Ashley

Scarred, not damaged. Fragile, not broken.

[sashacoki]

[fuckyeah--fitlesbian]

Follow me on instagram for more fitness inspiration

[unprettyprettyboy]

Is it odd to miss being hit?

Is it odd to miss being struck until you bruise? Until you bleed?

Because I often find myself wishing that were me.

[pedersxn]

•Anxiety

Anxiety is more than just worrying.

Anxiety is the restless nights of sleep, as you toss and turn. It’s your brain never being able to shut off. It’s the thoughts you over-think before bedtime and all of your worst fears become a reality in dreams and nightmares.

It’s waking up tired even though your day just started.

Anxiety is learning how to function with sleep deprivation because it took you until 2 am to shut your eyes.

It’s every text you wonder ‘how do I word this properly?’ It’s a double or triple text in case you messed up. Anxiety is answering texts embarrassingly fast.

Anxiety is the time you spend waiting for an answer as a scenario plays out in your mind of what they could be thinking or are they mad?

Anxiety is an unanswered text that kills you inside even though you tell yourself, ‘maybe they’re busy or will answer later.’ Anxiety is that critical voice that says ‘maybe they’re deliberately ignoring you.’ It’s believing every negative scenario you can come up with.

Anxiety is waiting. It always feels like you’re waiting. It’s the inaccurate conclusions drawn as your mind takes off and you have no choice but to follow it’s destructive lead.

Anxiety is apologizing for things that don’t even require the words, ‘I’m sorry.’

Anxiety is self-doubt and a lack of confidence both in you, yourself and those around you. Anxiety is being hyper aware of everyone and everything. So much so, you can tell if there’s a shift in someone merely by their tone or word choice.

Anxiety is ruining relationships before they even begin. It tells you, ‘you’re wrong, they don’t like you, they’re going to leave.’ Then you jump to conclusions.

Anxiety is a constant state of worrying and panicking and being on the edge. It’s irrational fears. It’s thinking too much, it’s caring too much. Because the root of people with anxiety is caring.

It’s sweaty palms and a racing heart. But on the outside, no one can see it. You appear calm and at ease and smiling but underneath is anything but that. Anxiety is the art of deception for people who don’t know you. And for the people who do, it’s a constant stream of phrases like, ‘don’t worry’ or ‘you’re overthinking this’ or ‘relax.’ It’s friends listening to these conclusions you’ve drawn and not really understanding how you got there. But they’re there trying to support you, as things go from bad to worse in your mind.

Anxiety is wanting to fix something that isn’t even a problem.

It’s the stream of questions that make you doubt yourself.

Did I lock the door before I left?’

Did I turn off the stove?

Is the straightener still on?

It’s turning back around just to double check.

Anxiety is the uneasiness at a party because you think all eyes are on you and no one wants you there. Anxiety is that extra shot you take and it seems like you’re finally relaxing. Until you wake up the next day hungover, full of regret and wondering what you said to whom and do you owe them an apology?

Anxiety is the overcompensating and trying too hard to please people.

Anxiety is being everywhere on time because the thought of being late would put you over the edge.

Anxiety is the fear of failure and striving for perfection. Then beating yourself up when you fall short. It’s always needing a schedule or a plan.

Anxiety is that voice inside your head that’s saying ‘you’ll fail.’

It’s trying to exceed people’s expectations even if you’re killing yourself to do so. Anxiety is taking on more than you can handle just so you are distracted and not overthinking something.

Anxiety is procrastination because you’re paralyzed with fear of failing so you hold it off.

It’s the triggers that set you off.

It’s breaking down in private and crying when you’re overwhelmed but no one will ever see that side of you. Anxiety is picking up and trying again because the only thing worse than overcoming other people is overcoming you and your own demons.

It’s beating that critical voice that says, ‘you really fucked up.’ or ‘you should feel awful right now.’

Anxiety is the want and the need to control things because it feels like this thing in your life is outside of your control and you have to learn to live with it.

But more than anything anxiety is caring. It’s never wanting to hurt someone’s feelings. It’s never wanting to do something wrong. More than anything, it’s the want and need to simply be accepted and liked. So you try too hard sometimes.

And when you come across friends who begin to understand, they help you through it.

Then you realize this might be a battle you face every day but it’s one you won’t have to face alone.

[lola-tristana]

[livingfortherainydays]

[the-suicide-effect]

“You don’t realize how alone you are until you’re staying up every night thinking about things you should never think of and you can’t tell anybody because you have nobody to tell”

-the suicide effect

[justapeiceofshit]

“Maybe one day I WILL be ok but as of tonight my heart aches and my eyes cry rivers so please do not speak to me about how happy I will be someday”

-me

[audreystyles2]

[forkl]

I lied...

You asked me why I couldn’t sleep...

I didn’t have the heart to tell you it’s because you broke my heart...

I couldn’t say that all I can think about is every moment we had together that’s gone now...

So I lied...

And I’ll lie again tomorrow...

(June 10, 2019. 11:17pm)

[fairytales-arent-real-here]

[traeumcheeen]

[http-xxaxx]

[xpersonality]

What are INFJs really good at?

As an INFJ…

I can read people’s energies immediately upon meeting them or engaging with them. I pick up on their vibes, and kind of almost “read their aura” without challenge.

I have a hyperactive brain, and I have great trouble with slowing it down or “turning it off.” As a result, I worry far too much!

I am very interested in human emotion and human psychology. I thoroughly enjoy figuring people out, and helping them to figure them selves out. As much as I dislike people and work hard to avoid them, I also enjoy engaging with them in order to study them, all the same.

I care very deeply for those who are closest to me. I embrace quality over quantity in my social relationships, and I cherish strong emotional connections.

I quickly become bored with and/or irritated by meaningless chit-chat and “tabloid talk.” I do not care to socialize unless I’m either able to engage in friendly debate about social or political topics, or am able to engage in deep meaningful conversation about intellectually or creatively-stimulating topics.

I tend to think that everything is about me, but ONLY when “everything” is negative. I hate being in the spotlight, but I will drag myself into it when i feel as though someone else’s misfortune might somehow be my fault. Usually the issue in question has nothing to do with me, and I end up worrying for no reason (story of my life).

I enjoy playing “counselor” or “therapist” for others. I am very good at examining and solving other people’s problems, while I constantly neglect to examine and solve my own!

I have a STRONG need for creativity. I need to express myself through art in various forms. When I deprive myself of artistic expression I retreat, become depressed, and ultimately shame and berate myself. Verbal communication has always been much more of a task for me than artistic communication has been.

I become easily frustrated when I attempt to do something without success on the first or second try. I am highly perfectionist at the core, and I feel as though I should be able to master whatever I attempt. -no room for error-

I become obsessed with things out of nowhere, and spend much of my time researching my topic of interest. However, I soon get bored and move on to another topic just as quickly as the one before, about which I also obsess..

I always assume that others are judging or questioning me. I am very self-conscious, especially when it comes to decision-making. I always feel like I’m misunderstood and judged by a large majority of people about how I choose to live and interact.

Loud noises bother and overwhelm me, as do large crowds of obnoxious [drunk] people. My energy drains so quickly around any kind of volume of people or of sound. I need peace and quiet in order to be productive or to enjoy myself.

I am able to adapt to, and find common ground with, all different kinds of people - no matter age, race, gender, sexual orientation, political or religious views, etc. I love relating to and finding common ground with others, especially those who seem quite different from me.

I have always preferred the company of those who are significantly older than I. This was quite the case from a very early age, and has yet to change in adulthood.

Personality and emotional connection have ALWAYS been the roots of my attraction to the opposite sex, rather than physical appearance and/or financial status.

I would much rather receive a note, poem, or drawing from a loved one rather than a material/store-bought gift with a high price tag.

I am attracted to modesty and a humanitarian nature. I am attracted to selflessness, artistic ability, an open mind, and a tendency to forgive and lack judgment.

I am always seeking approval from my loved ones and, more so as a child, my peers. I have always felt very much like an alien when it comes to the ways that I function and view the world. I am a loner by nature, and as I age, I tend to appreciate and respect that aspect of myself more and more.

I struggle with the challenges of being a “highly sensitive person,” which tends to come with substance abuse issues, depression, and anxiety, to name a few. I feel and absorb other people’s emotions and fail regularly to protect myself from them. I am constantly drained and overloaded by a combination of the emotions of others and my internal thoughts.

I expect for others to understand when I retreat and become reclusive, yet rarely they do. I have a bad habit of isolating myself during times of immense stress. It typically does not benefit me in many ways to do this, yet I always think that it will.

I procrastinate and often put off my “to'do list” or responsibilities due to feeling bogged down by mundane tasks. I am always searching for the bigger picture, and feel as though I need instant gratification without applying necessary steps and work.

[skyofauroras]

I think one if the saddest things is when you don’t want anything anymore. You’re not in despair, you know you’re not alone, you know it can get better, but you dont want any of it. You’re just tired of living. I’m not sure if anyone can really help at that point.

[trigger-warning-and-all-that]

How do you just cease to exist without actually dying? Asking for a friend

[nikoli-ljubljena]

“One year ago you were a reason why i didn’t kill myself. Now you are the main reason why i want to be dead.”

— My broken heart.

[mysilentconfessionstoyou]

“Make your way back to me. Make your way home. I am missing without you.”

— -Missing you like crazy, come home to me baby. -m.t.t.