every episode of criminal minds
lady: walking down dark alley slowly and alone (everything a woman would never do)
white guy in hoodie: u look like my mom *stabs her* *takes her toes*
emily: and then i got drunk and slammed that bitch’s head into the bar counter
jj: its a bad one *hands out files*
emily: let me eat you out
jj: so yeah this guy stabs ladies. but now, he takes their toes
hotch: 😡😡😡 wheels up in 30
jj: if when you do, but i cannot for the yes of he was what i no 💖 -lil huddy
spencer: the history of toes is actually a long starting with the ancient indians they used to-
derek: dont make me put ur head through the plane window pretty boy. although i know you would love that
garcia on the phone: okay so i made a list of all the white guys in arizona.
derek: i want to taste ur guts
garcia: impale me with ur cock
detective alzhiemers: we spoke on the phone and i invited u here but i just want u to know i dont trust a single fucking thing you say. wow agent jareau u got that barbie doll build.
hotch: 😡 where can we set up
rossi: 👁👄👁 he took their toes. but u can see the bone here.
(camera zooms in on derek)
derek: *takes off his sunglasses* *flexes* hes devolving
doctor dr. : so basically he kills them. u can see because theyre dead. he takes their toes but its sloppy.
emily: he must be doing it because he doesnt have any toes.
reid: *calling garcia* we need a list
spencer: yeah so basically hes white and a sexual sadist
hotch: mid 30s, his mother didnt love him
emily: HES IMPOTENT because his girlfriend cut off his balls
derek: and he does not have toes. we gotta catch him fast. *picks up a call from garcia*
jj: i will be telling the press so we can get calls about men without toes.
garcia: hey my 12 inch bad dragon dick. i found him- Ben Serialkiller, 54 creep lane. born without toes, his mom kicked him out when he was 5.
derek: thanks babygirl. remind me to kiss ur feet tonight.
rossi: god am i old enough to die
detective alzheimers: actually i think youre completely wrong.
emily: we dont fucking care shut up limpdick
other cops: okay we believe you now
spencer: Ben, i get it. u dont have to kill these women. *puts the gun down and takes off kevlar for no fucking reason* my mom tried to kill me too. but im not a serial killer.
white guy in hoodie: you dont get it.
rossi: you dont want to kill her. we can let the world know of your struggle, ben. we will teach them of a world with men without toes.
white guy in hoodie: okay i guess. *lets go of lady* *cries*
morgan, on the jet: u did good today, kid.
reid: thanks. i wonder what my life would be like if i didnt have 3 lifetimes of trauma on my 27 year old back.
emily, joining in: hahahaha. loser
hotch: 😡😡😡 i wish i had emotions
rossi: And in the end, if I eated soap, no I didnt because I yes ✨ -hitler
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