Charlieās life in a nutshell:
*Has aging parents with deteriorating health conditions*
*Falls in love with the girl of his dreams, marries her, and starts a family*
*Renee leaves him and takes their infant with her as she flies across the country while Charlie stays behind and cares for his dying parents in their final years*
*After 16 years of being alone, estranged daughter decides to come live with him in Forks for the remainder of her high school career*
*Daughter has been here all of five minutes and almost gets hit by a van*
*But daughter is fine and is a pleasure to live with. Makes him feel taken care of by handling grocery shopping and cooking because heās made it over three decades on this earth and apparently never boiled water before*
*Daughter starts dating Edwin Cullen after explicitly saying she wasnāt interested in anyone in town (he lives in the middle of nowhere so. Semantics)
*Itās all fine though because Edwin is going to take his girl to a baseball game. Sheās very clumsy and has bad hand eye coordination. Sports requires hand eye coordination. Itās funny because this is the first time weāve heard this joke*
*Said daughter returns from baseball game HEATED and tells him to shove it where the sun donāt shine and that she hates Forks and then proceeds to use the same words her mom used when she walked out (seriously who told her that?). Also promptly āfalls down a flight of stairsā and breaks tons of bones*
*Daughter is still dating Edwin but thatās whatever because itās his babyās eighteenth birthday! First birthday heās had with her in awhile and hopefully the first of many more!*
*Daughter goes missing in the woods and needs a town-wide search party to find her. Edwin apparently dumped her and left town with his incestuous family. Daughter then becomes comatose for months and is dangerously depressed*
*Daughter is hanging out with Jacob Black and actually happy again*
*After returning from the funeral of his long time best friend, discovers daughter randomly disappeared off the face of the earth for a few days. She comes back dating Edwin again*
*Daughter graduates high school and is onto bigger and better things! She is going to grow up and make him so proud*
*Daughter announces she is engaged to Edwin Stranger Danger Cullen, immediately marries him, becomes deathly ill with some rare totally legit disease, and comes back looking like an alien version of his Bells with a stepdaughter who somehow has her old brown eyes*
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