it was easier with roy, in some ways. as horrible as he was, the guilt that came with leaving him behind didn’t measure up to the guilt she feels now. she wishes she could say adam was horrible to her, that he was deserving of the heartache, but that’s never been the case. he was good to her, he was perfect. it would be easier to hate him rather than miss him.
“it does feel that way sometimes.” despite the empty pit in her stomach, alice finds her appetite waning. every bite she takes feels too forced; she worries if she continues, it might make its way back up her throat. “it wasn’t him. i was the one who got frightened. he was patient with me. he was perfect.”
connie understands, she really does. after matthew left she felt like she would always be in the dark abyss that was dug up for her. she fell into it and became accompanied with the soil, but soon a planter's hand came to peel her out. benjamin was her solitude, her happy ending. she will admit she was scared of it at first, but knew that's what she deserved. "alice, that's why you should go back to him. don't let him scare you away."
she notices alice's discomfort creeping up her throat so she reaches out her hand to pull her plate away by the smallest bit. she doesn't have to finish eating and that's okay. "that's how you know you're doing the right thing. it takes time, i know."













