Josie

| ed recovery | relapsing | | 16 | H: 5’4 | CW: don’t care |

[fineseoul]

i honestly think the reason why my head has been goin crazy lately is bc i’ll eat through the day and then i either get high or drunk with my friends and i eat sO much and i feel like crap about it. like i can eat fine on a normal day but when i know i’m gonna be either drinking or getting high my head is screaming at me to restrict. and i know i need to get out of that mindset but it’s so hard too.

[fineseoul]

i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to go back

[fineseoul]

if feels like every day now i want to fucking go back and that feeling hits me fucking hard. i’m almost about to go back...

[fineseoul]

hehehehe i love when i say something and everyone ignores me:)

[fineseoul]

like they invite me to eat dinner with them and i try and join in on the conversation and they’re like “huh did you hear that???”

[fineseoul]

my family does the same shit. i’m with my family for memorial day and i’ll day something and they just ignore me :)))))

[fineseoul]

hehehehe i love when i say something and everyone ignores me:)

[fineseoul]

like they invite me to eat dinner with them and i try and join in on the conversation and they’re like “huh did you hear that???”

[fineseoul]

hehehehe i love when i say something and everyone ignores me:)

[fineseoul]

i hate hatE HaTe my mf skin

[fineseoul]

uhhh i feel like straight shit!!:))

[fineseoul]

Hey! I saw your post about your friend and I want you to know that it's really not your fault! You kept that app for personal reasons and like you said she was going through stuff. So, just know it's not your fault honey! Keep going and make a full recovery, sweetie! You deserve it :-) (And I bet she doesn't think it's your fault either, babe! If you guys are super close, I bet she understands your reasons for keeping it!)

thank you and im still trying💜. i just hate that she’s fallen back into it. i really don’t want that for her.

[bubblegum-flix-deactivated20181]

reminder: you can start over at anytime. your day is not ruined. your world is not over. take a deep breath. start over.

[devoid-of-everything]

It is so fucking exhausting fighting your brain every day dude

[fineseoul]

i feel like everyone fucking hates me

[fineseoul]

a lot of stuff has been going on this month and she’s been struggling. and now she told me she’s going back.... i really hate myself. like we were happy and laughing and shit like all day and then she saw that on my phone and i know it triggered her. i’m such i fucking dumb ass bitch like god i hate myself

[fineseoul]

my friend took my phone and was like you got games and she saw my fasting app (i dO nOT use it i swear on my everything) but i fr haven’t done that since the beginning of this shit. i just kept it to see how long ago i started that like to see how long ago this happened. and she feels like shit and i feel like shit bc fuCk me im so dumb like why did i keep it like??? i do not use it and to prove it there’s a number on the bottom that says like how long ago the last one was and the number said like last fast 3402 hours ago and uhhh i hate that i made her feel like shit. i hate myself fuck!!!!

[fineseoul]

You’re struggling but that means you’re getting somewhere. I love you and I so believe in you and I hope you know that you are incessantly amazing and deserve to recover. 💖🌷🐌 keep fighting, you’re so badass!!

thank you so much!💜 i’m going to keep fighting!

[fineseoul]

i’m struggling... i wish it was easier.

[homoidiotic]

u know what’s rough? missing things that are bad for you

[homoidiotic]

truly one of the hardest things about struggling with self destructive behaviour or addiction is how ur brain is sick, and it starts to try and trick you into being sicker. ur brain telling you that its missing pain is not a sign that u should go back into those behaviours. old harmful behaviours won’t bring a brighter future. identify them as disordered thoughts and go against what they are telling you