I find it so fascinating that Ilya has no doubt Irina would’ve adored Shane. Zero doubt his mother would have accepted his own bisexuality and Shane being gay. I wonder if she knew (not about Shane, of course, but about Ilya). It would make sense he doesn’t have too many internal hangups about being bisexual if his mother knew.
Ilya seems to be closeted mostly because it’s actively dangerous as a Russian to be out. Not because he’s filled with internalized homophobia. And you’d think, with his family, he’d actually have more internalized homophobia (technically biphobia) than he does.
I mean, Grigori Rozanov never says anything specifically homophobic, but he’s clearly an old-fashioned cishet Russian man who’s steeped in toxic masculinity and believes in traditional gender roles. He’s also a high-ranking (retired?) Moscow police officer, and the Russian police are known for being even more homophobic than the average western police. Plus, there are anti-gay laws he would have to enforce.
Alexei Rozanov, Ilya’s older brother, is canonically homophobic. He calls Ilya a “faggot” at least twice that I can remember in dialogue. Whether he knows/suspects something about Ilya or whether that’s just his standard go-to insult for men he doesn’t respect is unclear. But he’s actively homophobic, and like his father, also a Moscow cop. I suspect Alexei is happy enforcing anti-gay laws.
And yet Ilya is sure his mother would’ve loved Shane. Even though his father and brother clearly wouldn’t. And even though Irina grew up in the same prejudiced society as her menfolk. Not a shadow of a doubt on Ilya’s face or in his voice. He believes in Irina’s unconditional love like he believes in gravity.
Ilya was 12 when Irina committed suicide. I’m not entirely clear when the average cishet boy discovers his sex drive and starts masturbating. And I don’t particularly want to Google it because I’m afraid of the search results (which will probably not be medical articles about puberty). But 12 doesn’t sound completely implausible to me. I mean, the average 12 year old boy has at least started puberty, I would think.
Maybe Irina walked in on 12 year old Ilya masturbating to a magazine photo of a handsome hockey player or something. She was his mum, she would’ve needed to put laundry away, etc. Let’s say Ilya was terrified Irina would reject him, or even worse, tell her husband about his “deviancy”.
But Irina wasn’t angry. She told 12 year old Ilya there was nothing wrong with him, he was perfect exactly as he was. But made him promise never to tell his father or older brother. Grigori and Alexei wouldn’t understand, even though she did.
It would make sense for Ilya to be so sure his mother would’ve loved him anyway, and would have been welcoming towards Shane. If Ilya knows damn well Irina knew he wasn’t straight, and had zero problem with that fact. All she cared about was keeping him safe.
I have another, older headcanon that Irina was a ballet dancer before she got married, and she’s mostly where Ilya gets his athletic ability from. The average ballet dancer is definitely an athlete. Former dancer Irina would’ve known queer men, because there are plenty in ballet. Like in figure skating.
Obviously, in Russia they would’ve had to be discreet. But Irina would be less likely to freak out over her 12 year old son being queer if she already had positive examples in her own life of queer people. Even if Grigori didn’t approve of those men, and made her cool the friendships after she married him.
But that particular headcanon isn’t especially relevant to my new headcanon that Irina knew Ilya wasn’t straight, even as a preteen. I mean, she could’ve been a ballerina or she could’ve been a secretary, and still not been homophobic. Despite living in a homophobic society. And she /still could’ve actively told Ilya there was nothing shameful or wrong about him.
And that’s why Ilya is so sure his mother would’ve been welcoming and loving to Shane. Because Irina knew about him, and never flinched. Because Ilya doesn’t just believe she would’ve been understanding, he knows she understood.
I kind of want it to be true so much I can’t judge whether it’s plausible or not. I want Ilya to have had one parent who loved him unconditionally and didn’t give a flying fuck he wasn’t straight. I want her to have loved him fiercely and protected him from Grigori and Alexei finding out.
Irina must had many problems. Mostly related to her untreated depression, and her abusive husband who likely made her depression much worse. But I suspect homophobia/biphobia wasn’t one of Irina’s problems.
I’m not crying. Nope. Not at all.
