Fontaboh

Ali | Italy 🇮🇹| Crazy about books, fashion, food and mostly italian football(er)

[the-boring-little-pub]

Cassian + Nesta’s reading taste

[gnossienne]

Irek Mukhamedov (Romeo) and Viviana Durante (Juliet) in Romeo and Juliet (The Royal Ballet, 1992)

[asdfgbhjkfrgfkslehelsfhelfew-de]

[acotars]

100 days of character posters (77/100)

↳ How the wind moans her name. Can you hear it, too? Nesta. Nesta. Nesta.

[acotars]

100 days of character posters (85/100)

↳ Adam had seen what Ronan could do. He’d read the dreamt will and ridden in the dreamt Camaro and been terrified by the dreamt night terror. It was possible that there were two gods in this church.

[inkedstarlight]

credit to @elithien for the beautiful cover art

[romaisamaria]

The King of Hybern raising his hands about to give the killing blow.

Nesta covering Cassian's body with her own, accepting they would both die together.

Hybern: "Romantic...but ill-advised."

Elain stepping out of a shadow and stabbing Hybern.

Nesta:

[fontaboh]

Lmaooo

[romaisamaria]

NESTA: *Breathes*

[antigonick]

Pauline’s book recs : a MASTERPOST

Shit, it’s 2020 and I’ve updated this Behemoth again. There’s both old and new in here. If you’re having problems with links overlapping, it is most likely the app/dashboard glitching—try the permalink version, and everything should work out, even on mobile. And of course, HAVE FUN.

Ressources : where to find books online?

CLASSICAL LITERATURE (ANTIQUITY) Where should I start? The fundamental works Where should I start? The mythology-oriented works Where should I start? Mythology, but make it non-greek Where should I start? The translation edition A very touristic overview of Ancient Greek literature Different texts for Antigone Different texts for Elektra  Different texts and translations for The Odyssey

CLASSIC [? who cares] BOOKS (ALL ERAS) First things first : a few favourites And works in translation : a few more favourites Where should I start? My first classics A very touristic overview of literature reading Modern classics Reading women : a few favourites ; wait, much more Reading men : a few favourites Children literature : a few favourites ; more Experimental literature Where should I start? English and US literature  Where should I start? Modern Italian literature Where should I start? German and Austrian literature Where should I start? Russian literature Where should I start? Irish literature I’m terribly unknowledgeable about? Japanese literature Where should I start? Renaissance literature Where should I start? French literature for intermediate level Where should I start? French Medieval literature Where should I start? Victorian literature Where should I start? Contemporary literature Reading classics to children Children literature for adults (?) A bit of myth, a bit of fairy tale Short-length classics ; more here Short stories One last thing: books I don’t want to check out

POETRY First things first : a few favourites Second things second : a bunch of recs Where should I start? Poetry Learning French? Easy French poetry Lesbian French poetry Russian poetry : a few favourites Narrative poems ; much more Mystic poems Poems about separation Poems about love Poems about happiness Poems about exile Poems about poetry

DRAMA First things first : a few favourites

NON-FICTION First things first : a few favourites ; more recent On feminism (it’s old) On translation On literary analysis and adaptation  On first-level literary analysis and French movements On biographies and diaries ; more here ; and more? On writing theory and another one On art history On reader-response theory Very lacking, but on female history On witches On Sufism Literary interviews Essays

YEARLY SUMMARY Best of 2018 : Prose Summary of 2018 Best of 2017 : Fiction Best of 2017 : Poetry Best of 2016 : Fiction Best of 2016 : Poetry 2016 Summer reading list 2015 - 2016 awaited releases Best of 2015 : Fiction Best of 2015 : Poetry

THEMATIC LISTS By character Works featuring Persephone Works featuring Kassandra Works featuring male protagonists written by women Works featuring the House as a character Works featuring mermaids Works featuring the femme fatale archetype Works featuring female villains Works with Nature as a character Works with supernatural entities as a human double Works with introspective characters Works with narcissistic characters Romances featuring softer male protagonists Trope : Star-crossed lovers Trope : Friends to lovers Trope : Villainous love Trope : Toxic mother figure Trope : adaptating Beauty and the Beast Trope : adaptating Bluebeard By theme LGBTQ+ (a terribly old and lacking list) Books taking place in a single building Books taking place in one House Books taking place in a high school Books about seeing into the Future Books by the sea (and the few pirates) Books set in Paris Books about girlhood Books about introspection and self-discovery Books about melancholy and sadness Books about happiness and hope Books with symbolism and atmosphere Books about moral corruption and spiritual decadence Books about sex politics and philosophy Books about the female rage Books about or taking place during World War I Books featuring suicides Poems for mothers Poems about poetry Great love stories Unusual love stories Idealised, bittersweet love ; more By genres Rewriting Greek and Roman myths Rewriting Fairy Tales ; and again Writing and rewriting Arthuriana Favourites free-to-play text-based games Gothic and neo-gothic Southern Gothic Magical realism Dystopias Young Adult Horror novels (but check the gothic instead) Crime novels Medieval historical fiction Just, like, sappy stuff

By context Beach reading Travel reading Halloween reading (spooky!) Winter reading Summer reading ; another Lockdown reading (you can still ask!) By book Books similar to The Secret History Books similar to Wuthering Heights ; again Books similar to A Grief Observed Books similar to The Brothers Karamazov Books similar to On Being Ill Books similar to Eros the Bittersweet Books similar to Dracula Excerpts similar to Dido and Aeneas parting in the Aeneid Recommended editions of Romeo and Juliet Recommended editions of Shakespeare’s Sonnets Recommended editions of Wuthering Heights Recommended translations of Tristan and Yseult Lit criticism on Dorian Gray Lit criticism on Sonnets to Orpheus Books adapted to the screen (1) Books adapted to the screen (2) By author Favourite French writers Favourite Contemporary writers What to read? By Women French writers What to read? By Anne Carson (And some prep reading for Anne Carson) What to read? By Richard Siken What to read? By Roland Barthes What to read? By Agatha Christie What to read? By E. A. Poe What to read? By Daphné du Maurier What to read? By Sylvia Plath What to read? By Priya Sarukkai Chabria What to read? By Hélène Cixous What to read? On and by Branwell Brontë If you love Anne Carson If you love Angela Carter  If you love Louise Glück  If you love Virginia Woolf  If you love Sylvia Plath  If you love Marguerite Duras If you love Emile Zola If you love Colette

[maevelin]

I have no objections with people liking Nesta but I don't understand why people would ever want Cassian to get with a woman like Nesta. He deserves someone better than anyone that is set on demeaning him. He is lighthearted and a good person. He deserves better.

Sigh…you got me in quite a mood dear anon so deep breath and rant ahead.

You have been warned.

So…I never understood the concept of love being a reward for someone’s ‘good’ form, character or behavior. And I am not even going to get into the whole glamorization of love as an emotion and the concept that is something solely good and pure and only ‘good’ people and certain ‘characters’ and ‘snowflakes’ experience it or should experience it.

I will stand on something different though.

People are not objects and trophies and prizes that one should get for being good and for deserving ‘better’ (and BTW, I will get to that too in a while).

Relationships are not about deserving and about perfection and about what works on paper. Relationships can come in many forms and bonds and it is about people that find something in someone else and then they work through their shit (and in this case both Nesta and Cassian have a lot shit to work through) because they care enough to make their relationship work. Because you get to fall in love for many reasons and you get to love the flaws and the imperfections. You get to like a person because you are attracted to them for whatever reason logical or illogical. Because they intrigue you. Because of lust or intense emotion. Because they take you by surprise. Because romance usually is about personal conflict and growth and collision. Because in fiction this brings drama and it is interesting for many people especially when it includes complicated characters with many layers and depth that help each other’s characterization progress and development in many ways.

But hey. I get not liking a character or a ship. It is your prerogative. You might not like the chemistry of two characters. You might not get it. You might be allergic to it. You might not care for it. You might not understand it. You might hate it. You might not be able to tolerate the story or a character or a concept. It is your right. I am not here to dictate to you what to like and what not to like. Something is not your cup or tea and your personal taste is different from that of another person. Different strokes for different folks and all that.

But here you are in my ask box. I get not liking a ship but why would you come to the blog of someone that likes it with such comments? What do you gain? Stick to your lane and ship and let others ship.

Also…seriously…I am in awe.

You are here to tell me that the half a millennia winged Illyrian Fae warrior who is basically a LORD OF FREAKING WAR that is leaving mountains of corpses in the battlefields and has been shedding blood for centuries is not deserving of a 20-22 year old woman with limited experience that she is just start beginning to understand what life is after leading a very restricted and limited one. This is what you are telling me right? That the man that brings horror and is capable and able to bring nations to their knees and is known by the freaking Bone Carver as the Lord of Bloodshed is not deserving of a …young girl while he is the winning prize in the lottery for Nesta. Am I getting this right?

The superficial way people view certain characters astonishes me.

Cassian is not a ray of sunshine and not an innocent lighthearted and most of all balanced person. Cassian is one of my most favorite characters in the acotar series (Top Five easily). But he, as many characters of the book, is a grey character that can often be amoral. You don’t get to become THE General of the Night Court and the commander of the Illyrian forces and part of the Inner Circle by being solely moral and good and …nice.

Cassian is dangerous. Like Alpha Male dangerous. He is an experienced man. An experienced OLD man. The fact that he looks hot and young and is energetic with a six pack does not change his age or his position in life or who he is. And if you put that in contrast with a young girl with Nesta’s history that has not even traveled the world yet -while this was her dream- then who ‘deserves’ who can become a very long argument.

Cassian is indeed a good man but he is carrying a load of crap and baggage on his shoulders. He is over half a millennia old. He is a FREAKING GENERAL from crying out loud. The fact that he cracks jokes and is supportive of his family and friends does not take away all the blood he had shed or the scars that has left on him (and he will bring those scars to whatever relationship he enters). It does not take away that the bone carver called him the Lord of Bloodshed. Cassian is a killer. A professional one at that. No matter how noble he is (and he is) that does not change that it takes a certain kind of bloodthirsty savageness and mindset to rise to where he is now. Cassian views fighting and cutting through people as if it is an art. He walks hand in hand with death. He commands the Illyrian forces of the Night Court.

For centuries he is mixed to a dysfunctional emotional triangle with both of his best friends in a way that hurts one of his two brothers -because this is what Azriel is for him- and he is in a complicated mess with Morrigan. He has codependency issues with Morrigan, Rhysand and Azriel. He has shown to have suicidal tendencies (add homicidal to that too). He is not all sunshine and charm and jokes. He goes to the battlefield to kill and to count the dead and inform their families. It takes a certain kind of heart and soul and violence to wage war. To kill people. To do that for half a millennia. He is feared and terrifies his enemies. He has self esteem issues and even depression signs (as surprise surprise so does Nesta). He is haunted by ghosts of the past. He is afraid of commitment. He is menacing. He has sent monsters into the prison of the Night Court. He is ready to cut through his enemies like butter or condemn them to an eternity of imprisonment.

He has lived lifetimes. He has experience both on the light side of life and the dark side of life.

Say what you like about Nesta and her behavior but in the end she is just a..girl. She is not experienced with life or men for that matter. She has been sexually assaulted and sheltered. She wanted to travel but did not got a chance. She is very young and thrown in a life and nature she had not wanted. How old is she really? 20-22? And for you a 22 year old -tops- girl with limited life experience does not deserve a 500+ years old man because that man is somehow an optimist and an extrovert and so good? You are seriously going with that right now?

Because Cassian needs to be coddled and a bitch like Nesta is not a good fit for …him? Because a man needs …deserves…as sweet woman as a reward right? Because a woman has to apologize for everything in her character and become less so to fit the needs of a man because of what he deserves and if not then…she does not deserve him. (My mind’s wires are short cutting right now I kid you not).

If anything it would be more healthy for Nesta to not get involved with a man like Cassian until she has some decades at least on her back and a lot more experience.

Many people say that Nesta is mean with Cassian. And she has bitter outbursts with him that is for sure true up to an extent but no one ever pointed out how Cassian when he first met Nesta had already formed an opinion over her as if he had the right to do so only because his new friend (which he barely really knew) told him (mostly alluded) some things that did not involve him in any way. From the very start Cassian had judged Nesta and played judge and jury with her and had condemned her without even exchanging a word with her. Not even Rhysand that was Feyre’s mate did that.

Nesta was right to tell him that “You know nothing about who I am, and what I’ve done and what I want.“

Why wouldn’t Nesta be hostile with him? The guy has boundaries issues. And was quick to judge her. He is a centuries years old persistent (borderline obsessed) Fae male that …can’t stay away. Romance aside let us not start glamorizing certain people and acting as if Cassian is perfect. He is not. He has flaws. There are no saints and sinners in this equation. Nesta has not treated Cassian right all the time but Cassian has not always treated Nesta right either. And if we take their character traits into account this was bound to happen.

Yes Nesta is an asshole. But guess what? Cassian is an asshole too. He taunts, he mocks, he insults, he provokes, he uses his sexual experience as a weapon of choice, he intimidates, his uses his body as a way to make others step back, he throws tantrums, he hides behind jokes, he is reckless, he is hard. In the first sign of true intimacy he backs down and alienates people. He has been all those things with Nesta. He originally was surprised and even took offense because Nesta ignored his good looks for crying out loud. Cassian even in Wings and Embers tried to intimidate her while he barely knew her. A human 22 year old girl that could crash with his little finger while he could tell that she had no experience in physical combat or men. He used his nature, his body, his words to make Nesta less of who she was. To make her feel uncomfortable. His game was less than honorable back then. And when that did not work his infatuation started to run deeper and they both entered a game of push and pull and love-anger/hate and bickering and…understanding.

That does not make him a bad person. He is a good man. A messed up mortally grey good man with honor. In the same way Nesta is also a good woman.  A messed up angry woman with a moral code that for getting to see you need to watch past the surface. A woman that got inspired by Feyre’s and Cassian’s honor and made Cassian proud. A proud woman that has made mistakes but is learning from them and tries to better herself with actions. Something that Cassian sees and respects and maybe even has also done in his long life because everyone starts from somewhere and faces difficulties and trauma in different ways and learns and grows and moves on.

Nesta grew up with the same superstitions Feyre grew up when it came to Fae people. Do you remember how Feyre herself acted with the Fae at the very beginning before she grew to know them? And yet Nesta allowed Fae men to get into her home. Nesta’s interest when it came to Cassian himself surpassed her prejudices before she was even thrown to the Cauldron and turned to High Fae herself.

Nesta was traumatized after been thrown in the Cauldron. And so was Cassian when he had his wings shredded… but he could not stay away from Nesta despite the boundaries she was trying to put between them. It was his choice to go over to her over and over again despite being rejected. No one from the fandom ever speaks of the trauma Nesta had been subjected too and how Cassian’s needs should not surpass her needs over this. But sure.. Nesta is mean so Cassian’s needs must go first. But just maybe this is not about romance or about what a man deserves. This is not about Cassian getting to feel better. And yet somehow this is what it all ends up too.

Introvert vs Extrovert. Young age vs Old age. Man vs Woman. A man that has lived his life to the fullest vs a woman that has not yet lived. Who deserves who.

Does Cassian deserve Nesta? Does Nesta deserve Cassian?

In my opinion who deserves who is a bullshit argument to make for this sort of subject. I can give you a dissertation of why Cassian does not deserve Nesta too. Or why he does deserve her. And vice versa for the other way around.

Truth is that in my opinion they complete each other. It is not just opposites attract. Cassian found an equal in Nesta despite their differences (that are many). Mentally and intellectually they are equal and similar even.

Blade and fire made flesh. Death made flesh. They fit each other.

Cassian is a killing machine and Nesta now holds death in her fingertips. While Cassian always walked in death. But more so aside those parallels that mirror each other they also click as characters.

Cassian shares the same values with Nesta. The same need to protect others. Nesta kept saying how she wanted to help families and children. Cassian has the same view point with her. It is in his very core the need to protect others and this was in the end what Nesta was ready to sacrifice herself for.

Nesta that is so cold on the outside because she feels everything more intense than any other in the inside. Cassian that is so easy going on the outside because he is broken in the inside. Nesta that uses cruel words as a shield. Cassian that uses jokes as an armor. Nesta that hides her emotions and vulnerabilities. Cassian that does the same in different ways. Nesta that is afraid to let others in. Cassian that observes everything both in the battlefield and outside of it. Nesta that scares people. Cassian that is not and could never be afraid of her. Cassian that intimidates people. Nesta that refuses to be intimidated by him. Nesta that throws insults. Cassian that throws tantrums. Cassian that turns his pain to playfulness and his weakness to anger and battle. Nesta that does not allow anyone to see her as weak and turns her rage to ice and her pain to faux indifference and hostility. Cassian that gets his power from his warrior nature and training. Nesta that wants to be empowered and get agency in different ways. Cassian that leans to order and anarchy. Nesta that leans to order and freedom. Nesta that is now the emissary of the Night court. The bridge of the human world with the Fae world trying to balance an understanding between two worlds. Cassian that is always trying to create an understanding between the Illyrians and the rest of High Fae and the man that becomes a bridge when he has a death count in paper and has to inform all the families of the lost. Nesta that her power is now connected with death. Cassian that has been walking in death. Nesta that is too serious. Cassian that is too aloof. Nesta that is too proud and disdainful and willful. Cassian that is arrogant and cocky and prideful. Nesta that is all about manners and propriety. Cassian that is insolent and all about wrecking buildings. Cassian that is serious when needs to be and Nesta that needs to relax and laugh more. Nesta that prefers a book and solitude and Cassian that in silent moments shows a more grounded version of himself. Cassian that people overlook his intelligence. Nesta that people overlook her humanity. Cassian born in a world that does not value bastards. Nesta born in a world that does not value women. Nesta that does not let others in. Cassian that is not making any serious commitments and relationships. Nesta that is so afraid of what she feels for Cassian that prefers to keep him in arm’s lengths using insults and distance and Cassian that is so terrified of what he feels for Nesta that gets completely out of sync when she shows him tenderness and interest. Cassian, the Prince of Bastards, that wanted to find his place in the world and be a man with value despite his heritage and Nesta, the terrible Queen, that after loss and building emotional walls wanted to go out to the world and see what a woman could so and leave her mark in the world. Nesta and Cassian that both dream of a better more equal world for bastards, children and women. The same coin from different sides.

And really this is not about a competition. You do not fall in love with someone that is perfect for you in theory. You get to fall in love with …people. With imperfect people. You get to love them exactly due to those imperfections that make then unique. I cannot stress enough that this is not a matter of what someone ‘deserves’. It is about what someone feels. It is about what makes a heart tick. It could be the most weird combination. It could be insane. And volatile. And easy going or difficult until it aches. In the end it is all about understanding and Nesta and Cassian can understand each in a deep level that is mostly instinctual at this point. It is lust and attraction and sexual tension (like …seriously!) and struggle (because nothing that is worth it comes easy in life) and it is understanding and feeling and silent communication and attraction in all levels.

And guess what… Cassian deserves this. He deserves a person that won’t use him as a sexual object so to get out of predicament and then use him as a shield against his best friend and create conflict in him and in the relationships that define him. Cassian deserves a person that won’t be afraid to stand up against him and with him. That won’t be charmed by his superficial sexiness and distractions. That will be an equal to him. That will shout to him miles away to get him out of danger and he will hear that voice calling him to safety. Cassian deserves a touch. Deserves to fall in love. To have a person that can see when he is hurt. Cassian deserves to get a chance with the woman he is choosing to fight with him and die with him and the woman that he is ready to search to the other life just so to have a chance with her and not regret not spending time with her. The woman that when he in bleeding and unconscious he will try to defend till his last breath. The woman that has a name that he keeps hearing in the wind. Cassian deserves a person that can see beyond his facade. Nesta that understands how dangerous and how noble Cassian is because he sees what others don’t. Because he sees beyond the surface. Because he sees who truly Nesta is. And who Nesta is is someone that Cassian not only wants but would be damn lucky to have. A woman that will stand up next to him and won’t allow anyone to offend him and she won’t judge him for his past. A woman that will surprise him. A woman that will shield him with her body against death itself. A woman that will try to carry him away from danger. And if she can’t help him she will stay with him till the end. She won’t run. She won’t lie. She won’t be dishonest. She won’t see him as a charity case. She will stay for the good and the bad and for hell itself. Cassian has been a bastard that had found family to the inner circle of the Night Court and friends and family but something has always been missing. A sense of true belonging. To have someone stay with him as the world burns and protect him as he protects others. To have someone truly understand him and use honest actions instead of words. Yes Nesta and Cassian are in a clash of wills but also in a clash of hearts.

But sure thing. Cassian surely does not deserve this and I do not get why people like Nesta and Cassian as a ship either.

[regolithheart]

what do you think about the Nesta/Cassian/Mor conflict? also looking forward to your fics!!

Hi beautiful, sweet, innocent, Nonnie!!

Thank you for writing to me. Like I said, I could talk about Nessian all day and I am full. of. #thoughts. I could give you a short sweet answer, but it’s week six of quarantine, I had a brownie for dinner, and I don’t know what day it is. In the end, you’ll probably regret asking me, but lets just jump into it, shall we?

Unpopular opinion: I don’t like Rhys, Mor, or Feyre. So if you don’t want to hear what I have to say in regards to them, thanks for stopping by. No need to read further. 

I’ve never loved Feyre, but I think that has more to do with the fact that I just don’t like main characters in a series. Would I have preferred to read Hermione Granger and the Prisoner of Azkaban? You bet your ass. I also don’t like Rhys for the same reason, but also I dislike Rhys more than Feyre and for additional reasons which we will get to later.

I hate that I dislike Mor, because I loved her so much in ACoMaF and for a hot minute I shipped Mor and Azriel because I am a sucker for the unrequited love trope. A real sucker. And maybe, maybe I could have overlooked the retconning of her being a lesbian (yes, it was a retcon. Fight me.), if it weren’t for the fact that it makes her look really really bad and makes her treatment of Azriel even worse. I get it. I do. Her working through being okay with telling the others any of her business is part of her personal journey, but being honest to someone you claim to love about not being able to love them the way they hope to be is different than telling them you can’t be in a relationship because you prefer the opposite sex. Listen, I obviously have thoughts about this, but that’s not what the question was about so I’ll move on. 

Mor and Cassian’s relationship is a dangerous one. They both use each other as a crutch. From day one, Mor was using Cassian. Now, I don’t think she was doing it maliciously, but he appealed to her because he was already one of the most powerful Illyrians and a bastard to boot. Why do you think Mor chose Cassian and not Azriel? Sure, she wanted to own her own body. She wanted to decide who she gets to sleep with, but she decided she wanted to sleep with someone before going to the Autumn Court to stick it to Keir and the establishment. And what better way to stick it to them than to choose an Illyrian bastard. Because being the illegitimate son of an Illyrian lord is still ranked higher than being someone with no father and a dead mother. Mor knew exactly what she was doing when she chose Cassian. She is Rhys’ third-in-command for a reason. She aint no dumdum.

And for 500 years it was all good, right? Mor didn’t care who Cassian hooked up with because she knew they were no threat. But as soon as someone comes along that Cassian has feelings for, like true, legit, feelings, she cannot handle it. Because if she loses Cassian as a buffer then she really will have to be honest with Azriel (the horror). And so what does she do? She gets possessive. She outright hates Nesta and does not hold her feelings or tongue back. Now, some people are going to say that Nesta is the worst. She was horrible to Feyre growing up, she’s rude, she’s belligerent, and she can be a straight up bitch. Yeah. No argument there. We’ve all read the books. We have see the evidence throughout the whole entire series. But so is Rhys, so is Mor, so is Feyre, and Cassian and Amren. The only difference, is that a) they all have each other’s backs while no one has Nesta’s and b) we get to see everyone’s reasons and everyone’s POV except for Nesta’s. Feyre is an unreliable narrator, which is why I’m looking forward to seeing Cassian and Nesta away from Feyre in book 4 because I don’t trust her to tell me what’s going on for realsies. 

Honestly, the scene that made me straight up get so pissed at Mor was in ACoFaS when Nesta shows up to the Solstice party and Elain gives Nesta her present. All of Cassian’s attention is pointed to Nesta and what does Mor do? She forces Cassian to pay attention to her by choosing that exact moment to give him his Solstice present. Not any other time before or after when Cassian barely even glances Nesta’s way, but during the what, five seconds, he’s looking at her? PLEASE! It’s so passive aggressive and I hate it. I hate it!

I think the thing that bothers me the most abut Cassian and Mor’s relationship is that it really is just a miniature version of Cassian’s relationship with the Inner Circle in regards to Nesta. But really, when I say Inner Circle, I mean Rhys. I hate how Rhys treats Nesta, thinks of Nesta, and dismisses Nesta. Does he have his reasons? Sure. Are they valid reasons? He sure thinks they are, but like I said before, he’s no angel and we got to hear his full story so until we get Nesta’s full story then I don’t need my inbox blowing up. And honestly, if it turns out that Nesta really is as bad as everyone thinks she is, that’s still not going to change my opinion of her. I mean, why have you even read this far if you don’t like Nesta? Has anyone read this far, period? 

What I mean to say is that Cassian loves his family. He loves Nesta. The problem is that his family and Nesta don’t love each other and he will always feel torn apart over it. Cassian knows that Rhys hates Nesta. He can barely acknowledge her existence in front of Rhys and Azriel because they barely do. Yeah, his feelings are complicated right now. He’s hurt, and angry, and confused, and still loves her and can’t work out his feelings because he doesn’t have a safe place to do so. If there’s anyone he should feel comfortable going to to work out these feelings with, it’s Rhys, Az, and Mor but he can’t because he knows exactly how they feel about her, which is that they tolerate her at best. And even then, do they? 

I don’t want Cassian to feel like he has to choose between Nesta or his family, but as the situation stands, he probably does feel like that. I mean, who knows. Maybe he’s already chosen his family over Nesta. It’s not like she’s making an argument on her own behalf. But we know Cassian loves Nesta. Even if he’s annoyed with her, or mad, or frustrated with her, we know that he honest-to-the-Mother loves her. But until everyone can heal, and understand one another, and accept each other, it’s a lose-lose situation all around. Notice how I didn’t say love, or even like. 

Do I feel sorry for Cassian? Yes. Do I think he’s entirely faultless? Nope. Yes, he’s in a shitty situation, but honestly if he had a real conversation with Mor (and the Inner Circle) about his feelings about/for Nesta and confront her about her treatment of Nesta, he’d get different results. Do I think he’s terrified of having an actual, honest conversation? You betcha.

And yeah, we all know that Nesta isn’t making the situation any easier. But she’s hurt and suffering more than any of us really know. Do I think she's entirely blameless? Absolutely not. But I do feel that Rhys and Mor are extra judgmental of her because they already have their preconceived notions of her and anything she’s done contrary to that is ignored while everything she does that reiterates it is magnified. But here I am getting derailed again.

Nesta feels unloved. We can argue whether or not it is deserved another time, but the fact is that she feels unloved. Probably has always felt unloved. So every time Cassian choses to look at Mor instead of Nesta, it’s confirmation to her that she will never be anyone’s first choice. Look, the only man who said he loved her turned out to be abusive and assaulted her. And then when her father declares that he loves her, he gets murdered right in front of her eyes. Elain is the only other person Nesta knows loves her, and now she’s chosen Feyre and the Inner Circle over her (at least she has in Nesta’s eyes). You see where I’m going with this, right?

Except for the few dire times during the war--like when they’re legit in battle for their lives and emotions are running high--does Cassian let himself show Nesta that he cares for her. The only other times is when they’re by themselves. We know it’s because Cassian hides behind his bravado. But to Nesta, who probably has the worst opinion of herself, it probably means he’s ashamed to show it. Or he’s uncertain. I know we don’t have proof of this in the text, but I like to think I understand Nesta on a deep level, I can just imagine that’s how she’s feeling. Nesta pushes people away so that she doesn’t get disappointed when they decide to leave on their own accord. Nesta fought for Feyre, she fought for Elain, and she fought for Cassian. And in ACoFaS they all essentially turned their backs on her. And you wonder why she has so much rage in her frozen heart. 

TL;DR (not that I blame you): It’s complicated and it’s messy and everyone involved has contributed to it’s tangled mess of jealousy, insecurity, selfishness... but I also place more responsibility on the two 500-year-olds than I do on the 23-year-old. 

I’m really interested to see how it plays out in the next book(s), but I will tell you right now, I am on team Nesta Archeron and will be until my dying breath. 

Also, if you made it to the end...

[stardustsroses]

thoughts on sjm possibly making nesta apologizing to the circle even though she was exiled? feyre seems to force her to do things even though nesta clearly doesn’t belong. i don’t like that everyone expects her to join their group, they expect her to be ok after the war and seeing her father die in front of her eyes, and expect her to be like them. feyre’s always been the brave one, elain’s the people pleaser who will fake a smile but nesta isn’t and i love her for being so raw and realistic.

I… feel a bit icky about the idea of Nesta apologizing to the inner circle.

I think that it would be kind of Nesta to apologize to Feyre for her behaviour during those hungry years in their cabin. It would show a lot of growth in her, and it would surely be a little knife against her pride. However, I do feel like Nesta’s actions speak much louder than any apology she could say to Feyre, because even though Nesta always pushed Feyre away, she was the one that went out in search for her sister when Tamlin took her. Nesta shows Feyre that she loves her, and that she is sorry for the way she treated her youngest sister. An apology would only be a reflection of that - I think what really counts, and what Feyre should damn well keep in mind, is that her sister risked her life to save her.

In my opinion, Nesta has no need to apologize to the inner circle. She owns them nothing. I get it, I do. In her eyes, it’s their fault that she’s lost her humanity. It’s their fault that her father is dead. It’s their fault that she’s… different. Remember how much Nesta hated the Fae even before her sister was taken. Remember how afraid she was of them. She will put Tamlin, Lucien and all of the Night Court in the same bag. She doesn’t give a flying fork who’s better than who - and I get that.

All in all, I won’t mind if Nesta shows Feyre that she’s sorry. Is an apology necessary after she risked her life for Feyre’s? Well, like I said, her actions speak louder than her words, and we know Nesta has trouble with voicing her emotions. If Feyre can’t see how her sister is trying, then I say it’s Feyre’s own damn fault.

I actually despised the way Feyre treated Nesta in the last book. She was judgmental, rash, hateful and even cruel at times. She treated Nesta as if she was an inconvenience - something to be dealt with. I don’t care how many times Feyre defended Nesta in front of Rhysand - to me, that just makes Feyre a hypocrite. But I mean, let’s not talk about Rhys’ and Feyre’s characterization in acofas because both went miserably downhill for me. My point is, Nesta is in pain.

Nesta is in pain.

And no one can look past this wall that Nesta built around herself - not even Cassian. Except for Elain, and at times Cassian, the others’ reactions when it comes to Nesta is look at her as if she’s the problem. Why aren’t they trying?

Fuck, why do they all coddle Elain and leave Nesta out in the cold?

I will say this: when someone is as broken down as Nesta is, they don’t don’t know the difference between a hand that’s extended towards them and a hand that’s ready to snap their neck. For her, everytime Cassian tries to reach out, her mind instantly goes to hell, because instead of thinking he’s trying to help me, the only thing she can think of is, he feels pity and feels obligated to help me. And to someone as proud as Nesta, you can see how that would only add to her pain.

She asked for none of this.

She simply wanted her life back. A life that was taken away from her without her permission. Hell, first, her mother who never spared her a second glance perished right in front of her, second, she lost her house, forced to live in the cold, hungry and helpless, and was looked down by everyone else. Third, she lost her sister, faced dangers to save her, only to be captured and then thrown into a world she never wanted to know? She was violated. 

Of course she is in pain. Of course she’s enraged.

Now add to all that suffering Feyre scowling at her, judging her coping mechanisms when Nesta doesn’t know any better with a hint of her sister’s new perfect little family looking at her like she’s a beast that needs to be leashed.

Add to all of that, being exiled from somewhere she doesn’t even consider home.

And she’s supposed to thank Feyre? To say, “Oh, my, thank you, really, that’s all I ever wanted, to be forced to deal with feelings I don’t understand and be dragged to only fuck-knows-where with a male I have confusing feelings for.”

???????????

Nesta owns no one an apology.

If she wishes to say, “Feyre, I’m sorry I treated you the way I did.” Fine. 

But more than that? I will not accept it.

What I would like to see? Feyre apologizing. Rhysand apologizing. Cassian trying a little harder, without pushing her too far. The inner circle respecting her boundaries, for once. And for Nesta to be extended a hand without being forced to take it.

[fontaboh]

This!

[alonesomes]

Any quotes which make you shudder?

GLAD YOU ASKED:

“I’m sorry about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine.” —Richard Siken from “Little Beast”“You happened to me. You were as deep down as I’ve ever been. You were inside me like my pulse.”—Marilyn Hacker from “Nearly a Valediction”“I don’t want to be around you. I don’t want to drink you in. I want to walk into the heart of you and never walk back out. “—Nico Alvarado from “Tim Riggins Speaks of Waterfalls”“Take me to your trees. Take me to your breakfasts, your sunsets, your bad dreams, your shoes, your nouns. Take me to your fingers.”—Margaret Atwood from “The Good Bones”“When I don’t touch you it’s a mistake in any life, in each place and forever.”—Bob Hicok from “Other Lives and Dimensions and Finally a Love Poem”“When I haven’t been kissed in a long time, I create civil disturbances, then insult the cops who show up, till one of them grabs me by the collar and hurls me up against the squad car, so I can remember, at least for a moment, what it’s like to be touched.”—Jeffrey McDaniel, “When a Man Hasn’t Been Kissed”“Kiss the mouth which tells you, here,here is the world. This mouth. This laughter. These temple bones.”—Galway Kinnell from “Little Sleep’s Head Sprouting Hair in the Moonlight”“I will love you forever; whatever happens. Until I die and after I die, and when I find my way out of the land of the dead, I’ll drift about forever, all my atoms, until I find you again.”—Phillip Pullman from “The Amber Spyglass”“I wanted to write ‘stay’ on your sides,surround your bed with oceans of salt.I hope he folds you into a fox, loves you like a splintered arrow, brandishes the kill of your lips. May the bouquet of your hips wither. May the wolves forget your name.”—J. Bradley“I love you. If you hadn’t existed I would have had to invent you.”–Elaine Dundy from “The Dud Avocado”“And I’d choose you; in a hundred different lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.”—Kiersten White“The first time I asked you on a date, after you hung up, I held the air between our phones against my ear and whispered, ‘You will fall in love with me. Then, just months later, you will fall out. I will pretend the entire time that I don’t know it’s coming.’”—Miles Walser “I will come back from the dead for you.”—Richard Siken from “You Are Jeff”“Do you want it? Do you want anything I have? Will you throw me to the ground like you mean it, reach inside and wrestle it out with your bare hands? If you love me, Henry, you don’t love me in a way I understand.”—Richard Siken from “Wishbone”“Here we are, at the place where I get to beg for it. Where I get to say ‘Please,for just one night, will you lay down next to me? We can leave our clothes on,we can stay all buttoned up?’ But we both know how it goes–– I say I want you inside me and you hold my head underwater. I say I want you inside me and you split me open with a knife.”—Richard Siken from “Wishbone”“Even when I’m dead, I’ll swim through the Earth like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones.”—Jeffrey McDaniel

[d010216]

“I went into the desert to forget about you. But the sand was the color of your hair. The desert sky was the color of your eyes. There was nowhere I could go that wouldn’t be you.” —Jeffrey Eugenides, Middlesex

“I want neither revenge nor relief. I crave no rescue. What I want, Lillian, is to be gigantic and perfectly lit, to be with you again, carnal in our reincarnation.” —Richard Siken, Lillian Gish Goes to Hell

“I belong deeply to myself.” —Warsan Shire, 34 Excuses for Why We Failed at Love

“Let me look at you in a light that takes years to get here.” —Solmaz Sharif, Look

“If you love something set it free. If it returns, burrows into your ribs, devours your heart & becomes your new heart, it was meant to be.” —Night Vale Podcast

[nessiancalore]

"nesta is so selfish"

“This meeting is over. I hope Hybern butchers you all.”

“This meeting is not over...You are all there is,” she said to Beron, to all of us. “You are all that there is between Hybern and the end of everything that is good and decent...You fought against Hybern in the last war. Why do you refuse to do so now?....You may hate us. I don’t careif you do. But I do care if you let innocents suffer and die. At least stand for them. Your people. For Hybern will make an example of them. Of all of us.”

“And you know this how?”

“I went into the Cauldron,It showed me his heart. He will bring down the wall, and butcher those on either side of it.....I am sorry for the loss of those children. The loss of one is abhorrent. But beneath the wall, I witnessed children—entire families—starve to death. Were it not for my sister … I would be among them...Too long,for too long have humans beneath the wall suffered and died while you in Prythian thrived. Not during that—queen’s reign.But long before. If you fight for anything—fight now, to protect those you forgot. Let them know they’re not forgotten. Just this once.”

“While a noble sentiment, the details of the Treaty did not demand we provide for our human neighbors. They were to be left alone. So we obeyed.”

“The past is the past. What I care about is the road ahead. What I care about is making sure no children—Fae or human—are harmed. You have been entrusted with protecting this land. How can you not fight for it?”

---------------------------------------------------

“Run toward the light,” I breathed to Nesta. “I’ll hold them off.”

“No.”

. .

“Run,” I breathed. “Please.”

She hesitated.

“Please,” I begged her, my voice breaking.

Nesta squeezed my hand once.

....

She gripped his leathers instead. “ Feyre,” she rasped, pointing behind her with a free hand, shaking him solidly with the other.... “Hybern.”

-------------------------------------------------

"This is the talk of madwomen. Of arrogant, stupid fools.”

Elain grabbed for Nesta’s hand to silence her. But Nesta stalked forward a step, face white with rage. “Give them the Book...Give them the Book.”

“No.”

“There are innocent people here. In these lands. If you will not risk your necks against the forces that threaten us, then grant those people a fighting chance. Give my sister the Book.”

“An evacuation may be possible—”

“You would need ten thousand ships,” Nesta said, her voice breaking. “You would need an armada. I have calculated the numbers. And if you are readying for war, you will not send your ships to us. We are stranded here.”

“Then I suggest asking one of your winged males to carry you across the sea, girl.”

Nesta’s throat bobbed. “Please.” I didn’t think I’d ever heard that word from her mouth. “Please—do not leave us to face this alone.”

-------------------------------------------------

“I don’t take orders from the bastards of lesser fae whores.”

“That bastard,” Nesta said with utter coolness, though her eyes began to burn, “may wind up being the only person standing in the way of Hybern’s forces and your people.”

-------------------------------------------------

But Nesta had jolted to her feet, staring at Cassian, at the helmet he had tucked into the crook of his arm, the weapons still poking above his shoulder, in need of cleaning...But she surveyed his seven Siphons, the dim red stones. And then she said, “You’re hurt.”

... “It’s fine.” ....But she reached for his arm—his shield arm.

...“You know better than to walk around with an injury,” Rhys said a bit tensely.

“I was busy,” Cassian said, not taking his focus off Nesta as she studied the swollen wrist. How she’d detected it through the armor … She must have read it in his eyes, his stance....“And it’ll be fixed by morning,” Cassian added, daring Rhys to say otherwise.

But Nesta’s pale fingers gently probed his golden-brown skin, and he hissed through his teeth.

“How do I fix it?” she asked. Her hair had been tied in a loose knot atop her head earlier in the day, and in the hours that we’d worked to ready and distribute supplies to the healers, through the heat and humidity, stray tendrils had come free to curl about her temple, her nape. Faint color had stained her cheeks from the sun, and her forearms, bare beneath the sleeves she’d rolled up, were flecked with mud.

.... “Icing it usually helps, but wrapping it will just lock it in place long enough for the sprain to repair itself—”

She reached for the basket of bandages she’d been preparing, then for the pitcher at her feet.

...as she washed his wrist, his hand, her own fingers gentle.... she wrapped bandages around his wrist, only grunting to confirm if it was too tight or too loose, if it helped at all.

...Nesta made to pull back, Cassian gripped her fingers in his good hand. She lifted her gaze to his. “Thank you,” he said hoarsely.

Nesta did not yank her hand away.

Did not open her mouth for some barbed retort.

She only stared and stared at him, at the breadth of his shoulders, even more powerful in that beautiful black armor, at the strong column of his tan neck above it, his wings. And then at his hazel eyes, still riveted to her face.

-----------------------------------------------

“It was some distant thing, war. Battle. It … it’s not anymore. I will help, if I can. If it means … telling them what happened.”

“You’ve given enough,Amren claimed you were close to mastering whatever skill you need. You should stay—focus on that.”

“No.” The word was steady, clear. “A day or two delay with my training won’t make any difference. Perhaps by the time we return, Amren will have decoded that spell in the Book.You went off to battle for a court you barely know—who barely see you as friends. Amren showed me the blood ruby. And when I asked you why … you said because it was the right thing. People needed help.” Her throat bobbed. “No one is going to fight to save the humans beneath the wall. No one cares. But I do...I do.”

---------------------------------------------------

yeah, she's really selfish, I can see it.Totally...

[rachaelanthoney]

Venice, 2016

[acomaflove]

ACOTAR Book 4 Plot:

[beyonce-knowles-carter]

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES (2011) PETER PAN (1953) SIREN: SEASON 2 EPISODE 10 (2019) HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE (2005) THE LITTLE MERMAID (1989) THE LIGHTHOUSE (2019) HOOK (1991) THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE (2005)  PONYO ON THE CLIFF BY THE SEA (2008) AQUAMARINE (2006)