Hello there

Hello, My names Salem! I'm 28, I'm Pan, and go by He/Him

[still-trying-to-be-horny]

Having me for a boyfriend is like having one of those budgies that's always like "WhAt DoIng?! 🙂 GiMmE kIsS?! WOOOO!"

[predbaited]

if i don't get sexually tortured soon I'm gonna end up on the news

[cottoncandylesbo]

oh fuck... the adderall has hit my system... the change, it's happening... grRRRGH...!! get away from me, before it's too late...!!

(flails on the ground, then stands up and does the dishes)

[temporalreverie]

anyone have that picture with the 100 pool toy baltos. Its like a modern terracotta army

[temporalreverie]

THEY SHALL PROTECT MY MAUSOLEUM

[sludgebitch]

"🥪" is shorthand for "🍞🧀🍅🥬🍞"

[sludgebitch]

can you people stop reblogging this my notes look like lunchtime

[homunculus-argument]

Not book smart or street smart but a secret third thing.

[luckyletd0wn]

supid

[homunculus-argument]

supid.

[burntundertones]

[reunitedinterlude]

obsessed w the contrast <3

[hollowboobtheory]

knowing when not to open the comments is a skill

[hollowboobtheory]

internet soft skills

not opening the comments

letting people be wrong

letting people be wrong about YOU

letting people have a bad impression of you (see above)

knowing when your input isn't needed

spotting bot comments

block button

[hollowboobtheory]

blocking tip: you don't have to wait to have a negative interaction with someone to block them. you can block them without ever interacting with them. I can't tell you how many times I've seen someone being rude to someone else and preemptively blocked them

[bigbigbigtruck]

"why'd they block me? we've never talked" bro if i see you being nasty to the bartender i'm not gonna chat you up

[the-quasar-hero]

“Rappers only talk about their money, cars, and clothes!”

Why might someone from a group of people that historically have been denied access to wealth, now brag that they have it?

“Rappers only talk about sex!”

Why might someone from a group that have historically been denied sexual autonomy now brag about their sexual escapades on their own terms?

“Rappers only talk about drugs and crime!”

Why might someone from a group that historically have been denied the more legal means to acquire wealth and had drugs forced on their community talk about their experiences with it?

[liberalsarecool]

Cosign.

[pansyfemme]

one moment ☝️ *pauses the blowjob to start violently coughing up blood*

[jessebloom]

first day of pride month

[dogpuppy]

[cherryhatter-deactivated2015072]

KICK THE CAN!

Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.

To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.

[visibun]

the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now

[teashoesandhair]

Spent my evening planning a pub crawl around all the establishments from which my great great great grandfather was banned in the 1880s, as unfathomably every single one of them is still open nearly 150 years later, despite barring their best customer

[teashoesandhair]

The pub crawl consists of 3 pubs over a 1.5 mile radius, and starts with a visit to a coffee shop that now sits on the site of the barn that my great great great grandfather broke into and slept in after being thrown out of a pub, damaging a vast quantity of hay, resulting in his 28th arrest and a 1 month prison sentence with hard labour

[kuropin]

Jax and Kinger