I'll dance until the petals of my memories return.

A blog dedicated to memories, experiences and possibly things that remind me of/comfort me every so often.

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i hope in an au both sei ko and izay oi escape, killing me instantly

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me before episode 9:

i dont like iz ayoi he seems cool it just he honestly reminds me of the person that stalked me and people claimed it was bc he ‘liked me’ and i just dont trust him

me after episode 9:

i would fucking die for iza yoi  sono suke

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au everything is the same except sei/ko and iza/yoi are alive and happy and ru/ruka is still dead

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i’m gonna put the memories that I had under a read more/comparison to bc holy fuck.

Things that were part of my canon from the episode

My memories sort of just cut off so I figured I was gonna die this episode, and I didn’t remember getting murdered so I figured I was gonna die via the cut off too. 

I remember Ju zo’s death god that was terrible.

A very vivid memory I had before the episode was crying alone in a dark blue hallway/room which turned out to be true fuck

Things that diverge from the episode

Y OI DIDNT DIE LIKE THAT SDJFKLSDJFKL

We made a sort of promise that because we were so close that we didn’t need to know each other’s n g code at the time, because we didn’t consider them to be extreme (like bandai’s) and I didn’t figure mine was gonna be an issue since were just going to isolate ourselves from the main group and wait till they found the killer/the game ended.

When we found out about the ‘secret exit’ I told him about my n g cod e so he did all the traps stuff like canon but when the time hit

When time hit I panicked bc I was afraid he was going to wake up before me and try to escape so I fed him some sweets right before I passed out.

When I woke up y oi was dead and I realized that it was all my fault because I saw his n g code and it was t errible I started crying but then I stopped and had to quickly try to cover it up because I was afraid of them finding out.

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haha i knew i was gonna die fucking finally :^ )

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IM THIS CLOSE OT ACTUA,LY WRITING ON THE THING ‘OH THANK GOD’ SDKLFJSDLKJF

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someone: hey reminder that im the only ru ruka an dou. everyone else is fake :)

me: oh thank god

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Me in the past: You know, why are all my selves fan favorites? I mean it's nice to see all this love for me but like. Sometimes I worry that I just like them too much and everyone ids as them. Idk I just want a non fan fave--

Me now: NEVERMIND NEVERMIN

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I forgot to mention because I've just been in an In igo shift the whole time since that like

I had a weird dream that I think heavily relates to this one Id that I picked up like a while back but I'm honestly hate it and I'm trying to disconnect but like I had a dream last night which basically involved me trying to solve shit on my own and getting help from lots of people and this one childhood guy friend kept trying to help me and at first it was cute and endearing but then it turned stalkerish and borderline terrifying and the guy put like bleach on his eyes so he could stay awake looking for/trying to keep an eye out for me (dream logic dictated that this one other friend scrubbing it out with apparently soap made it a-ok) and honestly I just want it to stop let me disconnect from this shitty id in peace

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Someone: *talks about olivia being talked about by la slow in as ura's support*

Me: haha yeah that was cute *is tearing up*

[cunninggreeneraven]

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Alright so I got a couple of memories so I’m gonna write them asap before I forget

I remember being a pan trans boy and Ow in was a gay demiboy? And I didn’t really adopt that ‘confident’ demeanor until like after Ol via died? Like I tried to follow her advice and flirt with girls but like I was still shy and often stuttered when I did it but sometime afterwards I tried to become an optimistic leader partly because I wanted to pretend that I was ok, I wished to be able to protect others, and to be a person that she could be proud of and just?? Have people rely on me rather than the other way around.

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He keeps appearing in my dreams.

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OK BUT I KNEW THAT I WAS GONNA APPEAR AT SE//EK AT M//EKAK//KU/CIT/Y TODAY I JUST FUCKING KNEW HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THIS

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our kuuya canon makes me so confused because like

like i fully remember why each person had their abilities except for me and a/yano.

Ki/do had Stealing because she wanted to understand why her family hated her and so like she could understand what they wanted in her to become that type of person. Se/to had Staring because he wanted the bullies to stop hurting him and his dog. Mary had Awakening because she wanted to be a real human and not the ‘monster’ everyone saw her as. Mo/mo had Favoring because she wanted to help everyone (especially Shintaro) but found it hard to explain how she really felt. Tak/ane had Concealing because she wanted her narcolepsy to disappear. Shin/taro had Retaining for the same reasons. Hi/biya had Captivating because he wanted to capture Hi/yori’s attention. Har/uka had Decieving because he wanted to keep the fact that his health was deteriorating a secret and try not to worry people. Kenj/irou had Focusing because he wanted to keep an eye on us and make sure we’re all ok (in a parental way).

[fictionkinfessionsarchived]

why are you so nice to me? why do you love me? I tried to kill you?!

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I never really discussed memories in depth with anyone to see if we’re from the same canon and honestly it’s getting so hard to breathe I’m afraid they’re just not going to like me or like not remember what I remember