The alien and the earthling
Pairing:natsuki sasamoto x male reader
A/n:here's my second ever fic based on a book I read. As you can probably tell from the length of these fics i absolutely adore writing these. I love reading and I love writing so making these kind of fics is putting two of my greatest passions together and since i now know that you guys like them too I am officially making them a consistent part of my account i'll make a masterlist and everything. The next one will definitely be a more wholesome one though cause after reading the trauma that was earthlings I need it. Please let me know what you think about this because it's probably one of my most unique fics with it being my longest one and my first multi pov one and I want to know your opinion
Cw:mental illnesses and a bad handling of them right up until the end, pedophilia, sexual assault, familiar abuse, murder (but a completely justified one imo) depression, eating disorders, mentions of underage sex, vivid description of a suicide attempt, some pretty heavy themes about bodily autonomy, changes from the original book cause If i had to keep everything this list would be twice as long, a lot of Timeskips, pov changes and probably some grammar mistakes
I hugged pyūt close to my chest as I laid down on the floor of the closet, it was cold but at least I could fit inside, it was a nice place to hide in during moments like this, when I just wanted to get out of this earth
".....no, it's alright pyūut i'm just not feeling well today"
I grabbed my other arm and still felt a light pain, even if I used an healing spell on it the bruise is still there
"This? Oh nothing, kise just pushed me and I bumped in a table, i'm sure she didn't mean it....but she didn't help me....mom didn't do anything either...but she was just tired from work"
I smiled and pushed him even closer, I could feel his soft spikes against my stomach
"I'm really lucky I have my magic though right?"
I closed my eyes and used my magic. The darkness i could see when i used this spell made me feel like I was floating in the dark void of space, all the stars around me started sparkling so much I felt like I could touch them, just as I was about to grab one. I heard a noise that distracted me and broke the spell
My eyes took a bit of time to adjust to the light that came out when the closet was opened but when they did i saw a boy looking down on me, I think i recognized him, isn't he the one who sits behind me in class?
When you opened the door you saw a girl that you assumed to be natsuki, she was hugging a white hedgehog plushie and had a powder compact wrapped around her body with a sash you also saw an origami wand on the ground you could have sworn some of your female cousins had in their rooms, this one looked kinda old and rugged though
she had long dark hair tied in a low ponytail and her eyes were a beautiful dark blue that sparkled like stars in the night sky, you didn't know why but your cheeks started heating up seeing her, in your 12 years of life you had never felt like that when looking at another girl
"You're....natsuki right?"
The girl nodded and got up
"...igasaki-sensei told me to get you for after-school"
You saw her freeze for a bit and her eyes darken while she kept her gaze on the ground at the mention of the teacher
She grabbed the wand and put it in her pocket before jumping outside of the closet
"Your plushie is really cute"
She was about to go out of the room but froze when she heard that, her eyes widening a bit
This was the first time anyone had called pyūt cute, kise said it looked stupid and my mom looked annoyed when I complained about her wanting to throw it away because it was old, and i hadn't shown it to anyone else...even if he couldn't speak our language i'm sure being called cute made him happy too
"His name is pyūt....and he's an alien"
Why did i say that? I thought i wanted to keep my secret....a secret. But something about this boy made me want to say it...did he use a spell on me? Is he an alien too? Is that why he called pyūt cute? Because he could recognize a fellow alien?
"Really? That's so cool!"
His eyes sparkled like beautiful stars and he grabbed my hand, it felt warm, I think this is the first time a touch felt so warm and...nice it was nothing like mom's even when she wasn't mad....and definitely nothing like igasaki-sensei
"What planet is he from? Are you an alien too? How did you two meet? Can he speak? Is it only to you? Does he have any cool powers?"
I wanted to tell him, i wanted to sit here for hours and tell him everything about pyūt and me and pohapinpobopia. What is this weird feeling? It's the same i feel whenever I look at the stars with my spell, it's such a nice warmth that's spreading in my tummy and my heart
I was about to run but once again he grabbed me
"You don't like igasaki-sensei much do you?"
I froze again and looked at him, he definitely used a perception spell now, how could he tell otherwise? My suspicion that he was an alien or at the very least that he had been given powers by an alien like me grew stronger and stronger
"........y-yes i really don't"
"To be honest I don't either, I think he's kinda weird"
"..but if i don't go now-"
"After-school isn't mandatory you know? I never do it, you can just go back home if you don't feel like it"
I instinctively started rubbing my other arm again
"....I don't want to go home either, I think mom is mad at me"
I saw his smile disappear slightly, I shouldn't have said that Now he's gonna think i'm a brat who doesn't like anything and only complains. Just like mom said
....why do i even care so much what he thinks about me anyway?
"Then do you wanna hang out a bit?"
"You looked pretty sad in that closet, i thought you were sick but I think i get it now....I think some time outside could be good for you and....I really wanna know about the whole alien thing too eheh"
I looked at him and for some reason his wide smile and sparkling eyes made it impossible to say no, his magic must have been really powerful
Now I realize that when I uttered those words I could feel the taste of my own saliva from the inside of my mouth, it was the first time ever since that day that even if for a moment....my mouth belonged to me again
You took natsuki for a walk outside of school, not going too far away but enough so that there wouldn't be other people from who recognized you
"Wow! So pyūt gave you alien powers to protect the earth! That's so cool, so you fight monster and stuff?"
"Yeah, there's this really evil witch that's planning to destroy all of humanity, I need to defeat her. That's why I got these powers"
"You're a hero natsuki! Thank you for protecting us from everything!"
You saw her blush but then smile, her smile was so cute
"Thank you....no one ever said that to me"
"Oh cause no one else knows about your secret right?"
She didn't want to say that it was also because she couldn't remember the last time someone had truthfully thanked her so she just nodded
"Well don't worry it's safe with me! I will never tell anyone, I can't have the witch knowing about your plans right?"
You smiled at her so warmly it made her heart jump again
You switched to talking about other things like homeworks and shows you liked when eventually you reached a house
"Oh this is where I live, I guess I did the road I usually take without realizing it, sorry"
"No it's fine, we have to go home now anyway"
She nodded and looked at you weirdly like she was expecting something but when she only saw you smiling at her she just stared walking away, you saw her go and put your hands around your mouth
"See you tomorrow at school space warrior!"
She froze and turned around before mimicking your gesture
"Yeah! See you tomorrow....."
You realized you hadn't even told her your name this whole time
You two waved at each other as she ran towards home with a smile on her face
As soon as the bell rang I hurried to put all of my stuff in my backpack, but my focus was quick drawn to another sound, that of a door opening and y/n coming out of it, he really is always on time
"Hurry up natsuki, the arcade closes soon"
Ever since last year y/n insisted on always going to pick me up from after-school, we almost always walked to our houses together and so this was a way to hang out even more, even since we became friends it felt like spending my time with him were the only moments that mattered in the day and so I wanted to be with him for as long as possible
....but i think there was another reason he insisted on always picking me up
I felt a cold hand on my shoulder and instantly tensed up, his touch was nothing like y/n's it felt like a slimy monster leaving his traces on me
"Could you stay a bit after class...I need a bit of help with some things, could you help me natsuki-chan?"
His warm disgusting breath reached my ear, I took me using a protection spell on it for it not to break....like my mouth
"Natsuki, come on, will you help me or not?"
Magic,magic,magic,magic,magic i tried my best to use a spell to get it away from me.... but nothing worked
Y/n got closer to me and grabbed my hand
"Natsuki isn't obligated to stay here after class is over, if you have anything to do then do it yourself"
My magic....worked? Or was it y/n's? Did he read my thoughts and come to save me?
"Then i'll go in her place ok? Natsuki is already tired from the day right?"
He looked me in the eyes, it felt like an ally had come to my help in my fight against the evil witch...I wasn't alone anymore
I moved closer to y/n and felt igasaki's hand slip from my shoulder, I tightened my grip on y/n's though
"We really must go now, so unless you want me to help-"
The look on his face was unlike anything I had ever seen before, his brow was furrowed and he was glaring at y/n...he always looked so nice and friendly even during our lessons...so this was his real face when the evil witch took control of him more
....seeing this face of desperation and anger on him brought a smile on my own
Y/n basically dragged me out of the class, but I didn't feel forced at all, it was like he was making one of my dreams come true
"I really don't like him"
"Well let's just forget it, so you still wanna go to the arcade?"
".....can we go to the river instead?"
Relatively near our school there was a small riverbank that separated two sides of the city, it was one of the few spots where I could feel nature's influence in this town and so I particularly appreciated it
"Yeah, it really is, you should see it at night, all of the stars get reflected in the water and it looks stunning"
"Eheh i'd really like to go there at night with you sometimes"
"I don't know if my mom will let me but... i'd love that too"
We kept leaning on the railing, we were just tall enough to barely reach it, and staring at the sky and the water, it was so peaceful I was finding myself becoming sleepy
"....I really don't understand you y/n"
"In everything you seem a perfect cog for the factory, you're smart i'm sure you'll get a good job and marry a woman who you can have children with, in that sense you are perfect"
He looked at me with confusion but allowed me to continue
"But whenever I stay with you, it feels so different to whenever I talk with someone from the factory....you understand me, make me feel a warm feeling in my tummy and don't pressure me in any way...it really feels like i'm free only when i'm talking with you"
"Are you an alien or an earthling? I really don't get it"
I could sense his eyes were fixated on me even if i was still looking at the water
".....sorry, i was ranting"
We stayed like that for a bit more, i actually started getting sleepy and I must have been showing that because as soon as y/n saw me slumping he offered to pick me up, something that I didn't disagree with
You were carrying natsuki on your shoulder like in a piggyback ride, she was shorter and weighed less than you but it was still taking a toll on you...still you felt like this was the right thing to do
After a bit you noticed natsuki had actually fallen asleep on your shoulders, you looked at her sleeping face and smiled, making a promise to yourself
This weird girl, as everyone of your classmates called her when they saw you playing with her, you didn't know if she herself was a human or an alien, but she had found a safe space in you. When she was with you you saw her smile much more often than she usually did when she was alone and you were happy of that, the idea of bringing this lonely girl happiness was nice...you felt nice whenever you were with her
And so you would protect her no matter what
You woke up in the night because of a ringing sound, it was your phone. You kept it close to you even when you were sleeping, your parents gave it to you on the day of your 14th birthday and so ever since those few months back you always put it near you, but you never actually expected it to ring in the middle of the night
On the other side was heavy breathing
"Y/n! I did it! I did it! Humanity is safe!"
"...na...tsuki? What is it?"
"I killed the evil witch y/n! Earth is safe!"
"Today pyūt told me the witch would attack me and then she actually did! I went to igasaki-sensei and she attacked me but I defeated her!"
"To igsakai's house? Is that where you are now?"
"Stay there ok? I'll go get you"
You hung up and quickly got dressed, you had the foreboding feeling that something very bad happened.
You rode on your bike to where you remember igasaki's house being, your heart thumping in your chest faster the closer you got there
When you arrived what you saw on the front porch made your heart drop altogether
Natsuki was there, still in her blue pajamas with the stars on it....or at least that's what you could make out in between the dark red stains that were all over her clothing
As soon as she saw you natsuki made her way over to you
"Y/n! I did it! I saved everyone!"
She was smiling so brightly but for some reason this smile didn't fill you with the usual warmth it did. In fact it made you feel uneasy and scared in a way you didn't know natsuki was capable of instilling in people
".....natsuki what happened?"
"I told you the witch attacked me so i-"
Your screaming caught her off guard, she stopped smiling and dropped something, you looked at it and it had the exact same stains that were on natsuki, it had a sharp shape and you thought you saw it in between your father's gardening utensils
".....natsuki.....what have you done?"
You saw natsuki's eyes widen as she backed away and started looking at the ground, her smile dropped more and more as she spoke
"I.....killed the evil witch....just like pyūt said.....I saved everyone...I saved humanity.. earth is safe because of me...."
Suddenly she started moaning and lightly screaming as she crouched down and put her hands in her hair
"No!no!no! Stop it! Stop it! Don't touch me...anything but that!"
She started twitching and breathing heavily, she was fully screaming at no one at this point
"YOU ALREADY TOOK MY MOUTH AND EAR! IS THAT NOT ENOUGH!!!!??? AHHHHHH STOP IT! STOP TAKING MY BODY!"
"MY BODY IS MY OWN! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!"
Her breathing got even heavier as she was crying and her nails were digging into her face, it was clear she was having a panic attack
"MAGIC! MAGIC! MAGIC! pohapinpobopia! pohapinpobopia! pohapinpobopia! WHY IS THE MAGIC NOT WORKING!!!"
She let out a piercing scream and suddenly grabbed the sharp object from the grass, you instinctively hugged her causing her to drop it
"It's alright natsuki....I will protect you"
"I'm here....Just....let it out"
She started crying in your chest, red stains and transparent tears mixing in your own pajamas
When she finished crying you looked at her, she wasn't smiling anymore, she was looking down at the ground with a blank expression
".....let's go to the river"
There was a small incinerator on the way to the riverbank, you and natsuki put your clothes (for you it was only your shirt) and the weapon she used inside it and turned it on, you didn't want to look inside after that to check if everything was actually burned for fear of getting hurt. You then washed your faces and bodies with the water, luckily you both weren't too dirty
"We'll tell our parents that we went for a late night swim together, they'll be mad but it will be alright"
You saw her nod as she washed her face
"If they ask you why you only have your bra and panties tell them they washed away in the river or you misplaced them and someone took them"
She nodded again but this time you saw she was looking at her own reflection in the river or maybe at the reflection of the stars you couldn't tell. You placed your hands on her shoulders again and made her look at you in the eyes
"Listen natsuki, no matter what happens I will always protect you"
"Yes, I will always be by your side....we're allies you and i...no matter what"
You hugged her closer to your chest and you felt her warmth again you
"....i'm sorry i can't say more, i'm sorry i'm such a burden, i'm sorry i can't do anything right, i'm sorry i'm so weird, i'm sorry i'm not a functioning cog, i'm sorry my body is so important to me, i'm sorry i'm still alive, i'm sorry I was ever born i'm sorry-"
"Don't apologize natsuki!...you don't have to be sorry for anything"
She didn't answer but her arms held onto you tighter as you kept hugging in the moonlight
"To me what you did was completely justified....i'm sorry i couldn't help you deal with it in some other way...but I can't imagine everything you went through with him...that's why to me you did nothing wrong"
You didn't even know if she could understand what you meant or if she was still in her self engineered fantasy of slaying the witch but you hoped that at least a small part of her consciousness was listening to you
"...but i don't know if other people will think that that's why I will protect you from them...I will always be by your side"
Her voice sounded different than it did before, it almost seemed like a desperate whisper like she was coming to terms with reality for just a brief moment
This time you were the one to not answer and just wrapped natsuki more in your embrace
"Y/n.....I have to tell you something"
He looked at me while I was still focusing on the stars, the grass below us was cold but soft
He didn't react much only blinked, a particularly strong gust of wind caressed our bodies
"A few days after I defeated the witch pyūt talked to me again, he told me i was from the planet pohapinpobopia and that I was sent here a little after my birth to defeat the witch....and now that I achieved my objective I can't use my powers anymore"
"Yes, I can't even hear his voice anymore. Originally there was supposed to be a spaceship to bring me back home but I took too long and so now they'll leave me here"
"So...you're just stuck here?"
I nodded and raised my head a bit higher
"It all makes sense now, why i can't fit in with society, why i can't be understood by other people, why i'm not a functioning cog for the factory...it's because i'm not an earthling at all"
I suddenly snapped my head to stare at him
"And I think you're not one either"
"Y/n, whenever I'm with you, this weird feeling starts spreading in all my body, my heart starts beating fast and I can't help but smile. It's like you put a spell on me that makes all my worries go way when i'm with you. You have to be an alien, maybe you're even a pohapinpobopian like me, and that's why you understand me so well and make me feel like this"
"....no natsuki, it's not that"
He got up and sat down on the grass, i did the same and he grabbed me by the hands. My cheeks started heating up and I saw his do the same
"I feel the same when i'm with you, but it's not magic or some kind of alien connection it's just.....love"
I repeated the word like it was a foreign concept to me and to tell the truth it kinda was
That's not possible, love doesn't exist, it's nothing but a lie that the factory machines say to children so that they can become functioning cogs for it. It's a sweet cover story to hide the truth, people date and marry each other only to have children and continue the factory. No one actually loves the person they married, or they're dating or their children...it's nothing but a lie
But then why? Why am I feeling like this? This feeling in my chest...is it really love? Why whenever I look at him smiling I want nothing more than to stay in his arms forever? Why whenever I hear his voice in my ears I just want to listen to it forever?
.....wait ears? My right ear is actually working? I can hear his voice perfectly in both ears, no static, no muffling...it's beautiful too
"Kiss me, I want to see something"
He blushed even more, his red face was beautiful too
"Is that your way of saying you love me too?"
"I don't know if i love you, but i know you're special....so if you kiss me and what I think is gonna happens actually happens....then I think i can say that i love you too
He looked at me surprised but quickly nodded
He awkwardly put his lips into mine, It was my first kiss and I could tell it was his first one too, nevertheless it was one of the most beautiful experiences I had ever felt.
I could feel a faint taste of what I assumed to be his lips,i was already overjoyed but it wasn't enough to make sure though. It was far too bland
"Wait before that, do you have anything to eat?"
"I promise it's important, something to drink is fine too, as long as its not plain water"
"W-well I guess I have some candies i brought a while ago"
"Perfect, give them to me, only one is fine"
I could tell he was confused but he still did as I said, y/n was really such a nice person, he was willing to help me with anything I wanted no matter how weird
"They're sour apple, don't eat them all at once"
He handed me 5 green gummied covered in sugar, I took a deep breath and put one on my tongue and swallowed it
It worked! It actually tasted of something! I could feel the taste! Ahhh how long had it been ever since I actually tasted the flavor of something, I forgot how apple tasted like or candies...or sugar
Before I realized it i started tearing up
"...natsuki, is everything alright l?"
I hugged him and laughed while crying tears of joy on his chest
"Y/n! Thank you! Thank you y/n! I knew you were special, you gave me back my ear and mouth! Thank you!"
"Ahhh yes, i love you, I love you so much, so so so much thank you y/n...I love you"
I don't know why I said those words, after all I still wasn't sure if love was even a real thing....but i knew that as soon as i said them the taste of sugar in my mouth got even sweeter, or at least how I remembered sweetness to feel like
Today was the day of my 16th birthday. It's not like I was particularly looking forward to it, but I knew there was someone who was and just the idea of seeing his smile warmed my heart
I got a message while I was brushing my teeth
"Happy b-day natsuki!🎉🎊🥳 i'm sure you'll have a fantastic day"
I chuckled and spit in the sink, immediately wanting to answer him
"If you're with me then i'm sure it will be❤️"
Y/n liked using emojis in his texts only when it was about something special, and so I did the same whenever I texted him
"For sure! I will be with you the whole day"
"Well except for when we're in different classes"
"You're seriously thinking of going to school today? On your birthday? Come on let's skip school"
"Of course, you deserve it, i'm already waiting outside your house and we're definitely not walking to school together"
"Eheh alright then guess I have no choice"
I acted almost annoyed but in truth I couldn't have been happier, spending a whole day with him sounded like a dream come true
I got ready, prepared my backpack with the usual (phone, battery charger, wallet, lipstick, pyūt, the powder compact and the magic wand) and was about to head out
No answer, it's not like I was expecting one, i'm pretty sure i could have told them I was going to skip school and they wouldn't have cared
I closed the door and rode on my bike until I saw y/n standing there, my face turned into a smile upon seeing him
I got off the bike and kissed him, I loved kissing him it was one of the only moments where I could feel like my lips were mine
"So what do you wanna do today?"
"Hm? I thought you had a plan"
".....well no, i just wanted to hang out with you on your birthday"
"Alright then, I guess we can just go around and do whatever"
"Wait, before that let me give you something"
I saw him dig in his own bag and very carefully grab something, it was small and he immediately hid it in between his hands so I couldn't see it
I looked down at the ground while he grabbed a strand of my hair, I could feel him touching it but I didn't know what he was doing exactly
Ever since I've been a teenager I started growing my hair out and wearing it down more often, it was a small way to rebel against what my mom considered a proper hairstyle
I touched the spot he was messing with before, one of my bangs right above my right eye, and felt a small metal thing, a pin maybe
He gave me his phone with the camera selfie mode on which allowed me to see my whole face and more importantly my hair
What he put on my hair was a pin as I expected but it was a pin of a small ufo, a green and gray classic alien spaceship like the ones in movies
"I'm glad you liked it, i thought it wasn't enough but I think it fit with my beautiful alien girlfriend"
I smiled so brightly,that was more than any of my family members had done for my past birthdays
"Thank you so much y/n, I really don't know what to say"
"You don't have to say anything, you deserve much more than this today, and I will make sure you get it"
We kissed again and we continued with our birthday date
While we were riding on our bikes around y/n noticed a restaurant and asked if we could stop here
"Hm? You want us to eat together?"
"Yeah, we don't do that often"
That was true, I already didn't like eating even when we were together, it would have been weird to ask him to kiss me before I ate anything only so I could actually taste the food.
But I got the feeling that he was worried about my lack of eating, one time he asked me all serious looking if I had anorexia, I didn't know exactly what that was but I assumed it was related I told him I didn't and he looked really relieved, still i can't help but think he's still worried about me
But unlike my mom who forced me to eat things I would throw up later anyway y/n always gently suggested it, small things like giving me half of his sandwich at lunch or buying ice cream whenever we went out. I really respected him for that, he was giving me the choice to eat, not forcing me and I appreciated that greatly
"Alright, if you really want"
As I expected it was rather awkward asking him to kiss me before every meal, y/n didn't know about my broken mouth and the event that stole it from me. He just thought I was really into kissing, which to be fair was partly the truth
"Ah y/n dessert is here....hm..."
He reached across the table and pecked my lips
"Sorry it's just a weird habit"
"I know and I don't mind, it's like you want my taste to be in everything you eat"
We finished our meal, y/n insisted on paying and I having only a few yen of allowance that I was planning to use for something else agreed without too much of a fight
We saw the sky starting to turn orange and continued to ride across the city, thoughts about what I planned to do racing in my mind
We reached the street where the pharmacy my mom worked at was and I stopped the bike
"I wanna go say hi to my mom"
He looked back at me confused, y/n knew about our...contentious relationship so it was believable he'd react like this
"It's my birthday I should at least tell her something, and i think she's gonna work late today so..."
"....working late even on her daughter's birthday...it's fine tsuki, go ahead i'll wait"
I nodded, parked the bike and got inside
Of course I didn't actually want to go inside, my mom wasn't even working today. I made sure I wasn't seen by any of her colleagues who might tell her they saw me and used the backdoor to exit
I walked a couple of steps in the backstreet and there I was face to face with it:the vending machine
Now that I think about it if the whole purpose of the factory was to have children why did they just have these things so much around? even in vending machines
I put the money in and saw the names under the options light up, of course I had no way of knowing what y/n's size was so I just picked the one that I liked the packaging of the most, hoping it would be fine
I grabbed the packet and put it in my backpack, zipping it up extra tightly and then came back to y/n using the same route I had taken before
He got on his bike and I did the same, he was about to start pedaling when I stopped him
"Hey....wanna go to the river?"
"Natsuki what do you want?"
I put my bike near the bench and turned towards y/n who was in front of a vending machine
"Just plain water is fine"
I didn't feel like asking him for another kiss
He looked at me with a face that said something like "really?" But sighed and eventually threw me the bottle of water he grabbed, he opened his own soda can and started drinking
"Seeing the sunset here is beautiful"
"Yes, almost as much as seeing the stars"
A long but comfortable silent made its way between us as we drank and watched the sun sink into the depths of the water
He raised his hand with can in it and smiled
I smiled back at him and we toasted with our drinks
As the sun sank further in the river I took a deep breath and looked at it, this was my last opportunity
".....y/n....can I ask you a favor?"
"What is it tsuki? Is it your birthday wish?"
He looked at me with such an innocent warm smile
"Yes, I guess you could say that"
"Well then spit it out, you know i'd do anything for you"
I felt the words get stuck in my mouth and so I had to almost force them out
".....will you....make love to me?"
I saw his smile drop and his eyes widen
"I want to have sex with you....now"
"Y-you can't be serious, we're both still underage"
I looked down at the ground a shadow making its way on my face
"....why is that an issue?"
"This world is full of adults who want to have sex with children so why should we care if we do it"
Y/n got up and started almost yelling at me
"Natsuki what the hell are you talking about!? Are you serious?"
"....y/n....why don't you understand?"
I didn't even realize it but I had started tearing up a bit at this point
"Don't you get it!? Us children are nothing more than tools for the adults, they blame us for their shitty lives and then take their anger out on us, they take everything from us and then expect us to be working cogs in the machine of society"
"I'm sure that before i'll become an adult ...they'll take even more away from my body...and I don't want to live like that, with every part of my body not being mine anymore...just being another cog whose only goal and purpose is to work and reproduce so that the machine can keep working
"...even more? What do you mean?"
I wiped a bit of my tears and looked down on the ground
".....my mouth was taken away from me...it doesn't belong to me anymore from that moment I can't taste anything, everything just feels like gray cardboard"
I suddenly grabbed him by the shirt and looked directly in his eyes
"But you....after we kissed for the first time.. I could actually taste how good your lips felt and-and later I drank and ate and... I could taste! I could feel the delicious flavors...every time we kiss...it's like magic! You give my mouth back to me even if for a while...that's why I know you're special... if we had sex now before we're adults...then maybe even if for a moment...I could feel like my body belonged to me again"
His look went from one of anger to confusion or maybe pity
"....y/n if you actually truly love me....then do it, have sex with me and give me my body back"
....eh?....what is this feeling inside me?
"......no natsuki i can't"
....it feels like a giant darkness has taken over my heart
"I don't know what got over you but you're clearly not in the right state, even if we were adults I still would say no"
Like i'm sinking down in a giant pool of black tar
"....what?...but i'm even giving you my consent, that's more than some people would need"
"....no natsuki...I can't"
Y/n.....please save me...
I don't know what took over me but in that moment, I lowered my head and arms and put them closer to his abdomen
Magic!magic!magic! What the fuck is happening? Stop it! I don't want this
My arms moved even lower reaching his belly button
....has the evil witch taken control of me too?"
For just a moment I touched his crotch
POHAPINPOBOPIA! POHAPINPOBOPIA! POHAPINPOBOPIA! POHAPINPOBOPIA! POHAPINPOBOPIA! POHAPINPOBOPIA! POHAPINPOBOPIA! POHAPINPOBOPIA! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP!
I looked up at him with a smile
I felt a sharp pain go through my hand and y/n look at me with anger that turned into pity again
"..natsuki....you....you-"
In that moment it was like a spell was undone and I came back to the real world
I started crying and hid my head in my hands
"I....*sniff* i basically forced myself on you *sniff* ahhh i'm so horrible, i became the exact same as the adults i hated"
He tried to put a hand on my shoulder but I backed away
"I don't deserve this...I don't deserve anything I don't deserve you, I don't deserve to live"
I grabbed my bike and pedaled as fast as I could, I saw y/n wasn't following me
When I came back home I immediately threw my backpack on the couch and started crying again
"Oi natsuki the hell is wrong?"
She got closer to me and saw my tears
"Stop crying it's annoying, and it makes you look even uglier than you already are"
She suddenly caught a glimpse of my backpack and grabbed it
She opened it and shook it until everything came out...first the phone and the charger then pyūt, the compact and the wand....and then...the packet i bought
"What the fuck were you doing with these? You're 15!"
"Moooommmm!!! Look at what natsuki had in her backpack!"
"No wait, don't tell her!"
But it was already too late a few moments later mom came in the room with the packet in her hand, she glared at me and was already raising her hands
"What the fuck are these?"
The sharp pain struck my cheek, it was completely different from what I felt before with y/n, it was 10 times stronger and powered by pure malice
"Answer me you whore! You knew buying these as a child is illegal! Who did you fuck!?"
She wanted me to answer but didn't give me the time, the slaps and strikes just kept coming
"And these are all still here. I swear if you're fucking pregnant I will throw you away this house this instant! You're a disgrace! A fucking disgrace to the family and all of society! Where did I go wrong in raising you or have you been fucked up in the head ever since you were born?"
She took a pause to breathe and I could finally answer
"......he rejected me anyway"
"Of course he did, who in their right mind would hook up with you? You're lucky you haven't actually done it"
She gave me one last slap and walked away
"Now go clean yourself you retarded pervert and of course you're forbidden to go out for the whole month"
I didn't have the energy to answer even when kise kicked me in the ribs after she left
"......yeah....they're all right"
I slowly got up and grabbed everything that had fallen down, I put everything except for pyūt in the backpack, I hugged the plushie and went into the bathroom with it
I closed the door behind me and started filling the tub with water, I sat down and looked at it go up
I'm such a monster, I tried to destroy the only person who ever loved me in this entire planet
The tub filled a quarter of the way through
I was such an idiot, thinking that I could live among earthlings, i'm not like them, i'm not normal i'm a pohapinpobopian. I could never be a functioning cog
The water reached the halfway point
And I don't even want to be one, i don't want to live for the factory, if I become an adult then it'll just feel like a slow agonizing death of my heart.
The bathtub was now almost full
After all the factory doesn't need my heart. It just needs my body, it will take it away from me by force if I don't get brainwashed....I don't want that to happen if that's what my only possible future entails.....
I could sense the water touch my feet, the bath was now overflowing and the water was starting to pool at the floor
.....then i'd rather just die for myself
I got up and looked at the mirror, I was so pale and my cheek still had a bruise from the beatings, I thought i could see some blood too, well not that it mattered anyway
I'm sorry for y/n, I hope he goes on to marry a nice woman and become a wonderful cog for the factory....he can't end up like me. I'm sorry for having entered his life....i'm sorry for existing
I opened the medicine cabinet above the mirror and grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills my mom used when she worked late. I turned the lid and threw it away, there were only 5 pills inside, they reminded me of the candies that y/n gave me a couple years ago....the first food I could ever taste after my mouth was taken away from me
.....y/n please don't cry me....I don't deserve it
I put the bottle to my mouth and tried to swallow all of the pills at once however as soon as the first few made their way down my throat I started coughing loudly, then gagging, I held onto the sink as support but continued to cough and gag and spit. My gagging reflexes were already trained from all the times I vomited in the toilet after my mom gave me food which is probably the reason why a couple of pills got thrown back out along some vomit
I looked in the sink but I couldn't make out between the white, green and yellow spots. How many pills were in my sistem now? 2? 3? I guess it didn't matter too much
I coughed one last time and turned away towards the tub, I started by taking off my shirt, then my pants and finally my underwear, I was about to take off the ufo pin y/n gave me today but for some reason I didn't...maybe it meant too much to me even if I received it only today
I grabbed pyūt and climbed in the bathtub, I didn't bother closing the faucet. I hugged him close to my chest and looked one last time at the ceiling before closing my eyes and sinking down in the water
You pedaled as fast as you could to natsuki's house, your head thinking only of her. Did you do the right thing? Of course you couldn't have indulged her request but was slapping her hand away actually the right way to go about it?...and what she said before leaving...you were incredibly worried about her
You knocked on the door and her mom answered you
"I need to talk to natsuki immediately"
Before she could speak you just sprinted in the house, you really hated hearing her speak about her daughter like that and you needed to see natsuki anyway
As soon as you went in the living room you felt wetness beneath your shoes...was it water? You looked towards what you assumed to be the bathroom and saw water coming from below the bottom of the door
Your heart dropped as you imagined the worst possibilities and immediately ran to the door
You knocked on the door as hard as you could but got no answer
You knocked even harder hoping with all your heart that she could hear you....but still nothing
When I opened my eyes again I was floating in the void of space, surrounded by stars, it looked even more beautiful than when I used the spell to look at them by closing my eyes
I looked to my side to see pyūt floating next to me
"Pyūt! You can still talk? You haven't said a word to me ever since I defeated the witch"
"I know but it's alright now natsuki, we're bringing you back home"
"Yes, you're going back to pohapinpobopia, sorry it took so long but you're going back to your home planet"
At first the only thing I could feel was happiness, I smiled brightly and raised my fists in the empty space...but then after realizing something my smile dropped
"Aren't you happy natsuki? You don't have to handle those humans anymore, you can go back to your actual people"
"He's going with me right? He's a pohapinpobopian too right? He has to be! When i'm with him...I....i.."
"No, he's just an earthling"
"Why do you want to be with him so badly anyway? you know how all earthlings are"
"No...y/n....he's.....I...I love him!"
This was the first time I had ever said that with such confidence, or said that to anyone that wasn't him at all
"...love? Natsuki you can't be serious, you know that love doesn't actually exist, it's all just a lie of the factory"
"....no this feeling...the one I feel whenever I kiss him, whenever he talks to me, when he hugs me....it can only be love"
".....natsuki...I see...you're too far gone to come back"
"We were worried about this happening, the factory must have brainwashed you too. We thought you would be immune to it or at least resist but we see you were wrong... this love you feel isn't real"
".....wait no...no no no....you're wrong, i-i'm not-"
"From this moment...you're not a pohapinpobopian anymore"
At that i felt my heart and mind shatter completely i tried to reach for pyūt but he suddenly disappeared
".....no...no...NO!....STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!"
I saw every star around me disappear and stop glowing one by one, I put my hands in my hair and started to cry
"....I....I...I can't....i'm not....pyūt please come back...you're wrong i-i'm a pohapinpobopian i am!....I....I..."
I looked down at my hands
Suddenly I felt like someone was pulling me by the hand and everything around me turned completely pitch black
You forced the door open and almost screamed seeing the scene, on the wet floor were all of your girlfriend's clothes and an empty bottle of pills, and when you looked at the bathtub you saw her hair floating below the water
You immediately went up to the tub and grabbed her by the hand pulling her up, you hit her back hoping to get her to spit some water, not even you exactly how that would havd worked
But only a few drops came out, you put your hand to her mouth and to your horror you didn't feel air against it
"She's.....not breathing?"
You fully pulled her out of the tub with tears in your eyes and laid her on the ground
You put your hands together and pushed them on her chest, you didn't know the first thing about cpr or first aid but you thought doing chest compressions could help until the ambulance arrived. All of the feelings going through your mind superseded the embarrassment you might have felt seeing her naked
".....you can't...please you just can't die like this"
You kept pressing on her chest while a few tears fell down on her body
The guilt was swallowing you whole, if only you just helped her more...couldn't you see that she was clearly hurting? With all of her mental problems and the relationships with her mother and other people around her... could you have saved her? If you had just been closer to her, listened to her problems, gotten her the help she needed...could you have actually saved her?...
You swore to protect her...and you had failed in this moment
You cried more and more and lessened the pressure on natsuki's chest
"....i'm so....so...so sorry natsuki"
You guided your lips closer to hers, you didn't know if you wanted to actually give her mouth to mouth or just kiss her, you knew how much she loved your kisses
And in that exact moment you heard a sound in between a moan and a gargle and felt liquid hit your lips and mouth, you didn't know if it was water spit or even vomit but that was all you needed
You pulled back and saw natsuki was twitching and gurgling more so you raised her body so she was sitting and hit her back more
As you hit her back one more time natsuki started vomiting and spitting all over the floor, mostly it seemed like water puke and some blood, when she finished throwing up you laid her on her back again and continued doing cpr until you felt her heartbeat steady
You leaned your ear near her open mouth and felt soft warm air hit it, she was actually alive, even if unconscious, probably because of the pills. you started crying even more
"She's breathing! And her heart seems fine too"
You heard the ambulance sirens ring outside and breathed a sigh of relief, you hugged natsuki one last time and cried on her shoulder
".....oh...*sniff* thank God...natsuki...you....."
You hugged her even tighter
".....i'll make sure something like this will never happen again....I love you...and I will always protect you"
You kissed her again hoping she could somehow hear you
When I woke up the first thing I saw was all of the white walls around me....they looked much duller than how I remembered hospitals being
I had a breathing mask on, some needles and tubes connected to me and a lot of complex machinery beeped around me, as soon as a doctor saw me open my eyes they alerted their colleagues and they started doing some tests, once they made sure I was all alright they took off some of the machinery and started questioning me
I could tell they were speaking with a soft voice trying to settle me and make me feel comfortable but for some reason all of their words came out muffled or with a staticy tone to it, not only in my right ear but both of them....what's happening?
They asked me things about what happened and my family and school life and I answered them in the right way....I told them what I assumed they wanted to hear....wait, since when did I start thinking like this?
They went out and a few hours later I saw my parents get in the hospital, my mom tried to go in my room but was stopped by the doctors who guided her in another room, kise looked at me towards the glass and I raised my lips in a half smile that for some reason freaked her out and she followed my mom
A few minutes later in the room came running y/n
He ran up to my bed and hugged me
I wanted to cry in his chest, I wanted to scream, I wanted to apologize and thank him all at the same time....but for some reason I did none of that, I simply waited for the hug to end and for him to sit down next to me
......what is happening to me?
I saw that he was fiddling with his fingers and probably didn't know how to start the conversation so I did that for him
"Thank you for saving me"
Why did I say that? I don't feel thankful about that....in fact I don't feel happy that i'm alive but I don't feel sad that my attempt failed either, i'm not angry at y/n or grateful, I don't feel scared of what my family will do or anxious about what will happen to me
I don't feel anything...everything just feels so gray
"Don't thank me, I failed to prevent this in the first place, i'm a failure"
"Don't say that, that's not true"
He looked at him and I gave him the same half smile that I gave to kise...meanwhile I felt like a little part of my soul was screaming inside me to get out
I think i understand now,everything i'm saying now, i'm saying it because it's what I think someone else wants me to say, i'm not saying it for myself i'm doing it for others....am I becoming a cog in the factory?
Thinking about it, my lack of feelings now, it's the same sensations I got when I ate something after my mouth was broken, gray, tasteless, dull, beige, flat, lifeless, dim this is how everything feels to me now. My body isn't mine anymore, in its entirety, my soul and heart too
....so this is how earthling feel
"I don't know if they told you but you'll stay in the hospital for a couple weeks until they see that everything's alright"
"I don't know, I think they'll investigate your parents to see if they have anything to do with your....attempt but most likely they'll send you back to them"
"I'm sorry tsuki, I tried to tell them but it will be hard to find evidence of your abuse...i'm really sorry"
"Don't apologize, it's alright"
He looked at me confused but I just offered him the same expression I always had
"O-oh by the way, they'll be assigning you a therapist, even for after your stay here"
"Yes, a psychiatrist too i'm pretty sure, I think they want to see if you can get diagnosed with something"
Y/n sighed and looked at me again
"Listen natsuki, I know this might be hard to accept but.....you're probably suffering from some kind of mental condition or illness"
He raised his hands like he expected me to react more than just stare at him
"That doesn't mean you need to be fixed or anything. You just.....you need help natsuki, and i can't stand back and watch you suffer while knowing you're not getting the help you need"
He looked away from my bed for a bit
"All of this time I've just been ignoring your screams for help.....so please do it for me natsuki, get the help you need to live a good life, that's the only thing I want"
Before I always thought that therapy was just a quicker way for the factory to brainwash people into being functional cogs...there were times where I wanted to be brainwashed to fit better into society and other times In which I vehemently refused my idea, not wanting to leave my pohapinpobopian identity to fit into a system that i wasnt a part of and that didn't leave me any autonomy
Ah but i'm not a pohapinpobopian anymore so maybe becoming a cog is the next best thing
"Alright y/n it's fine, I accept it"
Y/n looked at me with the same confused expression
"....natsuki are you sure you're ok?"
"...you're not being yourself, your eyes aren't glowing like beautiful stars anymore...they look more like dark black holes"
Oh they must be broken too now, so this is why everything looks so gray and muted, they don't belong to me anymore now
".....natsuki just know.."
Y/n suddenly got up and grabbed me by the hands with his own....his touch feels cold. This is the first time y/n's touch has ever felt cold...usually it was filled with such warmth that made my heart jump, but now it was like touching any other surface
"You don't have to suffer alone tsuki, I will always be here to help you if you need it"
I want to scream so badly, to cry and yell until I have no voice left. Why can't I scream? Why can't I say what I want? Why can't I hug y/n and cry until I can't cry anymore?
Ah it's because my throat, tongue and eyes don't belong to me anymore...they're not mine...how long will it be until I can think my own thoughts?
Please let me feel your warmth again
Please give me my body back
Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please
"It's fine y/n, i'm alright
He pulled back his hands and narrowed his eyes sadly at me. A doctor came into the room and told him to leave so he did, turning towards me before fully exiting the room
"....natsuki please call me if you ever need it i really want to help you"
I simply nodded with that same damned smile on my face as I watched him leave
A few weeks later I was given the permission to leave the hospital and as y/n had said they sent me back to my house and I kept living my life relatively similarly to how I did before the attempt...at least on the outside
On the inside every day that passed a part of my soul died more, everything became more and more dull, at first I considered grabbing one of the scalpels the nurses left behind in my room and slitting my throat with it I thought death would be a better fate than to keep living like this, just a cog with no autonomy made only to have children and work, only smiling when I had to smile and crying when I had to cry based on what the factory judged right.
But then I slowly got used to it. There were times in the past when I wished to be brainwashed, to be like everyone else so that I could actually fit in and have interactions with people...that way I wouldn't be so painfully lonely anymore....I just never thought the process would have been so painful.
But if that's what I had to endure to actually becomes part of this world...then I guess it was fine. I wasn't a pohapinpobopian anymore so if i didn't become a cog...what did I have left?
I glanced at the moon and closed the door behind me, not even bothering to tell my parents I was leaving so late at night, ever since I came back they started acting nicer to me, i hated it, it was clear that they were just doing it to save face after my attempt and that they would come back to their usual behavior the moment the dust settled. But I still acted nice to them...because I had to
I got on my bike and rode to the river, when I arrived he wasn't there so I simply waited by the railing and looked at the stars...
.....so even looking at the stars makes me feel absolutely nothing....and to think that once It was my favorite thing to do
I turned around and saw y/n walk towards me
"I got your message, why did you wanna meet so late?"
He walked closer to me and leaned on the railing as well, I could tell he wanted me to start the conversation again
"Y/n....please stop caring about me"
He immediately widened his eyes but I kept speaking in the same tone
"Please forget about me and go on with your life, continue studying find a good job and marry a nice woman"
"W-what are you talking about?"
"I want you to be happy, and the only way to do that is for you to become a cog and fit into society.....if you keep caring about me to this level you'll just end up like i once was alone and miserable"
"I'm going to become a cog for the factory, it's the only thing I have left at this point. And to do that i can't love you anymore. In this world love doesn't exist, at least for cogs like us. So please stop loving me, so that you can be happy and fit in....please don't become like i once w-"
My eyes widened slightly at him raising his voice
"....you've been like this ever since you came back from the hospital...your smiles aren't true anymore and you barely cry anymore.. your eyes are so empty...what's happening?"
"I already told you that before i'm an adult they would take more of my body until I would become a cog....that's what's happening, I feel like every part of my body isn't mine anymore"
"Please don't think that's a bad thing. It's the only way someone can live in this world. I realized I can't be a pohapinpobopian anymore so I will become an earthling cog... it's the only way for me to be happy"
I saw he was looking at me in disbelief or sadness and so smiled at him
"So...please stop caring and forget about me. It's the only way we can both be happy"
Eh? Did my heart stop beating? Or was it my soul? Well it's not like that matters anymore, the only thing the factory needs is my body
I tuned around and started walking away when suddenly
I stopped upon hearing that...why did i stop? That's not what I should have done
"STOP SAYING THAT! YOU'RE WRONG!"
I started turning around...why? I should just keep going and walk away....why am I turning aro-....is y/n crying?
"Natsuki....the only thing that could make me happy....is seeing you happy"
Something inside my body is heating up... what's happening?...am I...feeling something?
"I love you natsuki more than anything and my heart is hurting so much seeing you like this, i know that no matter what you say you will never be happy like this"
Are these tears staining my eyes too? Why? Why am I crying right now?
"So tell me natsuki, tell me directly from your heart, scream it and let nothing but the truth come out....I want to hear you speak through your heart because it is your own"
Say it say it say it say it say it say it say it
".....I......I......i...I want....I want you..."
I clenched my fists and cried even more, screaming to the sky
I couldn't help it anymore and ran into his arms, his embrace felt warm and his voice was beautiful and clear.
"I'm so scared! I don't want to live like this, i don't want to be a cog! I don't want to give up my body! I don't want to die slowly like this.....i-i"
"It's alright natsuki, i'll be here for you"
"I-i don't know what to do, I don't know what I am! I don't know how I can live anymore!....y/n...i'm so scared, I don't know what to do!"
I cried in his chest and held onto his shirt as tight as I could. I felt like it was the only thing connecting me to this world
"Natsuki....i'll help you through this"
"I don't know how long it will take or what we'll have to do but I promise whatever it is we'll face it together"
He hugged me tighter and his warmth enveloped me in a way I had never felt before
"I'm done letting you suffer alone in silence. I will make you happy, and i will protect and support you in every way....I promise"
I hugged him tighter too and cried until I had no more tears left to cry but still held onto his chest
"....I saw a shooting star before"
"When I was looking at the stars earlier. I didn't think about it before...but now I think that was a sign"
"I think it was someone from pohapinpobopia saying goodbye to me...I don't think i need them anymore"
"Y/n when i'm with you I feel so strong, like all my magic is back. Like I could defeat any evil that comes my way....like my body belongs to me again even if for a bit...y/n i love you and for that I will trust you"
I looked at him and smiled, this time a true actual smile
He kissed my lips for a moment, it felt even more wonderful than his other kisses
"I will always help you natsuki"
And with one more kiss we sealed the promise that he would maintain for the years to come
For what must have been the fifth time now i turned the bottle of pills in my hand and pretended to read all of the warnings and text in incredibly small font, I shook it for no real reason only to hear the sound of the pills moving inside
I had already taken pills. Antidepressants to be exact, they had been prescribed to me a bit after my attempt, and i didn't really have a choice in the matter my mom made sure I took them so they would "fix whatever was wrong with me" but they were still nice, they made the pain disappear for a while, they made the world a bit less gray, but I can't tell if it was because of the medicine or because I started spending even more time with y/n during that period.
But these pills were different, they were to treat me of my "delusions" I didn't understand what that even meant. Both the doctor and especially y/n told me that it was a good thing but....was it really? I trusted y/n i really did, but...voluntarily taking something that would change my mind so drastically....was it the right choice?....did i even have a choice?
"Don't throw them in the toilet if you're not taking them, they pollute way more than you think, at least use the trash bin"
I gasped and turned to see y/n leaning on the bathroom door. Ever since we had started living in a dorm together (y/n insisted I moved away from my family as soon as I became an adult and I had absolutely no reason to go against the idea) sharing a bathroom with a boy is one of the things I had the hardest time getting used to but I eventually did, mostly because it was with someone I trusted so much. Still I didn't expect him to walk in on a moment like this
"It's alright natsuki, I understand"
He approached me and put a hand on my shoulder
"The doctor said you're already doing great progress with just the therapy. The medications are just for when things get too intense for you. Still you should take them regularly to have the best effects"
"But you'll still be relatively fine if you don't take them so....I don't mind if you don't want to"
"....w-what but y/n, the doctor said-"
He gripped both of my shoulders gently as he often did
"I want you to choose what is best for you. As long as it won't directly hurt you I will allow you to do whatever you want with your body and mind, they're your own and so you deserve to choose what you want to do with them. No one can make that choice for you, not the doctor, not even i can, only you"
"Yes, you need to choose for yourself, do it for yourself, not for me or anyone else"
I looked at him unsure of what to do or say, this was such a new feeling for me i wasn't sure even what to call it
"I'll be waiting for you outside, whatever decision you take just know that i won't judge you or treat you any different, I will still love you no matter what"
He patted my shoulders and closed the bathroom door behind him. Leaving me alone with the bottle of pills
Even after he said that I could see that deep down he wanted me to take the pills. I'm sure he would have kept his promise and not treated me any differently even if I didn't take them...but i think he would have preferred for me to take them
But...I wasn't going to be affected by that for my decision, y/n gave me the possibility to choose for myself and only myself and that's the only thing I would have done
"...I have to choose for myself"
I think I understand now. What was missing from my life until now was choice, ever since I was born i never had true control over my body, it was always a thing for other people to take their anger or desires out on, like my mom or igasaki. That's why I was so desperate to have sex with y/n because I knew that that would have been a choice i would have made that would have given my body back to me even if for a while
....y/n, now that I think about it, he was always the one who gave me choices, that's why being with him felt so nice, because he never forced me into anything. I think that's what love might be, or at least part of it, giving the person you love the freedom of choice in every matter, from the smallest things to big decisions.
I stepped closer to the sink and looked in the mirror, I saw the ufo pin was a bit out of place so I adjusted it before taking a deep breath
I opened the orange container and made one pill fall into my other hand before closing it, i had learned a lesson from last time and would not take all of them at once
....ok the fact that I was willing to joke like this about my suicide attempt may be a sign that I needed the pills more than I thought
I looked at it and felt it with my hand, it was clear I was stalling but eventually I couldn't anymore and closed my eyes before putting my hand closer to my mouth
I was about to ingest the pill when suddenly
I opened my eyes and they widened seeing a white hedgehog plushie standing on my shoulder
".....p-pyūt? But how?...I swear I threw you away when I moved with y/n"
"Don't take the pill! That will only complete the brainwashing!"
"You can still come back to pohapinpobopia! You don't want to become a cog right? That pill is only a way to brainwash you so you become a part of the factory! You're not too far gone, you can still come back to us"
My hands trembled a bit but then gripped the pill even stronger
"and you couldn't have told me that 3 years ago? You stopped speaking to me when I finished my mission and then told me I could never come back home and that I was too far gone"
"Well it doesn't really matter now anyway, my home isn't pohapinpobopia anymore"
"S-so you mean you really want to become a cog!?"
"No, my home isn't earth either...my home is with y/n"
"Now that I think about it, you never gave me any choices either. You told me i had to defeat the witch and that only by completing my mission and becoming a true pohapinpobopian i would be happy... but that's not true...even when I did that I wasn't happy...the only time I feel happiness is when i'm with y/n...that's why he's my only home"
"...natsuki...what are you saying"
"Look pyūt, I want to thank you truly. You helped me deal with my terrible childhood, I trusted you and let you guide me because of it...and I genuinely don't think i would have survived it without you...but now that I have y/n....I don't need you anymore"
I put my hand close to my mouth again
"So have a nice trip back on your spaceship to pohapinpobopia....because I won't come with you...goodbye"
I put the pill in my mouth and followed it with a cup of water i had prepared earlier to fully swallow it
I opened my eyes and as I half expected pyūt wasn't on my shoulder anymore. He was gone completely
Suddenly the sharp taste of the medicine made its way in my mouth and throat
"Blergh! So bitter.....w-wait i actually tasted it!?"
I looked at myself in the mirror and before I even realized it I had started smiling
I quickly opened the door and went into our small living room/kitchen room. Almost ignoring y/n
I opened the small fridge we had and pulled out the first thing I thought was tasty. A can of coca-cola
I opened the can and not even bothering to see if it would spill i started drinking directly from it
The taste was there, it didn't just taste like watered down water, it was actually sweet and fizzy and-
I had forgotten to stop drinking and ended up almost choking and spitting everything on the floor
"Y/n! You didn't kiss me before I took the pills right?"
"So you actually took them, i'm really prou-"
Y/n was a bit taken aback by me raising my voice
"N-no i didn't, why would I have done that anyway?"
"O-oh right maybe it's just a temporary thing, like when you kiss me, but...I don't know this time it really feels different, like my mouth is finally mine again"
"What are you talking about?"
I calmed down and started explaining to him
"I already told you that after....what happened when I was eleven i can't tatse anything anymore except when you kiss me"
"Well, i could taste the pills and now the coke too, ahh it feels so good, i finally feel like my mouth belongs to me"
"Oh were the pills that effective?"
"No, i don't think the pills have anything to do with it, with this in specific anyway"
"I tasted the pills even in the moment I had taken them, not later...I think my mouth started being mine before that"
"....i think it was when you gave me the opportunity to choose whether to take the pills or not"
"Y/n, you gave me the possibility of choosing what to do with my body, that's what you've been doing ever since we first met, you actually gave me back my body little by little and now...I think it's finally mine again....I could never thank you enough for that"
I smiled the brightest and widest smile I had smiled in a long time and he showed me an equally bright one
"I have absolutely no doubts now, i truly do love you with all of my heart"
"I love you too natsuki and I always will"
This time I was the one to reach out and kiss his lips
"They taste even sweeter than usual"
"And you....taste like coca-cola"
I blushed but bursted out laughing, it has been so long since I could have a good laugh like this. I could tell he was happy to see me happy, my heart was beating so fast just being like this near him...this love no one had ever showed me before..i'm so glad it's actually real
"I've been reading schopenhauer lately"
Y/n abruptly stopped scratching my head and looked at me confused
"Really? I didn't take you as a philosophy type of woman, is it for school?"
I looked up at him from his lap and then back at the stars
"No, i'm still studying space. I just thought that it was interesting. Do you know what he said about love? He thought that it was nothing more than a deception created by nature to induce man into procreating, he said that every kind of love is a mask behind which sexual instinct conceal themselves"
"Yes, he thought that the only purpose in life that humans had was to suffer and to have children so that the species could keep on suffering and so love was nothing more than a lie for nature to obtain this goal"
"....natsuki are you sure that reading pessimistic things like this is doing well for your mental health?"
"Calm down, it's not like I agree with him"
"Well maybe not on everything, i'm sure my younger self totally would have though. He basically said the exact things I was thinking back then"
He started touching some strands of my hair, it felt really relaxing
"I still don't want to have children and i'm not sure if I believe in marriage at all...but one thing i'm sure he and my younger self were wrong about was love"
"Love truly does exist. Maybe not everyone feels it, maybe it's true that most marriages are just made to have children and that they use love as a pretense for that...but true genuine love really exists, I just wanted to thank you for making me understand that...and feel it"
"What do you mean? I didn't do anything"
"Maybe not explicitly but you just...being you and entering my life and giving me choices and loving me the way you have always been...it means way more than you'll ever know...so thank you"
I smiled and looked up at him again
He smiled back and kissed my forehead
We kissed again as a shooting star passed above us
