fmdtaeyong:
ash looked up, redirecting his far off gaze to sangmoon and he gave a small nod. he had his opinions about smoking and they were plentiful, but that’s not what moon needed to hear. any opinion ash could give, he was sure sangmoon had heard a hundred times over. moon had quit smoking; he probably told himself the same things ash would tell him, ash reasoned. he chuckled softly when the older spoke again. “thanks. which part? all of the making out with yoona or all of the ‘being a bad ass criminal living a life of violence and sex’?” he gave half an eye roll and looked down at his shoes. he hadn’t gotten all of the hate for it he’d thought he would, but the role he’d played in the music video still wasn’t one he was comfortable with. luckily, bc wasn’t pushing it into the music videos off his next solo album.
“you’ve got stuff going on?” ash asked, tracing back to where they’d started. “work stuff or personal stuff? both?” ash’s memory wasn’t in the best condition lately, but he did remember the texts he’d exchanged with the older man about monogamy and relationships and couldn’t help but wonder if there was trouble in paradise, or even if maybe it was something entirely singular within moon himself. whatever it was, ash wanted to make sure he was going to be okay. something told ash finding a cigarette between the others fingers wasn’t a sign to be taken lightly.
sangmoon was no stranger to being given an image to portray by the company that doesn’t necessarily fit with who you are. alien’s entire concept was as far removed from moon’s personality as it could possibly be, even more so now that he was getting less and less interested in participating in the creative process but it was still something he could deal with. he wasn’t going to pretend to know ash all that well but the younger man definitely did not come across like the type of man bc expected him to act like. as… alright as the song had been, the music video had made even moon uncomfortable. “ you’re telling me you’re not a criminal living a life of violence and sex? ” sangmoon still teased, keeping it light-hearted, pausing to take a drag of his cigarette as he thought of his next words. “ i don’t know if my opinion is welcome but i hope you’re able to see that you’re more than that. we’re all more than these companies want and expect us to be. it’ll pass too, eventually. as far as i’m aware you already do a good job with your solo stuff to remove yourself from this. it’ll be bad for a while longer but it’ll get better. ”
it was hard to put into words exactly what was going on with him. overall, moon’s life wasn’t really that bad. he’d turned numb towards group schedules years ago and his album with andy did better than he expected, people seemingly enjoying it a lot. his relationship was also going steady – for anyone without a diagnosed mental illness to call their own it’d be difficult to understand. “ i’ve been on antidepressants for a few years, ” moon wasn’t embarrassed about that truth. if dimensions chose to bury it, he didn’t care but he wasn’t about to make that effort. “ they usually work just fine to keep me going but i’ve been feeling off in a way i shouldn’t, lately. i don’t know if it’s because the medication isn’t working and i might need to change the dose or even the one i take or if it’s something else. ”
