[fluffiekitties]

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”

Henry Ellis 

I want to live a full, rounded life, with many meaningful relationships and interests, which I want for Daniel too. I want to be able to grow individually, as well as together. However, feeling so strongly about him, sometimes I struggle to not grip so tightly. I want him all the time, but that would mean sacrificing the other parts of myself, little by little. I want to hold on to what we have so badly, that maybe I sometimes hold on a little too hard to the past and the early days of our relationship, rather than letting it grow as it does naturally. I wonder if this is because i’m scared of being vulnerable, and maybe if I grip a little tighter I just might be able to guarantee I won’t ever lose him. 

The reality is life is unpredictable, and nothing can truly protect me fully from the vulnerability that comes with loving somebody. I know he loves me, and I love him, and that I can trust him. Loving him is a combination of holding on, but not so tightly that I suffocate our relationship, and trusting in what we have. 

[fluffiekitties]

Why don’t you send me drunk texts? Does this mean you don’t think about me when i’m not there?

Why don’t you come to things with me? I spend half the time explaining where you are sometimes

Why is it so hard for you to text me back when you read the message instead of me looking at that little read icon and scrutinising it until I can’t breathe and I doubt everything I know

I hate seeing happy couples on facebook because it makes me wonder if i’m as happy as I could be 

Recently i’ve been thinking a lot that maybe this is causing more hurt for me than anything else

Sometimes I feel like i’m single rather than in a relationship - except it’s much more painful because i’m actually in a relationship i’m just lonely and wondering why you don’t seem to love me back sometimes

I just want someone who wants/needs/misses/loves me as much as me, them

[blossomfully]

"I hope we last. I hope we do. But if we don’t, this is how I want you to remember me: I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your freckles like stars. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me kissing your hand when you made me happy and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover. Remember me brave, that time you watched me walk ahead of you and I thought I was going to die; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable. Remember me with my rare smile, and all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention. Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future. If it’s any consolation I allowed myself to have them too. If it comes to it I don’t want you to remember the ending. Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew.

S.Z. // this one made me feel #132 (via blossomfully)

[fluffiekitties]

I had a nightmare last night that I was alone for various reasons after feeling horrible all night and basically relived all sorts of fears and social experiences and in the dream I was in so many claustrophobic spaces which scares me a lot and then I woke up this morning and it was a struggle to get out of bed and I just really hate nightmares

I need to buy another journal so I can write stuff instead of type

[lifehackable]

yes please

[fluffiekitties]

I want to be a verb.

[fluffiekitties]

It sounds bad but being so co-dependant on a partner that I couldnt go anywhere without was always the worst thing I could ever be in my mind at this age and I always beat myself up about missing my boyfriend but it seems i'm not as co-dependant as I thought and I guess that makes me feel a little bit better about everything It sounds so stupid I just have so many things I want to do and i'm always scared that i'll get so hung up on a boy that i'll miss out on living my life

[gisellebuchanan]

I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible; to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance, to live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom, and that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.

Dawna Markova (via vishuddhaa)

[whispersofstardust]

I will not be your “sometimes”.

Six Word Story #2 (via artieshaw)

[fluffiekitties]

We had a really big argument the other day and I know I forgave you but forgiving you doesn't mean that you're going to change or that i'm going to feel any better about our situation

Not that I know how to improve it anyway

Do I feel unimportant because of the way you behave or because I don't value myself enough?

I can't remember why I love you right now, I just know I do

I think I might be a little depressed again, but then again was I ever?

How does one validate their feelings within themselves? I never figured it out

I am very tired

[write20xx]

I used to wonder why you stopped loving me. Recently, I’ve started asking why I stopped loving myself.

I’m Trying to Be Better (#608: July 17, 2014)

[write20xx]

All I wanted was for you to let me love you forever.

But Then Again, You Never Gave Me What I Wanted (#611: July 18, 2014)

[write20xx]

For someone that’s afraid of losing me, you’re sure not afraid of doing the things that make me want to leave.

Actions Speak Louder than Words (#633: August 9, 2014)

[sassysluteverforever]

i’m gonna get my blue card and tutor refugee kids, starting in august. i have a job interview on monday as a receptionist/apt setter for a home business in the next suburb over and that’ll be good too! how do u live with meaning. why do i feel like life is just slamming ur head against the pavement and then getting up and walking about like nothing ever happened. how do we even think about moving forward, i don’t get it. i never got it. 

[fluffiekitties]

"You're the best thing to ever happen to me"

"You're my favourite person ever"

"I wish you could stay forever"

"I love you incredible amounts"

"You're like an angel"

[fluffiekitties]

Are you being selfish/insensitive or am I being unreasonable? 

I always decide unreasonable but then I worry i'm being self-destructive and self-deprecating and putting your needs above mine all of the time and it's just very confusing and I worry

[fluffiekitties]

Sometimes I feel like i'm in a long-distance relationship all over again.