help find labels and terms

[find-your-queery]

Welcome to Find Your Queery!

Have an idea for your identity, but can't quite find a label for it? Or maybe you're just curious to see if there is a label for something you've seen, but you're having trouble finding a word for it?

This blog is here to help you find what you're looking for!

Labels are not always mandatory, and maybe you might not use the label that would fit you, but understanding what words describe similar experiences as yours can help you find others like you and know that you're not alone in what you're feeling.

[More blog info below the cut, including DNI]

Currently, there is only one mod, so I may not know every term or be able to find the right term, so any help is appreciated! This is a "No stupid Queeries" zone, so do not judge or send hate to askers or repliers!

Disclaimers: This blog will regularly use the term "queer" for simplicity and for labels such as "genderqueer" and "queerplatonic." ALSO, this is not a place for discourse or debate. If you disagree with an answer and/or know of terms closer to what is being asked, that's fine! Learning opportunities are welcome here, just please be respectful!

DNI: TERFS (Unless you are here to respectfully learn), queerphobes (including acephobes, arophobes, transphobes, etc. Unless you are here to respectfully learn), transmeds

[ipso-faculty]

There's now an Intersex Wiki! 🎉

So I got tired of the Sisyphean task of trying to make existing wikis like Wikipedia more informative about intersex. I also was feeling that there isn't really one central place for intersex content to get archived, especially if Tumblr goes down. It felt like it was time that we the intersex community had our own wiki.

And, it's live! You can find it at intersex.wiki!

It's still very young and under development, but we just passed the 100 article mark 🥳 and I thought I'd share! Here's our glossary page as a starting point:

Glossary

This glossary is intended to give an overview of common terms used within the intersex community.

It would be really lovely to get some more regular contributors to the wiki! If you have anything you'd like documented about your intersex variation, knowledge about intersex history, local intersex organizations, or intersex representation, it'd be appreciated! 💜

I've been mostly focusing on growing the number of articles, and which means that the main article on Intersex could really use some expansion and refinement. 💜

Proofreading is also appreciated. 💜

Please note that:

You will need to make an account and confirm your email before making any edits, because there is an intense amount of spam/vandalism directed at the wiki (sigh)

You must thoroughly cite all your sources. You can cite Wikipedia. You can cite Tumblr posts. You can even cite your own Tumblr posts. But you must cite your sources. This is an encyclopedia and others need to be able to verify the provenance of your arguments. We use Chicago-style citation.

Wiki content must have educational relevance to the intersex community, and also must be safe for work.

Note: we have a ban on biographies of living individuals.

The threshold for inclusion of neologisms and flags in the Wiki is: "is this actually used outside of coining posts, glossaries, and wiki entries?" If you want to make an article on a neologism, there needs to be at least one citation demonstrating literally anybody using this term in a naturalistic manner.

Given the wiki is subject to a lot of spam/vandalism, the first few edits you make to the wiki will be sent to a moderation queue and will need to be manually approved. Once you've demonstrated you're not a spammer, that you can cite sources, and not create articles that are outside the scope of the wiki, you'll be added to the list of users whose edits are automoderated.

If you have any difficulty in editing the wiki or getting started, or just wanna talk about the wiki, we have a Discord: https://discord.gg/BBvGUBWqnR

If you have any questions let me know! 💜

[comicallyqueer]

see more on webtoon at Queer Comics

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

A label can be a stepping stone to another label that fits you better. Sometimes you're not sure or don't feel ready to use the latter yet, and that's OK.

[inter-sex]

Day five of making the #intersex tags happier!

Do you use any intersex-exclusive labels? If so, which ones?

Intergender/Integender

Advenagender

Dionyfluid

A cultural intersex identity (please share!)

Mallardhoarder

Duogender

Exparium

Inter[x] (experiencing [x] gender in a uniquely intersex way)

Another identity (Put in comments or reblogs!)

I don't use any intersex-exclusive labels

It's complicated/nuanced for me

I'm perisex and wanna click a button! :3

Voting ended onSep 7, 2024

Links:

Integender, Advenagender, Dionyfluid, Mallardhoarder, Duogender, Exparium, Intersex Genders in General

[bigendering]

For post 3000, I thought it would be nice to finally finish the bigender comic I’ve been working on since… before I started this blog. So here it is!

Description:

Panel 1: Round smiley face that’s green on the right side and purple on the left. To the right is another face with irregular patches of purple and green. Captions read “Bigender people can feel split in two, or with two genders all mixed together”.

Panel 2: Face colored a blend of green and purple. To the right is another face with rectangular patches of green, purple, and the blend. Below are two faces, one with purple filling the lower third of the left side and green on the right side, and one that is mostly green with purple at the top. Captions read “The genders can be almost indistinguishable, or feel like they correspond to different mindsets, or be different strengths”

Panel 3: Purple face with an arrow pointing to a green face on the right. To the right is a face with purple filling the lower third of the left side and green on the right side. Below is a sequence of three faces directed with arrows: the first face is mostly green with purple at the top, the second face is mostly purple with green at the bottom, and the third face is mostly white with purple on the left and green on the right at the bottom. Captions read “Bigender people can switch between genders, or have a completely static gender, or have the strength of the genders change”

Panel 4: “The genders can be female, male, agender, polygender, or whatever else the person feel fits each part. What all bigender people have in common is they are TWO genders. Not just one or another; BOTH”. Gender signs are above each corresponding gender identity.

Panel 5: Bigender people can use any pronouns. Above is a speech bubble with many pronoun sets in different fonts.

Panel 6: A green stick figure with a face that is partially purple on the left and green on the right. To the right are two stick figures with a double-ended arrow between them, one green and one purple, each with a face that is purple on the left and green on the right. Captions read “A bigender person may choose to present as one gender, or switch back and forth”

Panel 7: Two stick figures, one green and purple, the other pink. Each has a face that is mostly purple with green on the bottom. Captions read “or present as a mixture, or something else entirely. But remember: Gender =/= Presentation, and they are always still bigender”

[find-your-queery]

Hi!

I have a theoretical question:

Is the ability to feel love dipendent from the ability to feel attraction?

I will explain myself better.

Could a lesbian love a man? Like, she doesn't feel romantically attracted to him, but can she feel romantic love towards him?

Or, could an aromantic person (not only in the aro-spec, aromantic as in never feels romantic attraction) feel romantic love towards somebody? Not the attraction, only the love.

Like some asexuals have libido?

Or I didn't understood the concept of love?

Thanks,

A quite confused aroace

I am of the belief that the human brain and emotions are very complicated, and that there are many things we have yet to learn or be able to put into words in order to convey what we are feeling. So, it's okay to be confused! Language is constantly changing and adapting to help us communicate what we want.

That being said, I absolutely believe that the ability to feel attraction and the ability to feel love are different things in their own right.

There are some people, like those who are Cupioromantic / Cupiosexual, who date or have sex with others despite their lack of attraction, and who later on may (or may not) love their partner in some way or form, whether it be romantically, sexually, or otherwise! This can go for anyone, though, including allos!

And as an aro myself, specifically Bellusromantic, I don't feel romantic attraction at all. In fact, I'm repulsed by the feeling of attraction, and repulsed by others feeling romantic attraction towards me. However, I do still enjoy acts of love often associated with romance, such as kissing, cuddling, etc., and enjoy doing these with my partner. Does it mean I love my partner romantically? I suppose in some ways yes, so I'd imagine some people may feel the same as me in terms of being repulsed by the attraction, but are alright with feeling romantic love towards their partner as well.

So yes, I believe attraction and the ability to feel love are two separate things! Brains and emotions are very complicated things, so again, it's alright to be confused!

Thank you for the inQueery, anon!

[positively-bi]

Hey, guess what? You're allowed to identify as something and then later identify as something else. It doesn't make you a liar or a fraud or an idiot. It's fine. It's okay. People change and grow and their understandings of themselves change and grow too. That's life. Don't sweat it.

It's okay to identify as gay and then later as bi or as bi and then later as gay. It's okay to identify as aro and then later realise you do experience romantic attraction. It's okay to change what name you use or what pronouns you use three hundred times. It's okay and you're always welcome in my community. Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace.

[theaceandaroadvocacyproject]

Today we are bringing attention to the bellus- microlabel. This label is connected to being romance- or sex-favorable; for more about attitudes around romance or sex, check out our article here: https://taaap.org/learn/attitudes-toward-romance-or-sex/

[ID: "Bellus. -romantic. Someone who is not interested in a romantic relationship, but is comfortable with or enjoys behavior typically coded as romantic. -sexual. Someone who is not interested in a sexual relationship, but is comfortable with or enjoys behavior typically coded as sexual. This is similar to being romance- or sex-favorable, but is an orientation in itself rather than an attitude. Someone who's bellus- may not identify as aspec." End ID.]

[status-quo-hater]

More queer people need to know that discrimination against intersex people isn't just bigots being bigots. It's rooted in the fact we live in a world that rejects our existence at a fundamental level.

There's only M or F on every job application.

There's only a M or F on every government form.

There's only M or F on everyone's birth certificate.

There's only M or F in everyone's mind.

Even in queer spaces, people ask if you are AMAB or AFAB. Terms borrowed from our community, then simply reduced back to M or F.

When you go to a doctor, they ask if you are M or F, regardless of how your body actually works. Any anatomy or traits you have that does not fit your M or F designation is met with pity or disgust.

You're seen as M* or F*, an aberration of what is "normal", a faulty M or faulty F, a body with a problem.

The intersex experience is being constantly reminded people believe I don't exist.

[status-quo-hater]

Writing or drawing a character with both genitalia specifically for porn is actually fine, just don't put it in intersex tags and don't refer to the character as intersex! Use words like salmacian & bigenital. It's a very common stereotype/misconception that we 'have both'. Even those of us with ambiguous genitalia don't have two fully separate & fully functional sets. We have one set of genitalia that is between male & female.

[xxxball-fondlerxxx]

‼️‼️ real as fuck

futanari and intersex is NOT the same

[neontologist-deactivated2020100]

LGBT activists have been vocal about intersex issues for several decades, because establishing the legal right to bodily autonomy for intersex persons is basically inseparable from establishing the right of trans persons to that same legal autonomy over their own bodies. many intersex persons prefer not to be grouped together with LGBT causes; however, the vast majority of LGBT activists would agree that performing "corrective" surgery on intersex infants - to force them to adhere to a largely fictional gender binary - is pretty fucking evil.

[can-i-make-image-descriptions]

[Image IDs: a series of tweets from #EndIntersexSurgery (@/ Pidgejen) reading: Anyways, let's start with what I thought I once knew about myself. When I was 18, I discovered I wasn't like other girls. My medical records read "male pseudo-hermaphrodite 46 XY" & other BS terminology that pathologized my healthy/beautiful intersex body.

I discovered then that I had been diagnosed with partial androgen insensitivity syndrome (PAIS); my XY body couldn't fully utilize androgens (like T) and so I developed mostly like a typical female person externally.

For me, this meant I had a somewhat "ambiguous" looking body (aka a non-binary body) and the doctors performed 3 unnecessary cosmetic surgeries to make me look more like a "normal girl"

(peanut emoji) gonadectomy (scissors emoji) Clitorectomy (kitchen knife emoji) vaginoplasty

Not to mention, they lied to me about All Of This and then forced me to take Premarin (a low does of estrogen made from extracting the hormone from a pregnant mare's urine (horse face emoji, crying face emoji)

Anyways, I got in touch with a new endocrinologist recently thanks to my therapist at @/ RuchMedical who suggested I see him.

He did something no other doctor had ever done. He asked me if he could see my medical records, all of them, and then took time to read of them.

He even reached out to other experts in his field when he was confused by something.

Wow, We love humility in medicine.

Anyways, he ended up suspecting something is up and that perhaps my PAIS diagnosis is wrong.

He then orders me a genetic (dna emoji) test. Thanks to covid it took almost half a year to get the results, but a month or so ago I got them back.

Turns out, I don't have PAIS. I actually have something else known as NR-5A1. Now this is big news mostly because 1. It supports my thesis that docs who deal with intersex kids don't know shit...

And 2. P/AIS intersex folks are believed to not be able to utilize androgens and wo we're often only given estrogen (never T), forcibly "feminized" with fucked up "cosmetic" surgeries, and forcibly assigned female.

Doing what they did to me was fucked up enough, but now realizing that they didn't even have the diagnosis right—and that I *can* utilize androgens—is fucking infuriated beyond belief.

We need to #EndIntersexSurgery y'all like yesterday. /End IDs]

[my-midlife-crisis]

[its-kayyyy]

You are valid (:

[genderqueerdykes]

reminder that cis people can use whatever pronouns they want. a cis person changing their pronouns does not inherently make them trans, they are allowed to express themselves through whatever pronouns they believe suits them best, just as much as any trans person. this of course includes cis intersex people. the freedom to use whatever pronouns you like the best is for everyone

[trans-androgyne]

Man. Thinking about the anon who thanked me for being a “pro-intersex” transmasc blogger for just. Having been doing the bare minimum of trying to be inclusive in my posts and reblog the occasional post educating people about intersex experiences as a perisex person. Ever since then I’ve been trying to do better still by intersex folks because wow you do not seem to have nearly enough people supporting you

[cassolotl]

A survey for gender-binary-defying people, on bodies and body preferences

It's a design test survey, so even if you come and answer no questions at all it's really helpful!

Click here to participate.

Click here to see a public spreadsheet of the number of responses so far, plus some graphs and demographic info, automatically updating as people take part.