The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World by Sophia Dembling
AFFIRMATIONS FOR INTROVERTS
Staying home is doing something. Time spent alone is not negative space. It has its own purpose, both in what you do with it and in what it does for you.
My presence is a gift, not a requirement. If you receive an invitation to do something that doesn’t sound fun, you might choose to do it anyway. And that would be very nice of you. But you don’t have to.
I like who I like. You are not required to like everyone, and just because you don’t like everyone doesn’t mean you hate people. It’s not your problem if a person is a bore or a boor.
Listening to bores is not my job. Just because you’re a good listener doesn’t mean you are obligated to listen to anyone who wants to bend your ear. Your listening skills is a gift to be bestowed on only the deserving. You owe it to yourself and loved ones to preserve your limited energy for them and not waste it on people you don’t like.
Managing my energy is a favor to myself and everyone around me. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re being mean when you step away from the fun. They obviously don’t know how cranky you get if you push yourself too hard.
Saying no can be a kindness. If you say no to them, they may say no to you. Sooner or later they will realize what a blessing the freedom to say no is. Plus, if you say yes when you want to say no, you probably won’t present your best self and you might not be much fun.
I can love other people and still not be responsible for their good time. Sometimes you will do things you don’t want to just as a kindness to someone you love. But you don’t have to do that all the time.
Just because I am quiet doesn’t mean I have nothing to say. Some people are raconteurs who can hold a room full of people in their thrall. If you’re not, oh well. You have plenty to say when the time and circumstances are right for you.
I know what I need better than anyone else. Yes, they love you. Yes, their intentions are good. Yes, sometimes their suggestions are useful. But even your most intimate intimates don’t know you better than you know yourself and you are allowed to weigh their suggestions against your self-knowledge and dismiss them if they don’t feel right. No fuss and confrontation necessary, just stay centered and calm and own your own choices.
Putting on my dog and pony show is optional. I’ve been known to panic if conversation is stilted among a group of people, and that puts me into dog and pony overdrive. But I’ve started giving myself permission to just let things be if I don’t feel like putting on a show. This makes socializing much easier. When I felt compelled to put on my extrovert face every time I went out, socializing seemed like too much trouble.
A ringing phone is not a mandate. Some people can’t ignore a ringing telephone. You can. And that’s fine. Just because somebody wants to talk to you right now doesn’t mean you are obligated to indulge them.
Other people’s desire for me to participate is not more important than my desire not to participate. No matter how much someone wants you to do something, no matter how much pressure that person puts on you, that other person’s needs and desires are not automatically more important than your own. You may choose to accede to the other person’s wishes, but you also may choose to go your own way. This does not make you a mean person. It makes you your own person.
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