I am once again back on my old shit

Lucy, 20s/f Gonna get skinny or die trying

[findingfreedom1122]

Intro Post

I'm Lucy (27/F, but I identify as nonbinary). I've had an eating disorder since I was 13 and got my start on Tumblr. Now, I'm back. I'm diagnosed with recurrent MDD, BPD, and PTSD. Former diagnosis of AN, b/p subtype. More about me below the cut.

Stats

Height: 64" / 162.5 cm

HW: 155 lb / 70 kg

CW: 138 lb / 62.5 kg

GW: 106 lb / 48 kg

Treatment History

2014: 72-hour hold, psych ward stay, self-harm IOP.

2014-2022: off-and-on OP (CBT, DBT, EMDR).

2022-2023: treatment at Alsana (virtual IOP, virtual PHP, in-person PHP).

2023: residential for mood disorder.

2023-2026: outpatient (EMDR).

Method

Exercise: mainly Peloton (cycling, lifting, HIIT cardio, and boxing). I used to run. A head injury and stroke I had in high school that messes with my stride. Still working on running without injuring myself.

Diet: LoseIt. I don't eat meat on Fridays and try to fast for religious purposes.

Complicating factors: I have low blood pressure and seizures. Intermittent fasting makes both worse. I live with my parents (mom and dad). Both have eating disorders themselves, so concealing behaviors shouldn't be an issue.

[morbidmelancholia]

[shimmeringterroroblivion]

[learningfromlosing]

Life after trauma can, at times, be harder. What do you mean they really did all that. What do you mean that all really happened. What do you mean it wasn't my fault. What do you mean.

[l0veaddict]

nooo pleaseee i promise im mentally well enough to own a gun

[findingfreedom1122]

The sheer uncertainty that filled me as I tried to tell this to my (tattooed, bespectacled, hot) psychologist last week made me leave my body

[findingfreedom1122]

Refreshed my meal prep skills, and I decide to see how good I am at adding calories in my head

I still got it 😏

[unicornpukeprincess]

my somatch hurts i feel icky i ate too much

[wildnickk]

[blankpge]

i feel so fucking fat for being over 50kg

i cant stand this anymore

[blankpge]

need some 4na friends. i feel so alone in here.

[kittycatbeater]

yes i do believe that when i lose the weight im gonna become breathtaking, people will beg me to be their friend, i’ll have ten boyfriends, graduate with honors, achieve all my dreams and fix my relationship with my mom. fuck you

[findingfreedom1122]

You've got this 🖤

[lovemeanyway7]

[cat-7363]

This WILL be me in 3 months

[blankpge]

info (post "recovery"):

Hw/Sw: 62kg / 132lbs

Cw: 54kg / 119lbs

Lw: 45kg / 99lbs

Gw: 49,2kg / 108,4lbs

Ugw: 45kg /99lbs

Diet:

Max 600kcal daily

40g of protein daily

2L of water daily

ONLY drink water or zero soda

Workout plan:

6 days a week, 1h workout per day + at least 2k steps (i know it's not mutch, but i have a super busy uni routine)

MONDAY: abs + flexibility + arms&posture

TUESDAY: abs + flexibility + legs

WEDNESDAY: abs + flexibility + cardio(HIIT)

THURSDAY: abs + flexibility + arms&posture

FRIDAY: abs + flexibility + legs

SATURDAY: abs + flexibility + cardio(HIIT)

SUNDAY: rest day

[lelif]

on nostalgia

the handmaids tale, margaret atwood// @firstfullmoon // @stigmatawife // @jb-blunk // forever winter, taylor swift// @an-attempt-at-living // the memory of a memory, katie maria // erica jong // secrets from a girl whos seen it all, lorde; poster by mlgrsdesign// ? // @n1ntendos // @fairycosmos // @inanotherunivrse //@robertszombie // @notbigthief

[fam0us-last-w0rds]

If i was a fictional character this trauma would be lore and some mentaly ill teen would put me as her pfp

[yourfriendslushi3]

ts is genuinely the truh

[vqtkufi]

Florence

[buriedintheyard]