forgotten words.

some pieces I felt like sharing but not with people I know.

[forgottenxwords]

I don’t love you.

I never thought I’d hear those words, leave your mouth. 

They were things I had always felt, but never said. 

My insecurities boiling deep down, never coming to the surface. 

You saw deep down into my soul, screamed them all from the top of your lungs. 

Making my insecurities truth, with a few simple words. 

I don’t love you. 

[forgottenxwords]

I love you.

I miss you. I miss you enough that tears fall as I write these words. 

My heart breaks when I think of the day you left me. 

You told me you loved me every time I’d say goodbye.

In the end though I didn’t get to say goodbye. 

I’d didn’t get to tell you I love you. 

[forgottenxwords]

My Mirror Lies.

My mirror lies to me. I stand in front of it everyday putting on a costume, painting my face, telling myself I’m beautiful. 

I look back at photos and all I want to do is break down. My body is larger, my clothes frumpier, my smile crooked. All those times the mirror lied to me, letting me believe I was more beautiful and more confident than the rest of the world.

Now all I can do is pretend, pretend that I know the mirror isn’t lying to me. Pretend to know that I am beautiful and confident and worthy. 

[forgottenxwords]

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time you loved me

Once upon a time you were the one who found me

Once upon a time you were the person who held my heart

Once upon a time you were the person who held my heart so tight

Once upon a time you were the person who held my heart so tight that it broke

[forgottenxwords]

Me

I’m nothing special. My hips are too large, my stomach too round and chest too small. 

I try to fix myself, I eat healthy and I move. It works. But something in my brain changes, something tells me I’m not good enough, I’m never going to be like those other girls. 

So I go back to binging, I go back to sitting, to reading, to watching. But at no point do I go back to living. At no point do I try to get better, to make myself a better person. 

I want better. I want to do better. I want to be better. 

I want to be better for me. 

[forgottenxwords]

His

His touches were gentle and innocent

Like the arms that caught me as I fell

Fell deeper and deeper into his eyes

Their colour brighter than the darkness he created

His words no longer vibrations

But forceful accusations

Pushing me down further

Past all the confidence and self respect I thought I had

His muscles were curled around my bones

Presenting me on his lap as though it were a throne

Sweet nothings all it took

Before I let him suck me in 

His words got sharper

The emotions more potent 

The climb grew steeper

As I was pushed closer to the edge

His apologies nothing but reminders

Memories of the daggers

Pressed through my spine, straight through my heart

The handle just out of reach 

His words sending shivers

The anxiety eating away at my skin

Tissue by tissue, bone by bone

The pain the only reminder I was alive

His tears fell like rain, dropping aimlessly on the pavement

“Why don’t you love me?” He screamed

My back pressed firmly against the wall

Pushing the dagger deeper into my chest

His eyes no longer enchanting

His muscles no longer warm

His tongue no longer tantalising

His lips no longer welcome