reading by the stove
todays bird

if i look back, i am lost

Janaina Medeiros

shark vs the universe
YOU ARE THE REASON

Product Placement
Claire Keane
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cherry valley forever

Love Begins

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I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Sweet Seals For You, Always
almost home
Sade Olutola
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Misplaced Lens Cap
Monterey Bay Aquarium

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@floweryjustice
reading by the stove
hello ?
“I do hope I get more time to study, then.”
“The last stream of cases we had was so…sudden. It felt almost like it was rigged, you know? Maybe it’s best that I get some reading in while I can. It’ll do my remembering skills some good in the long run….”
He chuckles a bit, and turns to the book at hand. It intimidates him with its size and he doubles a glance back at Susato.
“Just…how long do you think I’d last before losing my place in this thing…?”
The book is indeed thick, and half of it is memorized by the lady herself. But the maiden has faith the man will be able to understand the most of it by then. In her most honest opinion, the man has excelled well for someone who has no background in lawyering. Of course, that is something Susato will keep to herself for now.
“Until we have learned more. Naruhodou-sama, are you losing hope so soon?”
He better say no, or she’ll Susato Toss him again.
His words spoken prior echo loudly in his mind. What’s said is said - he can’t take any of it back now. The lonely tear that runs down her cheek, eventually dropping and seeping into the beautiful fabric she wears, is enough to cause a painful twist in his heart. It’s an UNFAMILIAR ache to him, who had never in a lifetime expected a mere friend to have such a profound impact on his own emotions. When the maiden moves to wipe the tears, Kazuma rips his gaze away, instead casting it at his feet. He’s biting into his lower lip - HARD - and his brows are knit together in absolute frustration.
To think he’s gotten to the point where simple actions could cause such a drastic ripple in the pond that was his otherwise calm state shows all of the time they’ve spent together, getting to know each other, placing ABSOLUTE TRUST in each other…
…trust that was broken down, DEMOLISHED in mere seconds…
…was unimaginable.
Susato is playing his emotions like a harp - unintentionally, albeit. Each of her broken sobs, her shaking figure, her hesitant tears, is enough to cause something unidentifiable deep within him to slowly crumble, as though she had put a chisel to a cinder block.
( And it doesn’t take long for him to shatter, like porcelain meeting concrete. )
“You had a choice, Asougi.”
The crack in her voice feels like a punch to the gut, and the teeth on his lip begin to sink in as he bites down harder. There’s a hint of the METALLIC taste of blood in his mouth, but Kazuma can’t bring himself to care. Painstakingly, the samurai struggles to muster up the courage to look her in the eyes, knowing full well what to expect. Hatred, disappointment, rage…
…D I S G U S T.
“I tried,” he manages to utter, forcing his voice to conceal whatever emotions he’s feeling. ( Don’t falter. She doesn’t need to know how you feel. She doesn’t even c a r e. And you don’t DESERVE to feel like this. ) Kazuma takes a moment to swallow, and when he’s sure his voice can remain steady, he continues. “I tried to tell you. I tried. So many times.”
He doesn’t dare question her accusation. He himself can acknowledge his change - perhaps even to the point where the Kazuma Asougi from mere months ago would utter Susato’s exact words.
“But I didn’t have the COURAGE to face that conversation back then.”
“Yes… You could say that. You’re right, I am selfish.” The words of agreement are quick to roll off his tongue. It was SELFISH of him, after all, to spare his emotions in that moment and disregard Susato and Ryuunosuke’s future grief. It was selfish of him to leave behind notes in that diary, as though his parting gift was nothing more than a PUZZLE, waiting to be assembled. It was selfish of him to be so secretive, but he’s accepted that FAULT.
“And for that, I apologize. But I have one last selfish request, Mikotoba…”
“…you can’t speak a WORD of this to Naruhodou.”
The silence lingering between them is a new barrier, a foreign one built by his own proud words that mean to cut them off completely. She wonders if this is how deposed queens have felt, when their beloved husband find new brides because they have served their purpose. Perhaps it is an exaggeration to the analogy, but with the sorrow she feels towards this whole fiasco, Susato is a bit as irrational as feelings go about.
Who is he now? Her mind asks, her self seeking the answers of why he decided to keep things from her, from Naruhodou and put her through so much grief. Only to be betrayed by such lies. She wonders how many more lies he’s making up to save his own skin-- hell, she would have given everything so she can be with both Asougi and Naruhodou together during their voyage from home. Of course he had to ‘die’, or so she and Naruhodou are led to believe his death an accident. How can someone like him betray their trust and say with no regret excuses that seemingly bear truth.
She doesn’t trust him anymore, it’s a newly established fact of the now.
Her body weakens, collapsing to the cold hard ground as she breaks out into soft sobs, tears too many to count and pain upon her chest, physical pain wanting to paralyze her own heartbeats. She wishes it were the case, it would mean less pain because numbness is way much better than actually facing the situation at this point.
She doesn’t know what to believe in anymore.
He insists.
“But you didn’t. That’s the point here. You didn’t.”
She cares, more than he thinks she does not. After all, though she consciously does not know it herself, Susato has once seen him as a man, more than a friend and sometimes an older sibling. Of course, she never really had the chance to do so, she planned to tell him after they have come home, after she gets a better understanding of the world and completes her own mission.
How cruel fate can be, that he is taken away from her even before she begins her journey.
Courage. What is courage?
Courage was once Kazuma, one attorney who speaks for the helpless, those who do not have a voice to a usually cruel and unforgiving society. Now, it is Naruhodou, a greenhorn who knew nothing about standing in court until the time he is accused (the defense taken up by none other than himself to her father’s plan) but courage is definitely not in her. Perhaps it appears she does, but deep down she is scared.
The words coming out of his mouth make her want to hit him in the face, throw him upside down in a Susato Toss. To yell at him for all this grief he causes her. The nerve he has to ask a shameless favor to her! But she listens, and nods bitterly, though she wants to say no, to do the opposite.
As for the apology, she does not know if she accepts it, or if she will ever do so.
☆ Put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. It’s time to spread positivity ( ´ ▽ ` ).。o♡
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@samuraiis with all the angst 1 2 3 4
Hurt: “You left me.”
“Yes, that is a true statement THROUGH and THROUGH. But, if I must be honest, that was the last time you were ever to see me again.”
It hurts, to think that she’s been grieving for someone who’s supposed to be dead. It’s too much to process at the moment ( that’s not to say she’s not trying at all, just an information overload ) the fact that he’s really alive, and well. There is pain in her chest, physical pain intensifying at every moment that words between them are exchanged. She says nothing, but the single tear that she quickly wipes, says more than words express.
Denial: “I was stupid to think you cared.”
“And that’s where you’re wrong, Mikotoba. I do care. I’m doing this BECAUSE I care.”
If he cared, she thinks, he won’t have to lie to us. How she wants to tell him this, anger boiling up to her throat. And yet, she doesn’t throw a fit, but the fact that there are now tears upon her eyes is saying something. They’re full of disappointment, betrayed, and most of all, doubt and doubt that clouds her thinking even more. You’re lying, Kazuma. You do not trust us enough.
“And whether you can accept that fact or not, I’m going to continue doing this. Not because I don’t care, but because I do. As foolish as it may seem, Mikotoba, I have to, because this is my MISSION. Perhaps, one day, you’ll come to understand my words.”
He’s cutting them off, again, and she wonders if Naruhodou has found out about this. Perhaps not, for the guy surely can sleep like a log, and be as dense as oil in water. She’s hurt, for Kazuma is the one man ( besides her father and now Naruhodou ) who she has opened up to. The one she shared her dreams, her aspirations, the one man she adored dearly because he is himself. Because he is the person she holds dear to her heart.
Anger: “Do I really mean nothing to you? What about Naruhodou? He's nothing to you too? You left us, Asougi.”
“You know that’s not true, Mikotoba. You– You of all people should know how much the both of you mean to me!” ( The anger is bubbling up again, but he’s not sure he can help it anymore. ) “I had no choice but to leave! That was what my best, no, my ONLY option was at the time! It was either that, or I’d have been killed the moment I stepped off that ship. The two of you, as well.” ( I did it for your safety, he wants to add, but he’s not sure how well that statement would fare in their current conversation. )
"You had a choice, Asougi,” her voice cracks, her gaze reveals brokenness-- perhaps even beyond brokenness. Her heart is shattered, and whether her respect for him remains, not even Susato herself knows. “You could have told us. But you didn’t. I don’t know who you are, you’re not Asougi.”
Acceptance: “You merely played me like a fool.”
“Isn’t that a good thing, though, Mikotoba? If I could fool you, one of the people closest to me, then I could surely fool the rest of the world.”
No, she wants to tell him, to argue but the words do not come out. Mikotoba tries to understand what he’s trying to get at, but nothing, makes sense at all. When back in the day she doesn’t mind Kazuma speaking to her cryptically, now she doesn’t. Whatever this stupid mission he has, she thinks, he could have at least the decency to let me and Naruhodou in this. It doesn’t have to be Naruhodou included, but me!
“That’s how the world works, after all. Wouldn’t you agree?”
It hurts, to think that she’s been grieving for someone who’s supposed to be dead. It’s too much to process at the moment ( that’s not to say she’s not trying at all, just an information overload ) the fact that he’s really alive, and well. There is pain in her chest, physical pain intensifying at every moment that words between them are exchanged.
“You’re so selfish, Asougi.”
"I just want to be numb, I don't want to feel anything."
It’s funny how he’s the one who takes the words from her mouth and the pain it brings along as he utters each syllable as though she’s continuously stabbed in the palm. No, it’s more than that– the pain is unspeakable. Susato does not meet his gaze after he says this; the maiden stands rooted to where she sits, for if she gazes upon him, she fears she will cry even more than she already has. No words form from her mouth, unsure of the right ones to say. Does she feel sympathy? Does she feel pity? The paralegal doesn’t know.
It hurts, such betrayal has left a fresh scar that begs to be healed and comforted; and yet such comfort isn’t easy to get. The shock of finding out that the man you once admire and love, is actually alive, when all this time, he’s been pronounced dead. It hurts, to be played as a fool. To grieve for someone who doesn’t need to be grieved– there is anger in her, and there is also denial. Part of her cannot accept the new truth– the fact that Kazuma is alive after all this time.
She loves him, dearly. But the betrayal is too much. He doesn’t know, she thinks– it’s a struggle to remain as logical; she can only try to hold back the tears as much as possible. He doesn’t know how much of my tears have been for him. He doesn’t know how Naruhodou will take this news, but that is only if she chooses to tell him. She can’t even fathom how the greenhorn attorney will react, she doesn’t know if he’ll be happy or sad. Either way, she knows Naruhodou might react even worse.
“…..”
The silence between them has never been thicker than butter.
“Of course. I’ve been meaning to do that for some time now, so I’ll have to take you up on your offer.” Kazuma is quick to respond to his companion’s query, a faint smile being produced in attempt to conceal any disappointment he has. It’s not like he has anything better to do, anyway, given the fact that he knows a very selective handful of people in the town. ( And who knows, this may be a good experience. ) Deep down, the attorney is envious that the paralegal struggles to recall the past - it’s the only thing he can seem to keep his mind on, at this point, and he’d much rather focus on anything other than the reality that cannot be changed.
The familiar scent of okonomiyaki floods Kazuma’s senses, and a genuine smile makes its way into his features. For some reason, it makes him feel a bit more at home and in his comfort zone, though he cannot pinpoint why. Kazuma follows Susato into the restaurant, allowing himself to be introduced by the latter before being seated. Dark hues examine the surroundings, before resting his arms on the table. A deep hum is drawn out while he ponders, not feeling particularly picky about his meal for the night, instead looking to his companion for an opinion. “Hm, what would you recommend here?”
Susato is satisfied that the man agrees to go with her; company is something she definitely longs for, though she doesn’t think about it consciously. Because while she is surrounded by her colleagues with her new work, along with her newly adjusted lifestyle, the woman can’t help but sometimes feel lonely. Of course, dwelling on her nonsensical memories only add salt to the wound, and sometimes to the point that she is frustrated because she cannot remember anymore than her name and her new identity to fit in the modern world. Part of her wishes she remembers more, but at the same time, part of her is content with the now.
The okonomiyaki’s scent makes her mouth water, but she is quick to make a decision. Susato has developed a taste for the okonomiyaki to which she adds a lot of seafood, squid and octopus in particular. “You’re not allergic to seafood, right? If you are, there’s always meat as another option. I do recommend the one with shrimp and a lot of green onions for starters.” Subconsciously Susato rests her arms on the table, chin upon her hand, mirroring the gentleman across her.
hurt meme.
“ i got you. it’s gonna be okay, you’re going to be okay.”
“i feel like everyone’s miles away from me.”
“my mind is a dark place. you don’t want to be there.”
“i know this hurts, but you have to stay awake.”
“don’t close your eyes, please don’t close your eyes!”
“i just want to be numb, i don’t want to feel anything.”
“please don’t do this, don’t act like you care.”
“you don’t care, nobody cares, just leave.”
“you’re my friend, of course i fucking care.”
“i can’t give up on you, so please don’t give up on yourself.”
“i love you so much, i forgot what hating myself felt like.”
“i fucked up, why do you not care?”
“i can’t walk, just go on without me.”
“you have broken ribs, take it easy.”
“i have no idea how to do cpr.”
“whose blood is that?”
“apply pressure to the wound, don’t let go.”
“don’t you dare fucking let go!”
“what the hell happened to you?”
“are they dead? did you kill them?”
“do you know what you’ve done?”
“you’re either with me or against me.”
“who the hell did this to you?”
“are you alright? you hit your head pretty hard…”
“i can’t see!! what’s happening to me?”
“when was the last time you ate?”
“what do you mean you’re fine? you are not fine!”
“i’m fine, it’s just a flesh wound, i’ll be okay.”
“for how long? how long were you bottling this up?“
“there’s so much blood, you won’t last.”
“are you… throwing up in there?”
“why aren’t you eating?”
“just breathe… you’re okay, i promise, just breathe.”
“i can’t breathe, i can’t –”
"i woke up, & you were gone.”
“just tell me something, was it really worth it?”
"it’s okay to hurt & breakdown. you don’t have to be strong all the time.”
samuraiis reblogged your post “"Why are you bleeding?"”
When the paralegal turns to him, a towel pressed onto the wound, Kazuma’s eyes are wide with concern, an obsidian gaze flicking back and forth across the counter top. There isn’t too much blood, he notices, but it’s enough to bring the cooking to a temporary halt. While he can’t tell how deep the cut is from where he stands, it was clearly more severe than a few layers of skin, judging from the amount of blood. “Are you sure? You wouldn’t want it to get infected. I suggest washing it, as well,” he adds, moving up to her in a few steps.
“Of course. What else needs to be done?” ( If he must be honest, he has a fairly good idea of how to handle himself in a kitchen. Specific, more finer details may require some instruction, however. )
The young maiden shakes her head, assuring Asougi with once more that she really is fine. Besides, there is still the fish left to cut into portions, and needs to be fried. Fish is great for the mind, her mother figure advises her. Susato aims to make the same dish she remembers being served when she used to stay at the kind lady’s home.
“The salmon has to be fried. I can take care of that. But if you do not mind, you can pare the green mangoes over there,” she points at the fruits on the kitchen island.
Ace Attorney Questions
OH GUUUUYYYYYS
1: First game played?
2: Favorite game?
3: Favorite case?
4: Least favorite case?
5: Best assistant?
6: Most memorable character?
7: Favorite line?
8: Defense attorneys or prosecutors?
9: Ever played the games in another language?
10: Best villain and why?
11: Most boring villain?
12: Worst motivation?
13: Was there anyone you thought was a criminal, but who actually wasn't?
14: DL-6 or SL-9?
15: Lawyer Nick or Hobohodo?
16: If you could change one feature about the games, what would it be?
17: What's behind the black psyche-locks?
18: Why was Grossberg's youth like fresh lemons?
19: Ladder or stepladder?
20: What's Oldbag up to now?
21: Magicians or mediums?
22: Favorite prosecutor?
23: Worst/most confusing case name?
24: What's up with Gumshoe and Maggey in the AJ timeline?
25: Who should be Trucy's new mommy?
26: Do you think Terry Fawles' name was cleared after the events of T&T?
27: Has any moment in the game made you cry?
28: Anything make you laugh out loud?
29: How did Matt get his scars?
30: Why is Max Galactica seven inches taller than the second-tallest character (Godot)?
31: Which culprits do you think have not been executed?
32: Iris or Dahlia?
33: Why won't anyone listeeeeennnnnn?
34: Are there any characters you consider mentally unstable/impaired?
35: What the hell happened to cell phones?
36: If the series got its own Mario Kart-style game, who would you play as and what would they drive?
37: Most attractive character?
38: Who would win in a fight: Damon Gant or Kristoph Gavin?
39: Is Godot still alive?
40: Why wasn't Lotta around in T&T?
41: Who is currently in possession of the Thinker?
42: Did Grossburg ever get his painting back?
43: Why does Gant like swimming so much?
44: If grape juice is wine, then what's tomato juice?
45: How would Turner Grey's life been if the weather girl was always right?
46: What is she was always Wright?
47: Who installed the camera in Phoenix's pin?
48: If Apollo got absolutely stoned out of his gourd who's the first person he would call?
49: What would happen if you put Gant in the electric chair?
50: Which character are you most like?
51: Who do you think is going to be the protagonist of GS5?
52: Would you rather play a game staring Mia, Diego, or Kristoph?
53: What did you think of Phoenix's bloody ace in Turnabout Trump?
54: Biggest mindf***k in the game?
55: Character you would befriend?
56: Favorite platonic ship?
57: Where was Matt keeping that glass?
58: Does Phoenix still own his college sweater?
59: Will Larry ever find love?
60: What is Payne going to look like in the next game?
61: Outside of AAI2, do you think we'll ever see a female judge?
62: Do you find Will Powers frightening-looking?
63: What's inside Morgan's hair holding it up?
64: Was Dahlia's father Shelly de Killer?
Send me a face for a headcanon about my muse!
(`・ω・´) : What does your muse completely gush over?
_| ̄|○ : What situation would your muse give up in?
(`-´)> : Who does your muse honor the most?
(´;ω;`): What brings your muse into a state of
depression?
ヽ(´ー`)ノ : What calms your muse down?
ヽ(`Д´)ノ : What irritates your muse the most?
(#゚Д゚) : What does your muse do if they're angry?
( ´Д`) : Is your muse loud in bed?
( ゚Д゚) : What does your muse do when surprised?
┐('~`;)┌ : When your muse can't answer something, what
do they do?
(´∀`) : What could your muse care less about?
( ´_ゝ`) : Who or what is your muse most indifferent
about?
Σ(゜д゜;) : Is your muse easily scared?
( ゚ヮ゚) : When is your muse happiest?
キタ━━━(゜∀゜)━━━!!!!! : What does your muse do when
very excited?
⊂二二二( ^ω^)二⊃ : Does your muse like to cuddle?
( ´Д`)ノ(´・ω・`) ナデナデ: Does your muse pat others on the
head? If not, do they get pat on their head?
(((( ;゚Д゚))): What is your muse terrified of?
Σ(゚Д゚): What would your muse be most shocked to obtain?
( ゚д゚): What amazes your muse?
(´ー`)y-~~ : Does your muse do any drugs? Smoke?
( ^_^)o自自o(^_^ ) : How often does your muse drink?
ヽ(´ー`)人(´∇`)人(`Д´)ノ: How friendly is your muse around new people?
('A`) : What does your muse do when they're alone?
(´-`).。oO( ... ) : What does your muse think about a lot?
(゚Д゚;≡;゚Д゚): Is your muse impatient?
( ´д)ヒソ(´Д`)ヒソ(Д` ): Does your muse enjoy gossiping?
(・∀・)つ⑩ : Does your muse enjoy saving or spending money? Or are they indifferent?
(゚д゚): When your muse didn't expect something, what do they do?
(゚⊿゚) : Is your muse in denial a lot?
(・∀・) : Does your muse like to tease people?
(・A・) : What does your muse consider to be bad?
(゚∀゚) : If your muse was a drug, what kind would they be?
( つ Д `) : When your muse is sad, what do they do?
♪┏(・o・)┛♪ : Can your muse dance well?
d(*⌒▽⌒*)b : What makes your muse the happiest they could ever be?
(╬ ಠ益ಠ): What infuriates your muse to the point they may kill whatever it is?
(≧ロ≦): Is your muse a screamer in bed?
(ΘεΘ;): How much of a tsundere is your muse?
(‐^▽^‐): What does your muse's laugh sound like?
┌(;`~,)┐ : What discombobulates your muse?
ε=ε=ε=┌(;*´Д`)ノ : How does your muse run?
ヽ(´▽`)/ : What does your muse look like when happy?
ヽ(o`皿′o)ノ : Is your muse violent when angry?
My muse is sick, and won’t admit it. Send “You need to rest.” for their reaction.
My muse just collapsed in front of yours. What does your muse do?
Your muse catches mine crying. Send ♦ for my muse’s reaction.
tell me your honest opinion of my portrayal
"Why are you bleeding?"
The cut is painful, but the paralegal only smiles at him. Knives in the modern era changed significantly ( not that Susato knows full well how different it is with the past that she doesn’t remember ) and thus she experiences a minor struggle. Of course, she’s learned how to use a kitchen knife, but mishaps still happen in the kitchen.
Susato puts on pressure on the wound, grabbing a towel to prevent further blood loss as she shakes her head at Asougi. “Just a little mishap. I’m fine, don’t worry, Asougi-kun,” Mikotoba assures him, mind focused on finishing up the preparations for their meal.
“Although, if you do not mind, I could probably use a helping hand.”