firemaiden writes.

striving to be something i was meant to be ||| aiden. 28. south african ||| instagram: @firemaiden97

[firemaiden-writes]

25 November 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

23 November 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

17 October 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

I used to laugh in blue

When life was too much

The sadness pouring out

Masking the pain with fake joy

I used to laugh in green

When life seemed unfair

People always doing better

Masking the envy with fake joy

I used to laugh in yellow

When life could not get me down

The genuine happiness

Not masking just pure joy

Now I laugh in blue again

For how long

Who knows when

Once again

Masking the pain with fake joy

15 October 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

A confession

We met on an ordinary day

With casual conversation

And as a few weeks went by

I told my sister

“I can see myself falling in love with him”

And I did

I fell

Hard

Through the aches and the pains

Our friendship grew

Unbeknownst to him

It hurt to talk to him

It hurt to be near him

He was my friend

And I know I act all tough

And I know I act all independent

“I don’t need a man”

I say as I mask my true intentions

I mask my true feelings

Because the truth is too much

This confession

Is me giving up the mask

I want to be loved

But I don’t feel worthy of it

I want to be lead

But I don’t feel worthy of it

I am in love

And I don’t know how to deal with it

6 October 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

30 September 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

29 September 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

10 September 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

6 September 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

This feeling in my chest

Riddled and polluted with anxiety

Should be something

Beautiful

It’s become a feeling of

Fear

Anger

Disgust

How can I open myself up

For this feeling again

The feeling of, dare I say it

Love

And adoration

Have I not learnt from the past

Have I not sheltered myself enough

To know that this will not end well for me

But what if it does…

12 August 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

I’ve become quite the builder

Building walls around my heart

There are no windows

No door to let the breeze in

The sun can’t shine through

It’s left cold and dark

I’ve become quite the demolisher

Breaking down walls around my heart

Just when I met the one

I thought would stay

And we’d build a home

For our two hearts

Together

I’ve become quite the builder

Building walls around my heart

The cement still wet

From the foundation

Of the house

I thought we’d treasure

I’ve become quite the builder

The walls somewhat higher then before

Like Rapunzel trapped in her tower

Not wanting to risk another demolition

28 July 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

Love is like a seed

If planted in the right soil

If watered on the right time

If nurtured and looked after

The seed will grow

So love grows

And love provides fruit

For those who want it

26 July 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

it started out small

this world i have created

ever since i was little

it was my hideaway

the walls of this world expanded

into different universes

with each new character i created

each a different role to portray

the superhero

the rock star

the princess

the knight

the one who has it all figured out

all of them someone i wish i was

but these pieces of me are trapped

in the pages inside my head

it started out small

these universes i created

even today

it is still my hideaway

5 July 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

i have been asleep

my whole life

i have been asleep

and dreaming of a life i want to live

a life where i experience

love and

hate

with equal passion

a life where i experience

joy and

depression

with equal feeling

i have dreamt about waking up

running outside and living

the life i was meant to live

or maybe i have been awake

and this life

has been equal

a dream

and

a nightmare

3 July 2021

[firemaiden-writes]

i grew up very stubborn

very confident

very sure

each time i made my moves

it backfired

i became soft

became insecure

became unsure

i sit back and realise

i don’t have to fight

if the other is not fighting back

i sit back and realise

i don’t have to chase

while the other one flees

because that’s what they do

they flee away from me

so now

i rest in the grass

and i wait

and i fight my instincts

[firemaiden-writes]

why did i wake up one day

and decide i won’t be able to fly

and dream to go higher than the clouds

and see the world as it could be

because of the many

who had no wings

i sacrifice my own

to become like them

as it became the norm

but

i will always be a little different

with the wings trying to grow back

people stare and label me an outcast

but i was not made like you

i was made like me

i used to fly among the birds

i used to soar above the trees

but they made me see myself

less than i could be

[firemaiden-writes]

my mind is a maze

wonder where it will lead me next

will it be a daydream

or will it lead me to a mess

my mind is a maze

each corner a different part of me

will it be a bad story

or will it leave you in glee

my mind is a maze

i often get lost in it

will i find my way out

or will i still stay for a bit

my mind is a maze

but so is yours

our pathways are different

we wonder what the maze is for

12 May 2021