Ramble: Roleplay as a whole
I've been very on the fence in the idea of what I'd like to do with my blogs long-term, I'll be honest. I try not to put too much pressure on myself to return to them, but I flip back and forth in my motivation for RP because, at the moment, it's a touchy subject.
Roleplay has taken up a significant portion of my life, and I love the collaboration of writers. I love the community, I love the creativity... I love it all.
But as much as I do love it all, I sometimes worry that my priorities aren't in order because of the way I was raised.
I was raised in a household that very much centered around internet and media being the source of all and only entertainment. Bored? Go play with toys or get on the computer. Lonely? Go play with toys or get on the computer. Mad? Well... You get the idea.
And sure, that's a fine enough idea in the moment for a pair of parents that don't have the energy to handle an ADHD child. And still, it's a comforting practice that I like partaking in.
But I think I've come to learn lately that RP isn't all there is. Meaningful connections and experiences are out there, I've just been stuck in my house so long that I've chosen not to truly recognize it. It took some very painful experiences to reflect on parts of myself as a person, and I'm still struggling to cope with some of those experiences, but I think they're useful to my knowledge of the world around me.
I want to get out more. I want to be less afraid of the world, scary though it surely is. I want to understand new perspectives and explore all there is to explore.
This doesn't necessarily mean that I'm giving up on RP as a whole, but it does mean that my processing power for the amount of threads I've accumulated is significantly slower. It means that I want to focus on what I can do as a person that writes, rather than a writer.
Maybe this self-focus is what I've needed all along. I've been expressing my struggles and conflict within my Wattpad and while it may not be the best writing to someone in an outside perspective, it's incredibly meaningful to me and it feels like the truest writing I've ever written.
Perhaps I'll crave RP again soon. Maybe I'll encourage it on a different platform like Discord. Only time will tell. But for now, I would rather get to know the people I've written with over the years on a personal level. I want to connect with the people I plot with and understand the face behind the words. It's meaningful to me.
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