Tw for vent, all this is a mouth full, and all this is quite long.
Sometimes is difficult to tell who you exactly are. Especially when you share memories in such a way that you sometimes simply can't tell them apart. Sometimes you remember everything. Sometimes you remember nothing at all, but yet you are able to act like you know everything.
Is weird, and difficult to explain to someone outside, so we're not even going to try. We have never been good at explaining anyway.
Our host is also a shapeshifter. They more often than not cannot tell who are they meant to be. There are many of us that we cannot tell if they are their own person, or just the host trying something new to see if that sticks.
Lamb, Cube, Cubic, Bit, Bluebell, Cyan and many others. They all started as another form of the host, and later develop into their own thing. But sometimes is difficult to tell how much of all of them is them and how much is just the host.
I cannot tell if I am ME or I am the host.
We cannot tell how many of us actually exist and how many of us are just the host. But we treat them like their own person regardless.
But even then, we cannot tell if by doing that we are creating more of us, or what we are even doing to begin with.
There are many of us that feels like they haven't fronted in a while. But we cannot tell if that's the case, or if they're just unable to tell they're here anymore.
Everything is just so confusing and we don't know how to put one and one together and we no longer know what part of us is real and what is not.
It sucks that we have no one to talk to about this. People here were we live, most don't know or even believe people like us exist. They don't know what plurality is. They don't know what a system is. They barely understand what autism is, I doubt they will understand us any time soon.
We have been figuring things out on our own. But our grasp on our own memories is complicated. We know everything. And nothing at all.
We don't know how much we can do on our own.
We don't know how much we can do when we don't understand the very thing we are meant to know.
Things has been complicated.
But it's all in our head.
