Tragical Romance and All

formly come-alongmarauders

[hometoursandotherstuff]

I don't mean y'all, this just cracked me up, so I'm sharing it.

[woosh-floosh-art]

Situation that happened in class this semester that was so funny I immediately sketched it out in my notes

[pansyfemme]

close your eyes and imagine freshly roasted root vegetables perfectly seasoned and crispy as far as the eye can see

[nighttimepatrons]

Sam trying to get Frodo to take one more step

[nighttimepatrons]

Sam psychologically tormenting Gollum

[draconym]

i would rather see the information for an event handwritten in sharpie on a paper towel than see another AI generated flyer

[aj-living-life]

Saving this post to show my boss who I told the AI flier makes us look lazy and ignorant, and offered to hand draw one. She still printed tons of ai fliers and I'm tempted to make a better one just because it annoys me so much.

[aj-living-life]

Fun update: event was canceled because literally nobody rsvp'd to the AI flier.

[scribefindegil]

I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.

[geese-in-flight]

I was dating someone who wanted to be accommodating and work with me to figure things out but lacked the EQ to do so in any effective way. It was my first relationship and I was still figuring out what being ace meant for me. It’s been eight or nine years, but I still remember very clearly the moment I realized we’d been approaching the entire discussion as if my orientation was the problem to be solved, and that it would be equally as valid to say that hers was.

She was significantly less impressed with this revelation than I was, but I tried to hold on to it ever since (although obviously the real problem wasn’t either one of us, but the mismatch and the lack of tools to deal with it). I think it’s super important to remember that we aren’t the ones in the wrong while our theoretical partners are the ones in the right. I was surprised by how much I’d internalized the assumption and I don’t think I’m the only one.

[ineffectualdemon]

The other frustrating aspect of this is allo relationships will often have periods of time where libido does not match (I'm not derailing and this will swing back to asexual people)

Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work

There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest

And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness

An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.

I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier

And asexual people would stop getting shit for being themselves.

[scribefindegil]

Yeah, exactly! There are many different forms of intimacy, physical and emotional, and we need to stop viewing non-sexual forms of intimacy as inherently lesser.

And also you're right that while this post is specifically about the asexual experience, these problems affect everyone; desire gaps, whether temporary/circumstantial or ongoing, affect many if not most long-term relationships. And the solution needs to reaffirm bodily autonomy and compassion for everyone, not just carve out a specific exception for ace people. Too frequently I see people and institutions that, even when they're attempting to be affirming, essentially say "Well this is what a committed relationship Needs To Look Like . . . unless you already id as ace I guess" instead of allowing their general idea of what relationships can look like to expand and become less prescriptive.

No one should be pressured into sex they don't want. This should be a basic and non-negotiable tenet of feminism. But it goes out the window as soon as it's in the context of a committed relationship that isn't otherwise abusive.

[aro-thoughts]

What the hell... I had no idea the one who doesn't want to have sex is still pressured to put out even if they're going through something- stress, health problems, after giving birth, what the hell!!!! Like actually why is sex seen as that important that it should override even things like that???? Honestly what's even the appeal of sex if your partner isn't consenting

Here's the solution I'd propose if I were the therapist in that situation. It won't work for everyone, but polyamory exists. Obviously OP felt committed enough to this person that they still stayed in each other's lives when they're 'just' friends. So the way I see it is like, even if you personally have never considered polyamory, if you're dedicated to a person enough, you can let things like that slide, and that way everyone gets their needs met

Honestly. There is no way in hell that one person, and only one person, is capable of being there for you physically, emotionally, sexually, romantically and otherwise all of the time. There are some things your partner may not be able to do for you that other people can. And honestly. If there's a need you have that must be fulfilled, and there's a person who's capable and willing to fulfill it for you....I don't see the problem

Literally as long as anything is safe, sane and consensual, what is the problem....

[scribefindegil]

Hi! I only just saw this addition and I really don't want it circulating without a rebuttal, so please listen to me when I say: suggesting polyamory as The Solution to a situation like this is just as aphobic and insulting as suggesting that ace people suck it up and have sex anyway. Many ace people have been coerced into polyamory/open relationships that they do not want because of this attitude. It continues to present the desire for sex as a non-negotiable need that MUST be met while ignoring the ace partner's needs and desires.

Not everyone is interested in polyamory. Telling ace people that they "must" be okay with it if they're not interested in sex, is, frankly, fucked up.

[aro-thoughts]

Oh god <.< I hope everyone who saw my response will see this addition too 🤔 I think polyamory is definitely important to at least bring up in a conversation like this but no, it's not the end all be all- I think I did word it like it was The Perfect Solution? My bad bro 💀

I think how I'd amend that would be that I think the frameworks of relationships that we have are just way too reductive (the assumption that the ace person must bend to the need for sex, etc), and at least for me, some kind of relationship anarchy type of deal is a lot more fitting

[scribefindegil]

Thank you for listening! I absolutely agree that a discussion of relationship anarchy is important in situations like this, but that also includes things like "interrogating how much the allo person's desire for sex in a relationship is genuine vs how much of it is that they've internalized the societal message that they're a failure if their partner doesn't find them attractive." Often the suggestion that aces try polyamory doesn't come from a place of truly valuing relationship anarchy and the personal choice to pursue non-normative relationships, but as a way of replacing one prescriptive relationship model with another.

[limbel]

we have to thank our brave soldiers in fandom who write gen fics. we have to thank our brave soldiers in fandom who write character studies and stories with no focus on romance or sex. we have to get on our knees and thank the brave soldiers in fandom who write about minor characters and friendship and family with no focus on romance or sex. i know it’s hard to care about characters in a world that seems to only revolve around ships but i see you. and i love you

[perfect-jerry-blossom]

i genuinely can't fucking deal with the larger internet anymore holy shit what the fuck are you people TALKING about. i am at my limit with this stupid bullshit. who the fuck cares if a man is hired to draw medical diagrams for young girls jesus christ we're pearl clutching about medical illustrations now? next you're gonna tell me male pediatricians shouldn't advise parents on their kids' vulva issues? male surgeons shouldn't be in the room when performing a procedure where a woman's breasts or vulva might be exposed? male researchers shouldn't conduct gynecological medical research? sure. better for men to live in ignorance and NEVER ally themselves with us to expand access to sexual education and reproductive healthcare i fucking guess. Twenty thousand likes. i hate it here KILL ME

[bruzum]

[lastvalyrian]

This is literally what people are talking about when they say AI will be used to mainstream widely held bigotry. LLMs are trained on frequency and probability -> straight relationships are more well represented in the dataset -> straight pronouns and terms become the "correct" normal.

This is a form of backdoor bigotry from both normative facts (there are more straight than gay relationships) and well represented bigoted beliefs (men are superior to women).

Combine this with the mass of people inclined to believe (and being encouraged to believe) that if AI says and does something it must be correct

[neckfat]

[catgirlmimikyu]

I don't understand husbands who dgaf abt their wife's interests. you should be getting hard every time she nerds out, no exceptions

[blignick]

[baetology]

Stop letting your heart and your pussy choose your men.

[trapbinch]

I’m confused, what is left…

[trapbinch]

Oh nvm lmao my brain. You right sis lol you is right

[baetology]

You really forgot your whole brain.

[pussylipgloss]

she read this post with her pussy

[havingrevelations-deactivated20]

we should have started rioting when they took cd and dvd player slots out of laptops

[toastbutteregg]

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

"are you gonna take those pills the rest of your life?" you mean my molecules? why surely you wouldn't deprive me of my molecules. they are shaped exactly just so, you see. my molecules

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

do you know how hard someone had to work to make my molecules into their molecule shapes??

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

they invented a new shape of molecule just for me and you want me to what, not absorb it???

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

reblog to remind somebody about their molecules

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

people who shape molecules at their jobs found this post and they're in the notes being happy to be appreciated. go take your fucking molecules

[bunbunpa]

Bnnuy Ი𐑼

[lightwolf]

Editing? Oh you mean fic patching.

[lightwolf]

Protagonist now has more complex motivations.

Protagonist now remembers key facts about important people. He no longer develops convenient amnesia between cutscenes.

Protagonist now has a cooldown on certain adverbs. Adverbs have been buffed by 30% to compensate.

Developer note: Adverbs are important to writing but they are sometimes overused. This change keeps adverbs relevant while encouraging the use of adjectives and verbs.

The horse now has a name.

Deuteragonist snark power has been increased to 150, up from 75.

[mmedemerteuil]

Characters now no longer reference the previous version’s climate and have been updated to react appropriately to the currently set season.

Solved a glitch where supernumerary limbs would sometimes emerge during complex physical interactions.

Should no longer display “[insertnamehere]” during conversations and narration. All of such occurrances have been replaced with the appropriate tags.

Conversation continuity has been improved. Characters will no longer inappropriately respond with lines from previous iterations of the narrative.

All references to “Event A” have been purged to reflect changes in narrative structure.

Now with more thematically-consistent swearing.

[kedreeva]

Back-to-back repeated words that resulted from sentence rearranging or start/stop editing have been cleared.

Paragraphs which contained two or more instances of the same adjective have had their adjectives updated to accurately reflect a player’s vocabulary inventory.

Minor time traveling issues have been resolved, all characters should now exist in the same tense.

Punctuation has been improved. Commas have been reduced by half.

Characters sighing has been reduced by 30%.

Characters looking at things or people during conversations has been reduced by 40%. To make up for this, characters thinking about the conversation has been boosted and descriptive narrative has been added.

Title has been applied.