you probably shouldn't be here

✨fivestars✨

[fivestarsarchive]

don't perceive this. i'm the only one out there making these lads kiss it appears. hcs and decisions i have made will be posted here for my reference. if anyone's reading this, you've probably taken a wrong turn somewhere. turn back now or face my incredibly niche thoosie yt yaoi xoxo

[fivestarsarchive]

soulmate au ficlet (?) under the cut.

archie wakes up on his thirteenth birthday, looks down at his body and bursts into tears.

his mother comes running. she'd been fearing the worst. is her little boy one of those poor people cursed to be alone forever? everybody knows the stories - men and women who wake up, freshly aged thirteen, excited to see where they'll first be touched by their soulmate, and find their body in the mirror unmarked. no trace on their hands (the most common marking place), nothing on their arms, legs, torsos. not even a smudge along the back from a brush on a busy train, not even a hidden mark on the scalp or in the mouth. those people are ostracized by their peers, mocked in school, and grow up lonely, outcast. they go mad. every year there's stories in the news of lonely, blank people, driving their cars into rivers or dying in back-alley surgeries, desperate to find a mark on their insides on the offchance that their soulmate is a surgeon.

so, of course, when archie wakes up in tears, ruth worries. she runs to him, sick with fear, and she finds him in his bed with his skin covered in colours.

he's inconsolable. he keeps rubbing his eyes and wondering what he's done wrong. here are his arms: blue, green, orange, yellow. his hands, the same. ruth stares. she's never seen anything like this before. dazed, she guides him to his feet. his stick-thin arms fold around his body self-consciously. she turns him around.

smears of colour twist and overlap all the way up his right arm, onto his shoulder, across his back. there, across his shoulder blade, a patch of green. along the whole right side of his body, orange. his palm is muddied with the mixture of all of them. he's still crying.

soul marks should be black. everybody knows that. ruth's own was a fathomless, deep, inky colour - only small, just fingertip marks against her wrist. her friends at school, and through uni, had the same: black palms from handshakes, black lines around their shoulders and torsos from hugs. she even knew a girl with black lips, who met her soulmate drunk at a new year's party where she had nobody to kiss at midnight. all these women, and the men she knew, too, had black marks. some more blue, some more purple, some even slightly green - but black, nonetheless. indesputably, always, black. archie did not have black marks. this, too, was indesputable.

he learns to cover up. he wears long sleeves. his palm is dark enough to pass as normal. he goes to the doctor. they don't find anything wrong. they agree this isn't normal. he searches high and low for anyone else with coloured marks and never finds a single person. no one in the media has marks with colour. no one he ever meets. he resigns himself early to the fact that he's completely, irreparably broken. he must be a misfire, a fuck up from the universe. he must not have a soulmate. he's as good as blank.

*

jack wakes up blank at thirteen. he has to go to therapy. his mother is worried he'll kill himself. when he moves away to uni, she stays awake every night for a week, just waiting for the call.

one morning in april, her son phones her. she nearly faints. he nearly does, too.

"mum," he says, "i've got a mark."

what karen doesn't know, and what jack doesn't tell her, is that the night before this conversation, he had kissed a boy on a pub crawl and realised he'd been lying to himself.

and then, he has marks. not black marks, but colours. he can't bring himself to care about why. for the first time in his life, he feels like he belongs to something.

*

deaves spends his whole life waiting for handshakes. he hates that his palm is black. it's so obvious. he never bothers looking at it.

he hides the patch of deep purple on his forehead under his hair, never tells a soul. he'll know, when it happens.

*

isaac hates his marks. they make his skin crawl. why does he have to have a soulmate? why are they so touchy? he doesn't want to touch anybody. he doesn't want to be in a relationship. he spends his teenagehood avoiding physical contact with people as much as possible. he considers getting his marks tattooed over as soon as he turns eighteen. he never looks at them. they make his stomach turn.

*

kieran has no marks until he's twenty two. it's not unheard of - it can happen, in very exceptional cases, when someone needs to become themselves before they can connect with others.

he thinks it'll happen when he realises he's gay, but it doesn't. he tells his whole family in a frantic plea to the universe, but nothing happens.

he sleeps with a rail-thin boy from his course who used to be blank, then turned up one day covered in colours. a freak, like him. it does nothing. the boy's a good lay, though. it turns out that he likes the same things as keiran, too.

they become friends. kieran quite likes him, but it's moot. jack has marks.

*

jack doesn't understand how the green in his skin has disappeared. he didn't think you could have one way soul ties. but he knows there was a green handprint across his hip, and he knows kieran held him there. it's gone now.

he tries not to let it eat at him. he really does. he fails.

*

archie has been speaking to this really nice lad online for a while. he does youtube videos at theme parks in parts of the country where archie has never been. he longs to visit. the boy is funny, and archie feels butterflies whenever they text.

he's eighteen now. he ignores his marks. he hates them. he never wears short sleeves anymore. he's given up on soulmates and romance and ever finding love. he loves music. he loves his friends. he loves theme parks. that's enough.

this boy says he'll be at alton towers soon, with a load of his friends, and would archie like to come with them. archie's stomach jumps at the invitation. he books his ticket before he has a chance to pussy out. he has to have a cup of tea to calm down.

he can't sleep the night before. he drives to the park and sits in his car in the car park for ages. he's terrified. he fixes his hair a thousand times. he just wants to look cool.

he finds the boy and his group of friends on towers street. he tries not to look nervous as he approaches. he smiles at the boy from the screen. the boy from the screen smiles back in real life. he holds out a hand. archie takes it. they do that awkward half hug that men do. the boy doesn't pat his back. he squeezes. archie squeezes back.

when they separate, archie looks down at his palm. it's instinct. his stomach drops: his skin is lighter.

he meets kieran, jack's friend. they fist bump. archie is relieved to see nothing happen.

he examines his back in the mirror when he gets home. he's noticably missing a lot of blue. he can't ignore it: jack touched him, and it completely disappeared.

*

jack and archie start messaging a lot after that. they sometimes talk on the phone. keiran seethes with jealousy.

when archie moves in with them, three whole years later, he starts to resent them both.

jack breaks things off with him. kieran is glad. he retreats into a girl he knows to lick his wounds.

they stay up late a lot and talk over wine. one night she tells him he's got to stop doing whatever jack wants. kieran says it's not like that. she says he needs to tell them how he feels. kieran says he can't do that.

"if you're not happy, you have to make yourself happy," she insists. but she's drunk, and kieran writes her off.

he can't stop thinking about it, though.

*

"i think," jack says, drawn and tear-strained, "i think i miss kieran."

archie looks at him with watery eyes. jack is waiting for his world to come crashing down around him.

"in what way?" he asks, his voice tiny. jack's heart shatters.

he's so in love with archie. he really, truly is. but he misses kieran like he's missing a limb.

"what if you... what if the colours mean something?"

archie pales. "what do you mean?"

jack feels like he's going to be sick.

"i was blue," he says measuredly. "you were purple for me. i used to have--" he motions with his own hand, the way the green handprint once splayed out across his hip. "-- a mark here, too."

archie doesn't say anything. his eyes are wide, his mind is racing. finally, after a long silence, he says, "i miss kieran too."

*

it's a long, hard talk.

kieran hates voicing his needs. he didn't even know he had these needs until recently. nicole's words echo in his head; you're going to kill yourself if you don't start taking care of yourself. you're not like other people, and you need to start acting like it.

he needs more quiet. more rest. he can't do mazes anymore, not with the camera. he doesn't like being touched, he doesn't want to pretend anymore. he needs space and time to decompress and if they want him to come back and for things to be the way they once were then he needs things to be different.

jack and archie watch as he speaks, and every word makes colour bloom across his skin.

he's back and he's theirs again. both of theirs. archie understands now. kieran hugs him, and he doesn't even wait a beat to pull his top off and crane his neck to see if he's lost that patch of green.

he has.

it takes time - kieran has to want the touch, which he often doesn't. but slowly, they scrub him of colours and colours.

*

deaves isn't thinking about soulmates when he presses close to archie in the bar and says against his ear, "you're so hot, i really want to kiss you."

archie stiffens. "i think i need to ask my boyfriend first."

he takes deaves home that night. jack goes home to kieran. they laugh about their shared partner getting off with their friend in the next room. deaves wakes up while archie is still sleeping and watches his ribcage rise and fall, wondering if there didn't used to be colour on that skin.

when he gets up for a piss, he lifts his hair. no purple.

*

after a long time, there's only yellow left on all of them. deaves' palm. archie's wrist. kieran's knuckles. jack's chest.

each of them often wonder, but none of them worry.

sometimes they fuck their friends. it'll come out in the wash eventually.

jack learns it isn't bobby. kieran learns it's not nicole. deaves has a list as long as his arm. it's none of those people.

archie isn't much for casual sex. he's surprised he's less up for it than kieran, who has become extremely touch averse since unmasking. he doesn't mind the otherd doing it. he wouldn't mind if it were casually him and jack and someone else. but alone? that's terrifying. he's happy with the boys he has.

they're all a bit drunk when it happens. it's the four of them, and isaac, piled into one of their rooms at cabana bay. and it's a cosy, calm atmosphere. it feels homey, even more than being at home does.

they fall asleep in a heap, all together in the two double beds, pushed together like a sleepover. there's tense words in the bathroom in the morning, and then kieran is stepping out into the room to ask them all a question.

archie thinks kieran and isaac fit well together, actually. seeing them have a nervous honeymoon stage in florida is sweet; lots of fleeting touches, lingering eyes.

archie leaves them to it. he doesn't want to pry. they both seem nervous. kieran seems happy. his brain works with isaac's in a special way.

slowly, slowly, it extends outward. kieran and isaac's dates become a group hang out. isaac is clearly so, so nervous. he's still marked, archie notices, but he doesn't let it bother him. maybe something's gotta give.

and something does.

the room is stifling with the heat of four bodies. the air is still. isaac's panicked 'no, no, i'm sorry, i can't do this' hangs in the air like undisturbed smoke. archie's heart pounds his ribcage.

only deaves isn't here. jack and kieran's eyes are both wide, watching isaac, as if he's a frightened animal who might lash out. archie is watching them. he suddenly feels very self conscious, standing there naked.

isaac is panicking. that's the main worry. archie puts his underwear back on. he touches him gently. isaac's hot, shaky fingers fumble for his wrist.

kieran brings him water and his glasses. jack holds him. archie listens to him explain.

he's never wanted a soulmate. he's never even wanted a mate. he's tried and he's tried and he just doesn't want to sleep with any of them -- any person, actually -- ever. he's just not interested. it's too much. the touch, the noise, the smells.

kieran nods. he understands. it's often too much for him too.

"we could try different things, if you--"

"no." isaac says it firmly. "i just don't want it."

so he doesn't get it.

they all redress. they open the curtains, and the window. it cools down. isaac sits with his back against jack's chest. kieran sits close by, his fingers barely grazing isaac's -- not obtrusive, not too close, just enough that isaac knows he's there. they talk it out.

he likes what they had, terrifying as it is. he wants that back. he can't have sex with any of them.

"okay then," jack says, "then that's how it'll be."

they all agree. isaac is okay with that. that's what he wants. he smiles at them all with that bright, toothy smile of his.

with a conclusion reached, he realises just how uncomfortable he got when the room was hot. jack lets go of him so he can go and shower.

when he steps out of the bathroom, still dripping and wrapped in a towel, he's grinning again. the others all grin back at him.

"i think that was the right decision," isaac says.

archie looks down at his wrist, then at jack's still topless body. he smiles.

plain skin.

"yeah," he says, looking up at isaac again, chest blooming with excitement. "i think so."

[fivestarsarchive]

birthdays:

jack 13th dec 99

kieran 24th dec 99

arch 23rd oct 99

deaves 9th oct ??

[fivestarsarchive]

sex thread: jack

[fivestarsarchive]

positions:

giving: legs on shoulders, missionary, spooning

recieving: missionary, edge of bed missionary (🔥), standing (facing the wall)

[fivestarsarchive]

tends to top but loves to bottom, just loves pleasing more so usually ends up topping. extremely lovey and touchy, likes to kiss and bite, will leave lovebites if given half a chance. perfectly capable of having entirely vanilla sex

absolutely useless sub, when it happens. stupid from the get go. obedient to a fault and pathetic with any type of pubishment

generally a lovey dom but has the capacity to be very cruel. never degrades but can hurt and punish very easily. will set impossible tasks.

[fivestarsarchive]

some kinks, to be expanded

biting, fingering (!!), edging, face slapping (esp recieving), finger sucking, praise, scratching, piss a little bit? (desp. and ws, would rather receive than give), spanking (giving), domestic servitude, general service

[fivestarsarchive]

won't initiate often but always down. mostly initiates in the morning

better at planning and executing scenes than being spontaneous. someone catching him off guard with a scene makes him mushy and dumb immediately

likes to be involved in group sex. wants to touch and see everyone all of the time. not opposed to being a third watching but prefers to be involved, touch, kiss, praise, etc

can jump into someone else's scene as a second dom. probably the best at improvising if someone needs a second

brilliant at giving aftercare. very little top drop if any. likes to pamper after a scene, lots of praise, cuddling

subdrops if he's been punished. needs to be held. can be by someone else! (if kieran doms him, arch will cuddle him). takes a long time to get out of subspace so appreciates an extended dynamic

[fivestarsarchive]

ailment of the day:

jack: colds - never sleeps or eats - always full of cold and bleary as shit

archie: is gonna throw up. also a sympathy vomiter

deaves: tummy hurts!

kieran: nothing specific but will get a fever over nothing. never knows when he's sick until someone tells him.

[fivestarsarchive]

love languages:

giving -

jack: physical touch

archie: acts of service

kieran: acts of service

deaves: physical touch/giving gifts

bonus isaac: acts of service

recieving:

jack: physical touch, quality time

archie: words of affirmation

kieran: quality time

deaves: words of affirmation

bonus isaac: quality time

[fivestarsarchive]

meltdowns:

jack has silent shutdowns and cries, goes nonverbal. needs to be touched to regulate. stims a lot and goes to sweater town. uses stims that he'd never usually use.

kieran has quiet but big meltdowns. hits things and throws things and needs to be squeezed to regulate.

archie has 3 different types of meltdowns depending on what brings it on:

loud and angry: angry at himself usually. if he can't do something, he keeps trying until he's incredibly frustrated. presents as hitting the desk or his forehead, screwing up/ripping paper, etc

shutdown: standard nonverbal shutdown. no tears. comes on from sensory overload. usually not noticeable until it's been a long while, especially if it's all 4 or 5. will progress into a crying meltdown once he's out of the overwhelming situation, but sometimes not for hours

crying: almost a panic attack, can contain a panic attack within it but it's caused by the autism. big cries, proper sobbing. lots of stimming.

deaves: big and angry. a bit like a tantrum - very distressed + distressing. hits himself. angry tears. will lash out verbally + regret it later. needs it to pass + then will be calmed by a comfort item (sophie giraffe?)