all my life,

Ford Blackwell. 21 years old. Victor of the 71st Annual Hunger Games. Rebel. Survivor.

[cniehauses]

[sheisthelighthome-blog]

Biting her lip, she shrugged. “She would say the same thing I did, and you would say that to her. Strange how it all works out like that, hmm?” Adjusting herself against him, being sure to be the proper dance partner, she then squeezed her shoulder. “I’ll say you’re welcome on her behalf, though. Heaven knows she would whack you with a spoon at your thanks because she would be embarrassed.”

Laughing, she chimed, “I’ve always been sassy, haven’t you noticed?” There was a small chirp of surprise as he dipped her, but she held her head back and laughed. “Very, very smooth. I’m slightly impressed.”

[fordblackwell]

Ford let out a chuckle, nodding at her words. “That’s actually very true. The two of you are very alike, I’ve come to realize,” he smiled gently, shrugging. “I think that’s a good thing, though. A very good thing. The world needs more people like the two of you.” A sigh of something nearing contentment left his lips. It was surprising that it could in such a circumstance, but it was amazing the power that certain people had over his moods. “I wouldn’t want to get whacked with a spoon, to be honest. But I appreciate it, Chlobird.”

“Oh no, it’s completely escaped me,” he teased in return, a laugh bubbling out of his lips at the sound of surprise that left her own. “I’ve always been smooth, haven’t you noticed?” he mirrored her words, a smirk on his face. “Slightly? By the sounds of things, I’ll have to twirl you around this dance floor all night.”

[sheisthelighthome-blog]

She found that she couldn’t hold his gaze as he further explained. It was difficult to imagine her mother grieving; it was easier with Ford because she knew him like the back of her hand, but her mother? A woman who stood headstrong when her husband perished? Maybe it was because behind closed doors she cried. She didn’t spare that action for Chloe to witness. “Thank you, on her behalf,” she spoke, pushing away her thoughts. “We—she must’ve needed it desperately after I…left.” Looking back to him, she began to softly stroke the back of his neck again. “And to see you here, saved, is something to thank you for as well.”

As she was pulled closer, she settled her hands accordingly. She raised her chin in challenge. “You say that, and yet you’re still talking,” she quipped, her own, teasing smirk appearing. “Can’t prove me wrong unless you actually start doing something, Ford.”

[fordblackwell]

“There’s no need to thank me,” he assured her, giving the smallest of smiles at the entire idea. He didn’t want to be thanked for doing the right thing, for doing what he felt he needed to. There was a quite large crop of debt he owed to Mrs.Thorne that he was sure he would never be able to repay. “I did everything because I wanted to, because she.. she needed my help and our families were always so close. We helped each other,” he told her with a gentle expression. “It was.. nice to have her, I can’t thank her enough.”

“Wow, someone is sassy,” he chuckled, slowly beginning to move their bodies in time with the music. He never truly did feel like a particularly good dancer. Carefully, he held his hand on the small of her back to dip her, brows raising in amusement.

[fordblackwell]

¤ - Chloe ;3

It was so common for Ford to lose himself in the telling of a story, in giving an explanation. Words were something that always came easily to him, slipping off of his tongue with only the prior moments serving to form them within his mind. Still, around Chloe he seemed to stumble over them, tongue tripping up and falling over itself. Despite that, he found a way to be in the middle of a particularly boring rant. His gaze shifting over to her, he registered an odd look on her face.Just as he was about to question the reason behind it, he was interrupted by the feeling of her lips crashing into his. His heart stuttered inside of his chest and he almost-too-eagerly returned the gesture. After several drawn out moments, he pulled away just enough to rest his forehead against hers, grin on his face. “For once, I’m not offended by being told to shut up.”

[sheisthelighthome-blog]

Licking her lips, she pressed them together before nodding. Did she expect anything less from her mother? “I’m glad she was able to be strong for you, and that she could help you. I think—you would’ve brought her much comfort, Ford. Plenty.”

Huffing, she rolled her eyes. Of course he wouldn’t be one to forget—she wouldn’t either, though, if she were to be honest with herself—but she would mull over the conversation afterwards. “I’m saying you had room to improve,” she answered humorously. “So show me what you’ve got.”

[fordblackwell]

"It was.. She practically acted as a fill-in mother for a while, saved me from myself. I hate to say that I succumbed to it all, but for a while.. I did. It was difficult not to," he wet his lips, giving a slight shake of his head. "I helped where I could.. I helped her deal with the.. loss and.. financially, I helped her. I had more money than I knew what to do with, so.. I was happy to be of assistance." 

"Well, that is extremely rude. I think I'm a fantastic dancer, personally," he teased, a grin on his face as he purposefully wrapped an arm farther around her waist. "It'll be even sweeter when I prove you wrong," he smirked at her, unable to fight a chuckle. 

[fordblackwell]

|| past

[internments]

[Maggie reached up and pressed her hand gently against the front of her throat.] ..Yeah.

[fordblackwell]

[ His eyes followed her gesture, a hopefully undetectable nervousness washing over him. ] I get the feeling those words hold more weight that it would seem. 

[sheisthelighthome-blog]

The comfort in knowing her mother was alive burst within her, and she sighed in relief. There was a fear her mother would have faded away once she had seen her daughter’s death with the rest of the nation. “That’s good. That’s exceptionally good to know she’s alive and that you saw her; did you two speak at all?”

"It wasn’t what I was asking," she said quickly, too fast for her to even believe she spoke. "Not that—not that what you’re saying isn’t good to hear, I just—" She stopped herself again, giving a groan of frustration. Her eyes opened to the brightness of the party and the colors that surrounded them. When it came to confessing, it seemed, she needed to be near death. Moving her lips near his ear, she softly whispered, "Just forget I said anything. Let’s be—happy like we want each other to be as you show me if you’ve improved your dance moves."

[fordblackwell]

Ford thought back, trying to remember the day in which they were in District Three. Being back there always gave him a far too familiar uneasiness, remembering the days he had just laid himself to waste after the loss of his family. "It is good, yes," she smiled fondly at the thought. "I did, actually, speak to her. Of course I did. She was a tremendous help to me after..-- everything and I did want to see her. She's a very strong woman, Chlobird. Very strong."

"O-Okay," his brow raised and he nearly cringed at his own stutter, unsure of what had gotten into him. As she spoke, he merely nodded, not sure he wanted to allow himself to venture back into the awkward territory. "I'm not sure I can promise that I'll forget, but.. Hey!" he asked, brows shooting upward. "What are you saying about my dancing?"

[sheisthelighthome-blog]

His reaction at the mention of the blonde didn’t escape her, and she settled it in the back of her mind, alongside the interaction with Hanna. Her thumb brushed the skin along his neck as she closed her eyes. “I agree with you on that,” she murmured about her mother. “If she’s still alive, she would definitely make sure you agreed with that, and would go on a lecture how you should know nothing’s impossible.”

She mimicked him, shrugging. “I knew you would. I just…I may hold to what I said because time hasn’t changed for me, but I don’t—don’t hold you to anything, Ford. So if you don’t want a future in marriage, that’s fine. If you don’t want it with—” She stopped, a flush running up her neck. How could she even finish that statement? Biting her lip, she simply concentrated on their dancing. “I just want you to be happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”

[fordblackwell]

It felt like being in a different world when he was with Chloe; somehow lighter and simpler to forget. Perhaps it was because she brought him back to a time in his life where his biggest worry was the Reaping, though that fear turned out to be more than legitimate. He sighed gently at her touch before nodding. "She is," he said gently. "I saw her when we were on this.. strange rebel victory tour. But she would certainly."

"I--.. My feelings haven't changed, if that's what you're asking," he swallowed thickly, suddenly nervous and unsure of what words he should string together. It wasn't often that things like this happened, getting tongue tied. "Marriage is just.. perhaps something that I don't want to get my hopes up about until we're out of here, but I haven't ruled it out," his voice was gentle in the latter part of his statement, hoping she would understand his meaning. "That's all I've ever wanted for you as well, Chlobird."

[sheisthelighthome-blog]

When he tapped her on the nose, she stuck out her tongue at him and giggled once more. “Ferociously adorable,” she compromised, nodding at her own label. She then shrugged. “Hanna said the same thing, and I’ll tell you what I told her; all from my mother. She said something a bit different, but it was along those same lines.” A sliver of a knowing smile appeared. “But I’m glad you can at least see it as a small possibility.” 

When he directed the question back to her, she averted her gaze for a moment. Leaning her head against his shoulder, she whispered, “Yeah—Yes. And—” Pausing, she took a deep breath. “You remember what I said when I died, anyways. And I still hold to that and the hope this will all turn out for the better.”

[fordblackwell]

"Right, we'll go with that. Ferociously adorable," he agreed, unable to fight the grin on his face. At the mention of Hanna, he was sure that he visibly paled, expression faltering for just a moment. It wasn't something that he was ready to discuss, especially not when the mood was light. "Your mother is a very, very bright woman," he smiled, thinking fondly of her. At her words, he shrugged. "Nothing's impossible, if I've learned anything from my life experience, it's that."

As she rested her head against his shoulder, her gently leaned his own against it. For a moment, his words stuck in his throat at her repeated admission. "So.. You..," a rare moment of faltering eloquence. "I think I understand your reaction to my answer now."

[fordblackwell]

|| past

[internments]

We all got people we care about in here.

[fordblackwell]

That's very true. It's amazing what lengths you'll go to to protect those you care about.

[fordblackwell]

|| past.

[dismantledvanity-deactivated201]

She glanced down at her hands, trying to mildly distract herself so that she didn’t start to cry. There were tears falling down her cheeks, but it would start to get worse if she thought too deeply about things. She’d be fine. With a deep breath, she looked up at him again, resisting the urge to find comfort in his arms. He looked — genuinely sorry, so at least he wasn’t lying to her face. That didn’t ease the pain, though. 

            “I know, Ford. I guess I just - I don’t know what to believe. And it won’t go away for me either, none of it will. If you think.. ending things is going to stop me from getting tortured, you’re wrong. But fine. I’m not going to stand around and argue with you about this. I don’t want that to be how it ends. So I’m just going to — go, before I start… ruining my make-up or something, I don’t really want my stylist to shout at me. Just promise me one thing, okay? Promise me you’ll be careful. And don’t do anything stupid.” 

She forced a smile before she turned, trying to convince herself she’d be fine. It was just a break up. There were bigger things going on right now, so maybe he was right. Maybe this was better for the both of them. 

[fordblackwell]

As the tears gradually increased their frequency, Ford found it difficult to allow his gaze to stay locked on her. After a moment, he gave in, eyes shifting to some movement in the corner of the room though he didn’t focus enough to make out what it was. Still, his fingers twisted together; the nervous habit that was seemingly having its hold on him. It was just too difficult to see the pain written on her face, pain that he had put there. Though it wasn’t something he had chosen for himself, it didn’t lessen the sting; the self-hatred.

           “Believe my reasons and believe what I’m telling you. You and I both know that I wouldn’t do something if I didn’t believe that it was for the best. It’s been well thought through, I can say that much. Protecting you has always been my first priority, so that’s what I’m doing. I.. don’t want to argue it either, but please understand my intentions. I.. Okay, Han. I.. Right. I promise you that I won’t do anything I deem stupid. Can you.. you’ll promise me the same?”

Gaining her confirmation didn’t help him any and he felt the uneasiness settle around him as he watched her walk away. All he could allow himself to think is that those in charge better hold up their end of this deal.

[sheisthelighthome-blog]

Giggling, she emitted a small growl. “I can be ferocious,” she attempted to say before dissolving into laughter. She waited for his response, slowly swaying in their dance. At his answer, she bit the inside of her lip. She couldn’t say she was surprised by his answer—given what situation they were in, the thought being an idea for the future would be ridiculous—but nonetheless, there was a slow-boiling dissatisfaction with his answer. “Thoughts turn into words, which turn into a battle-cry of promise. All thoughts for the future are possible, Ford.”

[fordblackwell]

"Ferocious?" he asked, a smile playing on his lips at her growl. "I think adorable may be the more accurate adjective in such a case," he teased, giving a chuckle and reaching up a hand to gently poke her nose with an index finger before settling it on her waist again. At her response to his own answer, he couldn't his brow from quirking; surprised. "When did you become so poetic, Chlobird?" he asked, giving a shrug. "I suppose so. It's a possibility, just not a very strong one." After a moment, he looked at her. "And you? Is that something you want?"

[fordblackwell]

|| past.

[dismantledvanity-deactivated201]

She didn’t want to look at him, she didn’t want to see his face when he told her that it was over. The time she needed him the most, he was giving up on her. She stood a little taller, telling herself she could handle this. She could look after herself, she didn’t need her mother’s comfort right now, or Hermione’s. Any hopes of getting comfort with Amy, the only one actually here right now, she’d ruined. She was on her own.

        “You don’t need to protect me. I’m not some — scared little girl that needs to be taken care of. Leaving me isn’t what’s best for me, Ford, you’re just telling yourself that so you don’t feel guilty. We’re all going to be tortured and broken by the time we get out of here, whether we’re quiet or not. That’s the whole point of us being here. So don’t even bother apologizing.” 

    She didn’t want to end on bad terms, but how was she supposed to just accept this?

[fordblackwell]

Ford knew what she was thinking and though there was a very dominant part of him that wanted to explain just how incorrect her line of thinking was, he absolutely couldn't. The pain on her face was apparent and it cut right through him, settling itself in his chest as he watched the tears start to fall down her face. 

        "You know that's something you can't say to me. I've always felt the need to protect and that isn't something that's just going to.. go away. If you think that's what I'm getting it, then I suppose that's up to you. Just know that I'm doing this because I do think it's for the best. If I can save you a bit of.. of torture, then I'm going to do whatever I can to prevent it from happening. I.. Well, even if you don't want me to, that doesn't stop me from being sorry."

He stood there awkwardly, wanting to comfort her, but not being able to. His hands clasped in front of him and he sucked in a breath. 

[fordblackwell]

|| past

[internments]

We’re friends, aren’t we?

[She could understand that to an extent, she supposed. There weren’t many rebels she’d volunteer in place of - but if Beth were called again..]

[fordblackwell]

[ He nodded, averting his gaze for a moment. ] Of course we are. If the places were reversed, I'd be trying to talk you out of it as well. 

[sheisthelighthome-blog]

"You should be thankful, and it should mean so much coming from me," she teased, inwardly sighing in relief. If he was joking, then he was fine. It was better to hear him like this, than shuddering in pain because of something she did that was more dire. Then she mimicked his expression, brow raised in question. "You don’t see yourself…happily married with little ones—or really, little yous—running around your feet? Because if our escort can be married and happy, so can you."

[fordblackwell]

"Oh, believe me.. It does. And it's only a tiny bit frightening that you've pondered the essential spots to stab me," he teased, giving her a small chuckle. How strange it was to feel the lightness of this conversation. There was a part of him that had to admit just how Chloe the entire solution to the problem had been. Ford listened to her words and mulled them over in his mind for a moment before giving a shrug. "I really.. I don't think I can see it, no. It may be nice if it ends up that way someday, but for the time being.. It's merely a nice thought."

[sheisthelighthome-blog]

Placing a hand back on his shoulder, she bit her lip, letting out another chuckle. “I thought so too. And I would’ve stabbed you where it actually wouldn’t have hurt that bad.” At this, she tapped a point on his arm. Then her smile widened, and she nudged him, saying, “Aw, c’mon now, you would be a good dad.”

[fordblackwell]

At her gesture, his hands returned to her waist and he raised a brow, expression of amusement now playing on his features since the pain dissipated. "Oh, thank you for being so considerate, Chlobird. It meansa lot," he chuckled before giving a shake of his head. "No, nope. Not for me. I don't think I'm cut out for it."

[sheisthelighthome-blog]

All other thoughts escaped her mind, any reply she wanted to say. She winced, letting go of his shoulders and covering her mouth. “I am so, so sorry, it was either this or stabbing you with a knife and I thought this was better—” But at the sound of his high-pitched reply, she halted. A small snort escaped and she pressed her lips together to keep calm. “I really thought this was better.”

[fordblackwell]

At her words, Ford waved his hand in the air as if to dismiss the idea all together. His tone of voice had embarrassed him slightly and he gave himself a moment of silence in an attempt to gain his composure. "No, no. I'm.. You picked the right choice," he said, quirking a brow at her after a second. "You were actually going to stab me? Merlin, Chloe, that's extreme," he managed a chuckle. "It's just a good thing I'd never planned on having children," he teased.