Jasmin

brain dump • music, art, photography, nature, writing, cleaning/organization • she/her

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Hi

It’s been 2 years since I first started this page. I thought it would be a good time to re-introduce myself.

I started this blog to use as an outlet for writing whatever is on my mind. It has helped me when I have been in a writing slump and have a hard time writing my thoughts down on paper. It feels nice to share here as if I’m screaming into the void.

I am a proud advocate of mental health and wellness and aspire to break the stigma behind mental illnesses.

I live daily with depression, anxiety, ADHD, carpel tunnel, chronic pain, migraines, PMDD, dysautonomia.

Some of my interests/hobbies include: listening to music, coloring, painting, scrapbooking, puzzles, photography, nature, hiking, edits/graphic design, skin care, cleaning, watching disney movies.

Favorite color(s): Green, Brown, Purple

Favorite music genres: Latin, Indie, Pop, Rock, Hip-Hop, Lo-fi

Favorite movie genres: action, thriller, comedy

I hope to build a community and help someone feel less alone.

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2024 Recap

A year full of loss, old wounds, and past trauma, but also growth, change, and re/discovery. I couldn't have ever predicted the events of 2024.

I experienced loss for the first time. I had never lost anyone this close to me before. I think this was one of the biggest things to ever impact my family. Grief is so complex. It impacts every aspect of your life and it never truly goes away, it lingers.

I lost friendships and rekindled old ones. I accepted the state of of past relationships.

I prioritized my health. I found a team of doctors and professionals that actually cared and listened. I was taken seriously. I started treatment plans that work for me. I learned how to listen to my body and better navigate my illnesses (still a work in progress).

I dealt with past ghosts. My panic attacks came back. I reflected on past traumas and events that I carried with me.

I pushed myself to get out of my comfort zone and do things that scared me. I made small strides toward bigger goals. I practiced believing in myself and my ability to do things no matter how scary.

I was not afraid to share my thoughts or be authentically me (we're getting there). I sparked a newfound love for my old passions and wasn't afraid to share what I chose to create.

While I will carry the pain of 2024 with me for eternity, I have learned so much about life. I will no longer take my loved ones for granted and am reminded how precious life is. I strive to portray the person I am deep down without fear of the world watching around me.

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a love letter to summer

you filled me with your warmth

always lighting up my days

you brightened up my world even when it rained

you never cease to amaze

you filled me with love and fed my soul with your rays

you helped me grow

but your time has come

your time is up

the days full of heat and sun are done

i’d like to say i’ll miss you

but i know you’re never gone

i know you’ll always be there

even in the dark

so until we meet again

i’ll keep you in my memory

you’ll always be a part of me

despite all the pain that you caused me

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PSA: people shouldn’t have dogs if they don’t know how to be responsible, like picking up their shit for example. si te da cosa (if it grosses you out) then you shouldn’t have a dog. next, leash your fucking dogs and don’t be letting them run up to other dogs, animals, or people. if you allow them to do this and my dog snaps at yours then that’s on you. the human race needs to be more fucking considerate. the world doesn’t revolve around you. we are all trying to navigate life simultaneously and not worrying about how your actions affect others is wrong.

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my birthday is coming up. i turn 21 in 10 days which any other person would most likely be excited about. I started this year off okay and didn’t start to feel anxious about my birthday until april, when my best friend also turned 21. now i feel like it’s this big anxiety inducing day. it’s similar to how i felt when i turned 15, then 16, then 17. i am afraid to age because 5, even 10 years ago i didn’t even think i would still be here. i feel like an imposter in my own life and don’t know how to describe or articulate what exactly i am feeling. i wish someone had prepared me for this.

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as a child i worried about the monsters in my closet and under my bed, now the only monsters i worry about are the ones in my head.

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i broke my streak of not crying in therapy. it had been a minute.

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Your progress does not need to be seen or validated by others to be real.

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what do you do when all hope seems to be lost

when the body is tired and exhausted

and your existence has yet to feel accomplished

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medical update

for as long as i can remember i’ve hated going to the doctors. it’s understandable having been to many different places where i was constantly tested and asked questions only to be told 90% of the time that i was perfectly fine. i was in fact not fine and was diagnosed with selective mutism, social anxiety, and clinical depression all within the span of 5+ years. + health issues which cause chronic pain to my knee joints, hips, and back, migraines, and asthma, all since the age of 11-12.

well, i finally found a doctor for almost everything i could possibly need. it turns out my migraines are back, my asthma never really went away, and my anxiety was never truly dealt with and is worse than ever. + i may or may not have PCOS or endometriosis.

while knowing this could be the possible answer to my problems it is very scary and frustrating when it comes to actually resolving the problem. the treatment options i was given were birth control methods, which by the way, i have never been on. the scary part is choosing the right option for me. and while i know there is no right or wrong choice it still worries me that i will choose the thing that doesn’t end up working for me or possibly even making things worse. because of my medical history my options are a little limited. all that’s left is to research and decide the best option for me. as someone who is terrible at making decisions and really indecisive i hope i can make one very soon.

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i was in the ER saturday night into sunday morning for a really bad headache that turned out to be a migraine. i don’t know why i forgot i used to have chronic migraines 🙄. anyway, i was given some meds to help with pain and nausea. im doing better now and have had to rest a lot. i’m slowly recovering, but to anyone who ever gets a migraine…

rest

stay hydrated

cold (or warm) compress

rest!

we got this my chronic illness babes!! 💛

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realizing you will be there for the rest of your dog’s life but they will not be there for the rest of yours 😭

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happy birthday to me 🎂🥳🙂🥹

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as someone who never lived for the future because i didn’t think i ever had one i find myself holding value in letters i wrote to myself. i feel as if it is something sacred i share with myself. and although anything written is not a reality, i find comfort in the fact that something was left for me to find in case i made it and i have hope because i did.