Mike Driver
Xuebing Du
#extradirty
Sweet Seals For You, Always
h
titsay
Peter Solarz
hello vonnie
Not today Justin
Misplaced Lens Cap
will byers stan first human second
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
taylor price
official daine visual archive
ojovivo
No title available
Keni
🪼
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
untitled
seen from Colombia
seen from Morocco
seen from Germany
seen from Algeria
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from New Zealand
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from India
seen from Austria
seen from United States
seen from Australia
@flobpd
Why did I do the embarrassing thing Why did I do the embarrassing thing Why did I do the embarrassing thing Why did I do the embarrassing thing Why did I do the embarrassing thing Why did I do the embarrassing thing Why did I do the embarrassing thing Why did I do the embarrassing thi-
ok but .. insulting someone’s laugh or smile is possibly.. the worst.. why would u try 2 make someone self conscious about the way they express their joy.. like ?
shoutout to people with simultaneously great and terrible memories. like oh yeah i remember in perfect detail that random story you told about the banana costume from a year ago but all of novemeber? completely blank.
anxiety: ur gonna be late!!! get there early
me: *is 15 mins early*
anxiety: no ones here ur in the wrong place!!!
Sometimes all I wanna do is scream at the top of my lungs, “LOOK AT ME, I’M FUCKING SUFFERING AND I WANT TO DIE AND NOBODY IS FUCKING HELPING ME. I’M LITERALLY LIVING IN MY OWN PERSONAL HELL AND I CAN’T DO THIS ANY FUCKING LONGER BEFORE I END UP DEAD.” But I’d rather suffer than be a burden. So instead I drink entire bottles of vodka, I become familiar with the edge of a razor blade, I stop eating for days, I tuck myself into bed and try my fucking hardest to sleep away the day so I don’t have to live in this constant pain. I keep quiet. Find ways to numb myself over and over again. Sometimes I hope one day that someone will be able to recognize my suffering without me having to scream out, but mostly I just wish that my body finally gets sick of my self destructive ways, that I’ll fade out slowly one day when I go to sleep off the pain. Because at the and of the day, I’d rather do that than share this unbearable pain with another person.
*friend vents to me about their problems* ok but…..I have it worse and also I don’t care at all
Having feelings for someone without idealizing them……sounds fake
Me: Oh my god, people who abandon people with bpd are awful and heartless and selfish. Also Me: I’d definitely leave me too, though.
someone: we both said some things we didn't mean
me, thinking about how i was right and absolutely meant everything i said: ......... sure did, pal
Before I figured out that I am borderline I had hope that I would grow out of my symptoms.
I thought that as I grew and learn I would slowly stop experiencing such instense emotions.
I thought that I would eventually form my own identity & personality.
I thought the violent thoughts and urges would fade away.
I thought I would slowly be less angry and be able to control my rage.
I thought that I’d be able to trust people and be open.
But now I know I’m not. I’m going to be like this for the rest of my life.
Having AVPD is like
It’s like your job is to inspect the world for problems. This means you are very sensitive to problems, always looking for them and trying to find things that are making the world less efficient, less productive, less pleasant, etc. and to remove them to make the world a better place.
But the thing is that you always find that you are the cause of each problem. You find that the reason this conversation with your friends isn’t going right is because of you, so you would like to remove yourself to allow it to go smoother. You find that this class would go smoother if you weren’t asking questions and slowing the teacher down, so you would like to remove yourself to allow it to do that. You find that this person’s day would have been better if they hadn’t seen you make a mistake, so you think you should remove yourself so that they wouldn’t have to experience that.
You are so sensitive problems and would like them to remove them, but you find that all the problems are caused by you. So you keep removing yourself, bit by bit, from life and eventually you are doing nothing for the sake of efficiency and comfort in the human race.
And that’s not really a good way to end up living :/
me: I'm so afraid losing everyone, 99% of my major negative emotions stem from the fact that I am terrified that I'm going to end up alone
brain: so...why don't you......destroy your relationships
me: what
brain: yea just like. cut everyone off
me: are you even listening
brain: *making little scissor motions* snip snip
just bpd things no one mentions;
• always feeling guilty • the ability to cut someone out of our life • the mental fog • always in crisis • never feeling secure or safe • not being able to tolerate your own company • psychotic episodes • addictive coping mechanisms • never feeling understood, like you’re speaking another language • how we’re just cuddly puppies that just crave endless attention and love
Me: okay brain, don't freak out, but we've come across a minor inconvenience
My shit brain, dousing itself in gasoline: unfortunate,
i hope everyone with a Cluster B personality disorder is having a good day
what do u mean it’s not normal to feel like nobody likes u…like the people you’re talking to are secretly judging u…I’ve been feeling like this my whole life???
