Dating Chronicles

Very true tales of very real dates I've been on.

[gennin-moved-deactivated2018043]

fuck yall and your bad boys. wheres my bad girls. wheres my secretive and mysterious love interest. wheres my outcast gf. wheres my cat rescuing, leather wearing, motorcycle riding wife???

[luftnarp-writes-things]

[sdzoo]

Happy World Okapi Day! Meet Mosi, the floppy-eared okapi! 

[catsbeaversandducks]

Anchorage Resident Tim Newton Awoke To The Sound Of Something Running Across His Deck

“Tim was awakened by noises on our deck last week - and looked outside. In astonishment, he grabbed his camera.. and can you believe it? Mama Lynx and her SEVEN kits!! She called to them and they all lined up right outside in front of where he was standing (he was inside the screen door!) Amazing ALASKA WILD LIFE!!! They proceeded to run and play on our deck, and then in our yard.”

Photos/text by Tim Newton Photography

[bluejaysong]

We ignored truths for temporary happiness.

six words; twenty-eight (via bluejaysong)

[sates]

Visit Original Link

i love the place where we shared our tiny grace

but just because it’s real don’t mean it’s gonna work

[sinthia666-deactivated20171122]

I wanna go on cute dates but everyone just tryna fuck

[bob-belcher]

[firstdatetales]

Feb 2017- Can’t read vibes

This next girl was young around 22 but she seemed to sort of have her shit together. We met up at yet another bar in JP for a drink. She warned me that she was broke but I said I’d pay for her beer. So she walks in and I had essentially been catfished. MAYBE those pictures online were of her but she looked nothing like her photos. She wasn’t unattractive, she just was not my type at all.

For some unknown friggin reason she thought it was appropriate to start flirting with me and touching my leg and inching closer to me… I was NOTTTT giving her anyyy of those signals. Keep in mind we were still on beer number 1…. this bitch moved in quickkk! So I chugged my beer as fast as I could and got out of that situation and obviously never talked to her again.

[hexxagons-deactivated20140531]

[firstdatetales]

Jan 2017- Needy

This girl lived in JP down the street from me. We met up at Jeanie Johnsons for some drinks. She was in grad school for music and played the harp which I was super into. She seemed very flirty and sexual even before I met her in person. But we met up, it was a semi normal date. We talked, laughed, and got a bit of a buzz on. The exact details of the date are fuzzy but I remember we walked home together and when we got to my house we kissed (it got a bit hot and heavy) and said our goodbyes. Now the date isn’t the interesting part of this story, what follows is. 

So the next day we did the typical “oh I had fun last night, lets do it again” type thing. We chatted multiple times to make second date plans but every time we made plans they for some reason would NEVER happen. At one point I just said fuck it, she isn’t that cool, this isn’t gonna happen. I ignored her texts after that. Then she started texting me A LOT, hitting me up ALLLL the time. It got very creepy, very quickly. Finally she stopped texting me and I thought she got the hint. I was wrong. I got a notification on one of my online dating apps that she liked me again! Which if you know dating apps, its not possible unless...yes.... she made an entire new profile justttt to like me again and get back in touch.... I obviously did not swipe right again this time.

Months and months later I ran into this girl at queeraoke (it seems to be a trend). I may have been extremely inebriated and decided I would say hi. TBH I was drunk and horny... probably not the best judgement. But that’s as far as our conversation went, hi and bye. I texted her the next day that it was nice seeing her (why, idk?) A few days later she texted me “hey if you ever want to have something casual, let me know” I said I could be down but I never heard from her again. 

[firstdatetales]

When she says she loves to run....

[firstdatetales]

January 2017-Sandy Ho

This was the first date I had been on post break up with my ex. We had talked online for a short amount of time before deciding to meet in person. I hadn’t been on a date in years so I kinda didn’t know what to expect. Our date was at the Midway cafe for queeraoke (as you can imagine its where all us gays go and sing karaoke). She was easy to talk to despite having to scream to each other over the queers singing. While I don’t remember the conversation or many small details, I do know there was some light flirting. We both signed up to sing a song but didn’t reveal which song we were to sing. So you can imagine my surprise when she went up and starting singing “lets get it on”. It was a bold move but I cheered for her and sang along. At the end of her song, I shit you not, she proclaimed “I’M GETTIN LAID TONIGHT!!” I wish I could’ve seen my face, my jaw dropped and I’m looking around like she can’t be talking about me?! She was. I was like damn, presumptuous considering we hadn’t even kissed yet. 

I’ll just say that she wasn’t wrong. After her proclamation, we got more flirty and were making out on the dance floor. She ended up coming home with me and we fooled around. I wont indulge in the details of our sexcapades but it was a bit weird for me, I had never had a one night stand or slept with someone on the first night I had met them. The day before this encounter I went to the beach; I have a tendency to track sand into my bed especially after a winter beach session. So needless to say this girl is naked rolling around in my bed, in sand. She called me out about it, and I of course explained but in my mind she will now forever have the nickname Sandy Ho. She left around 3am that night and I never heard from or talked to her again.

Months later I ran into her at queeraoke and we didn’t exchange more than a wave.