naturally upset Loki killed Thiassi. Odin offers her something in consolation - and she asks for a husband to make her laugh again. Well, Odin knows she’ll chose Baldur [being Baldur the Beautiful and all that], and so says she can chose a husband from all of the Aesir - but only by their feet. Skadi accepts gleefully. However, she doesn’t pick Baldur - she picks a Vanir called Njord by accident.
She’s furious, and pins Loki against the wall [knowing he was responsible] and threatens to kill him unless he makes her laugh. So, in a fit of desperation, he tells her a story about being unable to take a goat and a basket of fruit to the market because he needed to tie the goat so he could hold the fruit away from it, and seeing no other alternative, tied the goat to his dick. And even stages a demonstration, as the goat yanked one way and Loki the other. She laughs, even if it does take some pain from Loki, and they leave on somewhat good terms. Njord remained in his house by the ocean, and Skadi eventually returned to Thiassi’s castle in Jotunheim.
