25 November 2021
DEAR READER

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if i look back, i am lost
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@firemaiden-writes
25 November 2021
23 November 2021
17 October 2021
I used to laugh in blue
When life was too much
The sadness pouring out
Masking the pain with fake joy
I used to laugh in green
When life seemed unfair
People always doing better
Masking the envy with fake joy
I used to laugh in yellow
When life could not get me down
The genuine happiness
Not masking just pure joy
Now I laugh in blue again
For how long
Who knows when
Once again
Masking the pain with fake joy
15 October 2021
A confession
We met on an ordinary day
With casual conversation
And as a few weeks went by
I told my sister
“I can see myself falling in love with him”
And I did
I fell
Hard
Through the aches and the pains
Our friendship grew
Unbeknownst to him
It hurt to talk to him
It hurt to be near him
He was my friend
And I know I act all tough
And I know I act all independent
“I don’t need a man”
I say as I mask my true intentions
I mask my true feelings
Because the truth is too much
This confession
Is me giving up the mask
I want to be loved
But I don’t feel worthy of it
I want to be lead
But I don’t feel worthy of it
I am in love
And I don’t know how to deal with it
6 October 2021
30 September 2021
29 September 2021
10 September 2021
6 September 2021
This feeling in my chest
Riddled and polluted with anxiety
Should be something
Beautiful
It’s become a feeling of
Fear
Anger
Disgust
How can I open myself up
For this feeling again
The feeling of, dare I say it
Love
And adoration
Have I not learnt from the past
Have I not sheltered myself enough
To know that this will not end well for me
But what if it does…
12 August 2021
I’ve become quite the builder
Building walls around my heart
There are no windows
No door to let the breeze in
The sun can’t shine through
It’s left cold and dark
I’ve become quite the demolisher
Breaking down walls around my heart
Just when I met the one
I thought would stay
And we’d build a home
For our two hearts
Together
I’ve become quite the builder
Building walls around my heart
The cement still wet
From the foundation
Of the house
I thought we’d treasure
I’ve become quite the builder
The walls somewhat higher then before
Like Rapunzel trapped in her tower
Not wanting to risk another demolition
28 July 2021
Love is like a seed
If planted in the right soil
If watered on the right time
If nurtured and looked after
The seed will grow
So love grows
And love provides fruit
For those who want it
26 July 2021
it started out small
this world i have created
ever since i was little
it was my hideaway
the walls of this world expanded
into different universes
with each new character i created
each a different role to portray
the superhero
the rock star
the princess
the knight
the one who has it all figured out
all of them someone i wish i was
but these pieces of me are trapped
in the pages inside my head
it started out small
these universes i created
even today
it is still my hideaway
5 July 2021
i have been asleep
my whole life
i have been asleep
and dreaming of a life i want to live
a life where i experience
love and
hate
with equal passion
a life where i experience
joy and
depression
with equal feeling
i have dreamt about waking up
running outside and living
the life i was meant to live
or maybe i have been awake
and this life
has been equal
a dream
and
a nightmare
3 July 2021
i grew up very stubborn
very confident
very sure
each time i made my moves
it backfired
i became soft
became insecure
became unsure
i sit back and realise
i don’t have to fight
if the other is not fighting back
i sit back and realise
i don’t have to chase
while the other one flees
because that’s what they do
they flee away from me
so now
i rest in the grass
and i wait
and i fight my instincts
why did i wake up one day
and decide i won’t be able to fly
and dream to go higher than the clouds
and see the world as it could be
because of the many
who had no wings
i sacrifice my own
to become like them
as it became the norm
but
i will always be a little different
with the wings trying to grow back
people stare and label me an outcast
but i was not made like you
i was made like me
i used to fly among the birds
i used to soar above the trees
but they made me see myself
less than i could be
my mind is a maze
wonder where it will lead me next
will it be a daydream
or will it lead me to a mess
my mind is a maze
each corner a different part of me
will it be a bad story
or will it leave you in glee
my mind is a maze
i often get lost in it
will i find my way out
or will i still stay for a bit
my mind is a maze
but so is yours
our pathways are different
we wonder what the maze is for
12 May 2021